Anyone else feeling totally antisocial?

[bobster]

I’m feeling really antisocial at the moment. I don’t particularly want to see anyone out of my little unit (family of 5) and find myself getting irritated really easily with anyone else.

my brother will come over - he has no children and I often give him tea and make him drinks and he’ll not help at all. He also leaves his pots and doesn’t ever offer to help clean up. He also picks up the baby when she’s settled and then it unsettled her. Also friends who come over with their kids making a mess and having to feed and wait on more people or meeting friends and their kids falling out with nine and having to calm the situation down. I just find sometimes it’s more work when I see people for little gain and in exhausted and can’t be bothered. I’m so happy being with my little unit that I don’t feel I need to have play dates as the boys play so nicely with each other and I have my hands full with the baby.

Baby is only 9 weeks old so hopefully I will feel differently once I’m less tired as I don’t want to become a hermit. I just feel irritated with other people’s kids and some family, and I’m not tolerant at all which is not really like me. Maybe my hormones are playing havoc.

anyone else feel like this?

 

[bobster]

Also another rant- my MIL is really annoying too- she’s even calling my baby by a different name?! I haven’t said anything but think my hubby is going to. It’s really weird. She was really trying to push name choices on us all the way through the pregnancy. And she’s very opinionated about breast feeding saying I shouldn’t be doing it anymore as they only need the first bit. I bite my tongue as I don’t like conflict but find her so annoying. She’s another one I don’t want to see.

Ah god I’m becoming so miserable!!!! I just like being in my little bubble with my own family and feel like telling everyone else to bugger off sometimes.

 

[HLx]

I'm with you here! I've turned into a hermit! I dont want to see anyone because everyone to me are interfering cows at the moment! I dont mind getting out, but only with us 5, I get panic attacks when anyone comes to visit about the mess that is made from their kids that they dont help clean up afterwards, so that makes me hate them in that split second, i just cannot be bothered for people, I'm happy it just being us 5, with no visitors, except my mother, she would never Interfere. My anxiety is at an all time high at the moment

 

[HLx]

Also I had a big drama when enzo was 3 weeks old, my partner's dad and step mum come to visit, and well, she is so overbearing I nearly swung for her a few times! Interfering cow is an understatement, baby was 3 weeks old, me trying to adjust with 3 kids, doing night feeds, and they wanted to come and stay at our house! Okay they do live in a different county, but I'm sorry, it wasn't happening, I would have had to give up my bed and sleep on an air bed to accommodate them! No chance in hell, I made them stay else where, and it was a weekend full of arguments and i was looked at like a spoilt brat because I said no to OH step mother feeding the baby, and I stopped her PICKING THE BABY UP AS HE WAS SLEEPING!!!! I swear that weekend was awful, we haven't spoken since and good, i can't stand her anyway she's an abusive piece of shit that I dont want my child around rant over

 

[bobster]

God she sounds like a nightmare! As if they expected to stay! Whenever I visit someone with a new baby the max I stay is an hour as I know what it’s like.

feels good to write down my annoyances as I can’t talk to anyone in real life as they are all annoying me

I know what you mean about people making a mess. I spend my life tidying up and don’t want to tidy after other kids too. I find my friends a bit inconsiderate sometimes as they should make their kids tidy up before leaving. The other thing that’s annoying me recently is having to tidy/clean before visitors come. I can’t stand anyone coming with a dirty house but it’s so stressful finding time to clean before people come especially if the baby is unsettled.

while we are ranting, one more rant haha. Someone from work came round unannounced of day 3!!! The house was a state and I was a wreck. She also stayed for hours it’s someone I really like but not a good friend who you can be in scruffs in front of and not care. I just don’t understand people’s mentality.

also people bringing their kids round who they know are ill! That drives me mad too. Grrrrrrrr I’m just on one tonight!!!

 

[bobster]

Has enzo had his jabs yet? L had hers today. So far she’s been ok (touch wood). Feel so bad for her, it must be really sore on her legs.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I don't think you're antisocial, I think it's them that's the problem! I'm sorry they have been acting like that and I'm not surprised you don't want to socialise if that's what you're up against!

 

[HLx]

Has enzo had his jabs yet? L had hers today. So far she’s been ok (touch wood). Feel so bad for her, it must be really sore on her legs.

Yes hun he had his jabs last Thursday! He was a grizzly little man all day he also needed 4 lots of calpol as he had a raging temperature, but by 10pm that night he was fine!

I'm totally with you on the unannounced visits, is it bad that I now dont answer the door unless I expect someone I'm so done with everyone at the moment, I get more joy at speaking with friends through WhatsApp, how bad is that! My partner thinks I'm going into a bad state of depression and is so worried about me, I am not going into depression I just hate everyone at the moment, plus I find being at home is like my comfort blanket and at the moment no one is welcome I am extremely anxious at the moment but that's not new, I've had that since I've had kids!

 

[bobster]

I don't think you're antisocial, I think it's them that's the problem! I'm sorry they have been acting like that and I'm not surprised you don't want to socialise if that's what you're up against!

Thanks bev. Usually I’m super chilled so it’s a bit out of character for me.. I let my brother get away with too much and he’s a selfish beast so takes advantage. The others I think are well meaning but my tolerance level is zero!!!

 

[bobster]

Yes hun he had his jabs last Thursday! He was a grizzly little man all day he also needed 4 lots of calpol as he had a raging temperature, but by 10pm that night he was fine!

I'm totally with you on the unannounced visits, is it bad that I now dont answer the door unless I expect someone I'm so done with everyone at the moment, I get more joy at speaking with friends through WhatsApp, how bad is that! My partner thinks I'm going into a bad state of depression and is so worried about me, I am not going into depression I just hate everyone at the moment, plus I find being at home is like my comfort blanket and at the moment no one is welcome I am extremely anxious at the moment but that's not new, I've had that since I've had kids!

aw anxiety is awful. Are you anxious about anything in particular or just in general??
I got health anxiety a lot with ds2 and it was terrible. I was at the drs with him all the time and didn’t feel happy unless they checked him head to toe. It lasted until he was about 4 months. Not as bad this time so far . Kids do make anxiety worse though in general, it’s the massive responsibility that they are yours forever to keep safe and happy. Eek.

I think pretending you’re out is a great idea! I only have 2 days with baby to myself and don’t think the 3 year old would stay quiet once he heard a knock. The 2 day’s I have off are always filled with jobs. Need a few days just to do nice things with her.

is your OH off on weekends? Mine is but he’s so busy with house stuff we don’t get a lot of quality time.

aww poor enzo with his jabs. I’m glad he felt better quickly.

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thanks bev. Usually I’m super chilled so it’s a bit out of character for me.. I let my brother get away with too much and he’s a selfish beast so takes advantage. The others I think are well meaning but my tolerance level is zero!!!

Aww I'm sorry your brother takes advantage. It is a really difficult stage having a new baby. Some of my DH's family drove me mad making me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I look back and wouldn't change a thing but I know that at the time it's hard not to worry

 

[HLx]

I seem to have developed separation anxiety with the kids, my eldest nearly died at a day old because she stopped breathing and needed resuscitating and a lengthy hospital stay, and my two oldest have a different dad and we split custody between us, so half the time I'm without the kids, and I miss them terrible, that's where my anxiety has come from, surprisingly I'm not anxious with anything health with the kids, I'll obviously take then to the doctor or hospital if needed but other than that I'm pretty chilled with it, i know if they are not well! Germs around the baby i can't stand, but it's not as bad as the separation, I think that's why I can't ever leave enzo with anyone or let anyone take him even for an hour I just can't bring myself to let him go, but that's why!

No hun my partner works shifts so it's never the same each week, I wish he was off every weekend though! He has a day or two off in the week but sometimes works extra, we dont get much time together and he keeps asking for a date night just me and him, but I can't leave enzo, which is impacting the relationship a bit, but he does understand, the only person I trust is my mum, so I think I'll ask her to baby sit at mine so we can go for food, I'm going to have to do it, plus I go back to work in June, I need to leave him at some point x

 

[bobster]

Aww I think those feelings are totally normal. We’ve had our babies inside us for 9 months and then to suddenly be away from them after all this time is a worry. I think we all feel like you do to a certain degree. I have had a few hours away from L and I have felt anxious throughout- that’s when she’s with her dad. I haven’t left her with anyone else yet but I know when I do I’ll feel anxious too. I can’t imagine how it is when your older kids go to their dads. It must be so hard being away from them

I guess it may be good for you to get a bit of time with your OH. The first few times you’ll probably not enjoy it as you’ll be anxious about being away from him but I bet after a couple of times you’ll be able to switch off a bit more. Enzo’s not going anywhere as he’s with you and your OH, you just got to try to remember that when you feel anxious.

is he sleeping on a night? L is waking 2-4 times and is in my bed with me. Bad habit. Hub is on the sofa no sex life.. I keep thinking he’s going to start looking elsewhere if I don’t put out soon!!! He’s not push though and is being so lovely and supportive (& patient!). I just don’t feel like I want to be touched before/after a night of breastfeeding.

 

[HLx]

Thanks for that hun, I know once I leave him the one it will get easier, I just need to try and remember why I'm leaving him and that it's not a permanent thing and that I will be back later, I just need to get a grip, I just worry hes going to miss me I'm so sad!!

Yes hun enzo is an amazing sleeper, he goes to bed around 8 or 9pm and sleeps until 7 or 8am with no feed in between I can't believe this child hes amazing! However I do worry hes not getting enough milk now as sleeping all night means dropping 2 bottle feeds, and as hes not the greatest of feeders anyway because of the silent reflux I'm worried about that, but obviously If hes sleeping that many hours at night something must be working for him, maybe hes just one of the people that doesn't need to eat much to put on weight, a bit like me really

Aww hun that must be so hard for you! My eldest used to sleep in my bed and it was so hard to kick her out lol both my boys have never ever slept in my bed, and tbh I'm so grateful, that means that even though me and OH dont get any date nights at the moment because of my anxiety, we still get a sex life, well, some form of a sex life I've had 3 periods in 8 weeks, Enzo is 9 weeks old now and I'm sure I'm due another period soon, I've only been off for 3 days!!!

 

[bobster]

Oh my god I’m so jealous! He sounds like a dream baby. You must feel more human getting sleep too. Don’t worry if he’s hungry he’ll wake and if he’s gaining weight as he should you are doing everything right. Does he sleep in a cot or Moses basket in your room or does he sleep in his own room? I’m thinking I might take the plunge and try L in her own cot in a separate room soon. I’m just being so lazy.

The feelings you are having seem similar to when I had ds2. He went into hospital at 4 weeks and they treated him for sepsis. I was so scared after and that triggered my health anxiety.. yours is obviously about leaving him. I did have that too to an extent as the first time I left him with my MIL I went to the supermarket and cried walking round. Felt so unbelievably anxious being apart from him. He was fine though and didn’t even realise I had gone. Enzo will be the same. I think at this age as long as they are being cuddled and walked around by someone they are happy. They are so intrigued by the world at this age that it doesn’t take much to distract them. They miss us more as they get older I think. Maybe try take the plunge. Ask your mum just to have him for an hour while you go for a coffee.. get her to send regular WhatsApp updates, then ease up to longer stints. I bet your mum would love some bonding time and he will develop a really close relationship with her as he gets used to spending 1:1 time.