DS was into "hand holding" to fall asleep (has done since about 12 months - before that he used to fall asleep on the breast or bottle), but this was taking about 20 minutes each night and you get to the point where you REALLY want to break the habit...
The first night or two were the hardest - because we stopped the handholding (I was sitting JUST out of reach). I was reassuring, but firm. He did a little gentle crying (little sob, not proper crying), but I repeated "mummy is right here" gently and he soon stopped. After the first two/three nights (no contact), I just moved a little further back from the cot each night (I was sitting on the floor). Once I got to the far wall of the room, I stayed there for two/three nights, then slowly edged around the perimeter of the room towards the door. Each night I would say good night and say "mummy is sitting just over there until you go to sleep". Once I got to the door, moved just outside the door (still saying "mummy will be just over there until you go to sleep"). He sobbed quietly a little bit (because I was now out of sight), but I just reassured him with a gentle "shhhhushhh, shhhusshhh, shusshh, mummy is right here" a couple of times and he stopped and settled. I did this, sitting just outside his door, for quite a few nights (maybe 4/5) - so that I was there for verbal reassurance if need be. After a few quiet nights (of no murmurs from DS), I would say goodnight, say "mummy will be right outside until you go to sleep", leave the room and go straight to my bedroom (our stairs are really creaky and didn't want to disturb him settling). No crying/whinging at all - he just settles himself to sleep!
Be gentle, firm, consistent, reassuring and slow and it should work JUST fine.
DS has woken-up crying during the night the past couple of nights (teething I think), but only once (about 10.30pm). I have gone in, picked him up, given him a good cuddle and put him back in his cot. I have tried the "mummy will be right outside" and leaving the room, but he has been too upset and started serious crying again. So I have gone back in, reassured him (pat on the back) and then gone and sat on the opposite side of the room against the wall. With a little gentle reassurance ("shush, shush, mummy is right here until you go to sleep"), he has resettled. I don't want to get back into the "hand holding" again! The next nap/night-time, he has been fine to settle (leaving the room) again.
QT