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Anyone else have mixed feelings about IVF?

good luck pbl_ge! I hope IVF does the trick for you and you get your BFP :) IVF is very exciting and scary and i heard people that do it dont regret it :)

yes im going through the Attain program and cant wait to start this adventure...just going to be awhile til we get there. are you going through the attain program as well?
 
I hope you don’t mind me replying to your thread, I have had 4 cycles of IVF now and thought I might be able to give a bit of insight – as I said I hope you don’t mind and I will be blunt if that’s ok!

1. It's really hard on the body. Yes, yes it is. My first cycle I was naïve and didn’t know what to expect but it is hard work. It’s emotional, it’s lonely, it’s a whole world of unknowns and worry. I can’t sugar coat this for you, it is hard work.

2. Religious or moral objections. I didn’t particularly, but even having had 4 cycles now, I still feel a little uneasy about the ‘playing God’ element. On our last cycle we had 7 embryo's to choose from and it somehow just felt a little strange to only give some a chance of developing into a baby. I still feel uneasy about this now.

3. Self-doubt about bringing in the big guns when they're not necessary. I had this, and still do now. I have PCOS and DH has super sperm. My only issue is that I don’t ovulate regularly. For me, IVF was the last resort but it was suggested to me after not responding to clomid, I wasn’t given any other alternatives. I tried all sorts to try and ovulate naturally in between and took so many supplements and I believe (from temping) that I did ovulate. IVF always felt like it was completely unnecessary for me and all I needed was time, and I would be successful.

4. Money. Being in the UK, we had 2 funded attempts on the NHS. We’ve paid for the other 2 at approx. £7500.

5. Romantic ideas about how babies being conceived. I think until you have personally exhausted all other options, you will not get over this one. Until you have convinced yourself that science is the only way you can make a baby, you will always think this. This is a romantic notion, but ultimately a baby, no matter how conceived is what we all want out of this isn't it, their means of being created shouldn't really matter.

6. IVF can, and often does, FAIL. Yes it can, and yes it does. From our 4 cycles, I have had 2 heart-breaking BFN’s which were devastating. I then had a BFP, which as you can imagine was the best news ever, but unfortunately ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. On our final cycle a year later, we got pregnant and I am now just shy of 20 weeks and expecting a baby in January.

Our IVF journey has taken nearly 3 years and it really has taken it’s toll on me physically, emotionally and at times it has really affected our marriage. Struggling to conceive is hard work in itself, IVF is such a massive thing, it takes over your life. You’re forever thinking and worrying about the next step and it is such hard work.

BUT. And it’s a big but. It can work, and often does. When my specialist recommended IVF I went away and did all the research, found all the statistics, and was determined we could do it without any medical intervention, how hard can it be?! It took me a long time to accept that we needed IVF. Our last cycle I nearly cancelled twice during the treatment as I was so adamant that I didn’t want to do it, it wouldn’t work and we would end up with yet another BFN. I really did go into the last cycle with no hope whatsoever.

It is an awful lot to think about. It took me coming down off my high horse and having it spelled out to me by my consultant that this was our best chance before I took it on board. They are the specialists, they know what they’re talking about and wouldn’t recommend IVF just for fun, I’m sure. They don’t look at it emotionally like we do, they look at us scientifically and recommend the best course of action.

I have a tendency in life to over analyse everything anyway, and in hind sight I wish I could have been more positive about the treatment we had when we were doing it. I wish I could have just accepted what the consultant said and not thought that I knew best, I probably would have had a better time during treatment.

Ultimately it’s obviously only you and your DH who can decide if you want to go ahead or not.

The best advice I can give you is to be open minded, try to be positive, don’t over analyse, and what will be will be. It is hard work and it can be devastating. But it can also have such an amazing outcome.

I hope you manage to come to a decision that you are comfortable with in time xxx
 
Here are my thoughts:


1. It's really hard on the body: I worried about this, but then read tht a lot of women who have trouble with Clomid don't have trouble with IVF meds, and I had a HORRIBLE time on Clomid and Femara. Ended up bedridden off and on for months, had to quit my job, ended up with severe depression, was sick and in pain constantly, hot flashed galore. Couldn't sleep, puking all the time. It was AWFUL. IVF has been easy for me.

For IVF, I've just finished all my injections. The Gonal-F gave me practically no side effects and I've felt pretty much great the whole time. I had one bout of nausea with my trigger last night, but that has been the only physical side effect, besides slightly sore bb's during stims. Mentally, I'm doing much better as well, a little grouchy at times, but not the emotional wreck I was on Clomid/Femara. I don't even feel any ovary pressure/pain and I've got 20+ full sized follies in there.

2. Religious or moral objections. I didn't have any of these.

3. Self-doubt about bringing in the big guns when they're not necessary. I didn't give in to IVF until we'd done four medicated cycles, done IUI, went through all the testing and bw they could throw at us. By the time we decided on IVF it was pretty obvious that if we want a baby any time soon, IVF was the way to go. Do I think we could get PG naturally if we tried long enough? Maybe. But we want 3-5 kids and I'm hitting 30 next month. I'm not going to spend any more of my early adult years on TTC that isn't working. I can't deal with that kind of stress, and frankly, times a tickin'.

4. Money. This part was really hard. We sold our house and moved to another country to be able to afford IVF. DH works from home, so it has been possible, otherwise I don't know what we would have done. For those who are in a similar position, overseas IVF can be a great choice. WE're getting a fresh cycle of IVF with all meds, procedures, and tests included, plus vitrification freezing and 3 years of storage, all for under $6000 USD. Add in the plane tickets here and back, and it's still cheaper than a cycle in the US. Plus, frozen cycles are only $2000 and we are already here, so no extra plane costs. (IVF where we lived would have been $14,000 USD after the cost of meds, and I don't think that would have covered freezing & storage.

5. Romantic ideas about how babies being conceived. This was my hardest part. Once we decided on IVF< I still wasn't sure I could go through with it. I don't know why, but even after we sold the house, I still wasn't sure. We closed on the house, moved into a temporary space, and still, I just wasn't sure. About two weeks after closing, I got a natural cycle BFN and it was just too much. I cried out all the regret and pain and I finally just let go of it all. Then I was ready for IVF. I don't know what it's like for others, but for myself I really had to let go before I could move on. There was a picture in my head of how things should be and it wasn't how they were. I had to mourn.

6. IVF can, and often does, FAIL. This doesn't bother me much. At least if we try, try, try, try, try and fail, we know that we have to move on to adoption. Baby or not, at the end of IVF, at least there is some amount of closure. I'm sure if we got to that point, there would be lots of mourning again, but at least there would be an answer.
 
As I move into IVF #1, I love this thread.

My issues are:

#1 - I felt pretty awful on my last round of injectables. I don't do well with the various scans and procedures. In general, I don't like even taking simple medicines. So this is a big factor for me.

#4 - My insurance covers 0%. Thankfully, my parents are helping. I'm not sure what I would do if they weren't. But even so, it's so hard to spend that much money on something that may or may not work.

#6 - This is the biggest one for me. I'm so emotionally drained of the process already. To fail the treatment that should give us the best odds, and also is the last line of possible treatment before we move to adoption, would be devastating. I admire women who manage to put this in perspective and realize upfront that it might take more than one cycle for it to work, but I'm not there yet. It feels right now like a big plunge that I'm willing to take once, and I can't imagine picking up the pieces to try again if it doesn't work.

I have a strong need to know what the next step is, if the current step fails. Until now, there's always been a next step that would more or less get us to the same place. But the next step after IVF, if we can't make it happen even with multiple tries, is a different life than the one we've been imagining. I know we'd make peace with adoption as so many couples do, but right now I just can't help feeling like this is the last possible thing that we can try to achieve our dream, and that's really scary.

With all of this taken into account, a year ago I would have said definitively that I wasn't willing to go as far as IVF. But after the last round of failed injectables+IUI, it became clear that it's just what we need to do. If we didn't go for it, or if we delayed until it was too late, we would always wonder. So as much as I still struggle with it, it just feels like it's time and it's what we have to do.

I don't feel like that's a very positive outlook. I'm working on that part.
 
Hey, thought I'd weigh in on this thread. It's been great reading everyone's point of view and feelings on this.
So here's my two-bobs worth!

1. It's really hard on the body- I think it's completely normal to worry about this. But I've never been much of a drinker, never smoked, never taken illicit drugs, mostly eat pretty healthy..ive taken good care of my body up until now, so if i have to put up with some discomfort for a bit, then im willing to do it. I am nervous as to how the drugs could affect me, but I'm willing to take a shot. My AMH is 42.8 p/mol (about 5.5 US scale), so I know OHSS is a concern, but my FS has reassured me that she'll keep an eye on wots happening in there.

2. Religious or moral objections- I'm catholic, but I can say that I'm pretty comfy with IVF even so.

3. Self-doubt about bringing in the big guns when they're not necessary-this one I have struggled with a bit in the past week. On one hand I am really pretty ok with the idea of doing IVF, but occasionally I think "are we jumping the gun? Should we keep trying on our own longer? Is this overkill? It's such a big deal"... And that's when I find myself freaking out a little. My head running off to crazy places. And that's when I call my mum. She is the one who is always able to pull me back from the brink of insanity. And she reminds me of all the reasons why IVF is something I want to do.

4. Money- yep, horrendously expensive. A cycle here costs around $10k, and we get some back from our public health system, so out of pocket costs are about $5K. There's no way around it, and point number 6. Comes in here. Absolute fear of spending all this money and still not getting a baby. My girlfriend just recently told me that they have spent approx $100K on IVF over the past 5 years. I knew she was doing the IVF for ages, but had no concept of the costs. Her costs blew out mostly bcos they started using donor eggs so everything gets doubled cost wise. However....I'm at the point where I will spend every last penny and work extra shifts if it takes me to my end goal, a baby.

5. Romantic ideas about how babies being conceived- yep, ditto to everything you girls have said. It does seem somewhat clinical. But hey-ho, it is what it is. It's not romantic, but if its what I have to do then ill do it. Every time I find my mind wandering to worrying about this, I think about 2 friends who've had IVF babies. I have never even once looked at their children and thought "oh, an IVF baby/child". Basically once my friends were pregnant I never even thought about how IVF was involved anymore. I just thought how lucky they were and how beautiful their babies were.

6. IVF can, and often does, FAIL- yes. This probably is my BIGGEST anxiety. I've also had a couple of freak out moments worrying about this in the past week. Getting thru all the doubts and stresses, paying up the money, taking all the drugs, waiting hopefully... And getting a BFN : ( omg... I can only imagine. Even worse, is imagining my OH who will be so confused and sad if it doesnt work. he made a comment the other day " what if we cant have a baby?".... its the first time hes ever said anything like that. it took me by surprise bcos hes always so positive. but incant focus on negative thoughts. the only way forward is to think that it can work, even if initially we get a bfn. I know that my friends didn't get bfps on their first cycles, so I know that even after a bfn you can go on to a bfp.

We will be doing our first cycle in October. I've never taken any drugs or had any fertility treatment. my FS who is considered one of the best in the country told me that we could do IUI, but that she felt I'd be wasting my time and money. And that many girls my age try IUI bcos they need time to get used to the idea of IVF. But unfortunately it usually doesn't work and then they move on to IVF anyway. So I decided to cut to the chase and go right to the IVF. If we're lucky it will work, and we'll be able to freeze some embryos and (if were doubly lucky) go back for a second baby in 18 mths. By then ill be just over 40, but the embryos will only be 'almost' 39 ; ) don't want to be greedy, but 2 would be the dream right now!
 
Hi
Just felt the need to reply I had ivf/icsi 9 years ago after trying for 3 yrs and never getting so much of a look of bfp. We found out I had pocs and dh low count. I can honestly said I felt relieved when I started Ivf as I felt like I was doing something and not just on the rollercoaster that happens each month when ttc. We got to see my little baby's at 4 cells and that was one of the most amazing days of my life. I walked out the hospital saying no matter what I'm pregnant for the next 2 weeks.
The two week wait is horrible and for me that was the worst part.
I now have 8 yr old twins who have just started asking about how they got in mummy's tummy. So I tell them truth, that mummy and daddy wanted you so much we when to a special doctor who took mummy seed and daddy seed and mixed it together. They then put the baby seed in mummy's belly and we wished and wished on the wishing star that the baby seeds would grow. My 8 yr old daughter asked then what happened mummy? My reply all my wishes came true. x
 
Beanie : ) your post just made me smile & cry all at the same time... Beautiful post, thank you x

Are u ttc again??
 
aww beanie!!! thats awesome! TWINS! Thanks for your post it definitely helps! Thats such a cute story to tell them too!
 
Juniper no not ttc about 2 yrs after I had my twins we went for Fet that didn't work. We decided to count are blessings and spend our money on the babies we already had. We did ntnp ( secretly hopeing) we may get another miracle for the last 7 yrs. we where given a million to 1 chance of getting pg naturally as dh has real low count and poor motility. but guess what last feb I got a bfp and now have a beauitful 11 month Lo. I count my blessing and now that I'm soooooo lucky. I was just scrolling though to reading (and crying) at peoples journey. And just wanted people to know it may not be the most romantic way to make a baby but it is the most amazing way x
 
I think it's up to the individuals. It can be quite invasive and expensive but if you have been trying for a long time an d you think it could work for you then give it a go I guess?
DH and I are not quiet at that stage yet(there's nothing technically wrong with us) but I have thought about it, while I'm not so keen on it, I think I would do it if it looks like we "need" to. I'm a bit stuck on the whole "is it forcing something that maybe isn't meant to happen yet"? But I just hate the waiting came and I get quite upset every time AF arrives. I had a few months there were I was good and didn't get upset at all, but this month I caved again ha ha.

Lots of people do it and it works for them but you also need to be prepared that it might not work for you? Friends of mine had 13 tries before they were successful and then tried again about 6 years later with no success.

You never know, it could work for you. 3.5 years is a long time to try and it must be hard on you?
 
Heyy pbl - This is an interesting article. I have to say I do agree with some of the points you said. Heres what I thinK -


1. It's really hard on the body. I agree with Amy. I dont like taking the simplest medicine so taking all these medicine and INJECTIONS was a big thing for me. I found IVF really hard on my body both mentally and physcially. After EC my stomach swell, had chest pain, then after ET other health issues and had to go hospitial. I feel my body went through so much.

2. Religious or moral objections. Im alright with this

3. Self-doubt about bringing in the big guns when they're not necessary. I totally agree with Mrs.Major - I too have PCOS and one tube blocked. DH is fine. I was put straight onto IVF without any other medications. No clomid or so. I think I needed time and help to understand the ovulation thing because I think I wasnt doing it at the right time and it doesnt help with one tube blocked.

4. Money. I am entitled to 3 IVF from NHS. 1 done and a BFN, I have 2 more left. I dont know what I would do if the other 2 failed because then money would be a concern

5. Romantic ideas about how babies being conceived. Personally I do find it less romantic and special when getting a BFP from IVF than naturally but when I was doing IVF I tried to block it out and just kept saying to myself that its our baby. I think DH finds it a bit uncomfortable. Like when I did my IVF, he said 'lets do it few times before the IVF so that why my mind will tell me that maybe you got pregnant naturally rather than IVF'

6. IVF can, and often does, FAIL. Yes. This was my biggest biggest concern when I did IVF. Every time I would take medication/injection/feel unwell - I would keep thinking 'Will it work?' 'Is all of this worth is?, What if its a BFN'. This was my greatest worry and yeah I did get a BFN yesterday and it was so heartbreaking. I think it would be more heartbreaking failing after an IVF or normal because the IVF sometimes build you up with the feeling and hop you are going to get a BFP.

My LTTTC is nearly going to be 6 years and I have never seen a BFP. I dont know how it feels to be pregnant. :cry:
I feel my body is getting drained out. Too many tears, too many broken hearts, too many hopes that fail. Sometimes I say to myself to just accept it that I may never be a mummy :-(
Infertility sucks!!!
 
beanie1978 - OMG thats such a touching post, that brought tears in my eyes. I wish we all can get a BFP. XX
 
YearningHeart, thanks for sharing, I am very sorry your first IVF was not successful. but it's most likely the second will be successful as the clinic would know (hopefully) how to change protocol to make it work for you. very lucky that you get 3 attempts. I get one but even then was refused cos of high FSH. so we are going private. Do not be afraid to build up hope doing IVF, I read Zita West's book and she recommends doing just that, she noticed that people are more successful at IVF when they believe it is going to work. no scientific prove for that but that's her observation from practice. it's really difficult for any LTTTC to feel positive, I have developed a habit in making myself stop dreaming about babies and feeling as if I am pregnant in TWW, as when AF comes I fall to pieces every time. but she recommends to try and get rig of the fear of failure and believe it's going to work. I will be trying to do that
 
I wish all you lovely ladies your bfp. Be positive when you wish upon a star your dreams can come true xxxx sending baby dust your way**
************************************************************************************
 
I think this is my favorite thread ever. :cloud9: There are such amazing stories of heartbreak and such inspirational perseverance! I've loved reading every single post on here.

I took my first birth control pill today in preparation for my long protocol IVF. Here we go! :happydance:
 
Briss - Thanks, I really do hope I can get a natural BFP. Im scared to do another IVF and right now my mind is off IVF. I dont think I will feel like that later. I still feel so unwell. Its so annoying, I have been unwell since my EC! Thats nearly 3 weeks. These pessary is slowly going out my system. Im looking forward to getting my body back.

pbl - :happydance::happydance::happydance: That great!!! Hope it goes perfect for you! :thumbup:
 
I think this is my favorite thread ever. :cloud9: There are such amazing stories of heartbreak and such inspirational perseverance! I've loved reading every single post on here.

I took my first birth control pill today in preparation for my long protocol IVF. Here we go! :happydance:

I love this thread too!! It helps hearing other ppls stories...make me want to start the process now! But we are thinking in about 5 months we will begin the process...I'm super excited and scared and nervous! Good luck to all you ladies!!
 
Really nice thread, pbl. Good job!
Sending blessings and wish you to have only the best experience with IVF.
 
Hi everybody :wave:
I hope pbl_ge, that all of these stories have helped you come to a decision. I have premature ovarian delpetion and have a different take on your questions. Sorry it's a little long winded...

1. I was given the very highest doses of the medications (450mg gonal f etc) and really didnt have any bad side effects (weird hey?). I think one day I got a headache but even Chlomid only gave me a wee bit of irritation only when AF came (booo!). I didn't find it was hard on me, I was excited to finally be doing something towards getting my BFP and excited to get home for my 6pm to jab knowing it might get us closer to our goal!! I feel badly for those who do suffer with these drugs but just keep an open mind, the side effects don't happen to everyone.

2. I'm not religious but the god factor in IVF and fertility is which embyo survives and grows to be your baby. As my nurse friend put it 'it's a crap shoot at the best of times' (meaning even with specialized medical intervention it's out of our hands. If you frame it in a positive context, there's always room for belief that He still has a hand in the final outcome-if you're religious anyway.

3. The only doubt that I have is the fear that I'm frittering away my time waiting for the treatments to happen. After the age of 35 egg quality diminishes significantly and 1 in 3 bfp's result in m/c. Knowing statistics (of each treatment & age) and what I'm working with (my body & my diagnosis) has helped me put all of my energies into full steam ahead, wasting as little time as possible between treatments. It's taken a lengthy 2 years for only 3 mnths chlomid, 2 months iui, 2 ivf's. I am 38 and still without child. It's worth it to give it your best shot while your eggs are still young, waiting until you get older diminishes your statistics of IVF working greatly. It takes a month wait to get in with my fs so I book appts with her proactively months in advance immediately following procedures, in case they don't work and I need to get set up for the next step.

4. Money, everything so far hasn't been too bad as we have drug coverage and the fees weren't extravagant. When my ivf's were cancelled when my eggs failed to grow, I was refunded the majority of my money, it cost us $1200 in fees and the drugs were covered by insurance. We're on the next step which is donor eggs and instead of spending $30,000 and picking a beautiful lady angel in the USA to do a donor egg ivf we're off to Czech Republic (Brno) to do a blind IVF, giving our photos of what characteristics of donor we'd prefer ie height, eye colour, etc to the doctor to choose a donor for us. They have anonymity laws there but the total for a fresh cycle + all of the frosties for the future it's a cool $7500. It would have put us in a terrible position financially going the USA route. I believe I have to do everything I can within my means to create my dream family and it's been expensive but we've managed.

5. Romantic ideas about how babies are conceived? Have you seen how they're delivered? Just took a few youtube videos of some deliveries to sort out what exactly is required in order to have a baby-I'm over that point completely. You aint seen nothin' yet, always sticks to the back of my mind when people complain of headaches from the chlomid lol. But I know maybe I'm just a tough nut and it's quite serious for others, I'll never judge because we each process things differently and very much live in the moment. I just know that whatever I'm going through now is nothing compared to the pain of shoving a watermelon through my vagina. It's gross and gorey and I'm going to lose all dignity. For me the romanticism mostly starts after my baby is born. My overall dream picture is this: experience being a mom, breast feeding and carrying a baby, the first movement in the womb. There's nothing that will stop me from knowing what it feels like to get kicked in the ribs from the inside hahahaha. Seriously though, sitting around the Sunday dinner table listening to the laughter, negotiating new vegetables, discussing politics with my 5 and 6 year olds, getting their 'take' on the world. Kids have the most amazing ideas if we ask them-they have no limitations. I'll be the one sticking my tongue out saying 'SEEFOOD!" lol. Also, I don't want to be lonely when I'm a senior! I intend to be fully surrounded by my big loving family. That is the only romantic thought that drives me to work so hard and relentlessly towards having my dream family of 4 kids.

6. IVF can certainly fail, it did for us but we absolutely had to try. In my eyes, it's another rung in the ladder to success. The next one is donor eggs and if that fails we'll adopt.
I believe there is a time and a place for fear driven decisions. Fear is useful for survival ie personal safety (like during wartimes), fear that we'll get alzheimers when we're older so we eat & live very well now, fear that I'll get hit by a truck, so I mitigate that by looking both ways to cross the street. Here and now, fear that I'd have to wait looooonnnnggeerrr to do the next process in the steps to my dream. Knowing that with every year I wait, pregnancy is harder and recovery is more difficult, fear that I will be too arthritic to run with my kids, fear that the chance of success goes down massive percentage points with age (thinking of my man here too). Fear that my dream slips from my grasp with each year that passes. i use fear as motivation to speed things along as best I can: my 'next steps - donor egg' appointment with my fs 4 days after it failed mid-Sept(booked back in august otherwise if I'd waited to book after it failed I'd be seeing her mid-October rather than mid-Sept). In Oct I asked a friend to be my donor angel and the minute she gave me her answer (unfortunately was a no out of... fear) i was on the phone with the Czech coordinator and had flights, hotel, treatment down payment and contract signed withing 2 working days. I made use of all that time between treatments to research my next option in case the IVF failed so that I was set up to go, just in case.

It helps me to frame my decisions around long term goals & how I see my life in the future. I have a clear picture of myself as an old lady on the beach (like my grandma was with us kids) with the sun and children/grandkids all around me. Maybe a wine in my hand lol, because by then hopefully I can sit back and 'relax' a bit-I've done my part!
 
2have4kids, thank u for ur perspective. We're probably doing IVF in November, all things going well... And I've always felt comfortable with possibly doing IVF. But lately I've started getting strange ideas in my head about it all.. Wondering if ill end up kind of weirded out by it all, feeling deep down like my child is different bcos it wasn't conceived naturally.. Even though I have friends with IVF babies/kids who I KNOW I have never ever looked at that way. The opposite infact, I've looked at them more like 'wow! Ur a little miracle'. My best friend growing up gave birth to twin boys yesterday who are IVF. They are beautiful, perfect little miracles. This friend and I have always lived strangely parallel lives...& I almost feel today like fate has intervened. The fact that her boys were born yesterday feels like it is god (I'm catholic!), or fate (if ur not religious!) trying to tell me something. And ur words about how the romance will come when u feel a first kick, see ur baby's face for the first time etc, well it is absolutely true. You've reminded me wot its all about.
 

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