Sachis2112
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I just had a bit of a row with DH about my parenting method with my stepson. He's 11 and I have a really hard time about how far behind I think he is developmentally. He's a very obedient child who takes no risks which I find to be a little bit of a problem. It means he also refuses to think for himself to figure things out. We have to do all the thinking for him. He's not with us full time so I decided some time ago that there was very little I could to change some of his behavior.
Specifically, it makes me crazy that he is wasteful. I made a comment to DH that when the boy gets tired of hearing me tell him the same thing over and over, he will change his behavior. DH got quite upset and told me that nagging is not a valid parenting style. But since getting upset and telling him he HAS to do something isn't valid in hubby's book either, I'm having a hard time finding a happy medium. I believe that the little things are an indicator of how he will act when it comes to the big things. DH wants me to let the little things go and focus on the big things. If you don't show them how to handle the little things they will have no idea how to handle big issues.
Although I can see and even agree that nagging is not the best parenting style, I'm so friggin emotional right now from my hormones going nuts, I can't calm down the feelings just yet. Gah!
He's upset that I'm less engaged with my stepson than I used to be but I'm less engaged so that I don't get angry over every little thing. This goes back to way before I got pregnant. This is not a new argument. Of course, now that we are pregnant, this is turning into a big argument.
I get pretty upset when someone tells me I don't know what I'm doing with kids just because I'm not yet a parent.
I guess I'm just looking for some sympathy. I can see when I'm wrong about certain things (after I throw a bit of a tantrum and then calm down) but its so difficult to be fully engaged with a child when I'm given little say in their upbringing. No one asks me what I think about his school grades or where I think he should go for summer camp. Part of loving a child is showing them some discipline. But every bit of discipline I give is seen as too hard or nagging because mom doesn't ask those things of him. So now I'm picking on him and it turns into hubby and kid against me.
I don't even know what I want anymore.
Specifically, it makes me crazy that he is wasteful. I made a comment to DH that when the boy gets tired of hearing me tell him the same thing over and over, he will change his behavior. DH got quite upset and told me that nagging is not a valid parenting style. But since getting upset and telling him he HAS to do something isn't valid in hubby's book either, I'm having a hard time finding a happy medium. I believe that the little things are an indicator of how he will act when it comes to the big things. DH wants me to let the little things go and focus on the big things. If you don't show them how to handle the little things they will have no idea how to handle big issues.
Although I can see and even agree that nagging is not the best parenting style, I'm so friggin emotional right now from my hormones going nuts, I can't calm down the feelings just yet. Gah!
He's upset that I'm less engaged with my stepson than I used to be but I'm less engaged so that I don't get angry over every little thing. This goes back to way before I got pregnant. This is not a new argument. Of course, now that we are pregnant, this is turning into a big argument.
I get pretty upset when someone tells me I don't know what I'm doing with kids just because I'm not yet a parent.
I guess I'm just looking for some sympathy. I can see when I'm wrong about certain things (after I throw a bit of a tantrum and then calm down) but its so difficult to be fully engaged with a child when I'm given little say in their upbringing. No one asks me what I think about his school grades or where I think he should go for summer camp. Part of loving a child is showing them some discipline. But every bit of discipline I give is seen as too hard or nagging because mom doesn't ask those things of him. So now I'm picking on him and it turns into hubby and kid against me.
I don't even know what I want anymore.