Another day without seein my daughter!

[Laura2919]

Keep strong. you can do it and if you keep going you will eventually see her. You'll get there! And remember, your being the best dad you can be and fighting to see her. Its your ex who will have to answer it all..

Keep your chin up xx

 

[bambinoccino]

Agree with Laura completly. You are being a great Dad and although it difficult for you to see because of the grief of not seeing your daughter. You are doing the right thing and you will get there in the end! x

 

[FutureRewind]

I'm having the exact same issues.. been to court twice, one court order already broken..well..ignored. I also did the mediation thing..4 hours long all in. I have to go to work now but will respond again when I get home. I havent seen my son for 2 weeks now... the last time it was 3 months. Awaiting another court date..again. Its gut wrenching. I assure you the courts will sort it out. its the waiting that hurts. Keep your eye on the long game.. as that's exactly what it is. Chin up mate.

 

[MummyJade]

Just think, every day is one day closer to seeing your daughter
x

 

[teal]

xx

 

[FutureRewind]

feeling very frustrated ... still no response to solicitors letters and no response to attend mediation , i understand why the court requests you try other methods first but this is just stupid , they have to allow the mother time to respond (which she wont) so its not going to be at the earliest late january early febuary when a court date is set , i then have to wait till that court date which will probably be around march.
this is time i can never get back with my daughter and a christmas i will not spend time with her!. its a very cruel thing

Surely your solicitor can push for an interim court order to get you into a contact centre between now and Jan. It would look very bad on the mother's part if she refuses. Courts can be a nightmare. I had lodged a C2 last week after my son's mum broke the contact order and her father became abusive when i tried to tell help them by informing them they were wrong. I find out today I was supposed to be in court at 2pm but the court forgot to send out the papers so its another two week wait. Just be prepared for this kind of thing. I know it really sucks but if the mother is refusing access just out of vindictiveness they will see through it and you will get contact.. probably supervised building up to unsupervised over a period of weeks or months. It will happen..I can assure you of that. Most courts are pro-father if its clear the father is a decent man.

My ex tried to run me down in mediation..I was gobsmacked by some of things she said and nearly all were ignored. Just keep asking once a week for contact and allow the mum enough rope to hang herself. You might want to try your own approach in mediation if you havent got there yet. I had a session first as I was the applicant.. that is handy..believe me. Then my ex went in and then we went in together. The mediator was really nice and she put my ex in her place on a number of occasions. I've been blocked out of my ex's life since mediation and court the next day... so something got to her..most likely her control slipping away and that she knew she could no longer see me. I didnt say anything critical and all she had were half truths, ridiculous allegations, criticism and blame. She showed herself up to be who she is and the mediator made that clear to the judge in her report.

You will get there. Just don't hassle the mum too much for contact now the legal process has begun as she can claim harassment. At this stage you need to be whiter than white. I know how it feels.. you didnt do anything wrong and you are being punished. Its twisted. Sadly there are so many dipshit fathers out there were all get tarred by the same brush.

 

[Kacie]

Agree with Future rewind really.

Courts, in essense are pro Dad in nearly all circumstances so you certainly never go without a contact order or arrangement for contact of some sort put in place. However this doesn't mean MOB will stick to it so keep records of all contact.. any excuses she gives not to turn up.. any absenses and take them back to court with you on the next apointment.

With regards to mediation. You have a meeting with the mediator and so will she... it's there that they will assess whether or not they think you should (a) be in the same room together during mediation or (b) if mediation will even work in your situation. it's quite straightforward.

My advice would be (for both court and mediation)..
It's good to have a list of the things you want to cover so you don't leave thinking you've forgotten something.

Also have a realistic idea of contact.. both in the beginning (hard as it is, if your LO hasn't seen you in a while you may need to build up contact slowly).. and then your ultimate goal and the steps to get you there.

If you can show the court/mediator that you're being realistic and thinking of you LO all the way through then that should work in your favour.

not sure if that helps...

Just make sure you tell the mediation that you accept the appointment and stick to it. then if she cancels or doesn't turn up that will be made apparent in court.

xx

 

[Kacie]

You could maybe request you solicitor sends a letter to her to say that you have approached mediation and urge her to respond soon as you are willing to attend mediation to work through the matter

just shows another bit of evidence if she ignores that letter as well as the medition letter

xxxx

 

[JA1988]

I definitely think your solicitor should try and get you an interim contact order so you at least get to see your daughter before next year. Mediation is a grey area, I was invited to mediation before court, didn't attend and the judge didn't even question it. My reasons for not attending were that fob arranged it to take place over 5 hours away from where me and lo live, but the main reason I didn't waste my time was because he was applying for legal aid and to qualify you must show you have attempted mediation first and fob told me he had absolutely no intention of settling through mediation, he just arranged it as a formality so he could get public funding!

 

[daveww]

thanks very much for all your kind words and support, i had a meeting with my mediatior on friday and it seemed to be very positive, it is now just a case of waiting to see if the mother of the baby responds and attends mediation i do feel a little better as it feels as tho i am now moving forward and getting closer to seeing my daughter, i have to wait 14 days to see if she responds to the request to attend , im keeping my fingers crossed bcos i think mediation will be the fastest way to get to see my daughter.

 

[ImaMale]

buddy, get in touch with a solicitor ASAP. or at least say to her "im fighting for joint custordy" that might scare some sense into her, the courts will do you a DNA test and give you the rights you deserve, might take a few weeks but it'll be worth it, you might have to see her in a controlled environment but that'll change once you prove dedication, and if you dont know where she lives they can find her. trust me i know what you're going through and now i see my son twice weekly. fight for her mate.

 

[daveww]

buddy, get in touch with a solicitor ASAP. or at least say to her "im fighting for joint custordy" that might scare some sense into her, the courts will do you a DNA test and give you the rights you deserve, might take a few weeks but it'll be worth it, you might have to see her in a controlled environment but that'll change once you prove dedication, and if you dont know where she lives they can find her. trust me i know what you're going through and now i see my son twice weekly. fight for her mate.

ive already been to a solicitor and have started legal proceedings but i no that mediation would allow me to see my daughter sooner so i thought that would be a good avenue to explore ... even tho i no she will not attend her intitial mediation appointment , i live in hope

 

[ImaMale]

if she doesnt attend it all goes in your favour and the courts will love you for the effort you've put in

 

[mummy_ellie09]

Just want to say that it's lovely to see that there are some dads out there that actually give a monkeys about their kids......wish my ex was like this

Hope things get sorted for you soon

 

[daveww]

i loved my daughter since the mother told me she was pregnant . its just so frustratin how the legal system works , i dont understand why thier can not be a way of me seeing my daughter while we go thro the process , i would even be happy to see her in a contact centre for the time being as the location i see my daughter does not matter aslong as we still get to spend time together , but febuary is still looking like the likely date , im learning a big life lesson in patience at the moment so with every negative thier is a positive i guess lol

 

[daveww]

well just got a letter from mediation saying the mother did not attend her first meeting. they now want to no if i would be prepared to continue with mediation and allow them to offer the mother another date for a first meeting. so i decided to ring them up and speak to them directly to which i found out the mother has not had any contact with them what so ever. so why would it be a good idea for them to send her another letter with another appointment date on that she will not attend???? back to the solicitors it seems.. was worth a try tho

 

[MummyJade]

Sorry she is doing this...
Its nice to see a dad that actually cares for him child... I hope you get some time with your LO soon...

x

 

[Laura2919]

Sorry you still havent seen your daughter. I hope the solicitor can get you access soon.

 

[daveww]

Update..
had a call from the csa this morning... i had contacted the csa previously advising that i would like to make payments thro them so that everything was logged and the mother could not dispute payments i give her. now the mother has had sevral letters from my solicitor and two from the mediation service... each letter has had no reply..... back to the phone call... the man on the phone told me they had sent a letter to the mother stating that i had been in contact and wanted to set up a payment arrangement for my daughter if she agreed to accept the payments to get in touch with the csa to set this up.... surprise surprise within two days of this letter being sent out she was on the phone confirming she was happy to recieve the payments.. i gave the man from the csa my bank details etc so it could all be set up....... all my solictors letters and mediation letters have been ignored but when it comes to money there is no hesitation in replying... very frustratin but ive just got to keep pushing forward.

 

[Laura2919]

Update..
had a call from the csa this morning... i had contacted the csa previously advising that i would like to make payments thro them so that everything was logged and the mother could not dispute payments i give her. now the mother has had sevral letters from my solicitor and two from the mediation service... each letter has had no reply..... back to the phone call... the man on the phone told me they had sent a letter to the mother stating that i had been in contact and wanted to set up a payment arrangement for my daughter if she agreed to accept the payments to get in touch with the csa to set this up.... surprise surprise within two days of this letter being sent out she was on the phone confirming she was happy to recieve the payments.. i gave the man from the csa my bank details etc so it could all be set up....... all my solictors letters and mediation letters have been ignored but when it comes to money there is no hesitation in replying... very frustratin but ive just got to keep pushing forward.

Im sorry but she is being a right bitch. She is more than happy to accept your money while she is stopping you seeing your daughter. What a disgrace she is.