Anyone not live near to their family? Are you worried about how you'll cope?

[Piper84]

This will (touch wood) be our first baby, so I have literally NO idea how I'm going to handle being a mother. I hope I'll be a good one, but am sure there'll be some tough days ahead!

I don't know if it's just first-time nerves or what, but the last few weeks I've been feeling like I'd like to move closer to my family. We have plenty of friends where we live, but they all have jobs and kids of their own so whilst they've all said they'd be happy to help out, obviously they'll be restricted by their own work and family commitments. Whereas all my family are live fairly close to each other, my sister is a SAHM and my parents are retired, and my aunties work part-time. I also have a lot of friends in that area too.

Our work commitments have changed now, so we can basically work from anywhere. And of course once the baby arrives I won't be working for a while anyway. So I thought would it be sensible to move closer so I've got a stronger support network, or really, will I be fine all on my own? DH isn't keen on moving, but he's not going to be the main carer for the baby. I suppose I'm just a little nervous that I won't always get it right, and then there won't be anyone I can call on for help! I don't want to be a burden on my parents or anything, it's not like I plan on calling them over every day, but I feel like I'd just be happier knowing that if I really need them, or my sister, they can just come right over.

Does anyone else live far away from their family? Do you plan on moving closer? Or if you've already got some kids, how did you manage on your own?

TIA x

My parents live 900 miles away (in another country), brother and SIL 500 miles away and my in-laws a three-hour drive away. It's not easy, but you have your DH and with your first baby you don't necessarily need any more help than that. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll adapt and get to know LO's needs better than anyone could, with a little help from the midwife or HV. You'll also be surprised at how annoying unwanted advice from other people gets

It's nice to have a break every now and then, but you probably won't want to be away from LO for longer than an hour or so in the first 9 to 12 months and if you do, you can always arrange a visit from family!

As this is our second we will definitely be needing help as LO is 18 months old and rather demanding at the moment! All the grandparents are coming to visit around due date and will hopefully be able to lend a hand, but after that we're on our own again!

 

[xsadiex]

It's a hard decision deciding who's family you should live near to, but at the end of the day - if you're doing most of the work then you need the most support and it's always easier having support from your own parents (not so awkward asking for things, you feel more comfortable with them etc).

Hopefully your partner will be able to do some stuff during the week, just simple things like helping with housework can go a long way! I don't know what your OH does but I often hear that mums get the rough end of the stick when they have children so make sure he's on board! But if he has a massive work load fair enough. My parter works full time but never really brings home much work so he's quite often helped at night time, if not in the week at the weekend he will give me a break.

Im sure it will work out well for you and you'll love being a mum! Definitely the best job in the world x

 

[HappiestMom]

I live 3 hours away from my family and 8 hours away from the inlaws thank god haha!!.....we have a LO that will be about 21 months when the twins get here but she is severe special needs (trach, gtube, medical equipment etc) and has 24/7 nursing so that has kind of taken care of itself...I wasnt nervous at all when she was born even though had an e-c-section and my g-ma just came down for two nights later that week just to help hubby get some stuff done that we hadnt managed before she was born, stuff I couldnt pick up or move...hoping for a VBAC this time and hoping to not have anyone (meaning in-laws lol) around for a while when babies come home... you get into a rhythm and then dont want anyone coming and messing it up by waking up baby when not needed etc...or atleast I did...and my MIL is HORRID for that she can stay away as long as possible for all I care...my g-ma helps and doesnt intrude baby wise and my mom is the same..they are there for ME and what I need..not for them and what they want..so..if your family is like that then its great..if they are more the in-law/selfish I want the baby type then you'll be glad you dont have them close lol..

just ask ahead if they can come visit IF you want them and make sure they know they need to be there to HELP..not to make you feel as if you are supposed to cater to them and turn your house into their hotel... Im planning on having a one day thing where all my family comes to visit..they can all drive 3 hours to get here and hang out for food and baby time and then drive home....we do it all the time...so that way Im not worrying everyday about who is going to show up or drop in etc....going to do the same thing for our friends here in the area and tell them NO kids, just adults because Im not risking the twins or us getting sick from kids that have been around tons of other germy kids and all that...I got sick after LO was born and it was miserable having a newborn and sinus infection so dont want to go through that again...

but being a mom is great and even if it takes a bit it just kicks in...and dont feel bad for making hubby do some work too..even if he goes back to work and cant take nights...he can definitely help make stuff easier by doing dishes...helping prep bottles..laundry...etc...and with food too even if it is picking stuff up on the way home from work...

 

[chartay]

My family is spread out all over the US & Canada. And DH's are within the state we live in. But his parents are still like 4 hours away. His brother lives in the same town. But as far as my family...I wouldn't have it any other way. I think we would end up killing each other if we were close by. My mom is pretty bossy on how to do things, which has to be her way or she won't speak to me for weeks (which can be a blessing). So this way I won't be bothered and can do things how I want. My MIL will be offering her input a bunch too, but she won't take it as an insult if I don't want to do things her way. And honestly, 4 hours is not far for here. That's close I think! So anytime we will need a babysitter, and weather permitting, she will be down in a heartbeat. She already is with my nephew (DH's brother's little boy).

 

[MrS. MaBrEy]

Im 23 weeks now with our first baby and we live 5000 miles away from all of our family. We moved to Germany a little over a year ago from US (Georgia). I am not even considering moving home. My husband wouldn't have the option to leave anyway but even if he did I wouldn't even consider it. I can't imagine living any close than I do now that we have lived far away. If anything having our son makes me want more independence from them not less. We have some friends here and have built a life together. I have a support system in place in case I get overwhelmed. Our family will meet our son for the first time in Dec. of next year when he is nearly 7 months old and it will only be for about 10 days before we come right back to Germany to finish out our tour here. We are hoping to move to Hawaii next so we will still be far away. I know my husband and I aren't really the norm but it works for us. We just don't fit in the small town box our families want us in and being far away helps keep the peace.

 

[Macandcheese]

I live 2500 miles away from my family and it doesnt bother me one bit. I havent even told them about the pregnancy because I know how over dramatic my mom is. I am enjoying my pregnancy/the thought of being a mommy soon waaay too much and I know she would ruin it for me.

 

[phrumkidost]

Thanks for starting this thread! It's really reassuring to see others in a similar position as mine.

DH is Bhutanese, I'm American, and we live in Australia. So, no close family unless we cross an ocean! It will be just us for the birth and after; we don't even have close friends here yet! But I do have some good colleagues who might offer some help, and the system for pregnancy and early natal care in my state here are great. I think I get a midwife to come to the house once a week for a month after LO is born. Anyway, we'll somehow get through it, I'm sure. I'll be on maternity leave for 6 months and DH will be working from home, so I'm hoping that makes things easier, too.

 

[Smiler82]

Wow okay so all of you who live hundreds, if not thousands of miles away from family must think I'm being a real wuss haha But it's been so nice hearing all of your stories, much appreciated

Not sure if was hormones or what, but was reading a pregnancy book last night and it said something along the lines of "women have been instinctively raising children for millenia; rest assured you are endowed with the same abilities as those mothers" and it made me cry!!

 

[J22]

Yes, I'm sure we'll all cope...there'll be times we may want our familys by our side but we'll instictively get through it fine x