Anyone else sick and tired of being positive and hopeful while everyone else pregnant

[pola17]

Yep, yep, and yep. I've gotten to the point where I just avoid anything that has to do to with babies. I'm so sick of the "relax" and it will happen. I got the speech just yesterday. We are dealing with severe male factor infertility + my issues. No amount of relaxing will make my DH's sperm any better!

I even had someone say "Maybe if it's this hard you aren't meant to have children. Maybe you should just stop trying."

WTF!!!!!!! Who the hell told you this??!! whoever told you this, maybe is jealous of things going on in your life! Ive realized that... that whenever someone is jealous of your life, make these painful comments to get you down!

Next time, kick this person in the butt! That person deserves that! sorry someone said that meanful thing to you!

 

[pola17]

I even had someone say "Maybe if it's this hard you aren't meant to have children. Maybe you should just stop trying."

Is that when you punched them in the face? Lol I got asked THREE DIFFERENT TIMES on Tuesday if I had any children & when I said no, each time I was asked, well why not??? I want to say, well, I've only been trying for over 3 years with nothing being wrong with either one of us. So, um, I guess the answer to that question is whenever God feels like blessing us with one. My parents died when I was 10, wanna talk about that too (Adam Sandler reference)? But what I usually respond with is, well, I have a beautiful niece & twin nephews that we're having fun enjoying now. I HATE those "kids" questions!

When I "have" to explain, I always mention my little nephew too!

Ive also told them that my husband and I want to keep on traveling a little bit more before thinking about babies...

The truth is, that many couples really want to wait a few years before trying for a baby, and they get the same questions as we get... isnt that annoying??

 

[OperationBbyO]

We are about to head to Italy for two weeks so I've been using that as an excuse since we got married (we were TTC prior to the wedding for a while). I wouldn't care at all if I was pregnant and traveling I want to be preggo so bad.

I also use the nephew excuse too and since I have a stepson I've started saying "Oh SS is enough for now! He likes to be an only child here!" SS actually makes it worse for me though. DH can't have kids the natural way so we know his ex-wife probably lied to him about it being his. We obviously aren't going to ditch SS and punish him b/c his Mom slept around on DH, but it can be really hard to swallow the exW going on about how she is the "mother" of his child and I am not and I'm not even a "mother" so what do I know.

(I know not to cheat on my HUBBY! lol)

 

[31Flavors]

I am sorry that y'all are this crappy little boat with me, but it does help to know I'm not alone. I just had a huge fight with my DH because he said "we can't go anywhere because you can't handle that everyone is pregnant or has kids." It was so hurtful because I share my feelings with him-- can't exactly share my feelings with my pregnant friends-- and then it feels like he threw it back in my face. I guess that leaves no one I can talk to. On top of that, I went for my cd3 ultrasound this morning while he stayed in bed, and found out I have a functional cyst and now have to hold off for at least a month before resuming treatment. Yay.
Thanks for reading this. It is nice to be able to write about this on here. I would never post anything like this on Facebook!
Basically I am having a crappy day. This too shall pass--- I hope.
And for that awful person who told you that maybe you weren't meant to have kids, how ignorant!! So yeah, 13 year olds, rape victims, abusers were meant to be pregnant but we aren't meant to? Ridiculous. I wish people would realize that generally there is something medically happening that is making this difficult for us. Quit telling us to relax and then it'll happen. What if you told a person with diabetes that if they would simply relax, then their bodies would make appropriate amounts of insulin. Saying that would be ridiculous. So why do people turn into "physicians" and claim to have the slightest clue as to why we are having difficulty becoming pregnant or how this struggle feels for us?
Man am I grumpy today! (-;

 

[pola17]

I am sorry that y'all are this crappy little boat with me, but it does help to know I'm not alone. I just had a huge fight with my DH because he said "we can't go anywhere because you can't handle that everyone is pregnant or has kids." It was so hurtful because I share my feelings with him-- can't exactly share my feelings with my pregnant friends-- and then it feels like he threw it back in my face. I guess that leaves no one I can talk to. On top of that, I went for my cd3 ultrasound this morning while he stayed in bed, and found out I have a functional cyst and now have to hold off for at least a month before resuming treatment. Yay.
Thanks for reading this. It is nice to be able to write about this on here. I would never post anything like this on Facebook!
Basically I am having a crappy day. This too shall pass--- I hope.
And for that awful person who told you that maybe you weren't meant to have kids, how ignorant!! So yeah, 13 year olds, rape victims, abusers were meant to be pregnant but we aren't meant to? Ridiculous. I wish people would realize that generally there is something medically happening that is making this difficult for us. Quit telling us to relax and then it'll happen. What if you told a person with diabetes that if they would simply relax, then their bodies would make appropriate amounts of insulin. Saying that would be ridiculous. So why do people turn into "physicians" and claim to have the slightest clue as to why we are having difficulty becoming pregnant or how this struggle feels for us?
Man am I grumpy today! (-;

I also had problems with DH! Once, I got a fake BFP on a HPT, but the blood test came negative.. I had a meltdown, and he went ballistic, instead of trying to cheer me up.

After going to couple´s therapy, we got into conclusion that he tried to hide his pain with anger, so he started to ignore what was going on to feel better.. so I realized this affects him as much as me, but we girls can handle problems and pain better than them, so here Ive found amazing new friends to share my feelings with, so at home everything seems to be positivism...

If you need someone to talk to about how your DH is handling this situation, you can talk to me! I dont think they´re being bad, but usually men cant handle pain, so they just block problems from their minds

 

[PinkPeony]

I am sorry that y'all are this crappy little boat with me, but it does help to know I'm not alone. I just had a huge fight with my DH because he said "we can't go anywhere because you can't handle that everyone is pregnant or has kids." It was so hurtful because I share my feelings with him-- can't exactly share my feelings with my pregnant friends-- and then it feels like he threw it back in my face. I guess that leaves no one I can talk to. On top of that, I went for my cd3 ultrasound this morning while he stayed in bed, and found out I have a functional cyst and now have to hold off for at least a month before resuming treatment. Yay.
Thanks for reading this. It is nice to be able to write about this on here. I would never post anything like this on Facebook!
Basically I am having a crappy day. This too shall pass--- I hope.
And for that awful person who told you that maybe you weren't meant to have kids, how ignorant!! So yeah, 13 year olds, rape victims, abusers were meant to be pregnant but we aren't meant to? Ridiculous. I wish people would realize that generally there is something medically happening that is making this difficult for us. Quit telling us to relax and then it'll happen. What if you told a person with diabetes that if they would simply relax, then their bodies would make appropriate amounts of insulin. Saying that would be ridiculous. So why do people turn into "physicians" and claim to have the slightest clue as to why we are having difficulty becoming pregnant or how this struggle feels for us?
Man am I grumpy today! (-;

OMG I just had the same fight with DH just like an hour ago. He said - what are you just going to lose all your friends? Well I don't know!! Maybe I will!! I don't know how to deal with it when they all get knocked up without trying and then all they can talk about is their pregnancy and then their baby. What can I do if we have nothing in common anymore and everything they talk about depresses me?
And it's so true about people chiming in with their 2 cents about it'll happen when it's supposed to... It's a medical thing. Everyone gets all metaphysical about it but at the end of the day if there's something about your body or your DH's body that isn't working then it's a medical issue just like anything else.

I'm super grumpy today too. Can you tell I'm CD1 and bowled over with cramps right now?

 

[OperationBbyO]

~Joins the grumpy party~

It does get really hard to have friends who are pregnant or who have babies. I am down to only a couple girlfriends who don't have kids. Once is by choice, one is going through infertility with me (got pregnant and MCed at the same time. She starts clomid next month so I'm sure she'll join the baby club), and one who is waiting another year to start trying. I'm sure she'll get pregnant right away.

I rely a lot on my friend who is childless by choice. She gets me through my dark and twisty times. I've stopped talking about fertility with anyone else. My DH doesn't understand why I'm depressed all the time. He thinks I should be optimistic and cheerful. I want to punch him in the face! lol

 

[lanet]

Cd 1 is the worst!!! I'm cd 32, after a hopeful 2ww, and just realized that I never ovulated but I am now! What a long month, with 2 2wws!!!! I'm grumpy too, and like I said, I'm holding on to this anger for a little while bc it feels better than sadness. I even deleted my Facebook bc I don't want to be friends with pregnant people anymore, how horrible of me.

 

[lanet]

And we also have male factor, along with my irregular cycles...dr recommends IUI, but we are paying every dime out of pocket...sigh

 

[PinkPeony]

Oh man that's rough. 2 2ww's... That would drive me bonkers. Hopefully this is the last one you'll have for a loooooong time.

I'm supposed to meet with my FS next week and I think she's going to suggest IUI too... also have to pay out of pocket. $$$

 

[PositiveHope]

It does feel very isolating and like we are alone. My good friends can't understand. I try to be positive but I sat in my bathroom floor yesterday morning and cried and finally got mad. I'm tired of pretending that it's ok, and it will happen at the right time. Eff that, was it the right time for all the teen or abusive moms??? Being mad feels better than being sad right now.

That is so true! I always catch myself thinking..maybe it is not the right time yet! And even though I have an amazing husband, I even start questioning our relationship from time to time and ask myself: maybe he is not the right man for me? I know he is the right man and as you said, there are many other people who got pregnant in very unfortunate situations. So the simple truth is that life is not always fair! I don't know how to deal with this situation, but I also wonder how long will I try until I give up? I don't think I can do this forever, but I also don't think I could ever give up trying! It is an awful situation and I really am tired of it as well!!!

 

[sailorgirl20]

i had my last straw two weeks ago! my hubby messaged me after a guy he worked with announced they may be having twins (but turned out to be one, it was an echo of the heart beat) i gave up hope we got into a bad fight which left us to not talk for a few hours and to think (which has helped a great amount, we are gong at this ttc thing a different way! but then tonight him and my dad and a few others members have there game night and one of the guys just anounced they were expecting and he came in room and tell me, i dont want to give up but how the hell do u stay positive when you have tried so hard and EVERY thing and plus some to help conceive and nothing.

When we started this journey it was it will happen when its ment to, 5 years later 2 miscarriages im starting to get upset we have had breaks and came back to ttc, but now that i look at that big number FIVE it just breaks my heart. Today i sat down on the bed in what would be the nursery room and cried.

 

[OperationBbyO]

Honey its' totally ok to cry and to be mad and upset.

And to whoever deleted their facebook...ME TOO! I couldn't take it anymore.

 

[mandygk]

And if anyone else tells me to relax and it will happen I will scream. I just want to sit and cry after 2 years of trying unsuccessfully.

I can relate. I keep hearing it from my family, they just don't understand because this is the first time infertility has happened in both my mother's and father's side of the family. Which is something that has made me feel like even more of a failure. These past couple of weeks have been so rough.

 

[pola17]

After reading your posts, Im realizing that men dont really understand what we go through.

As a coincidence, last night, while DH and I were watching "melancholia" he said he doesnt understand how depression works, and why it happens.
I told him that its something you cant control, and when he asked me why do I know all of this, I asked him if he still remembers last year when I got severe depression, I ended up in therapy, and then we ended in couple´s counseling, and his answer was no!!
He doesnt remember at all... I asked him if he even remembers the days I was too depressed to even get off bed?
And he was serious, he cant remember... I mean, who can forget this? I think he´s just avoiding these type of conversations or he might even blocked it from his mind.

Since I stopped telling him about my feelings towards TTC, and Ive been sharing more in here, things have been improving in our house.... it stopped being akward to have sex and talking about other stuff.

 

[Prayingforno1]

Hi ladies, I was feeling a bit down here at work and came on the board to help me a feel a bit better. I am now on CD34 of a normally 29/30 day cycle but I can feel af is on her way. We've been ttc for over 1.5years and last month we found out DH had really poor results on his SA. He went to see an urologist who wants him to redo the SA at another lab to confirm the results if no boost he says DH will have to come in to figure out what the problem is because from his preliminary check everything seemed fine, just poor SA.

Every month I cry when AF comes and now I am at the point that I cry everytime a friend/family member announces they are pregnant and they all seem to have the same story "we weren't even trying but...". I am trying to be strong and keep my feelings to myself now (DH is also not the best person to confide in, far from sympathetic) and I cry when I am alone. No one in our family knows we are activerly ttc and we always get the annoying questions which I brush off with oh, as soon as our house is finished etc.

Who would have known this TTC journey would be so darn long and stressful!!!

 

[nino3]

Same here, Only this time i havnt told anyone that im trying to conceive. I have 2 kids already and both took over a year to conceive. When mu baby was 4 months old, we started trying cause we are both 36 and not getting any younger. Anyways its been abou 13 month of ttc and still nothing. A few months ago my hubby told me he wanted to stop and just be happy with the 2 we got. I am ecstatic God send me my angels but i had always had my heart set on 3. I just started old. Because no one knows im trying, im glad i dont get the,"Just relax", remarks. In fact, when people ask if we are going to have more kids, I tell them " Oh no, i can barely handle 2". But deep inside im dying. If people only knew how much i want to have a baby. One of my oldest friends who is my age just anounced she was pregnant and i didnt even reply. I couldnt reply and say congrats because i am just way too hurt and i dont understand why. I quit talking to my hubby about another baby at all and started giving my baby things away. I hate all this trying and nothing. I am trying to see if me and hubby can go away the weekend im ovulating. I really hope we can. Good luck to all and hopefully it wont be much longer and we will get out bfp.

 

[PinkPeony]

Hi ladies, I was feeling a bit down here at work and came on the board to help me a feel a bit better. I am now on CD34 of a normally 29/30 day cycle but I can feel af is on her way. We've been ttc for over 1.5years and last month we found out DH had really poor results on his SA. He went to see an urologist who wants him to redo the SA at another lab to confirm the results if no boost he says DH will have to come in to figure out what the problem is because from his preliminary check everything seemed fine, just poor SA.

Every month I cry when AF comes and now I am at the point that I cry everytime a friend/family member announces they are pregnant and they all seem to have the same story "we weren't even trying but...". I am trying to be strong and keep my feelings to myself now (DH is also not the best person to confide in, far from sympathetic) and I cry when I am alone. No one in our family knows we are activerly ttc and we always get the annoying questions which I brush off with oh, as soon as our house is finished etc.

Who would have known this TTC journey would be so darn long and stressful!!!

I am in the same boat in that we've been trying for 1.5 years and the only thing wrong is a bad SA! I feel the exact same way. I can talk to DH to a point - then he starts to say I'm making him feel more terrible and that I can't just wallow and dump it all on him. Fair enough I guess. He doesn't understand my feelings of jealousy at all or why I would compare myself to those people that get pregnant so easily.


Pola -- Just wanted to say that's really interesting about how your DH doesn't remember your depression. I've been through that as well and I know it can be hard on the man-folk to understand. It sounds like your DH may have just been in denial the whole time maybe as a coping mechanism. I find with my DH he thinks he has to fix me all the time when sometimes I just need to cry something out. Then he feels burdened with that. So I think when they don't know how to fix things they react in odd ways.

 

[pola17]

Hi ladies, I was feeling a bit down here at work and came on the board to help me a feel a bit better. I am now on CD34 of a normally 29/30 day cycle but I can feel af is on her way. We've been ttc for over 1.5years and last month we found out DH had really poor results on his SA. He went to see an urologist who wants him to redo the SA at another lab to confirm the results if no boost he says DH will have to come in to figure out what the problem is because from his preliminary check everything seemed fine, just poor SA.

Every month I cry when AF comes and now I am at the point that I cry everytime a friend/family member announces they are pregnant and they all seem to have the same story "we weren't even trying but...". I am trying to be strong and keep my feelings to myself now (DH is also not the best person to confide in, far from sympathetic) and I cry when I am alone. No one in our family knows we are activerly ttc and we always get the annoying questions which I brush off with oh, as soon as our house is finished etc.

Who would have known this TTC journey would be so darn long and stressful!!!

I am in the same boat in that we've been trying for 1.5 years and the only thing wrong is a bad SA! I feel the exact same way. I can talk to DH to a point - then he starts to say I'm making him feel more terrible and that I can't just wallow and dump it all on him. Fair enough I guess. He doesn't understand my feelings of jealousy at all or why I would compare myself to those people that get pregnant so easily.


Pola -- Just wanted to say that's really interesting about how your DH doesn't remember your depression. I've been through that as well and I know it can be hard on the man-folk to understand. It sounds like your DH may have just been in denial the whole time maybe as a coping mechanism. I find with my DH he thinks he has to fix me all the time when sometimes I just need to cry something out. Then he feels burdened with that. So I think when they don't know how to fix things they react in odd ways.

Thank you! and sure, they do react in odd ways!
At first, I thought my DH was being a jerk, when I realized it hurts him too, I felt really bad for judging him.

What makes me feel worst about the whole situation, is when DH talks about his childhood... he was born and raised in soviet union, and he told me tough stuff he saw when he was 10 or 11 when the soviet union dissapeared and they were in war with their neighbor country... he found dead people while playing during winter (they had no electricity), then when he migrated to my country, he had to sleep in offices when the employees would leave (no one knew he slept there, he would pay to the security guy) because he was homeless, until he found his job, and little by little he´s being progressing... he tells his stories like something fun, and I know that´s not normal.

He has cried when he realizes we still cant have children and he blames himself, and I have to repeat him that his SA came with very good results... this whole denial of my depressions is just wrong and he doesnt "believe" in psychologist

 

[susan_1981]

I know exactly how you feel. It took me 3.5 years to finally fall pregnant with my little boy and I was so sick and tired of people telling me I was obsessing too much, I needed to focus on something else, I needed to stop thinking about it. I couldn't help it if my brain thought about it 24/7. And I also got fed up of seeing the LTTC'ers saying that they fell pregnant because they relaxed and forgot about it. I couldn't forget about it. It didn't matter. I knew when I needed to have sex to have the best chance of falling pregnant and the month I fell pregnant, I was more determined than ever!

So as much as I do think it can help to relax and try and forget and let nature take it's course, sometimes that's not possible and obsessing even more works! I hope it does for you girls xxx