Any advice/suggestions very welcome *UPDATED*

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Helen, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hi

    I found out tonight that my SIL has lost her baby. She is 6-8 weeks behind me in terms of pregnancy and so was around 12-14 weeks gone.

    All the family are devastated for her and my brother but obviously and understandably they didn't want to talk to me and I want to give them a few days before I ring them.

    I'd really like to show in some way that we're thinking of them and we care even if we don't speak for a little while. We don't live particularly near.

    Does anyone have any suitable suggestions for me? I want to be as tactful as possible without making them feel as though I'm avoiding them.

    Thank you.

    H
    xx
     
  2. orange-sox

    orange-sox Sebs Mummy + WTT

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    Perhaps send her a card saying exactly that - you're thinking of them and you care :)

    :hugs: Wish everyone had been tactful around me when I lost Seb, they either avoided me, or ignored it all and shoved their babies under my nose!
     
  3. Chilli

    Chilli Very lucky Mum of 2 girls

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    It sounds as though you are a rare and lovely person. Your SIL may react in lots of ways, I know some girls just like to get on with it, I personally was distraught at the loss of my child at 11 1/2 weeks, and couldn't believe that most people seemed to think a text would be enough! It wasn't. I needed proactive support, someone to come and take care of us (my OH and DD and me), cooking and simple stuff like that. I don't know if you have that close a relationsip with her, but at least some flowers and a message to show you are there. She may find it difficult with you also being pg, but you sound really nice and the support you can offer might overcome that. I'm sorry I can't be more help than that
     
  4. rachjim98

    rachjim98 I love my Family!!

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    I would say a card and some flowers. My sister sent me flowers with a little bear attached after we lost our daughter. She does not live in the area so she used a online flower service to have them delivered. She called me a few days later but was at a loss for words, which is only natural. 2 days later I got a card in the mail that told me she loved me and was here if I needed to talk, but didn't want to push herself on me. Just offer yourself if needed, if she wants you she will reach out.

    Also, when you do see her she may be standoffish and may even seem angry for you still being where she wants so badly to be (pregnant). This has nothing to do with you sweetie it has to do with her being so empty and wanting to have her baby. Just remember that.

    and I am so sorry for your bother and his family right now They are in a lot of pain.:hug:
     
  5. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    A little card even a small bunch of flowers delivered (nothing OTT) with 'Thinking of you. I am here if & when you need me' type message.

    Very sorry to hear of your brothers and SILs loss x
     
  6. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hi

    I just wanted to say thanks again for the advice. I took it and sent flowers and a card to my bro and SIL. They rang last night, the flowers were gorgeous apparently.

    My SIL and I had a good long chat and a few tears last night and talked about some of the difficult things to come that are as a result of us having been so close in our pregnancies. I have to say that she is being totally amazing and wonderful and brave.

    Thanks again.

    Helen

    x
     
  7. Chilli

    Chilli Very lucky Mum of 2 girls

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    Give her a big hug from me and tell her about this site
     
  8. emerald78

    emerald78 Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts are with your SIL and Brother.

    Best of luck in your pregnancy.

    xxx
     
  9. dan-o

    dan-o RMC's but mum to 3 now!

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    Awww, the same has happend to me, except I'm the one who's MC.
    Wish my SIL had been caring like you, mine hasn't even spoken to me!
     
  10. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    I'm so sorry to hear that. :hugs: I wonder if she's stuck like I was wondering what to do for the best.
     
  11. Parkep

    Parkep Very happy mom

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    i think what you did was amazing ... my best friend was 2 weeks behind me when i found out i was M/C she didnt do anything except send a txt... kinda hurt getting a txt from my best friend. But she m/c 2 weeks after i did, i sent flowers and a card just telling her if she needed to talk i was her for her, she phoned me and said she was sorry for not really realizing what i was going thru and didnt offer more help ect. i just really think what you did was awesome and im glad that you guys talked :)
     

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