Anyone religious? Roman Catholic christenings. UPDATE

[jellybean20]

This is really random but its been driving me mad, something ive been stressing about for ages but think its something I need to try and do before she gets to old (nearly 9 months).

Really want my daughter christened but im not married to her dad not even in a relationship with her dad anymore.

Really worried that they will refuse to christen her as she is illegitimate.

At my local church they seem really nice but haven’t had a 1:1 chat with the priest. My family church was horrid. The old church was more off a fearful church than an uplifting church.

When I phoned up I was told they would send a form out then myself and my husband would be invited in for a chat.

What do u people think, has anyone got any experience with this? Any thoughts or opinions would be great.

Thanks for taking the time to read my little rant.

 

[LoveCakes]

It probably depends on the individual priest. They'd probably expect at least yourself to go to mass regularly for a bit, but he should be happy you want your kid christened. Good luck

 

[whoops]

Of course they won't refuse - I know plenty of people who've had their kids christened when they were unmarried.

It's about welcoming a child into the church and absolving them of past 'sins', so even if they do frown upon unmarried parents, the child is given a clean slate at the Baptism.

 

[lozzy21]

We are not married and there hasent been a problem getting LO baptised.

 

[jellybean20]

i have been going to church and really enjoy it (nobody who knows me will believe this). Not told anyone I have been going to church think its something nice for my and my little one to do together.

Think it will be good for my daughter to be christened, and a nice way to celebrate her birth but will be devastated if he refuses feel like I have put her at a disadvantage.

think im just stressing because i come from an Irish catholic background and my aunt had an illegitimate child (now 12) and my nana didn’t tell our extended family for years due to the shame, its so silly.

Thanks for your replies

 

[New Mrs W]

Unfortunately you could be refused but it pretty much depends on the priest. I really can't imagine that they would turn away a mother wanting her child to be part of God's family. A priest at a church near mine was notorious for refusing to baptise babies if their parents didn't attend mass each week. All the rejected parents just came to our church where our lovely priest would baptise their babies once they had completed the baptism lessons. X x

 

[jellybean20]

My friend goes to church regularly and said that her priest will christen Scarlett but think it would be nice if I can do it within our own parish, will wait and see think il speak to him on Sunday. Very scared.

 

[CymruEv]

Hi just thought my situation could help We got Evie christened on May 8th. My other half's Catholic, I was christened in church of Wales. He attended church with Evie for a couple of months and asked the priest if he'd christen Evie. He said yes as she was a 6 month old baby. My OH isn't allowed to take communion as he's divorced and has 2 other children with his ex but the priest said he'd happily christen Evie as long as she was brought up in the Catholic faith

Have a word with your priest - it's at his discretion, if he says no you could ask another priest.

We had a brilliant service, the priest did a grand job and OH's son was a Godfather! HTH

 

[x__amour]

Hi hon.
I'm Roman Catholic, not married (yet), am a teen mom and my OH is Lutheran but we had our LO baptized without a problem. They shouldn't say no!

 

[vermeil]

I have never heard of a church refusing a baptism! That would essentially be refusing a small baby 'admittance' to the faith, pretty ridiculous.

My son's is on Sunday so I've been bathing (har har) in that ceremony for a few weeks now. A few friends are having their children baptized at the same time. At the preparation meeting, from chatting up other parents, I saw many were in situations like my friends and I. Either not married, or very different faiths, etc. And yes there was a single lady. The priest only requested that the godparents be baptized. (makes sense since it's their responsibility to 'guide' your little one in the faith)

In fact the priest was asked by a parent if he had ever refused a baptism. He said only once in 25 years, a couple who told him point blank they wanted the baptism because else the grandmother would write them out of her will... but they didn't believe in God and thought the whole concept stupid.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I'm very roman catholic and getting baby baptized in two weeks. There is a thing called "cannon law" which is the rules that come right from the pope in Rome. Cannon law states that one parent must be baptized catholic and that baby has at least one catholic god parent. That god parent must be baptized and confirmed. They encourage a married family but will take all sorts! When you ask a priest to baptize your baby and they say yes, you must join that specific church. So when people ask priests to baptize baby and they don't regularly go to that church it is normal for the priest to want to get to know the family by having them attend service often. However catholics are a funny bunch in that we will allow a catholic to marry a non catholic in the church to "gain a member". So the more babies baptized, the bigger the congregation. The more marriages the bigger the congregation.

So when you ask try to find a young priest who has a more modern church. They are more current with the times and understand real life better than those oldie hard core god fearing priests. And remember cannon law does not exclude you because of your marital status at all and that's the law!

 

[whoops]

i have been going to church and really enjoy it (nobody who knows me will believe this). Not told anyone I have been going to church think its something nice for my and my little one to do together.

Think it will be good for my daughter to be christened, and a nice way to celebrate her birth but will be devastated if he refuses feel like I have put her at a disadvantage.

think im just stressing because i come from an Irish catholic background and my aunt had an illegitimate child (now 12) and my nana didn’t tell our extended family for years due to the shame, its so silly.

Thanks for your replies

I'm Irish Catholic but thankfully that sort of attitude is dying out. In fact, everyone seemed to take it as a given that I would have my LO christened and were surprised when I said I wouldn't.

Me being unmarried and the father not being around didn't even cross anyone's minds when they were asking.

 

[Nic1107]

My daughter was baptised at an old, relatively conservative Catholic church by a Discalced Carmelite friar (so no young modern priest there! lol) and he didn't even ask me if I was married, even though my husband wasn't there and didn't attend the baptism. The only thing he asked was if I was baptised Catholic (yes) and confirmed (no)- my answer didn't seem to affect his decision though, and neither did the fact that we actually live about five hours away from the church so obviously wouldn't be able to attend mass there.

The only thing he asked of us was that Carmen's godparents be baptised and confirmed with a letter from the churches they attend- my cousin was able to become an official godmother, but my brother is not a practicing Catholic so he was only able to be a "sponsor" officially. Even without the title of godparent though, he stood with us and read the same vows to guide Carmen and teach her, and fully participated in the ceremony.

Don't worry hun, it's highly unlikely you'll be turned away, and if so it'll not be difficult to find a priest that will be more than happy to welcome your LO to the church.

 

[Cat_pj]

My little 'un is getting baptized on the 10th of July. I was worried as we are unmarried, but I asked and it didn't seem a problem. The form was like 'date and place of marriage' and I was like "oh poo..." but I just wrote N/A and left it at that!

We have to go to a class in a few weeks, but aside from that its been a whole less stressful going through the process than I anticipated.

I can't see it being a problem, go for it!!

 

[Lauren25]

Both me and my OH are catholics and we will be getting LO christened a catholic when we get round to it. Two of our family members though are having their babies christened in august and when talking to the priest seperatly they were both asked why they werent married as a marriage doesnt cost anything! I think it is all down to the priest and i believe that this priest had that to say becasue they are both early 20s.
I think that if you want to bring your child up with a religion then you should be able too without them judging you!

 

[jellybean20]

thank you all so much for your response. ive spoke to the preist and he has sent me a form to fill on. im going to fill it out and speak to him on sunday.

both myself and my sister were christened at the same church as i want my daughter to be christened at so maybe that will help.

oh and x__amour the pictures off your LO christening are lovely.

not even thought about outfits one stressfull thing at a time. think il ask my mum to hunt out our gown

 

[jellybean20]

just thought id update all the people that were kind enough to read and reply.

spoke to the priest today and he was really nice. he has agreed to christen scarlett and im going for a meeting with him to arrange details on thursday.

feel so much happier now i can start palnning my little girls special day.

 

[julietz]

I got my twins christened catholic, and i am not catholic myself, we r having our lo christened catholic at a different church because we moved, they seem more strict, and only allow god parents to be catholic or you have to use thier witnesses, i have a meeting with them next week, i already filled the forms in, im preparing myself for the questions, though i am not a church person but follow the faith if you know what i mean, if you tell them you want your child to grow up in the way jesus would want, and you will get full support from god parents, they shouldnt refuse, and explain your parents didnt have you baptised when younger but you have always followed the religion.

 

[kittycat18]

I was actually a little shocked by the posts on the first page of this thread. I have never heard of a child being refused to be christened. I am Catholic and although my OH is christened Catholic, he is agnostic and has absolutely no belief. It's a pity for me because I really enjoy going to mass even if I don't agree 100% with everything the Catholic Church believe in. We are unmarried and have decided to christen our little one in the Chapel I was christened in, made my holy communion and confirmation in, alter served in, where my parents where married and where my family are buried.

My mother had my older sister christened in the same Chapel in 1985. My mother was 20 and my father was 17. They were unmarried and pregnancy then was unheard of outside marriage. There was no problems getting my sister christened and she is now 26 years old

I am glad that it is a dying tradition in the Catholic faith because for todays modern society, it's extremely medieval.

 

[New Mrs W]

I was actually a little shocked by the posts on the first page of this thread. I have never heard of a child being refused to be christened.

You are lucky to have only known friendly priests then!! The same priest who I know who refused to baptise babies also refused to allow some children to make the scarament of the eucharist too, again because they weren't at mass each week. He was also the designated priest at my upper school and I remember that once, during a school mass, he actually refused to give the host to one of the pupils because, and I more or less quote, said pupil had "omitted to bow his head when saying the name of Jesus during the Hail Mary"!!!! Weirdly I came to know this priest quite well in my mid 20s and found him to be a very lovely man, but a priest who stuck to tradition and stood firmly by what he thought was right; I suppose that is a value we should expect from priests.