Are 'good eaters' lucky or as a result of parenting?

[shanny]

This has been rolling around in my mind since a weekend camping with friends.

One of the families was talking about their underweight children and how they are fussy and its hard to get them to eat.

My husband and I were told that we were lucky that we have good eaters. We did not want to get into an argument about parenting so we just left it at that.

I think we both feel that we have worked hard with our 3 (baby makes 4) children to get them into good habits and routines and that it is more than just luck.

Thoughts?

 

[emyandpotato]

Depends on the child and the family. Perhaps if you took ten children and had their upbringing supervised at all times by a nutritionist and child psychologist in order to get the best possible eating habits then 6 out of 10 of them might be good eaters, as opposed to the five out of ten you would probably get with an unsupervised bunch of kids. But mostly it depends on the child's personality I think.

Anyway, most of us know not to feed the junk 24/7 but there's no set rules about what's good parenting with regards to eating- for example sitting at the table until everyone has finished or not, cleaning their plate or not, using dessert as a reward for a clean plate or not, treats or not.... there is so much research saying different things, and so many people with eating disorders and/or obesity later in life that it's very difficult to say. I was a great eater as a baby and went on to have EDNOS from about the age of 6. Because I was parented well/badly with regards to eating? They did their best. My sisters turned out with very healthy attitudes to food. Parents can only do so much.

 

[Bex84]

I think its a mix. I made sure from when we weened lo that she had variety which was healthy. By the age of 2 children become more fussy naturally as in development this was in early human evolution when they would begin to forage for food therefore they would naturally only eat what previosly exposed to and evolutipns way of preventing eating poisoness things. My lo eats everything though a bit more fussy on meat probably due to i am vegeterian and she will choose fruit over chocolate any day. We do everything in moderation. She will not always eat a full plate but as long as she tries we dont pressure and she always balences her self out. We all eat together as well. I know we never had spicy stuff as children as dad didnt like and i am fussy about trying it lol. I know some children eat naturally less but i alsp know children bought up on food with no flavor or variety and lots of sweet stuff and obviosly if they are offered it they will usually demand rubbish. I got told by one friend when lo didnt like cows milk to add nesquiwk when she was a year old. In end she was lactoose intolerent anyway but i wouldent jump to putting sugary stuff in first. I think some is luck and some is providing good example. We dont even have junk food in house so she isnt likely to demand junk as not offerered and we just have water and milk available drink wise (she can now have a small amount of milk)

 

[emyandpotato]

I think its a mix. I made sure from when we weened lo that she had variety which was healthy. By the age of 2 children become more fussy naturally as in development this was in early human evolution when they would begin to forage for food therefore they would naturally only eat what previosly exposed to and evolutipns way of preventing eating poisoness things. My lo eats everything though a bit more fussy on meat probably due to i am vegeterian and she will choose fruit over chocolate any day. We do everything in moderation. She will not always eat a full plate but as long as she tries we dont pressure and she always balences her self out. We all eat together as well. I know we never had spicy stuff as children as dad didnt like and i am fussy about trying it lol. I know some children eat naturally less but i alsp know children bought up on food with no flavor or variety and lots of sweet stuff and obviosly if they are offered it they will usually demand rubbish. I got told by one friend when lo didnt like cows milk to add nesquiwk when she was a year old. In end she was lactoose intolerent anyway but i wouldent jump to putting sugary stuff in first. I think some is luck and some is providing good example. We dont even have junk food in house so she isnt likely to demand junk as not offerered and we just have water and milk available drink wise (she can now have a small amount of milk)

We have this problem, but to get past it I blend it with a banana or strawberries. Not that he doesn't have milkshake sometimes, but it seems like an odd suggestion to go straight to Nesquik!

 

[Bex84]

We mixed with soya milk which is sweeter then reduced amount of soya. Of course then she couldn't have when she did like lol

 

[Nibblenic]

Bit of a mix.
With my Lo not a single processed food passed her lips, not one jar or ready meal till she was over 18 months. Now at 5 she has had a 2.5 year run at being a very fussy eater. At 5 shes getting a little better but still has very strong opinions on taste/texture and is very reluctant to try new things.

There is a level of parenting, as with us, if she doesnt eat, then fine she doesnt eat. Some people woulnt be like that though and would maybe provide another choice or make a deal out of clearing her plate.

So there are all kinds of levels to it.

 

[pinkpolkadot]

I too would say a bit of both.

We have worked very hard to expose DD to good eating habits from a young age and for a while she was a great eater and we were very pleased, sure that it was either our own work or that we were lucky.

However, she suddenly became very fussy and overnight would not touch even her faves. We are slowly trying to reintroduce things but it is hit and miss at the moment so I feel this fussy phase could last some time in spite of our best efforts!

 

[Eleanor ace]

I agree with everyone else, it is a mix. Obviously encouraging good eating habits from weaning is going to give children a better chance of being good eaters, as is giving them lots of variety in what they eat. But some children (and adults) are just fussy eaters. My brothers and I were fed the same but they will eat anything while I am a fussy eater. My LO's have been weaned the same and exposed to the same wide variety of foods but DD is a lot more restrictive in what she will eat.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I agree with PPs that it's a mix.
Lucas was another that went very fussy overnight. Up until he was almost two he'd eat anything, would happily snack on raw veg and never turned food away. Then all of a sudden he wouldn't eat anything besides toast, would have actual meltdowns that could last an hour if anything green went near his plate. It's really took me the past 2.5 years to slowly reintroduce things, but even now he won't knowingly eat a vegetable. He just seems to be coming out of the phase recently, but it's gradual.
But then I have had comments of "oh he's such a good eater, you're lucky" I always think "spend a mealtime at my house, you'll think otherwise"

I think maybe parents of 'bad' eaters like to put it down to luck because they don't want to blame themselves. An aunt of mine used to comment on Lucas' eating a lot, and talk about her own son's habits as if it had nothing to do with her (he's a couple of years older than Lucas). But on going out for meals with them I'd see her offering him chocolate when he refused his meals because "at least he's eating something", and saying things like "he doesn't eat stinky veg". But then she'd say "he's seriously underweight, it's a medical condition, I'm very worried.."
I've never experienced frustration of a child literally not eating anything offered, but I did wonder in that case how much he was refusing to eat dinner because he was stuck in bad habits like this.

 

[Miss Vintage]

I have a fussy eater, he's always been a fussy eater, so I am sensitive to topics like this. I have tried everything to get him to try different food, or even try the thing he ate and liked the day before, but invariably it is refused and then thrown to the floor if I push it. I guess I feel that parents of those with good eaters are lucky, but only in the sense that they are lucky their efforts paid off and they were able to succeed in getting their child to eat well. I wish I knew the secret!

 

[smileyfaces]

Oscar will eat less than ten different foods. Thats bot because of our parenting skills, its because he is scared of food and textures and only sticks to what he knows.

It really is a mix. Children can be very fussy, they can have food aversions! It all just depends!

 

[modified]

I don't have personal experience but my mum and I were talking about something similar just the other day and we both think it can be either or, depending on the child.

My brother, myself and my sister were all brought up the same with the same food "rules", the same encouragement etc etc and that resulted in a child, then adult, that will essentially eat anything but meat (me), one that would eat anything especially meat (brother) and one that is an incredibly picky, fussy eater (sister).

I have family members that were very strict about what the child was allowed and wasn't allowed to eat and, again, the result has been a mix of fussy eaters and those who would eat anything. The same with family members who were essentially living in a "cafe menu" type situation - able to pick and choose what they want - that has resulted in a mix of picky and eating anything.

My mum was brought up in an "eat what's put in front of you" home and her and her 3 sisters all eat a wide variety of foods but her brother, my uncle, lives off a very "bland" diet - he won't skew from a very limited list of foods.

So, from that, I'd hazard a guess that it's mostly just the child/person themselves with, maybe, some help from parenting.

 

[JASMAK]

Well my daughter is picky and fussy and has been since she was little landing herself in the hospital with severe anemia as she wasnt eating. So glad people are 'debating' whether that is poor parenting. I guess is my fault too. I sure hope no one judging here has a child with a disability...these are the exact comments that are so cruel. Oh, and my other two kids are picky too. I was picky too. Guess I am just an all round shitty parent.

 

[smileyfaces]

Jasmak, my child has a disability and is a rubbish eater. Im pretty certain no one is judging or calling anyone a shitty parent

 

[Noodlebear]

My son gets given a wide variety of food, when he was smaller he was an amazing eater and would have whatever was put infront of him. At the moment he is being far more selective and it drives me mad but it can't be helped! I'd be pretty irritated if someone blamed him being fussy on my parenting.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

The thread has nothing to do with disabilities or calling anyone a shit parent. The OP was about parents being told they're lucky for having 'good eaters' when infact they've struggled with it like everyone else. You could take just about every thread on B&B personally if you tried, but this clearly wasn't intended to judge or offend.

 

[HaveANiceDay]

Well my daughter is picky and fussy and has been since she was little landing herself in the hospital with severe anemia as she wasnt eating. So glad people are 'debating' whether that is poor parenting. I guess is my fault too. I sure hope no one judging here has a child with a disability...these are the exact comments that are so cruel. Oh, and my other two kids are picky too. I was picky too. Guess I am just an all round shitty parent.

Woah, you're taking this thread very personally when no one has actually made any personal comments in regards to anyone's parenting. It's a discussion in general not aimed at anyone in particular. Calm down.

This is a difficult topic. I was a fussy eater as a child, and still am to an extent as an adult although my diet has moved on greatly from chips, spaghetti hoops and toast, there are still a fair variety of foods that I can't face putting past my lips, or if I do manage to get them in my mouth I can't manage to swallow them without gagging/throwing up, it sucks and I've always felt like it there was more to it than simply fussy eating, but who knows. According to my mum I just stopped eating at around age 3, she took me to the dr and they said as long as I still ate baked beans I'd be fine (???), but then not long after that I went off those as well.

I do think that if you give your child too many of the 'wrong' foods then they will obviously develop a preference for them and may refuse healthier options as a result. But at the same time, if you offer a healthy and varied diet and your child still becomes 'fussy', then I don't think you can really be at fault. It's just one of those things that many children go through and most of the time they will grow out of it. I do think it's important to keep offering a variety though, and not get stuck in a rut of just giving what you know they will eat. Even if you just put it on their plate, or on a side dish with something they do like without putting pressure on them to eat it, they may one day decide to try it simply because it's there and they fancy it.

 

[karlilay]

I would guess a bit of both.
Zach lives on Spag Bol, Carbonara and and homemade chips with beans.

That's it dinner wise. I have tried every single trick in the book, it's got to the point of exhaustion now and I am fed of of wasting money and time cooking and preparing him food that goes in the bin.
So I cook what he likes. Madi is also fussy but no where near as bad.

 

[emyandpotato]

Well my daughter is picky and fussy and has been since she was little landing herself in the hospital with severe anemia as she wasnt eating. So glad people are 'debating' whether that is poor parenting. I guess is my fault too. I sure hope no one judging here has a child with a disability...these are the exact comments that are so cruel. Oh, and my other two kids are picky too. I was picky too. Guess I am just an all round shitty parent.

No one is judging in the slightest.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I really think it's mainly down to chance and not weaning or parenting x