Are you a Maybe Baby?

[BabyImAmazed]

I'm new but have been lurking for prob over 12 months.

Been with OH 6 years and married for 3 and been WTT for about 4 years. I'm now about 4 weeks away from TTC.

My 'problem' is this... Over the past 4 years there hasn't been 1 reason for waiting to try there have been several. The wedding, finances, travel, redundancy, health, weight loss etc which I feel has turned our ttc date always into a maybe.

Even now, if we TTC next month it means we could be pregnant for our holiday in 3 months but because it might not happen, we're just gonna go for it - it certainly won't be a bad thing.

Im starting to wonder if all this deliberation is normal, do you think it could even be nerves? I've always taken the thought of being a mum in my stride, so think its more that if we're not trying I don't have to worry that its not working.

Would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences/thoughts.

 

[Simonie]

In my opinion, there is no "good" time to get pregnant. It could be stress or fear of not knowing what's going to happen. This is one of the biggest decision a couple will make. If you are in general someone that stress over a lot of things, it certainly can cause you to over thinking this.

We're never fully ready anyway however, all this thinking might be because you are not sure yet if you want a child or not? Make a list of the pros and cons to have a child right now and see what you come up with. That could help you make a decision more clearly? Talk to someone who have children, they might have experience the same things.

 

[I Love Lucy]

I just wanted to say that you could still go on holiday while pg, you just wouldn't be able to drink alcohol/other things pregnant women can't do where you're going. And personally, I think a vacation would be a nice thing to look forward to, especially if you don't get your BFP right away. OH and I are actually waiting a few months after TTC to get married just so we have some things to look forward to during TTC (along with some other reasons, of course).

 

[brenn09]

I definitely think the deliberation is normal if you're the kind of planner that I am, for instance. It would be completely out of character for me not to plan ttc to the best of my ability- I do everything else!

I've been wttc for about 2 years, will be 2.5 years when we finally get to ttc and there have been a lot of reasons for that. When we start to ttc in November of this year, I still feel like we won't be 100% ready but I have accepted that we will never be 100%, I'm just aiming for more ready than we are right now!! Everything won't be perfect, but we'll be as close as can be expected and we're just going to go for it, too! We both feel comfortable and we're both ready to be parents! That is all that matters!

If you and your OH are both comfortable with your ttc date and you both feel you're ready to be parents, then I think you're ready! This is such a HUGE decision though I think it is normal to have some anxiety and be nervous about it. Good luck!

 

[alchemy]

I feel like I'm making excuses too. Can't do it for a year because we have debt to pay off. Can't do it for two years because we are moving. Hoping that in two years I can stop making excuses. DH and I are both feeling the same, but I'd rather wait until we are sure.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think it's completely normal to go back and forth about what is the best thing to do. There are so many factors to consider, and like others have said, there will never be a perfect time. You just have to weight up when is the best time (if not the perfect one) for you and your husband. I stressed over it for months because our finances aren't as secure as we'd like them to be (it's just the nature of my work, I never know what my income will be year to year or sometimes even month to month), but our lifestyle and the amount of time/flexibility we have to devote to a child, not to mention my aging uterus, did mean it felt like a good time for us. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and leap, and it will all work out the way it's meant to. We've moved over to TTC recently and I feel so much better now. It's like once you make the decision, all the little doubts and worries and voices that are niggling you get a bit quieter.

And just wondering, where are you going on your holiday?

 

[BabyImAmazed]

Thanks for the replies ladies, I really do appreciate it. Sometimes just hearing some peoples thoughts really allows you to put your own into order.

Without doubt, we're 'ready' to have a child. My other half would have one yesterday, but then I often feel he has less to consider than me.

We're ok financially, we're both very mature (Im 29, he's 32) and often with what ever we want to do we kinda turn to each other and think... wouldnt this be even better with a child to share it with? We've also pretty much been surrounded by kids, from newborns all the way to teenagers - and cos it's close family we've even 'played' at parenting by babysitting for several nights at a time etc.

In comparison to how much I want a family, I guess my reasons are silly but I just cant seem to stop myself deliberating them.

I guess like someone else said they are probably down to overplanning and trying to get things as near perfect as can be. I think about summer vs winter babies, being oldest youngest in school, being pitched against slightly annoying family members who are like 'WHHHAAAT your baby isnt walking yet?' although I know we'll always get this.... and then on top of all my thinking, I obviously have the 'Oh my god, this could take us years' feeling in the back of my head.

Then I think about my career and when best to take a break, its such a lot to think about.

I think we're probably set on TTC from next month and waiting to see how quickly we are blessed. Its weird, but both my OH and I just have a feeling we will have a May 2013 baby, which gives us 3/4 months to conceive. No pressure but would be funny if it happened.

I think up until then, the deliberation may well also have been me fighting the urge to just go ahead and start trying right away... I dont need to explain to any of you how powerful that urge can be.

 

[pianogirl]

Hey welcome here! I've questioned whether now is the right time for OH and I to have a baby as well. I know we are as ready as we ever will be. We both want to start our family SO badly! I think for me it's that I'm getting nervous about it as our TTC date gets closer and closer. It's a big deal, becoming a mother is something that you can never "undo." I know I'll love being a mom, I just have heard from other young moms around me that it's very hard at first. But now that I've realized it's just nervousness setting in I'm just going to go for it! I know I want to be a mom so there's no use in waiting! I hope that makes sense, haha.

 

[alchemy]

I know what it's like to be an overplanner. Sometimes it's hard to just let go and do it. Good luck!