Anxiety and ocd problems

[smurff]

Hi, I think I need help but am scared to get it. I have bad anxiety and ocd problems, I think I got the ocd from my mum, she would have problems turning off taps and checking doors so shed ask me and my sis to do it for her and as I've got older it always stayed with me. When I had my daughter 4yrs ago it got alot worse, I had my son 2yrs ago and now it's getting even worse, I have to lock up the house in a routine, it takes about 30 mins to check the windows and doors are closed in the kitchen, I've broken door handles cause I just can't stop checking them and pulling on them, I have to take pics of cooker and plugs so when I go bed I can check I did it, the windows are locked in the kitchen and I never open them but I still have to check them about 5 times before I convince myself they are shut. It's the same with our frontroom and bedrooms. Once my daughters asleep I go in and check her windows even though they are always locked. That normally takes 40 mins to check and it takes 10 mins to pull the curtains cause I convince myself that as I pull them I'm knocking the handles and they are opening. Also have to check switches and plugs. I have to go through this every night. I constantly wash hands. If I see numbers on TV I have to live rewind close my eyes and fast forward so it's like I've never seen it cause I'll convince myself something will happen to do with that number, I can't see any charity or illness on TV cause I'll worry that will happen to one of us.
If when I'm driving I pass a child who's on the pavement even if it's other side of the road I'll convince myself I've hit them and I have to keep driving and driving around till I know everything's ok.
Im fearclily protective of my children and I have to know they are OK at all times.
I must say I never do my obsessive checking while they are with me, I wait till they are in bed and can't see me checking things over and over again to the point that I burst into tears cause I just can't stop checking.
I do blame my mum for the obsessive checking cause I grew up watching her do it so I never want my kids watch me do it.

 

[Zephram]

I don't personally have OCD or anxiety, but my OH does. He is currently takings SSRIs and has been to a psychologist in the past. CBT is very effective for this kind of thing and some SSRIs/anti-deppressants work very well for reducing the symptoms. I think he's on escitalopram. He has improved massively since he's been taking the pills.

Your first point of call needs to be to your doctor to tell him/her all about what's been happening. It's likely they would prescribe you some SSRI's and refer you to a psychologist for CBT.

Congratulations on being brave enough to put it out there and take the first step. You can really improve your symptoms by seeking professional help - well done. My OH's motivation to seek help was also to avoid our kids from seeing him do his ritual (not the checking kind, more that he would have an intrusive thought, very similar to you in seeing numbers/diseases, etc, and then he would have to 'swipe' the thought away by touching something, sometimes more than once). His anxiety has improved massively too, it's really benefited our family!

Hugs to you.

ETA - I also want to add that he has never been judged by any medical professional about his problems, they have always been very understanding and supportive. You don't need to afraid of opening up to them.

 

[smurff]

I think the reason I've not gone doctors is because I'm worried they will think I'm a bad mum. I'm not bigging myself up or anything but I'm a good mum, my hubby works hard and I'm a stay at home mum, my daughter has special needs and poss autism aswell so it's been a stressful year or so. My hubby says I'm worrying for nothing and I know it's the anxiety talking but I'm scared they will think I can't cope which I can as it doesn't effect my children at all as I always make sure they never see any of my ocd or anxiety's. Zephram your husband did sound like me, if I have a bad thought I have to find wood to touch straight away.

 

[Zephram]

Of course you are a good mum! They won't think you're a bad mum because you're suffering from OCD and anxiety. People of all walks of life suffer from these problems and it is NOT their fault that they are suffering. You aren't doing it on purpose, they know that! You shouldn't have to suffer in silence, the worst thing you can do is not seek help because you are scared of what someone will say - doctors and psychologists are there to help you, not to condemn you.

It's very important to seek help to learn coping strategies when you are undergoing additional stress, like you have been. Being stressed and anxious about what's happening with your daughter does not make you a bad mum, it makes you human and a good mum for caring so much! So go and seek help, please, you will feel so much better!

 

[SarahBear]

OCD is an anxiety disorder that can be helped with counseling and medication. You won't be seen as a bad mom for getting help, but your parenting could be impacted by not getting help if things escalate. Your overall happiness is also currently being impacted.

 

[_Meep_]

Do not be scared! Things can ONLY get better by seeking help.

I suffer terrible anxiety - always have done - and hid it as best I could for years, which led to some truly awful experiences, panic attacks, a considerable nervous breakdown and eating issues/low BMI.

At one point, I was so poorly nourished that I couldn't even see properly and it hurt to sit down because my backside was so skinny. I didn't want to starve but I felt sick with anxiety all the time and physically couldn't eat or really do anything.

After having my daughter, though, I sort of went from hiding away to being incredibly open about everything, because I just couldn't stand the horrendous anxiety any more. And I'm not ashamed of my problems now. It isn't my fault - I didn't choose to be ill, but I can choose to get better.

I've sought quite a lot of help in the past two years and nobody has even hinted that I could be a bad mother, or made me feel bad for having anxiety issues. And what's more, I feel a lot better. I still worry, and always will, but it's manageable now rather than all-consuming.

 

[Bella1185]

As everyone else has said - you will never be viewed as a bad mother! Only a great one - especially as getting help for yourself so you and your family can live your best life possible! Just be an honest and open with your counselor as you have on here and I'm sure you'll met with great understanding. It will only get better

 

[MindUtopia]

Go speak to someone about it. Anxiety and OCD are very common and not something to be ashamed of. You'll be amazed how much better you can feel if you start to understand it a bit better and also understand why you do it. That said, much of it is genetic, so while your mum may have passed those genes on to you, her own habits didn't teach you to have OCD and you can't pass that on to your kids, behaviourally at least. Traumatic experiences can bring it out in someone who is already genetically predisposed to it, but you can't really influence them just by letting them see you go through your rituals. My dad had OCD and I do too. It was always mild, but has flared up since I had my daughter and she's getting older. I didn't really live with my dad or even spend much time with him as a child, so as you can see, it's clearly not a learned behaviour in my case. But going through stress and trauma can cause it to bubble up and be a way of coping with anxiety.

For me, understanding what it was that caused it to get worse when it did (trauma from a long time ago bubbling up that I didn't even really think bothered me anymore) has helped a lot. It still flares up from time to time and I still have to go through my rituals to deal with it, but it's not as all-consuming as it once was and it doesn't worry me as much. So go talk to someone about it. Your GP should be able to refer you or you might be able to self-refer. There are also some anxiety and OCD charities that run support groups that might be helpful. Sometimes it's nicer to talk to someone else dealing with it too than it is to talk to a professional. CBT is also really effective if you want to do that.

But yes, totally understand what you're experiencing (though mine is more hygiene and cleaning related). It can be really stressful and you feel like such a weirdo because no one understands why you have to do all this silly stuff. My husband is always like, why can you just not freaking clean the toilet because someone used it?!? But it's hard to understand when you don't think like that. But no one will think you're a bad mum. Stress can make it worse and if you already have a lot on your plate, then of course, it will be bothering you. Also, worrying that you are a bad mum is just the anxiety talking. If you start feeling better, then it will only make you happier and make everything at home easier, and then you'll feel less stressed, which will cause less anxiety, etc. It's very much a cycle, but you can make it a good, productive cycle, rather than a bad one. Sometimes you just need a little push to get going that way and feeling better. Talking about it and having some insight on why you feel that way helps, along with other things too.

 

[broodymrs]

I don't have OCD but I do suffer from stress and anxiety. I'm quite low at the moment and I was worried about being judged, particularly as I'm pregnant and I didn't want social services checking up on me. I saw my GP last week and she wasn't judgemental at all. In fact she doesn't think it's as bad as I was thinking. I've been referred for counselling and I'm really glad I'm taking positive steps to sort my mental health before I have another child to contend with. Definitely seek help. No one will judge and you'll get the support you need

 

[smurff]

So I haven't replied sooner but it's been a busy few days. Thankyou so much every one for your replies, I have read everything and I'm still in 2 minds what to do!, I recognise I need help and you are all right in what you are saying and if I didn't have children I'd have got help a long long time ago.
I'm lucky because I can talk to my husband about everything, he knows absolutely everything about me and as soon as I get an intrusive thought im on the phone to him talking it through. Don't get me wrong I know I still need professional help but I can't go on medication. My hubby works away and I can't be dealing with side effects when I'm looking after them . I'm thinking of trying the counciling but I just don't have the time, I'm in and out 6 times a day every day plus the waiting lists are so long and we just can't afford to go private. I think I'll wait till my hubby changes jobs which will mean he'll be home all the time then I'll feel more happy about seeing a professional. I'll just try and manage it in the mean time. Once again thanks everyone you have all been a great help

 

[Zephram]

I really would ask you to reconsider! You will gain more by seeking help than you would lose through initial medication side effects or time taken for appointments. It's to your benefit to get on any waiting list for counselling as soon as possible. It must seem overwhelming to you to take this step but you can't put it off. It's really not to your benefit to keep going through what you're going through without doing anything about it - as you know I've seen a loved one struggle with this and I've seen the positive change seeking help can bring and I would never want someone else to be suffering in that place when help is available.

Don't put it off, don't be scared, please go and ask for help.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I have severe anxiety (diagnosed PTSD) first I went to GP and he reffered me to the wellbeing service. I have CBT and meds. I feel SO much better. No one has mentioned the kids wellbeing. I have not seen social services etc and having help is such a relief