any advice re: ex greatly appreciated!

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by MummyMummy, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    i just don't know what to do re: ex. as i mentioned 3year old started school around 2weeks ago, he fins at 12.30. has never took him/picked him up and asked about him once and that was day he started. ex should have him tue 1 week tue and sat week after, each day 11-4/5 (depending on if he can risk that train getting him to band practise a bit late on a tue, yes really!). in past 2weeks he's seen baby 3.5hours. tue this week he had him from 1 till 4.30!! :| god knows what the point was? he never asked to make up to/for extra days etc etc although he's been told so many times by both me and mr.man to just give us bit of warning whenever he wants him, there's no prob at all. we encourage it! it's important 3year old sees him, even ifwe think he's good for nothing, it's not our place tosay anything just to make it possible for baby.

    he never phones texts unless it the night before (always around 10pm) to ask where he's picking baby upfrom, never asks how he is. he should have had him today but no text, no phonecall no nothing. he has mine/mr.mans/grandads numbers my house number/nans house number knows where nan lives too. and then of course there is the internet emails etc.

    i'm 33weeks preg, stressed out as anything that 1 or both babys will feel left out when new baby arrives. although feeling better after hearing other stories and reassurances! i have a 3year old who sits debating with himself if he actually loves his daddy saying 'i love my daddy nooooo i love my daddy no nooooo' and an ex who doesn't give a flying F about my lil boy who adores him :( i'm going crazy!

    when we first split he took the p and i said that he wasn't seeing baby until he could actually give me setdays and times when he wanted to see him as coming and going whenever he pleased he wasn't being fair, it wasn't on and baby was so disrupted, wouldn't take his bottles, woke up at night but when i stopped ex coming and going baby miraculously got back to normal :o surprise surprise. ex never got back in touch although i phoned him up(several times might i add) to ask did he wanna meet up and sort out proper times/days. he actually went to solicitors which i thought was great, hoped it had gave him that kick up the arse kwim? plus with sols everything would be properly sorted and set times/days arranged and baby would be so much better! obv not though. although it's not my place to stop him, it is my place to make sure 3year old is happy and ok. he said he had 'gone off the rails' and 'had a break down' around the time he was going through sols and had tried to kill himself and had got into a bit of debt by being stupid - although this 'break down' was never mentioned to solicitor at all. i have said to him that if he's finding it hard again then just say and we can stop the visits till things are better, nobody will think bad etc etc. have even said if seeing/looking after the baby is too much likeif he's too busy/got too much going on in his life/his life has moved on then that it's ok, just tell me atleast then we all know where we stand and it isn't a problem as it's better that happen than baby gettaken for a ride kwim?

    what should i do? leave him to it? ask him wth he's playing at? stop him from having contact and messing baby around? hit him across the head? at 33weeks think it's a bit close to the big day to be getting extra stressed/raising blood pressure etc etc. should i speak to a dr about 3year old debating with himself? :\ i know i can't force somebody to dosomething...but at this rate my son is gonna grow up not knowing his daddy :(

    xXx
     
  2. Pops

    Pops Proud Mum & Wifey

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    :hugs: I don't really know what to say hun as I have never been in a similar situation but I can send lots of :hugs: and say I hope it works itself out somehow for you.

    With regards to the little fella, I wouldn't make a big deal about him debating but maybe just mention it the next time you see your GP to put your mind at rest.

    xxx
     
  3. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    that's what me and mr.man keep saying that it'll sort itself, that 1 day he'll start taking an interest but it isn't happening. mr.man even suggested if he can't see him that he phone up and read a story/nursery rhyme to him over phone before bed but that hasn't happened :(

    thankyou for the hugs, they are muchly appreciated!

    it's odd hearing someone so tiny having debates aloud about loving somebody kwim? that shouldn't even be a thought in his head at such a young age. i'm convinced he's gonna be scarred for life and it'll all be my fault cause there was something i should have done :'(

    xXx
     

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