Anyone from South Africa

[morri]

I don't think it is SA in particular I think you kind of get either sides all over the world. but seeing that in the upmarket boarding schools you can basically leave your child there from the age of 3-4 to the age of 18 is a bit frightening.(my oh went to Kingswood college, but only from standard 7 or 8 on)
(Before he just went to public primaries in cape town and joburg)

Well me as german I havent got a particular desire to go overboard with the number of kids. only last week they said on the news that Germany has the lowest Birthrate in the world . (and the second oldest population)

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I have a German friend that comes out of a family of 11..... They live in Berlin and his father is an engineer of some sorts. Just to throw a spanner in the works of the statement you made.......... haha

I want to send our girl to a German private school nearby as I don't like the normal public schools. They are over crowded in classes and teachers don't give so much attention to the children anymore. I also would prefer that she have three languages as it would be an advantage for her later on. I don't see a future for our young ones in this country and want to keep the option open of studying abroad. My husband understands French more, but unfortunately for him (not me) there isn't a French school around. I come from a German back ground and think it would be better and easier to learn German. Although I can't speak it myself I would love to as I believe it is a beautiful language. I know certain words and that is it, unfortunately.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

O gosh ya, I can write books about working mommies' opinions (in SA) about children staying at home. They just don't understand!!! They're so pro-creche, that they think it's wrong of me to not put my child in a creche by age 2 at the latest!! They say my children will be behind, that they're lacking in social skills and will become hermits, that they won't learn anything at home, that I'm doing them a disservice, that their brains won't develop properly, that they're too attached to me, that I'm holding them back, that I'm spoiling them, etc. etc. etc.

My believes are very strong on this. I believe a child should go to school when he or she is ready, not when society deems it the right time. I do believe that all children should go to school in grade R though. But before that, only when and if the child is ready. My first was 4, my 2nd was 3, and I'm currently trying to get my 4-year old to like school. He only goes one day a week to a playschool, and I still have to sit with him the first hour before he lets me go. I absolutely refuse to leave a child of mine when he's crying for me. I just can't! So I wait until he's ready to be left alone at school.

My baby is 2 months, almost 3. We also only planned 2 kids, but I always wanted 5. My husband wasn't keen on a 3rd, but decided to gave in because I wanted it so badly. He absolutely refused any more, but I was heartbroken, so again he caved. But I agreed that this has to be it, we can't afford more than 4! So I had my tubes tied during the c-section. I'm extremely happy though to be able to have 4, and especially since this last one was a little girl again. I desperately wanted another little girl!! I have to say, I see more and more people here in SA that doesn't stop at 2 kids anymore, but have that 3rd. I find it wonderful! There's too many women in their 40's I've spoken to who's very very sad that they stopped at 2.

Awww, your baby sounds so cute! Enjoy the leopard crawling. Though, it's hard on the clothes, LOL. I'm going to send you a quick pm, let me know if you don't get it.

We will be trying to keep our girl at home until she needs to go to Gr.R as we believe that she will still develop the way she needs to and her social skills will be developed when visiting friends. She is a people lover anyway and don't think she will be really shy. I used the babynastix and various other activities (the same as they would in school) and she is doing just fine. Our pediatrician also advised us to keep our children at home as long as possible because then they won't become so sick. I must agree on this because our girl is so healthy when at home, but when she comes in contact with other little ones for too long she ends up with a stomach bug or a cold.

We actually discussed this about a month ago as I was jobhunting due to the pressure that friends were putting on me and I just realised I can't do this. Why do I have to work if I don't need to. I would much rather spend my time with my children and study in between that by the time they do go to school I can start working.

I also thought of getting my tubes tied with the next one, but something in my heart tells me not to do it for the same reason as what if we want another one during my thirties.

I just realised my daughter's hair is long enough to make a ponytail on top and she looks adorable. I bet you enjoy your new baby?

 

[morri]

Hehe that shows just how many people actually don't have kids at all. Well there are always people who have a lot of kids but for everyone that has there are numerous people that don't have any. (officially the Birthrate is 1.36 per woman)

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Wow, that is a low rate. Why is it? We as South Africans where like this a while ago, but the last 10 - 20 years really picked up.

 

[morri]

Well if the po,liticians knew why that is. It is just the demographioc change I guess--- (post phsae 5) Education levels are high, and no one needs them for their pension fund anymore? oh well, also we actually have quite some incentives too, like we have parental leave with up to 60% pay (dpending on income) for a year (minimum is 300 € even for sahms and students and anybody else who didnt work)we have child money ( 180 € every month till child is 18/25 years old(and more for each successive child if you have more than 1 child))
Only troublesome that can be in metropolitan areas is child care under the age of 2, or 3 , as there arent just enough places, and chreches arent as commonplace. )

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Wow. Wish I could've had my baby there! They tried to do the same here, but it just doesn't work....................

 

[morri]

eh Bureaucracy is bad in both countries, but SA is sooooo slow. I sent them the divorce papers from my Oh's previous marriage so they get acknowledged and I havent heard from them in 4 weeks... and birth certificates, last time we ordered one it took them 8 weeks to process. I think one thing that isnt good in SA is the high centralisation-- like only one office to go to in the whole province-- If I want my birth certificate I ask the civil office of the district(spandau) of the city (Berlin in my case) I was born .

 

[Angelbaby_01]

eh Bureaucracy is bad in both countries, but SA is sooooo slow. I sent them the divorce papers from my Oh's previous marriage so they get acknowledged and I havent heard from them in 4 weeks... and birth certificates, last time we ordered one it took them 8 weeks to process. I think one thing that isnt good in SA is the high centralisation-- like only one office to go to in the whole province-- If I want my birth certificate I ask the civil office of the district(spandau) of the city (Berlin in my case) I was born .

If you want anything to do like birth certificates, marriage certificates, passports, ID's etc. Then do it from Krugersdorp. It is 45min drive out of Johannesburg. We applied for our passport and got it a week later for me, my husband and our baby. Also when we got married we did the same with our marriage certificate and my new ID. We got it within a week.

 

[BlueHadeda]

Wow Angelbaby, I'll remember that tip about Krugersdorp. We waited a couple of weeks at the Centurion office, so not too bad either.

Gosh Morri, I wish our country would pay me to be a SAHM! I'd easily then have had 5 kids. Or 6, or 7....

Angelbaby, you're gonna struggle to find a gynae here in SA that would sterilise someone under 30! My friend had twin boys after her daughter, and they only ever wanted 2 kids. So her gynae very, very reluctantly agreed to tie her tubes. She was 29! And guess what, at age 35 she told me she wished she never did it, because both she and her hubby got broody. Pity.

Totally agree with you on the children that's healthier at home. My kids have always been super healthy. Even when they did start school in the end. At the moment, they get a cold about once or twice a year, and need antibiotics about once every year or 2.

 

[morri]

Well I only communicate to them via email and Oh's brother lives in Cape town I don't want to bug him unless we really have to.
Well They don't really pay you they only pay mat leave for 12 month(14 if your husband takes part of the leave)he other is just to help with child expenses. There is another one in the pipe called Care money, which is for mothers who don't give their children to Kindergarten or day care mother from 3 years on, but this is still controversial seeing they want women to work and don't want to appear backwards (and they don't want that it helps the immigrants children stay out of Kidnergarten, because when they do they often lag behind when they come to school at the age of 6 or 7)

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I believe children shoulde go to preschool at around 4 to 5. maybe from 3 years on. Before that the children should actually stay at home with mommy. Health wise it is better and there are so many ways to develop your baby. I do understand the immigrants though. They will take advantage of anything.

 

[morri]

That wasnt meant that way- it was meant in the sense that kids often only learn their parents language, and won't be able to understand what is taught in school. This money is just for people who decide to fin other means of child care. Not sure what you mean about health wise though Children need lots of exposure to germs , not being ill as a baby/toddler isnt necessarily a sign of a good immune system. Also We have lots of different migrating background, from south europe to asia or Western Europe
Also Children can also stay with their dads, especially in scandinavia it is more popular.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Oh, i didn't want to come accross harsh. Oops. haha

I understand where you are coming from. And I guess that the culture in RSA is still a bit different than Europe. But I can live with that as I still think you have an advantage of being German. ;-p

 

[morri]

Well Let's say we havent got half of Southern Africa piling into our country so it gives us a bit of an advantage

 

[BlueHadeda]

My hubby wouldn't mind staying home with the kids, LOL. Though, he does admit he probably doesn't have the patience to deal with them every day.

We traced our lineage a while ago, and my hubby is the direct descendant (8 generations) of the only person from Germany with that surname that came to SA, around 1658. Amazing. I on the other hand are from the French Hugenote. Personally I like our culture though. It's very unique as is our language. It's the main reason why we're still in SA. I don't know if I'll feel comfortable in another culture.

About the health of kids. I have to disagree, but this is purely my opinion based on my experiences. I believe if children are kept away from illnesses as far as possible during their first 3 years of life, they tend to be much more healthy thereafter. I don't believe in the "contact with germs builds the immune system". To me, it's the same type of thing as "crying is good for a baby's lungs". When a body encounters a virus and creates antibodies, those antibodies usually last only for about 6 months. Except for things like measles, chickenpox, etc. of course. So if the immunity only lasts for 6 months, how did it build the immune system?! I think keeping the immune system on its toes so to speak, is good. So some normal exposure to germs in our world is a good thing. But breaking the immune system totally down like what happens to a child in creche...I don't think that's building it. Anyway, as I said...purely my opinion.

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Well Let's say we havent got half of Southern Africa piling into our country so it gives us a bit of an advantage

 

[morri]

Actually Hadeda is is interesting that you say that, I have got this from a book which is called crying strenghtens the baby lungs and 99 other misconceptions. Another one is called 'I have to protect my child from illnesses. " This is of course only for the run of the mill kind of illnesses like colds and upset stomachs etc- not for seriosu stuff that you vaccinate for.

 

[BlueHadeda]

LOL, that sounds like a very interesting book! Think I'll enjoy it. I'll look out for it.

 

[morri]

It is a German book https://www.amazon.de/Schreien-stärkt-Lungen-andere-Elternirrtümer/dp/383382672X
I don't think it will be translated..