Anybody else feel like their life is on hold?

[Becca L]

We're back trying again after a second miscarriage - mmc at 12 weeks this time. We were lucky enough to have a lovely daughter between the 2 mcs so I know I don't have anything to moan about compared to lots of people.

Nevertheless, I feel stuck and rather depressed. I'm working part time as a teacher in a school where I've been for ages but am starting to hate. I can't move jobs because, when my main aim in life is to get pregnant again, it doesn't seem fair on a new employer. My husband and lots of my friends are having amazing careers and I guess I'm jealous. If it hadn't been for the mcs and ttc after them, I'd either be a happy mum of 2 or more OR I'd have a decent job. As it is, it feels like I've got half a family and half a career after 3 years of cycle watching and worrying.

Even writing this makes me feel self-indulgent compared to what a lot of people go through. Still, have always found b and b a good place to vent!

 

[Amygdala]

I know what you mean. I actually feel like I've lost half a year of my life (first feeling awful in first trimester, then numb after my mmc, then thinking about nothing but ttc). I'm really busy at work and I know life is going on but it doesn't feel like I'm a part of it, like it's happening to someone else. I guess we can only try to concentrate on the good things (like your daughter!) and try to be patient and trust that in the end it'll have been worth all the pain and waiting.

 

[Chilli]

Becca _ I could've written your post myself - i am in exactly the same situation, but for a bit longer - have been TTC my second for 2 years, have just had 3rd MMC, am also PT teacher who HATES where I work but have been trapped as having another baby is my priority. Can't even make plans to go on hols as don't kow if will be able to fly and can't do last minute as DH needs visa, haven't seen his family for 2 years as live abroad and same prob, especially when can only go during school hols. SOmetimes I'm tempted just to give it all up so I can start living again... but I can't

 

[shelleney]

I also understand how you feel. I lost my baby in June as it was an ectopic pregnancy. I needed Methotraxate and was told that I couldnt TTC for 6 months. I feel like I have spent the last 5 months of my life just existing instead of living. I am just wishing the days, weeks and months away, desperate to reach the day when it is safe to TTC again. My family and friends just dont understand. My colleagues at the school where I work dont understand. Nobody understands that the last 5 months of my life have just been a waste of time, something ive just get had to get through to make it to december. im so excited that im nearly there...but terrified that I can't conceive again, or that if i do, it will end in ectopic again, or a miscarriage. This is taking over my life!!

 

[Aly529]

I understand and feel the same way. I lost our daughter at 18 weeks and 1 day just when I was looking forward to having our family... right now it's just me hubby and the dog and although I should be happy since he's great and we're real close I'm pretty depressed and just want a little baby. You're not alone.

 

[Becca L]

Thank you so much everybody. It makes such a difference knowing I'm not alone in feeling these things.

 

[Rowan75]

me too x big hugs x

 

[Chloe1987]

I know how you feel, and please dont feel like your two early mc are 'less imporant" because no matter how early the loss of your angel is, the pain is just as real. I too lost my first pregnancy in February 2010 (also early on) and the pain is still there. It took my fiancée and I until now to even begin to TTC again. My thoughts are with you and your little sleeping angel.
Be strong for your LO and before you know it, you will be expecting again!
Lots of sticky baby dust to you and your family

 

[grandbleu]

Yes! Completely on hold...can't move forward...don't want to.

So sorry for your loss

 

[wannabe mam]

My life has never been the same. Its comforting to know I am not the only person living like this. I am also a teacher and I am wondering how I am ever going to manage this job when I finally do have a baby! Good luck xx

 

[Feisty Fidget]

4 days after my mc I quit my job - yes it may have seemed reckless and will perhaps be something I regret in time but I hated it so much I was counting down the days until maternity leave. When that was snatched away from me I realized that I had to make a change. My boss warned me I won't get SMP until I have worked at my new job for a set amount of time (as if that was going to make me stay after I was made an example of for falling pregnant) but I figured that I would be eligible for MA and I just needed a change.

I know it is difficult not to feel that life is passing you on by while we are stuck trying to realize our dream of a healthy pregnancy but it is important that you make changes to make life bearable until this dream comes true!

and to all xx

 

[shelleney]

no matter how early the loss of your angel is, the pain is just as real.

I totally agree with you, Chloe. My baby was just 7 weeks when we found out it was growing in the wrong place and wouldnt survive. But it was still my baby, and I will grieve forever for my angel
xx