Anyone testing 11th Aug???

[hannpin]

Anyone testing 11th Aug want to spend the next few weeks helping me to not symtom spot or test early??? xxx

 

[heavyheart]

aw me too so we can both try and keep eachother sane if you like xx

my name is nicky just to let you know very sorry for your loss

 

[hannpin]

That would be great Nicky, nice to meet u, I am Hannah, sorry for your loss also.

So you are ttc no 3?? how old are your others?? I have Els who is 20 months, she is a monkey xx

 

[heavyheart]

hi hannah, yes ive got to girls carla who is 6 and keyona turning 3 on sunday, both fabby and keep me on my toes haha this will hopefully br keyona's 4th dry night been lucky with her. Aw your wee one is at that brilliant stage fun times xx

 

[hannpin]

aww well done Keyona, thats excellent.. we havent got to the potty training stage yet, I was hoping we could have a go over the summer, but she is just not ready, so looks like it will be a week in the winter not leaving the house!!

 

[heavyheart]

i have been really lucky with both of mine, 20mths is early yet you have plenty time, both of mine came out day nappies within a couple of weeks after 2nd birthdays, carla wasn't long after till out night nappies aswell its taken keyona longer but she suddenly decided she was big like carla and didnt want them and fingers crossed thats her now out them.

My friend said to me aw ull be so happy you dont have to buy nappies now and i wanted to strangle her, she happens to be 23wks pregnant

 

[heavyheart]

i notice you are currently feeling sad i really felt like that today all day between sad and angry with the world but i went out for a nice drive poped in to see my mum for a hug and am feeling a bit lighter now xx

 

[hannpin]

aww bless u 4 weeks is no time hun, but I know u wont belive it now and are prob fed up of hearing, but things do get easier. The pain doesnt go away, it just gets easier to deal with

Yes this week is a bid of a sad one, it is Harri's EDD on Sunday, which is going to be a hard day but we are going away for the weekend to make it a bit of a celebration, and will be going to the sands baby memorial garden on Sun to leave Harri a memory stone

 

[heavyheart]

oh no i dont it's nice to hear it it grounds me if you know what i mean. I feel awful as this i talk of this being my first miscarriage because it is in a way you know being told baby has gone and theres nothing left that can be done but i did loose a baby girl at roughly 19weeks back in 2005. I had a coil fitted in the sep of 05 but the doctor didnt fit it correctly and i became pregnant, i had no clue i thought i was feeling so bad trying to recover fron a section and dealing with a 6mth old baby. Doctor rushed me in for an emergency scan and there she was perfect and kicking about. Boy was that a shock to the system and just as we were getting our head round it the consultant came in and told me the bad news that the coil was ripping my womb as it was buried in at one side and it had to be removed, i have no clue why but it was 4weeks later till they took me in only then to explain i would loose the baby. Heartbroken and on my own in the abortion unit 5hours later she was delivered, just me and her i spent a few moment before ringing the buzzer and the came to clean me up, as the did i saw them carry her off in a yellow bio hazard bag. That haunting memory still wakes me up time from time. I suppose in my head even after 4mnths of counceling i dont think of that as a miscarriage cause i feel so responsible and they never treated me like thats what had happened. just though id share as i havent really with anyone before.

Sunday will be a hard day for you, that sounds lovely what your going to do for him i really hope you get your bpf soon after and make him a big brother, you really deserve it xxx

 

[mememe123]

hey girls... Can I pop in with you?

I am testing on the 10th 11th ish... is it time yet??? Are we there yet??

I also have 2 girls 5 and 3... fun fun.

hann pin- My dd for my miscarriage at end of Feb was Sunday. i was surprisingly ok even though I thoght I would be pregnant by the time this day came I was still ok.. I laid in bed for awhile wondering how the day would go... how was I going to make it through and before I put one step ahead of the other I made a plan to smile and hug my girls to start the day off. A day at the beach with them both proved well and my hubby and i ended the day with a great BD to make me crash into slumber. It was O day too so I had some helpful positive thoughts going around inside of me on that day.
i am glad it is over and I am a very closed off person outside on BNB so I am not even too sure my hubby knew waht was going on with me (or anyone else) that day exactly but i know he knew the day was coming and he took good care of me with supper and cuddling me etc without saying a word about our loss. It was exactly what I needed.
hope your day goes well. : )

 

[Elhaym]

Hey hun, AF is due the 11th for me so that's when I'm testing! I'm usually a good girl and never test early so I'll help you

I'm 7 DPO today and not much going on, I feel very tired but that's probably from the humid weather.

Baby dust to you all!

 

[hannpin]

NIcky that sounds awful what they put you throught. Unfortunatly Harri was a Termination for medical reasons and it rips me appart to think I had to make the decision to let him go, but it was for the best for him

I am just poppin in from work (naughty Naughty) but will catch up with everyone propperly later xxxx

 

[hannpin]

Nicky I am so sorry to hear of you baby you lost in 2005, I hope it helped you to tell somone about it. I completly understand the feeling you have of blaming yourself. Harri had severe spina bifida, hydrocephalus (sp?) and other complications, that we found out on the 20 weeks scan. So the best option for him was to end his pain and let him suffer no more, however it breaks my heart to know that ultimatly it was my decidion that ended his life I cannot believe they treated you and your baby that way, as they were great with me and Harri, and we even had him cremated and have his ashes that we plan to get put into a build a bear this weekend (sorry that is gross I know, I just dont know what else to do with them)


mememe123 I am sorry to hear of your loss, I am glad Sunday was not too hard on you, and that DH was so kind

Elhaym nice to see you here, I need a good influence in here to stop me testing early

Well I am trying so hard not to symtom spot, but have been feeling v thirsty and needing to wee lots today......... arghhh what am i doing!!!
Hope everyone has had a good day xxx

 

[heavyheart]

aw thank you, wow that must have been so so difficult for you it comforts me to know iam not the only one to feel that responsibility on my own. You had to for your harri and i had to do it for my womb both very different reasons but left us with the same feelings that will be apart of us forever. Iam so sorry for us and everyones else who has lost in similar ways we should never have to make a decision like that ever.

i really think the build a bear idea is so so lovely i really do. I wish id had the chance to do something to say goodbye they sould never have put her in a bag like that, i wasnt even told i could have a choice to have anything done like cremation i didn't even get to name her, although in my head over the years she has become milly but not even my husband knows that. He has never dealt with it and the last time i checked he still carried her scan pic in his wallet. I dont know why they were like that with me, there was certainly no warmth or understanding from the people on the unit, maybe they didnt realise the reasons why i had to be there but even so they had no right to make me feel so bad. Nothing that can be done now, iam just glad ive been able to share my story and sadness, its deffo has helped. Huge hugs and thank you

 

[heavyheart]

mememe123 sorry for your losses glad you can join in and we can all help eachother. Hope this is your month

Elhaym glad also your here, iam going out my mind already trying not to over think it but clearly am. My hubby even caught me in the kitchen while putting out breakfast playing about with my boobs you know poking and squeezing then knocking them together to check the severity of the tenderness i was feeling haha.

Hannah i hope your staying test strong and not giving in yet haha. xxx

so how is everyone feeling now on the run up to testing???? am nervous anxious scared and so excited all rolled up in one

 

[mememe123]

heavyheart- I suggest you grab a bottle of wine and sit and talk with you hubby about your Milly... beautiful name too. I am not one to talk about things and I gathar you do not either. That is why we have BNB but sometimes when I open to my DH he surprises me... to know your hubby has a picture of the scan in his wallet is beautiful!!
After opening up to my hubby once he broke down with me and it was a hugh turning point for us... it made us closer and i realized he felt too!
I have been in the same situation as well where I was left alone no nurses around and while bleeding very badly what i think was the baby came out in the paper tissue in my hand... end of story the baby ended up flushed or what was left of it... I was 15 weeks and the baby died previous to this so there was not any visible baby.
I agonized over this for ever... then I went to a specialist and found out that my scans before my d/c and all of this hapening did not show any form of a baby left therefore I must have lost the baby even earlier than i was told as the sac fills with blood and deteriorates the little beggnings inside. Sadly this made me feel better. Maybe i was wrong and what was in my hand was a hugh clot not my little angel. Either way i will never know and i will never have the answers.. i know a baby at 15 weeks ( i was told pregnancy stopped at 14 weeks) would not have been a tiny person to hold and say goodbye to but to know that what was there could/may have gone down the toilet is awful.
Hope it helps to not be alone. I was not as far along as you but it still hurts to be dismissed without thought or care in mind.

 

[heavyheart]

yeah thats something i will do, i have wanted to for a long time. She is often mentioned but i have just never told him that i would like to openley name her i think more for not wanting him to hurt anymore than he already does. He holds alot of guilt of not being able to "be there" and i made the mistake of throwing it in his face not long after. I lecctured him in a fit of upset and despair that he had no idea what i went through physicaly and told him all the details, i still remember the horror on his face. Its because of that and that its been too painful. I did get counceling for 4mths a year after and it did help to a point he also had seperate sessions which was good but for some reason i still rather not directly talk to him about it even though we face everything together and are so so close. Maybe it has a part to play that he is my rock and always appears strong and protects me and that was the only time i saw him fall apart and didnt know how to get us through and i cant bare to open that back up for him.

It may not be straight away but i will tell him one day because i know thats the right thing to do i just need to feel a bit stronger first. Thank you for your kind words and it has meant alot being able to share it on here ive never had this kind of outlet before. xx

 

[heavyheart]

heavyheart- I suggest you grab a bottle of wine and sit and talk with you hubby about your Milly... beautiful name too. I am not one to talk about things and I gathar you do not either. That is why we have BNB but sometimes when I open to my DH he surprises me... to know your hubby has a picture of the scan in his wallet is beautiful!!
After opening up to my hubby once he broke down with me and it was a hugh turning point for us... it made us closer and i realized he felt too!
I have been in the same situation as well where I was left alone no nurses around and while bleeding very badly what i think was the baby came out in the paper tissue in my hand... end of story the baby ended up flushed or what was left of it... I was 15 weeks and the baby died previous to this so there was not any visible baby.
I agonized over this for ever... then I went to a specialist and found out that my scans before my d/c and all of this hapening did not show any form of a baby left therefore I must have lost the baby even earlier than i was told as the sac fills with blood and deteriorates the little beggnings inside. Sadly this made me feel better. Maybe i was wrong and what was in my hand was a hugh clot not my little angel. Either way i will never know and i will never have the answers.. i know a baby at 15 weeks ( i was told pregnancy stopped at 14 weeks) would not have been a tiny person to hold and say goodbye to but to know that what was there could/may have gone down the toilet is awful.
Hope it helps to not be alone. I was not as far along as you but it still hurts to be dismissed without thought or care in mind.

I also am so sorry for your losses, its so destroying when your treated in such an unkind cold way. Sometimes these people need a sharp reminding that these are our babies we are loosing and not just tissue cells and blood like its no big deal. Iam sorry you to have had it weigh heavy on your heart and probably more so because of the way you were treated.

Lets hope we get of sticky bfp's soon cause we sure deserve them!!!

 

[mememe123]

yeah thats something i will do, i have wanted to for a long time. She is often mentioned but i have just never told him that i would like to openley name her i think more for not wanting him to hurt anymore than he already does. He holds alot of guilt of not being able to "be there" and i made the mistake of throwing it in his face not long after. I lecctured him in a fit of upset and despair that he had no idea what i went through physicaly and told him all the details, i still remember the horror on his face. Its because of that and that its been too painful. I did get counceling for 4mths a year after and it did help to a point he also had seperate sessions which was good but for some reason i still rather not directly talk to him about it even though we face everything together and are so so close. Maybe it has a part to play that he is my rock and always appears strong and protects me and that was the only time i saw him fall apart and didnt know how to get us through and i cant bare to open that back up for him.


It may not be straight away but i will tell him one day because i know thats the right thing to do i just need to feel a bit stronger first. Thank you for your kind words and it has meant alot being able to share it on here ive never had this kind of outlet before. xx

Wow it is like I am reading my own mind reading your notes... Our husbands are our rocks... when my hubby broke down with me all he could say was i need to be your rock.
He also was nto there when this happened to me either... we thought eveything was going fine I was waiting for surgery that was 5-6 hours away in the emerg section... I sent him home for stuff.... he needed to "do" something for me and I made a list of things I needed... that was when it all happened!!!

I am sooo glad we are not alone and we have this place to come to... my husband actually asked me last night whiel i was typing what i was doing... I just said oh I am on a forum thing... that was it... not sure why i cant tell him I put my heart out on a platter for everyone here .. i dont talk about this site at all to him.. not that I hide it I just dont talk about it.

I also gave my first little angel a name "Chase".. I do nto knwo the gender... my husband does nto know this either. I have never intended to tell anyone this... I have never named my last little angel.. I am not sure why. I guess I am not ready yet... sometimes I feel like since I did nto know the sex and i was not far enough along I should not give the baby a name... I think i will someday... not now though.

ok thanks for reading.. blab blab blab...
lol...

 

[hannpin]

mememe I too dont talk to OH about this sight, he knows what it is and knows that I go on here to talk to other angel mummies, but does not have a clue what about!!! haha better off not knowing I just tell him!!!

I am sorry u girls have had such a rough time of it and were treated so badly by the healthcare professionals.

Lets hope this is our month and we get our rainbows to bring home in 8 1/2 months or so xxx

I have been strong and not tested yet, how is everyone els doing?? XXX