anyone considering life without children?

[CathD]

Hi there,

sitting here in tears after period started today on month 20 TTC. Yes, i know that's not long compared to some, there's still time, so on and so on but not feeling very rational at the moment.

Best friend announced yesteray she is pregnant again 6 months after giving birth. Now, she took 20 months herself to concieve the first time so don't begrudge this at all, but i just convinced myself that it would happen this month so we could be pregnant together. Ha, of course not! That would be too much to ask wouldn't it?!!

So, ranting aside, has anyone actually considered giving up TTC? i know i'm probably being over dramatic but what i can't work out is why i feel so bad every month when i'm not actually the world's most maternal person. I don't look at babies and long for one, i like my job, i like to travel and a lifestyle that isn't that conducive with kids. In short, i think i could turn my life to other things but i'm not sure i've got the courage to actually face this possibility or what you tell other people etc. I would love to hear from others who have this weird "split personality" of being really gutted when your period turns up but at the same time not really being mad about children?? Or anyone who has actually considered stopping trying (although i guess if you're on this forum then you're still trying!)?

Sorry if i sound a bit flipant about children, i really don't want to offend anyone and i absolutely know how important they are to us as individuals and society. I'm just a bit confused about my feelings and don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

xxxx

 

[I want a bump]

Hi hun - can totally relate to what you are saying.

Although we would really like a baby, we are very much aware of the lifestyle we could have without one as we both have very good jobs. I get disappointed when the witch turns up but it isnt the end of the world (sometimes), I look at babies or ladies bumps and sometimes get depressed cos want one but then if we have been away for the weekend, I think wouldnt be able to live like this with a baby................tis very confusing.

We have decided that we are going to go all out ttc until June next year and if it doesnt happen by then, I am going back on the pill..............I still have doubts sometimes about doing this sometimes tbh as does o/h but we feel we have to draw the line somewhere cos of our ages (me 40, him 38).

Dont feel like you are on your own feeling like this - there are probably more people who feel the same but it is a big thing to admit, especially on a forum like this........................again, like you - dont mean to offend anyone by thinking like I do - we are all different afterall.

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey hun

Sometimes i consider having a break so that we don't have the stress but that is the only reason. I really want to be a parent and want to have children - every time one of my friends/family anounces they are pregnant it does hurt but i think i just feel pleased they haven't had to go through the journey i have been through - give me 24 hours of tears and trantrums and i'm composed and together!

For me if i had no other option then i would accept a life without children - but at the moment i have way too many options to consider giving up.

Good luck hun

 

[kareen]

i completely know what you're talking about and we've only been trying for just over a year which makes me a bit of a "virgin" but DON'T give up. my mom always tells me "...The will of God will never take you to where the love of God won't sustain you..." in HIM ALL things are possible. I'm sorry if you're not religious, please don't be offended, but all i'm trying to say is to never give up hope. keep moving forward. sometimes hope is all we have

p.s. read my post on "mycoplasma". some interesting info. there.

 

[Omi]

Im the same.... i have started telling myself this year that we shall be fine without kids. Dont get me wrong, it will always be a regret of mine if we dont have any. But i think for my own sanity I need to be logical and sane about this and not focus on the negatives but rather on all the great things in my life! Maybe the old chestnut of 'just relaxing' (ggrrrrrr) might actually work that way too..lol!

 

[pigginteacher]

i can understand how u feel. I already have one child which makes me wonder why im making myself go through all this, surely i should be happy that i have the one and then i think of all the lovely memories i have with my sister and i want the same for my daughter.
Kareen, i hold onto that promise 'in Him ALL things are possible'
Don't feel bad cath, ttc is a roller coaster of emotions
all the best x

 

[NeyNey]

Have you done much medical intervention hun? There are many many roads to travel before you should consider giving up.

But that said, I know what you're saying. It's been over 4 years for us. We're now staring down a risky IVF cycle that's not going according to plan and I'm just left thinking what on earth are we doing torturing ourselves over and over like this?! I feel like sometimes we're messing with fate.

But when I think about growing old without children, I can't even bare to imagine it. So, as much as I just feel like throwing in the towel sometimes, I just can't do it....I was born to be a Mother, and that's what I'm going to be. Come hell or high water.

 

[Mynxie]

Yep, now not trying, not preventing, got rid of all the baby stuff and accepting that it might just be me and DH. That's just the way it is.

Started TTC March 2005 and had 3 MCs. AF is irregular because of a health condition (dodgy side effect that AF goes wonky).

If it happens, it would be wonderful...but I don't think it will and I have a fantastic husband.

I'm still here cause I like the girlie banter though