Anyone with teenage daughters?

[Mervs Mum]

I know there are a couple of others here with older kids - just wondered if anyone had girls aged 14 or older?

Emily is 15 this year. Quite an immature 14 yr old, looks her age (I'm sure she wishes she did ) still watches Hannah Montana, no boyfriend as yet.
I know she speaks to lads in a way that would make me because she's banned from MSN etc after I saw a convo that made my hair curl.

We are very open. We have spoken as lenght about sex. She cringes but I dont care. I am doing what my parents did for me and it worked as I have been pregnant twice, both planned and never had a 'scare'.

She knows the importance of not only avoiding unwanted pregnancies but of protecting her own sexual health. My Auntie runs an AIDS sanctuary and she's seen that it's not just full of gay men, but women and dying children too. She knows I believe 'no glove-no love'

She's sat next to me at the Drs at a 'joint' appointment where the Dr talked to ME about contraception... I'm sure sure she didnt want to contemplate me and hubby and me saying we use condoms but again, I make no appologies!

So where do you stand on putting your girls on say the pill or an other contraception? My Mum didnt 'put' me on the pill - I went when I was 17 and thought that my boyfriend and I were moving in that 'direction'.

I think I'll play it by ear but I do think I'll want to help to get her on something when she becomes active - maybe the depo injection so she doesnt have to remember it although I havent checked if this isn't advised in very young women yet - say 16.

I'd only really like opinions if you have direct experience with your own kids of this kind of age or maybe yourself or your sister or niece. Thanks!

 

[lozzy21]

Hi, iv got no kids but im only 21. I asked my mam to go in the pill at 15 as i had been seeing by boyfriend for a while. She made it clear when i started seeing him that she wouldent care if i had sex aslong as i was on the pill. If she found out i was having sex without the pill i was grounded till i was 30.
She is also going to put my sister on the pill(shes 13) but for her periods and has said shes killing 2 birds with one stone.
When i got the bit older and knew i was having more casual sex she informed me there were comdoms in my stepdads top drawer and to help my self.

 

[Michy]

My mum was always very open with me, I had a long term boyfriend from when I was 13 and at 15 (nearly 16) mum took me to the doctors to be put on the pill.

After that she sat both me and my boyfriend down and gave us the talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never had a scare or had unprotected sex till I was trying for a baby and was married, so it worked for me!

 

[alice&bump]

my parents never really talked about sex, my sex education was being given a book whe i was about 11 called "lets talk about sex". i put myself on the pill when i was about 16, told my mum it was for my skin, but obv it wasnt! i think with katie i'm just gona be as open as possible and just hope she'll talk to me and ask for advice and stuff xx

 

[Char&Bump-x]

I went on the pill when i was 15. Me & my mum never really talked about sex, but i had a serious(ish) bf then, and she asked me if i wanted to use it and took me to get it

 

[kristy87]

hey, im 21 too. my mum took me when i was 15 to go on the pill, as she knew i had a bf. she told me from about the age of 12 13 about sex etc, and was very open. also said she would be very dissapointed if i got preg by accident, but would always support me with whatever i decided. it worked for me

xx

 

[NatalieW]

Your being very open with her which is a good thing, alot of parents put their head in the sand (being a teacher I see both sides, parents and teenagers). I also have three teenage sisters around Emily's age. Two of which are on the pill, only because of their painful periods - could you work on that angle if you really wanted her on the pill? I know they are on a very low level combined pill. But also my mum was always open about sex and the 'after sex' bits and made it very open about things. None of us (there are 4 of us) have ever had a pregnancy scare either. I just think you have to keep doing what you are doing xx

Re: MSN, you know you can get it to record every conversation she has?

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks everyone - that's really helpful

Re: MSN, you know you can get it to record every conversation she has?

Natalie - she's completely banned from it. Hubby and I are both in high schools and have had pastural roles over the years and have both had to deal with MSN/Bebo fallout from bullying to girls exposing themselves etc. We tried to trust her let her on it but she had lewd conversations with boys, was falling out with people etc so we just decided to stop it all together. She's got a contract phone with unlimited texts and goodness knows how many minutes and we encourage her to have 'proper' conversations on the phone. It was just more trouble than it was worth - I had one mum approach me in Sainsbury's over a conversation that Emily's had had with her daughter too - all just teenage bitching but still.....I dont need that

 

[NatalieW]

Seems like you are a very switched on mum with technology, just trust your instincts!

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks Natalie - I try to do that but you know it's tough at times as my instinct up to now is to trust her. But so many things have happened recently I dont feel I can anymore and that's really hard. Hubby wanted it banned ages ago but I kept saying 'no this is how they talk etc' but in the end she seemed to abuse that trust. She is sooooo good compared to me in Y9!! We never have a bad word bad from school - she grafts her little arse off! She does lots of constructive things with her time outside of school, piano, sports teams, even a light opera society mainly full of 'oldies' but she's even managed to put herself at risk there I paint her in a bad light here but honestly Natalie, she's the epitomy of the old cliche 'If I had a classroom full of Emily's......' and 'she's a pleasure to teach'.
I may be over protective and I suppose that's my job as her mum. The schools I've worked in have been in more deprived areas and some stuff our girls get up to makes my hair curl - I just want so much for her maybe I sometimes lose a bit of perspective......but at the same time she cant be allowed to get away with stuff IYKWIM.

Ahhhhh......THIS is why we are sticking at 2 kids!! xx

 

[princess_bump]

lisa, firstly i think you're doing amazingly with emily; you seem to have the same sort of 'open' relationship me and my mum had at that age, and still have now. i'm now heading to 25 and when i look back at how mum was with me, i think she did a great job, and after teaching for a while, i really do remember what i was like.

with regards to the pill i was put on it at 14 by the hospital because of my pcos, but she always talked openly and honestly with regards to contraception, so i think you're just doing everything right honey! keep doing what you're doing! i don't blame you banning msn, when the internet first came out i was 14, and mum bless her, knew nothing of it, and they way i talked in chat rooms, just a few times, was terrible! maddi will never be allowed that! i think policing there internet usage has to go on, for safety, but i also think all we can do as parents is continually talk to them, thats what mum did with me, and i no she now takes that lovely smug look where she can forget about when i was naughty and say, wow, i did it!

well done you honey, you're doing great!

 

[FEDup1981]

HI, i dont have a teenage daughter so cant advise on that part of ur Question, but what i would say is avoid the depo injection at ALL costs. It completely ruins ur cycle, and she is far too young to have that. I wouldnt recommend it to anyone who hasnt had children yet, as it really does cause lots of problems for the future. Please dont let her have it. There are loads of other options

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks Carly

FEDup - I had the depo for a couple of years after I had Emily and it worked fine for me - came off, periods went regular as clockwork and no probs TTC BUT I appreciate it doesnt always pan out like that Thanks for the advice - I just thought it might be better than remembering a pill but I suppose I could make sure she took the pill properly while she's at home.

 

[princess_bump]

just a thought - i actually set my alarm on my phone to remind me to take my pill, might be an idea x

 

[nikky0907]

just a thought - i actually set my alarm on my phone to remind me to take my pill, might be an idea x

I did that too in the first year...and had a post-it stuck to my bathroom mirror to make extra sure to take it.


I think it's great that you talk to her about all this openly. My mom never did that with me, when I started having sex I was 15 and my sister (who was 20 at the time) signed the consent form for the pill!
I really couldn't talk to my mom about any of this...I'm sure that even if she cringes at the talks now she will appreciate it one day.



Edit: you can also try to put her on the patch? I was on it for a year and it's much simpler than the pill because you only need to remember to stick it once a week.

 

[Mervs Mum]

i didnt know about the patch - thanks Amy I'll look into that

 

[lozzy21]

I had the implant which was grat because you can forget about it for 3 years.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I had the implant which was grat because you can forget about it for 3 years.

Can I ask how old you were?? I do like the idea of making sure she doesnt need to remember but I'd like to chose the right thing with her. Does the implant stop periods?

 

[leedsforever]

hey hun

i went on the pill quite young think like 14 or something but I was having really irregular and heavy periods so the docs put me on it knowing it regulates your cycle..! My mum was quite open with me, but I dont think she ever really sat me down and gave me a grown up talk about sex, feelings and contraception.... I feel that I will do this though!

I dont advise the depo at all... but I see you have been on it so maybe your daughter will react to it the way you did?! I put on weight , lots of weight

 

[leedsforever]

I just thought it might be better than remembering a pill but I suppose I could make sure she took the pill properly while she's at home.

Might be harder than youd imagine... my mum constantly found pill packets with missed days and she couldnt tell my sis enough... ! She even phoned me to tell remind my sister how important it was... and my sis was 19 at the time !! But then Ive never been very good at remembering the pill!!