anyone else with tocophobia? fear of pregnancy and childbirth?

[butterfly5]

i have....this is literally my worst nightmare.
Baby is very much wanted and loved but pregnancy isnt.

 

[Quailpower]

I think my partner has that! Hes fine at the moment because I'm not visibly pregnant but, pregnant bellies well and truly freak him out.

I often find, If I am afraid of something, a few hours of quiet reflection usually help me to locate the source of my phobia and take action against it.

What is it that makes you afraid of pregnancy and labour?

Could it be the unknown? the changes to your body? the pain of labour? fear of hospitals?

Maybe its a little of all of them, either way your fear is perfectly natural. I find talking to others, reflecting on your fears and possibly exploring them will help alleviate anxiety.

I myself am not afraid of labour and pregnancy, however I have come to the conclusion that the lack of control distresses me. Essentially something beyond my control is changing my body and future.

 

[butterfly5]

Where do I begin lol

The idea of something growing inside me
My boobs looking horrible and dark
A huge tummy
Feeling something kick inside
Morning sickness
I have vagisimus
Hate hospitals and get high bpm in them

Really should of never had this baby

 

[Quailpower]

The idea of something growing inside me, Feeling something kick inside
I find the idea of a baby inside bizzare and distressing too,
I think its something you have to come to terms with and definately becomes easier the father along you get. The idea of a kick now is terreifing, but I think once you can sort of get this massive idea into your head you can come to terms with it.
Instead of focusing on the baby inside you perhaps, consider all the cool things that come with being a mum, - sort of distract yourself until youve had more time to consider the whole growing thing.

My boobs looking horrible and dark
I can cope with this! If anything your boobs are going to look GREAT. All that growing milk tissue is like an impromptu boob job, giving you great firmness and lift, as well as getting bigger. And you dont need to worry about afterwards. Breastfeeding improves your weight loss after pregnancy and skin elasticity - ive seen plenty of after baby boobs and they all look wonderful.


A huge tummy
I must admit this bothers me a little, ive been a slim size 8 for the past 3 years and dont savour being a walking balloon! But just think, that baby weight is going to fall off, so for a brief 9 months you can eat what you please, have that damn ice cream for breakfast! My partner doesnt like pregnant bellies so Im a little scared he wont find me attractive, but men generally arent that fickle - if anything you should be getting more attention from him for the amazing job your doing.

Morning sickness
Suffering with this. Feels like revenge from every day I ever woke up without a hangover. The good news is, it often shifts after the first 13, so its a small penance.



I have vagisimus
Well its not suprising if your so worried, I imagine right now your entire body is clenched up like a ball! Unfortunately its one of those things that wont go away while you worry about it. Talk to your midwife and she might offer some good relaxation techniques. I had a little bit of this early on, I was so terrified of hurting myself/baby I was clenched up like a clam.
Your not likely to feel into sex atm anyway so try not to worry too much about it. Possibly some non-sexual intimacy from your partner will help? I find a bonding and connecting with my partner helps disperse fears. Ask for a relaxing massage or a long cuddle, and possibly bring up a few of these fears with him and ask him for a few of his worries, this will definately strengthen your relationship and make him feel involved and more likely to respond to you.


Hate hospitals and get high bpm in them
I personally dont like the idea of a home birth but have you considered it? Or possibly a midwife centre? theyre nothing like hospitals, jacuzzis and everything


I would definately keep this list and keep adding to it and crossing it out, and take it to your midwife and doctor. Its important that they know whats upsetting and worrying you and they can tailor your support. It might be even that you midwife would like you to go to a pregnancy councilor or group to help

 

[butterfly5]

Thank you. You are really lovely u are going to be an amazing mummy.

 

[Quailpower]

Im sure your going to be a wonderfull mummy too, you just need to concentrate on that!

 

[Pielette]

Someone in baby club has If I recall correctly she had an elective c-section. Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to her as she has gone through it? I think her username is hulahoop (with something on the end) but I would need to check.

ETA: her username is hulahoop09. Just found her.

 

[Pielette]

Oh and I meant to add, I can't really advise much on tocophobia but I also have vaginismus and I tell you what, since giving birth its been a million times better! So that might be something to focus on

 

[butterfly5]

thank you very much I shall check out hulahoop if I can find her

 

[amjon]

I was terrified of delivering the first time. This time I'm actually looking forward to it if it's vaginal again. I do still have a fear of c-section.

 

[boja123]

i have....this is literally my worst nightmare.
Baby is very much wanted and loved but pregnancy isnt.

I hope you read my message. I'm pregnant for 7 weeks. I have tokophobia. Fear of pregnancy. The idea of something growing inside me scared me. Please help me with the advice how you made. Thank you. My English is not good. I hope you understand. In my country, no one has ever heard of tokophobia. I've been anxious for years. And I'm afraid of pregnancy.

 

[sevenofnine]

While I don’t necessarily have tocophobia, I can certainly relate to many of the anxieties and worries you mentioned!

I fight with myself over gaining weight, I hate how my boobs look, it’s creepy to have something growing inside you, I’m deathly afraid of vomiting (fortunately both pregnancies I never have).

I also have a phobia of hospitals and doctors, and it even affects my blood pressure. I have a huge anxiety attack for every appointment.

So I can understand to a point what it must be like to have tocophobia. This forum definitely will help, at least to let you know that some of the things you’re feeling are totally normal.

 

[boja123]

Thank you for your sympathy.