Are men turned off by intelligence...?

[Pearls18]

This is being discussed on This Morning and made me giggle, just wondered what people here think of this statement?

The lady discussing it thinks she is single at 50 because men are intimidated by her intelligence, however, I think in the conversation she has made it clear that it might perhaps be her manner and condescension that could be the cause of this.....

Of course some men will prefer their partner not to be cleverer than them and others are probably turned on by an intelligent lady, do we think there's a general rule? Have you ever dumbed yourself down for somebody?

On the flip side, are we turned on or off by intelligence? I would struggle to find a man attractive if he wasn't intelligent, I'm not saying he needs a PhD (I have more qualifications than my husband) but if a man couldn't hold a serious conversation on a matter with a level of understanding and empathy I just couldn't be with him I don't think.

 

[shellideaks]

I wouldn't say I'm intelligent as such but I'm certainly not stupid and I know OH likes that he can talk to me about things. He doesn't have to dumb anything down for me and he prefers that.

I find intelligence a big turn on. When I first got with OH, he was on the phone to a work colleague talking business (he makes computer games) and it all sounded so technical. I thought it was really hot

 

[lovelylaura]

I think couples have to be on the same level of intelligence. I find intelligence attractive. If my husband couldnt hold a decent conversation with me i wouldnt be with him. I've never dumbed myself down although i wouldnt say im very intelligent really. And i agree with you about it being her own personality that has caused the problems not her intelligence.

 

[special_kala]

I find intelligence attractive, sometimes i struggle with my husband as he is know about music (can listen to a song once and work out how to play it on the piano/keyboard in 5 minutes) and is good with his hands but he has no interest in anything academic. My dad lives in Abu Dhabi and River asked what country it was in and he said India


Most men i know seem to like it when a woman can have a decent conversation with them but at the same time i do find there are times when being the slightly perplexed woman in need of help is needed I probably just spat in the face of all feminists by saying that.

 

[wishuwerehere]

Hmmm...that's an interesting one!
My DH is an intelligent man, but his intelligence is a lot more practical, common sense, day to day than mine. I'm quite academic, but I suck at renewing the car insurance, changing a tyre, phoning the gas company when they've made a mistake, etc. My OH is very good at 'life' and he is very intelligent at sorting that stuff out. He works with computers so he has a lot of useful technical knowledge and generally cancels out stuff I'm a bit absent minded about.

Basically we complement each other as we're both pretty intelligent but in different ways. For me that's the ideal as we can respect each other as on an intellectual par with each other.

What you were saying about the woman on This Morning - i do think being condescending is a massive problem for very intelligent people. I have a friend who is super smart but she's so superior it pisses me off sometimes, and I love her a great deal as someone who has helped and been there for me. She's never really had a boyfriend and I think it puts blokes off - noone likes to feel patronised!

 

[Dragonfly]

intelligent men I can have a conversation with would turn me on. I cant speak for if it turns men on but I know men it does. I had an ex who just wasnt intelligent lets say. It was very very irritating. I couldnt even have a serious conversation with him he appeared to me on another planet and never understood me. That was a big turn off. I think its rare to find men (personally speaking) that like a good intelligent conversation.

 

[suzib76]

That woman was an idiot. It wasn't intelligence that turned the men off her, more like her arrogant, nasty, condescending streak

 

[hayz_baby]

I agree with pp that I think we look for intellectual equals. Not mecerasarily the same amount of degrees etc. me and my oh are clever in v different ways and it has never really been an issue. Although I'm not sure if u could b with a man who was really unintelligent in every way (bare in mind my oh is dyslexic and didn't finish school) i don't think I would ever find it a turn off or get turned on by other men's intelligence. (Never tested the water tbh)
What I go for is a man that can make me laugh, that's a big turn on for me.

 

[LoveCakes]

Haha my hubby says he loves having a smart wife because I make good money and we can go on holiday lol

I couldn't find someone I thought dumb attractive, I love being able to talk with OH about work and nerdy things like astronomy and science.

I agree people feel comfortable with their equals but practically some people do need looking after a bit, if both partners aren't bright thye may struggle generally.

 

[mara16jade]

My DH has told me that intelligence is important. He couldn't be attracted to someone if he can't hold a conversation or have witty debates with. We both come from a scientific background and I think for us, it makes conversation easy and invigorating since we can actually talk about different things and if one of us isn't familiar with it, it can be easily explained and then understood.

And math, finances, trends, etc. are also something we feel comfortable with. Neither of us are the type that have that need to find someone to fully take care of. That doesn't mean we don't take care of each other, but in the sense of some men/women don't feel comfortable or understand business or finances and need their handheld - that sort of taking care of was just not our cup of tea. And that's probably why we work great together. On the other hand, my bff is um...mathematically challenged and has told me on numerous occasions that she just needs a man to come take care of her. If that's what she wants, so be it, and there are plenty of men out there who would love a woman like that.

To each their own.

ETA: And for the 50 year old woman who said she's single b/c men are intimidated? B.S.! Its her attitude. I know a few women like that, and its not that men are intimidated with how intelligent they are, they simply don't like the attitude of "I'm so intelligent...probably more intelligent than you".

 

[mara16jade]

Most men i know seem to like it when a woman can have a decent conversation with them but at the same time i do find there are times when being the slightly perplexed woman in need of help is needed I probably just spat in the face of all feminists by saying that.

LOL I can agree to an extent. I'd never play dumb, but I have no problem in being a damsel in distress when I need a jar opened, carrying heavy bags or need an item off a high shelf (I'm vertically challenged lol).

And I know my DH feels like a hero when I'm struggling with a jar and about to smashing on the floor and he just opens it like it was nothing. lol

 

[NerdyMama]

I think it depends on the man on whether or not intelligence is attractive. That women, i didnt see her mind you, but if she was arrogant about it that is point blank her problem. My hubby can be an ass about his intelligence sometimes, he is freakishly smart and can remember basically anything. Just think a philosophical Sheldon from big bang theory thats not a prude lol. So yea, he gets obnoxious, but i love it on him. Its sexy when hes talking about things with passion and knowledge. Unfortunately, lately he has wasted this amazing gift with a damn video game and wont stop talking about that. He needs to go back to university and think of other things to talk about!! I wouldnt say im all that intelligent, it takes me studying and work to remember things and do well. However, i know my oh wouldnt be wih me if i couldn't keep up and understand and have a good debate. Of course things get sour occasionally when i trump him lol

 

[freckleonear]

As others have said, I think couples need to be fairly equally matched in intelligence. My husband and I have often talked about it, we both have IQs in the 160s and there is no way either of us could be with someone who wasn't able to converse on the same level. And equally, being with a much more intelligent partner would cause difficulties and insecurities. So my answer to the original question would be that whether or not a man finds intelligence attractive depends on his own level of intelligence.

 

[louandivy]

I would never ever be attracted to the type of guy who is turned off or intimidated by intelligence - I need to be in a relationship where I am treated as an equal I don't do the whole damsel in distress thing

 

[Bex84]

I think you need to be at same sort of level of intelligence just so your able to speak to each other on the same level, however there is different types of intelligence, I knew someone who was extremely intelligent when it came to academics however when asked to wash a floor where we worked at the time he got the squeeze bit of the mop bucket and tried to put water in it despite it obviously had holes lol. He is not the only one who I know who is very academic and has no common sense. Me and my husband are preety equal but in different areas, I know a lot about literature, art and music and he is very intelligent when it comes to maths and politics, we are both passionate about history and both teachers. I am dyslexic but managed to have it not noticed for years as I always did well at school, when people hear I'm dyslexic though they think I'm stupid. I have friends who did not do well at academics and those who are very into their studies. I wouldn't say its particularly a turn off but I think you just tend to be attracted to people who can keep your mind stimulated. Me and dh have different political, religious and views over things like food (im a vegetarian) however we can have a good debate without being annoyed at each other. It also depends how arrogant people are, I find people who are arrogant about intelligence or looks to be highly irritating due to its much more important to be a good and kind person.

 

[louandivy]

I think you need to be at same sort of level of intelligence just so your able to speak to each other on the same level, however there is different types of intelligence, I knew someone who was extremely intelligent when it came to academics however when asked to wash a floor where we worked at the time he got the squeeze bit of the mop bucket and tried to put water in it despite it obviously had holes lol. He is not the only one who I know who is very academic and has no common sense. Me and my husband are preety equal but in different areas, I know a lot about literature, art and music and he is very intelligent when it comes to maths and politics, we are both passionate about history and both teachers. I am dyslexic but managed to have it not noticed for years as I always did well at school, when people hear I'm dyslexic though they think I'm stupid. I have friends who did not do well at academics and those who are very into their studies. I wouldn't say its particularly a turn off but I think you just tend to be attracted to people who can keep your mind stimulated. Me and dh have different political, religious and views over things like food (im a vegetarian) however we can have a good debate without being annoyed at each other. It also depends how arrogant people are, I find people who are arrogant about intelligence or looks to be highly irritating due to its much more important to be a good and kind person.

THIS IS ME, lol. Me and one of my oldest, closest friends were practically inseparable when we were younger and we made such a great team because we had such different types of 'intelligence'. I did all the thinking and she sorted out all the practical shit I do agree there are different types of intelligence, I do seem to often end up with more mathematical/science orientated people which I am not good at at all, I like being with someone who can teach me and vice versa.

 

[wishuwerehere]

I think you need to be at same sort of level of intelligence just so your able to speak to each other on the same level, however there is different types of intelligence, I knew someone who was extremely intelligent when it came to academics however when asked to wash a floor where we worked at the time he got the squeeze bit of the mop bucket and tried to put water in it despite it obviously had holes lol. He is not the only one who I know who is very academic and has no common sense. Me and my husband are preety equal but in different areas, I know a lot about literature, art and music and he is very intelligent when it comes to maths and politics, we are both passionate about history and both teachers. I am dyslexic but managed to have it not noticed for years as I always did well at school, when people hear I'm dyslexic though they think I'm stupid. I have friends who did not do well at academics and those who are very into their studies. I wouldn't say its particularly a turn off but I think you just tend to be attracted to people who can keep your mind stimulated. Me and dh have different political, religious and views over things like food (im a vegetarian) however we can have a good debate without being annoyed at each other. It also depends how arrogant people are, I find people who are arrogant about intelligence or looks to be highly irritating due to its much more important to be a good and kind person.

THIS IS ME, lol. Me and one of my oldest, closest friends were practically inseparable when we were younger and we made such a great team because we had such different types of 'intelligence'. I did all the thinking and she sorted out all the practical shit I do agree there are different types of intelligence, I do seem to often end up with more mathematical/science orientated people which I am not good at at all, I like being with someone who can teach me and vice versa.

This is me and my husband to a t - so much more simply put than my post lol.

 

[lindseymw]

Intelligence is a very subjective thing. How exactly do you measure intelligence? For me & DH, if you look at academics & IQ test alone, I am considerably more 'intelligent' than my DH. However, we both have our strengths. IT, maths & science I am very good at whilst DH would excel at history & politics. Give him a screwdriver and he will be in his element.

Despite having a difference in intelligence (based on IQ test/academics), we are able to hold meaningful conversations with each other (apart from when he is telling me about his day at work, unfortunately I know nothing about blast furnaces. I just smile & nod)

 

[emyandpotato]

Well my OH quite likes that I'm more intelligent academically than he is and uses it to his advantage, but it probably wasn't what interested him in the first place! I know I get turned off by stupidity. Even on things like Netmums I won't message anyone who makes a spelling mistake or uses bad grammar, or the worst; text speak!

ETA: In case I worded that in a weird way, I would just like to clarify that I do NOT use Netmums to hit on people...

 

[louandivy]

Bad spelling/grammar doesn't equal stupidity though