Anxious about moving from 2 kids to 3 - please advice

[waterlilly]

Hi ladies, I am sure people have done it billions of times... A little bit of a story. 1st and 2nd of ours are planned, and I really wanted #3 when the youngest was 1yo. My husband was not sure, but I felt incomplete with just 2! I didn't push him, trying to be wise. In January he said - why not? Let's do it! I was kind of a bit cooler to the idea, as the youngest is 2,5 now and becoming easier with every day... Anyway, then it happened! I am now 8 weeks. I was fine first 5 weeks with the thought of #3, but then my morning (read all day and night) sickness came with vomiting, headaches etc. I have got a demanding job, wcich requires travelling, speaking to massive audiences etc., and I feel like i can't do it now as well as I usually can! Tiredness and sickness really makes me feel like - do I really want it???????? It's awful, I know, and I am in hope that this will pass, and I will feel better soon. I can't say this to my husband as he would probably say - what did you think about earlier?! Anyway... Is anyone else felt the same way? Or I am in danger being really unpopular... How did you guys deal with this? I also worry about the family dynamics now - our 2 adore each other, how will the baby fit into this picture? Will they all get on well? How is it with 3 kids and both of us working full time? Is it a big move from 2 to 3? Or 1 to 2 is "bigger" change?
And of course, am I normal to have these doubts? Why don't I feel so excited and happy as I thought I would be?

 

[MummyToAmberx]

How you feel is completely normal.

I have been i same situation just weeks ago.

I was at my lowest i have ever been, after being told i had HG. I had no life for weeks and felt useless. I couldnt shower or dress myself, i couldnt look after my other 2 children (4&6) all i wanted to do was stay a bed and sleep.
Was just no normal function in me what so ever.

Every hour of every day i questioned myself. Was this right thing to do? I filled with gulit over how useless id become, within in my worse few weeks (where ended up in hosp with dehydration) i can honestly admit the thought of my baby didnt cross my mind i was to hung up on how utterly awful i was feeling.

Best advice is you need to get much as help as possible. If your sickness is really bad see gp for some tablets but you need to explain to your partner how poorly you feel aswell as your work as only thing i found helpful was lots of rest.

I think 1 to 2 is bigger than 3+ in my eyes i know what im doing i know routine is vital. i know just after having #2 that love when baby is born is instant that my love will be shared equally.

I would say your not feeling happy or excited because your having a bumpy time with how your feeling physically. Dont over whelm yourself just focus on getting you and your baby through next few weeks.

I started feeling much better come wk 10 i filled with fear of 'is my baby okay' i still hadnt received my scan letter so rented a doppler abd when i heard first HB i was filled with so much joy.

I had my scan on friday gone when i seen baby on the screen bouncing around i thought ' We did it! Im strong and so is our new addition'

x

 

[waterlilly]

MummyToAmberx - thank you, you almost made me cry (in a good way). I feel a bit better knowing that I am not alone in this. I can't tell my work unfortunately just yet, as we go through org changes and it will affect me in a way I don't want to if I tell anyone. Also, I have a silent miscarriage between my #1 and #2 at 11 weeks, so not rushing to tell anyone until I am over 14 weeks, which means I have to stay strong. Can't get much help, my family leaves in a different country, and my husbands is on another side of the country, so it's me, him, our kiddies and that's it. I just can't be useless as I am now, just trying to find the strenght from somewhere, and will speak to my GP.
I think I also a bit worried as I had a PND after my second, husband was everything to me and kids at that time, as I was absolutely useless, bless him, and I don't want to put him through hell again. But hey, there is no insurance here.
I just want to feel happy about this P and #3 and be my usual happy and able self.

 

[moter98]

Oh I can relate! It's just the morning sickness and general 1st trimester misery getting you down! It starts to wear on you very quickly, especially with all you've got going on and 2 kids to boot. I'm on #3 with a 3 year old and a 14 month old and have been more exhausted/poorly feeling this time around than I remember with my first two. I was blessing with a short lived 24/7 ms that lasted around 3 weeks, but the exhaustion and catching every cold that comes along did its tole on me. I am happy to report I am now 12 weeks and feeling so much better physically and mentally. Saw baby on scan today and for me, it's made me oh so excited and ready to tackle whatever challenges having three kids brings! It's also relieved some of the stress of the fear of loss too, what a weight off my shoulders. You will be just fine dear, just concentrate on getting through these first weeks and once you are feeling better, you will feel better about everything.

 

[shinona]

I'm feeling like this too. We'd said no more then took a mad turn before Christmas and decided to ttc for 3 months. Happened the last month and I had convinced myself that it wasn't going to happen and I was ok about it. So it took me a while to get out of that mindset.
i then had bleeding at 8 weeks and the worry I felt and the relief and love when i saw a wee hb made me realise I am happy, very happy.

however, I do worry about upsetting the lovely balance in our family and I especially worry that there will be something wrong with baby. I worry about money for mat leave now as well as helping all 3 of them in future and I worry about telling my work as I've only been there for 7 months and it's going well and I don't really want time out.
Aarrgghh! Lol. I just keep telling myself it'll all be fine. Noisy chaotic mayhem but fine nonetheless xx

 

[waterlilly]

Thank you, Shinona and Moter98, phew, it's not me only...

Moter, when did your MS stop?

Shinona, you are writing about me!!!!!!! These are exactly my thoughts... How old are your other 2? Mine will be almost 7 and 3.5 when baby comes in Dec.

I had u/s when I was 5 weeks or so, it was just to check that the baby is where it meant to be. Did see the heartbeat at that time yet, so maybe that's why I didn't get excited, or maybe beause I am not that ready as I thought I would be.

Like you, Shinona, I kind of agreed that it was not to be and I would be happy with just 2. (Still was testing O every month, phsyco, I know...) And then this change of heart of my husband and #3 on the way! I don't know how I will tell my parents, they will think that we are completely nuts, with no support network around and full time demanding jobs going for #3.

I also thinking of my little sister, who is ttc and no luck so far, has been a year now, and here I am in doubts...

Arghhh, I am such a mess...

 

[moter98]

Thank you, Shinona and Moter98, phew, it's not me only...

Moter, when did your MS stop?

Shinona, you are writing about me!!!!!!! These are exactly my thoughts... How old are your other 2? Mine will be almost 7 and 3.5 when baby comes in Dec.

I had u/s when I was 5 weeks or so, it was just to check that the baby is where it meant to be. Did see the heartbeat at that time yet, so maybe that's why I didn't get excited, or maybe beause I am not that ready as I thought I would be.

Like you, Shinona, I kind of agreed that it was not to be and I would be happy with just 2. (Still was testing O every month, phsyco, I know...) And then this change of heart of my husband and #3 on the way! I don't know how I will tell my parents, they will think that we are completely nuts, with no support network around and full time demanding jobs going for #3.

I also thinking of my little sister, who is ttc and no luck so far, has been a year now, and here I am in doubts...

Arghhh, I am such a mess...

The full on ms stopped around 8 1/2 weeks then just off and on, pretty mild and not even everyday till maybe 10 weeks. It wasn't bad at all really. I was surprised.

 

[Hoping4Four]

Personally I found going from 2-3 fairly straight forward. Once you have a new routine established it becomes easier and you don't really think about it, you just get on with it!

Sometimes all three will play together but more often than not they'll all do their own thing, and of course there's bickering and whining from time to time but they love each other really

I have rules when we're out and about, ie. my girls walk holding hands in front of me and I hold my son's hand. You sometimes need eyes in the back of your head but I think that's the case no matter how many kids you have! Lol.

I understand you must be very anxious right now but I promise, you can do it. Having 3 is fab!!

 

[shinona]

I know. I was worried about telling my parents too but they are happy now. Surprised to say the least at first especially as I had to tell them so they could look after the kids when I had to have my emergency scan. My mum has taken a little longer to warm up to it but she is getting there.

had my scan this morning so we're going to start telling everyone and I know that no one will be expecting it.

My son will be 5 in July and my daughter is 2, will be 2 years 8 months when baby is born. There will be the same gap between them all, potentially to the day if I am late again!

I'm sure your sister will be delighted for you as well as a bit emotional for herself xx

 

[waterlilly]

moter98, oh, I hope for this!!!!!! Maybe my MS will go away in few days ans I will be able to step away from the toilet for more than 10metres!

Hoping4Four, goodness me, you are going for #4! Brave woman you are, I am not! I told my husband now that he has got nothing to worry about - meaning me wanting one more after this one

shinona, my mum made a few comments recently about the relative who had #3, and she was quite hmmmm not very complimentary about this, let's put it this way... My parents are are away but still I would love them to support me in this - will see how that works out... How was your scan? How is the baby doing?

My midwife appnt tomorrow, will see what she says.

Scan is not until 11-12 weeks though to "know it's real"

 

[shinona]

Scan was lovely. All good. Put forward 3 days so I'm 13 weeks tomorrow. Hematoma is all.gone too which is a huge relief x

 

[Pretty Please]

I found 2 to 3 hardest only because I had 3 under 2.5 years. I couldn't guarantee that my 2.5 yr old would walk out in public and not do a star fish on the floor hence I found it hard to go out with 3 and still only ever go out with 3 when I have no option eg doc apt I wouldn't take all 3 to a play group as I can't watch them all so I've had to stay in lots
I'd strongly recommend to get mothers help at the beginning ( I didn't but its been hard, no family around and husband works all week so only see him 20 mins a day so he wasn't around)
I do like 3 though the eldest 2 play together and I can have cuddles new one. Hardest things I found bath time logistics and when they all decide kick off crying together but I've loved having 3 so close.