PnkPolkaDots
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- Mar 30, 2013
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I never thought I would be 28 and without kids. I have always wanted to be a mom and it has been my dream far beyond anything in the career world. I met OH when we were young at 15 and 16. I guess meeting so young made it seem like commonsense we'd be married and pregnant in our early 20s. We had always thought he'd get a good job right out of college, we'd get engaged, and then get married shortly after I graduated college and then start a family. With the recession we had the worst luck with jobs after college, and are just now - at age 28 and 29 - feeling like we have a handle on things. We got engaged last December and will be getting married next summer, when we're 29 and 30. If we get pregnant right after getting married, I will be 30 when the baby is born. 30!! The little girl who has always wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and met the love of her life at 15, will still be childless on her 30th birthday.
I know, I know, a little bit dramatic! But in all reality, I feel like I went from being 20 years old with "plenty of time" to have kids. 25 was always my goal. I wanted to have a baby by 25. Having a first baby by 30 was like my "buffer goal." Now, I'm coming up to that buffer goal and am still not even sure. Yes, we are planning to start TTC after our wedding, but I'm a huge worrier and the 'what ifs' kill me.
I worry what if we're not any better off financially by the wedding? My mom keeps telling me that a lot can happen in a year, and I know that it can, but for the past 6 years I've been holding out hope that "anything can happen just like that." It hasn't. I came across an article on fertility today done by this British fertility expert. She basically warned people that fertility starts to decline at 27, and that if you haven't started trying before 30, there's really no sense in even trying. I just worry so much that I'm missing my fertile window. That we won't be in a good enough place financially next summer, and will have to put off TTC even longer. I'm worried that by the time we TTC, I will be too old and it will be impossible to get pregnant, and that I simply missed the boat on getting to be a mother in this lifetime. Yes, there is fertility treatment and adoption, but if we aren't well off enough financially to even get pregnant, the costs of fertility treatment and/or adoption is definitely off limits. Also, for no logical reason that I can explain, I want to experience being pregnant and giving birth to my child. Ironically, I am also terrified of giving birth, but something deep inside me knows that I just have to!
Does anyone else fear they will run out of time and miss their chance for motherhood?
I know, I know, a little bit dramatic! But in all reality, I feel like I went from being 20 years old with "plenty of time" to have kids. 25 was always my goal. I wanted to have a baby by 25. Having a first baby by 30 was like my "buffer goal." Now, I'm coming up to that buffer goal and am still not even sure. Yes, we are planning to start TTC after our wedding, but I'm a huge worrier and the 'what ifs' kill me.
I worry what if we're not any better off financially by the wedding? My mom keeps telling me that a lot can happen in a year, and I know that it can, but for the past 6 years I've been holding out hope that "anything can happen just like that." It hasn't. I came across an article on fertility today done by this British fertility expert. She basically warned people that fertility starts to decline at 27, and that if you haven't started trying before 30, there's really no sense in even trying. I just worry so much that I'm missing my fertile window. That we won't be in a good enough place financially next summer, and will have to put off TTC even longer. I'm worried that by the time we TTC, I will be too old and it will be impossible to get pregnant, and that I simply missed the boat on getting to be a mother in this lifetime. Yes, there is fertility treatment and adoption, but if we aren't well off enough financially to even get pregnant, the costs of fertility treatment and/or adoption is definitely off limits. Also, for no logical reason that I can explain, I want to experience being pregnant and giving birth to my child. Ironically, I am also terrified of giving birth, but something deep inside me knows that I just have to!
Does anyone else fear they will run out of time and miss their chance for motherhood?