Anxiety/Depression Support Thread

[annabananas]

Hello ladies!

I've been searching for threads through the forums today and realised there's more of us than I knew! I thought it might be useful to start a support thread, where we can vent, share worries, and generally just reassure ourselves that we are normal!

I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) in April 2013 and had been on 20mg Citalopram for around a year before I decided to come off them as I was feeling pretty good. I didn't, perhaps naively, anticipate the anxieties that pregnancy would bring, perhaps as we were TTC. The anxiety kicked in around the same time I started with morning sickness, and have since been diagnosed with hyperemesis. Staying home alone in bed hasn't helped as you just lie there all day thinking about stuff.

My worries at the moment is that I won't bond with the baby, that I'm not ready to be a mother, I'll hate being a mother, I'll get PND and not be able to look after the baby... I also feel really guilty as none of these worries relate to the baby, they're all rather selfish. I'm seeing my GP on Monday for HG and will be letting her know that I want to go back on my meds, she is quite supportive so hoping this will be fine.

I guess I really want to hear "I had the same anxieties, but I loved my baby"

Please feel free to sound off your worries

 

[Kirsty3051]

Hey! This is a wonderful idea. I'm not in my first trimester any more but have/had a lot of the same worries. I decided to stop taking my medication cold turkey a couple of months before we started ttc. I've also been on bed rest for a little over a month now so understand where you're coming from in regards to over thinking situations.

I was really worried about not being 100% ready to have a baby, even though my son was planned. PND is still a worry I have but I know that I love my son and will do whatever needs to be done when the time comes. I think these feelings are normal for every man/woman that is expecting a child whether they have anxiety and/or depression.

 

[Fit_Mama2Be]

((Hugs)). I had generalized anxiety for years and years so I know what that's like.

What I have learned over the years is that my anxieties were just that - anxieties. They were never once based in reality no matter how real they felt to me!

I know you will love your baby to bits and be an amazing mom! It's just hard not to over think when you're bedridden. Try to distract yourself with TV, books and video games to give your racing mind a break.

 

[annabananas]

Thanks both I'm sorry to hear you've both suffered.

Really glad to hear these worries are normal. It's easy to get caught up in the thought that it's just me, everyone else is excited and bonding.

I keep telling myself, I'm a great Aunt and I love my nephew to bits.

Bloody hormones!

 

[mamacastro]

Awesome!! I just posted about my anxiety yesterday!

I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 14, I am 26 now. I am currently on 40mg prozac (which is apparently safe in pregnancy). I also take .5 mg of klonopin twice a day, but yesterday, my psych told me he wants me off as soon as possible. He actually told me to take .5 for the next 3 days then STOP completely. This is scaring the crap out of me, but I think it is something I just have to do for the safety of baby. I am just 6 weeks today, so hopefully no harm has been done.

My other fear is definitely PPD. I know all will be okay, but the worst part of our anxiety issue is fearing the unknown.

I wish all of us who suffer from this a happy and healthy 9 months!!

 

[annabananas]

Thank you mamacastro!

Two of my anxieties are definitely having a lack of control and a fear of the unknown - they definitely cause my mind to run away with catastrophe thinking. I have no idea if I'm really ready to be a mum, and that's really scary!

I don't think it's really talked about enough IRL and I don't think I've ever heard anyone voice any worries.

Good luck with coming off your meds - and good to know about the prozac. Does that make you drowsy or overly perky? I don't know much about it. Although I'd take overly perky now!!

 

[sammie13s]

Mine are mainly panic attacks, palpatations, fear of losing control I'm on 40 mg prozac xx

 

[Sarah1508]

I'm just a out of first tri but was actually looking for a forum for depression, anxiety pnd etc the other day! Was surprised to not find any as it is more common then you would think! Especially in expectant , new, or just mothers in general! Great idea

I've suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I remember tbh and was diagnosed with both as well as post traumatic stress disorder etc etc the list could go on when I was about 14 if I remember rightly. From when I was diagnosed I started seeing a child psychologist and was put on the only anti ds they can give children (fluoxetine) unfortunately they didn't mix well with me and made me go really up and down and whole lot worse then I was in the first place and I started self harming as a way of coping and as a way of punishment and self loathing tbh and it got so bad I tried to take my own life with an overdose. Luckily I didn't succeed and only ended up taking enough to make me pretty ill for a good week or so, anyways I ended up turning against doctors etc in general because as silly as it sounds and I know they where only trying to help but at the time I felt as if they where the ones that gave me this drug that had made me a whole lot worse and when I demanded to be taken if it they had to wean me off it which in my mind made me hate it so much more and not trust them at all to help me anymore. And from then on I carried on refusing help from mental health services etc.

Fast foward to a few years later when I was 19 and just had my son a few months previous and things started getting ontop if me, I decided as much as my past experiences with mental health services doctors etc had put me off them in general , I had to do something for my sons sake, it wasn't fair on him, I was scared as young as he was that he would pick up on me crying every day. It really hit me when I started convincing myself that he didn't like me even hated me, I mean how could a baby for a few months old even have them sort of feelings its not even possible! And even though I knew this I still couldn't help but feel that he hated me and that's when I knew something had to be done.
When I went to my doctor I was given yet another diagnosis of post natal depression this time and they started me on tablets and referd me to the adult mental health services this time around.

Since then it has been a long road and several medication changes but at last I've finally found a medication that works for me! It makes me behave and feel like a normal human being! Haha I still do really have ups and downs and due to several personal thingd that have happened over the years and I do still need counciling for events that have happened but overall the medication makes me see things clearly and rationally and make me function like a regular human being ha. And more importantly I actually enjoy my son now and don't have any of them irrational feelings anymore whatsoever about him. It's been a hell of a long road and I've still got a long way to go but I can finally say I am better off and a much better person and mum then I've ever been before

And to Anna who posted this thread I definitely did have the same anxietys when I was expecting my first and unfortunately the pnd one did come true but as long as you have the right support there you will get through the hard times and in the end be a stronger person for it and I can honnestly hand on heart say that even when I thought my baby didn't like me I ALWAYS loved him with all my heart and so much more! That's one thing I would tell you not to worry about at all! Once you have your baby you have this unconditional bond and love for them it's an undescribable and amazing feeling. And even though it has been full of ups and down my baby boy has brought me so much joy and love and has made my life worth living again. So I can say to you that yes I did have all the same anxieties but I have always loved and still love my baby with all my heart and soul

 

[Sarah1508]

Jeez that post was loooong! haha and that was just a "quick" summary if I where to go through all the ins and outs I could write a novel!
Anyways I just felt like I thought I would get that out of the way..(Didn't think it would be so long though .. :S ) so I could move onto now haha ...

Since about week 5 of this pregnancy I've had severe morning sickness (the doctor did have a name for it but I can't remember :doh: ) so bad that I ended up in hospital with dehydration and exsaustion. Basically for two and a half months I was bringing back up anything that I swallowed .. Food , water and tablets including my anti depressants (which I rely on to function) After coming out of hospital last week I am a whole lot better! They found anti sickness that work so I am keeping things down now, I still have regular morning sickness but it's a dream compared to before!

My anti ds have been staying down for about a week now but I'm starting to really feel the effects of them not being in my system for over two months :/ and that's why I joined this thread to help me get through this rough patch! Fingers crossed they will kick in soon and I will start feeling back to myself again! I hate all these old down in the dumps feelings coming back to me :/ just want them to pee off NOW!

 

[mamacastro]

Thank you mamacastro!

Two of my anxieties are definitely having a lack of control and a fear of the unknown - they definitely cause my mind to run away with catastrophe thinking. I have no idea if I'm really ready to be a mum, and that's really scary!

I don't think it's really talked about enough IRL and I don't think I've ever heard anyone voice any worries.

Good luck with coming off your meds - and good to know about the prozac. Does that make you drowsy or overly perky? I don't know much about it. Although I'd take overly perky now!!

Honestly, I came off of Lexapro as I started going on to Prozac, so the change in meds was barely noticed. However, I noticed my panic definitely decreased. When I started the Prozac, I was on 3mg xanax a day and was able to automatically go right to 2 then down to 1.5mg klonopin a day with ease while on my lexapro to prozac transition.
Knowing prozac is safer in pregnancy than lexapro just makes me feel much better.

 

[annabananas]

Thanks for contributing! So glad you're feeling better now than when you were younger. I bet it's really difficult going through it as a child/teen and not really knowing what's happening to you. It's hard enough as an adult.

I really appreciate your comments when the baby arrives. It makes me really happy to hear of 'success' stories of people with similar anxieties that love their babies Maybe when the pregnancy starts to feel more real and baby grows, that worry will dissipate a little.

So sorry you've been suffering with hyperemesis too That really doesn't help does it? You're constantly vomiting, nauseous, tired, in bed/home alone which is quite lonely and just run down. Glad you're feeling better! My anti sickness seem to be working too!

What anti ds do you take if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Kirsty3051]

I've suffered with panic attacks before I even knew panic attacks were a thing. I didn't realise how young my anxiety started until I fully understood it as an adult and looked back over my life. I remember feeling uncomfortable and struggling to breathe in a car aged 6-8. I'm 21 now and can't drive anywhere without a window being open in the back of my car. Buses are something I really used to struggle with but have overcome.

My most embarrassing one is the fear of choking. All of my meals used to get cut up in to tiny little pieces and would take me an hour+ to finish. Now I can eat a meal in around 20-30 minutes and the pieces aren't that small.

Everybody's fears/anxieties are different but they're definitely manageable if you're willing to take them head on and put in the effort. It just takes a little time. Having a baby is my main motivation right now.

X

 

[annabananas]

Honestly, I came off of Lexapro as I started going on to Prozac, so the change in meds was barely noticed. However, I noticed my panic definitely decreased. When I started the Prozac, I was on 3mg xanax a day and was able to automatically go right to 2 then down to 1.5mg klonopin a day with ease while on my lexapro to prozac transition.
Knowing prozac is safer in pregnancy than lexapro just makes me feel much better.

Thank you MC! I have heard that prozac is quite tried and tested in pregnancy so is quite safe. That might be one of the meds that I discuss with GP on Monday.

Although I'm feeling a little better today, it's something I want to be proactive about, specially as these things take a while to kick in.

 

[Sarah1508]

Thanks for contributing! So glad you're feeling better now than when you were younger. I bet it's really difficult going through it as a child/teen and not really knowing what's happening to you. It's hard enough as an adult.

I really appreciate your comments when the baby arrives. It makes me really happy to hear of 'success' stories of people with similar anxieties that love their babies Maybe when the pregnancy starts to feel more real and baby grows, that worry will dissipate a little.

So sorry you've been suffering with hyperemesis too That really doesn't help does it? You're constantly vomiting, nauseous, tired, in bed/home alone which is quite lonely and just run down. Glad you're feeling better! My anti sickness seem to be working too!

What anti ds do you take if you don't mind me asking?

Your welcome

And yes the sickness was just awful! Still pretty wiped out from it tbh but as each day goes by I'm feeling stronger and less drained! Omg yes finally getting anti sickness that worked I just want to give a big fat kiss to whoever invented them!

I agree that when the pregnancy progresses and you start to feel baby move a lot that's when it feels more real and exciting! And the excitement does push your worries to the side! Haha

They are called venlafaxine (I hope I'm spelling it right ) I was on 150mg of them but moved it down to 75mg when I found out I was expecting as they are ones that are okay to take while pregnant but it's best to take as little as you can manage on if that makes sense? Out off all the anti ds I've tried (a good handful) they are the first to ever work for me (I suppose everyone is different though) they did take a good month and a half to two months to feel the full benifits of them though but when they are in your system it just felt surreal to me at first tbh I finally felt like idk sunshine! like that dark cloud wasn't following me about anymore and I could finally see everything in a new sunnier light! It took a bit of getting used to if I'm honnest! Haha but they have really helped me cope through some hard times and not turn to old habits like self harming , i know it may sound silly but they really have been a god send to me!

 

[wannabemamaz]

Hey girls. Happy to have seen this thread!

I was diagnosed with GAD when I was about 16.. and I'm 25 now. I was on varying dosages of 50-100mg of Zoloft the entire time (for years at a time I would be at 50.. then relapse and need to increase..) I went off my Zoloft in May when hubby and I decided it was soon time to TTC again after my MC in February. In August I had a horrible dog bite incident and ended up getting quite the infection. They put me on 2 heavy duty antibiotics which made me incredibly nauseous for 2 weeks.. my anxiety relapsed again and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through. Nausea is a HUGE anxiety trigger for me. I got super nervous about TTC and what would happen with morning sickness.. (I didn't get far enough into my first pregnancy to get to the morning sickness phase!)

I got through that.. FFW'd to August (our first month trying) and we got our BFP! Right around 6 weeks the MS started and I had it ALL day every day until 13 weeks. But I managed to stay on top of my anxiety and am feeling really good!

There are days when I worry incessantly about things (what if my dog doesn't like my baby.. what if he gets really sick and i can't cope.. what if i get too tired and i cant take care of him..etc) but i try not to let those thoughts win!

Glad to have you ladies here for support.. we can be a huge encouragement to each other!!!

 

[mamacastro]

Hey girls. Happy to have seen this thread!

I was diagnosed with GAD when I was about 16.. and I'm 25 now. I was on varying dosages of 50-100mg of Zoloft the entire time (for years at a time I would be at 50.. then relapse and need to increase..) I went off my Zoloft in May when hubby and I decided it was soon time to TTC again after my MC in February. In August I had a horrible dog bite incident and ended up getting quite the infection. They put me on 2 heavy duty antibiotics which made me incredibly nauseous for 2 weeks.. my anxiety relapsed again and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through. Nausea is a HUGE anxiety trigger for me. I got super nervous about TTC and what would happen with morning sickness.. (I didn't get far enough into my first pregnancy to get to the morning sickness phase!)

I got through that.. FFW'd to August (our first month trying) and we got our BFP! Right around 6 weeks the MS started and I had it ALL day every day until 13 weeks. But I managed to stay on top of my anxiety and am feeling really good!

There are days when I worry incessantly about things (what if my dog doesn't like my baby.. what if he gets really sick and i can't cope.. what if i get too tired and i cant take care of him..etc) but i try not to let those thoughts win!

Glad to have you ladies here for support.. we can be a huge encouragement to each other!!!

Welcome! I'm so excited about this thread!

 

[annabananas]

I've suffered with panic attacks before I even knew panic attacks were a thing. I didn't realise how young my anxiety started until I fully understood it as an adult and looked back over my life. I remember feeling uncomfortable and struggling to breathe in a car aged 6-8. I'm 21 now and can't drive anywhere without a window being open in the back of my car. Buses are something I really used to struggle with but have overcome.

My most embarrassing one is the fear of choking. All of my meals used to get cut up in to tiny little pieces and would take me an hour+ to finish. Now I can eat a meal in around 20-30 minutes and the pieces aren't that small.

Everybody's fears/anxieties are different but they're definitely manageable if you're willing to take them head on and put in the effort. It just takes a little time. Having a baby is my main motivation right now.

X

It's horrible isn't it?! I had the choking thing for a while - I choked on a piece of steak on holiday in NYC a few years ago. I was thinking this is it, I'm going to die in TGI Friday's. I can laugh about it now, but really scary at the time. The waiter had to whack my back, ughhh...

Your welcome

And yes the sickness was just awful! Still pretty wiped out from it tbh but as each day goes by I'm feeling stronger and less drained! Omg yes finally getting anti sickness that worked I just want to give a big fat kiss to whoever invented them!

I agree that when the pregnancy progresses and you start to feel baby move a lot that's when it feels more real and exciting! And the excitement does push your worries to the side! Haha

They are called venlafaxine (I hope I'm spelling it right ) I was on 150mg of them but moved it down to 75mg when I found out I was expecting as they are ones that are okay to take while pregnant but it's best to take as little as you can manage on if that makes sense? Out off all the anti ds I've tried (a good handful) they are the first to ever work for me (I suppose everyone is different though) they did take a good month and a half to two months to feel the full benifits of them though but when they are in your system it just felt surreal to me at first tbh I finally felt like idk sunshine! like that dark cloud wasn't following me about anymore and I could finally see everything in a new sunnier light! It took a bit of getting used to if I'm honnest! Haha but they have really helped me cope through some hard times and not turn to old habits like self harming , i know it may sound silly but they really have been a god send to me!

Doesn't sound silly at all sounds kind of great to me! I mean, it's not that I want to be on meds forever but as long as it's safe long-term and I'm feeling OK, I don't really mind. To me it's like taking meds for diabetes or something similar.

Thanks for the name, it's good to know it's safe! I'd ideally like to go back on my old meds, but I don't think it's as tried/tested as some others so not sure it will be an option - but at least now I have the names of some safe ones!

 

[annabananas]

Hey girls. Happy to have seen this thread!

I was diagnosed with GAD when I was about 16.. and I'm 25 now. I was on varying dosages of 50-100mg of Zoloft the entire time (for years at a time I would be at 50.. then relapse and need to increase..) I went off my Zoloft in May when hubby and I decided it was soon time to TTC again after my MC in February. In August I had a horrible dog bite incident and ended up getting quite the infection. They put me on 2 heavy duty antibiotics which made me incredibly nauseous for 2 weeks.. my anxiety relapsed again and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through. Nausea is a HUGE anxiety trigger for me. I got super nervous about TTC and what would happen with morning sickness.. (I didn't get far enough into my first pregnancy to get to the morning sickness phase!)

I got through that.. FFW'd to August (our first month trying) and we got our BFP! Right around 6 weeks the MS started and I had it ALL day every day until 13 weeks. But I managed to stay on top of my anxiety and am feeling really good!

There are days when I worry incessantly about things (what if my dog doesn't like my baby.. what if he gets really sick and i can't cope.. what if i get too tired and i cant take care of him..etc) but i try not to let those thoughts win!

Glad to have you ladies here for support.. we can be a huge encouragement to each other!!!

So happy to see so many people here!

Nausea is a trigger for me too, so gutted to have been caught out by HG!

You know, I feel more normal seeing other people have similar thoughts and the anxiety lessens slightly without the guilt of being the only person that feels like this!

Great to see you doing so well!!

 

[Sarah1508]

Doesn't sound silly at all sounds kind of great to me! I mean, it's not that I want to be on meds forever but as long as it's safe long-term and I'm feeling OK, I don't really mind. To me it's like taking meds for diabetes or something similar.

Thanks for the name, it's good to know it's safe! I'd ideally like to go back on my old meds, but I don't think it's as tried/tested as some others so not sure it will be an option - but at least now I have the names of some safe ones!

I felt exactly the same like I didn't want to be on meds long term like I didn't want to need them or rely on them like some sort of druggie or something! but then exactly like you said I thought about it that way like well I wouldn't judge anyone for needing mediation for example insulin if they where diabetic and it is exactly the same mental illness the majority of the time needs to be treated with medication (as well as other help) and there is no shame in that! Some people may only need it short term but some people like me may need it for life but it's no different to any other illness needing medication to be controlled to give you a quality of life

Ps hope you get on okay at the doctors and find something that is safe and works for you! I ment to say that earlier on btw but I got caught up in all my rambling!

 

[atleastthree]

Girls, I cured my anxiety meds free - started taking large doses of quality omega3 fish oil. Look up the research that's been done on benefits of omega3 to people suffering from depression. I've been amazed! Wishing everyone happy and healthy pregnancies!