Arranged marriages .. right, or wrong?

[aob1013]

Do you think arranged marriages are right, or wrong?

I don't believe a child should be forced to marry someone else. They don't love that person, or know them and i don't think anyone should be forced to make such a life changing decision. You hear of women being murdered by their families because they refuse!

 

[caz81]

it depends, if all parties involved want an arranged marriage then I see nothing wrong with it. If people are forced into it then it is completely wrong.

I think there is a lot of misconceptions that people are forced into all arranged marriages, yes that does happen in some but also a lot happen because its what the bride/groom want.

My hubby's best friend wanted to have an arranged marriage as he was not having any luck meeting someone himself so he had one, they got married in the summer and are very happy.

I think modern arranged marriages are fine, and a lot of people in Indian culture are actually returning to asking their parents to arrange a marriage for them. But I would never agree with anyone being forced into it.

 

[blinkybaby]

I agree with the above - if all parties concerned are willing and happy to participate then I don't see a problem with it. My OH's friend is Muslim and is happy for his father to introduce him to a prospective wife in the near future, as long as she is happy to be introduced to him too. xx

 

[indy and lara]

I think that if the people involved are willing particpants then they are fine. The problem is only if either of the parties do not want to be married. It goes without saying that I think both participants should be adults rather than children.

 

[redpoppy]

Do you think arranged marriages are right, or wrong?

I don't believe a child should be forced to marry someone else. They don't love that person, or know them and i don't think anyone should be forced to make such a life changing decision. You hear of women being murdered by their families because they refuse!

is this because we're fighting over Omar.... Because he will be mine! I mean my daughters!

*ahem ahem*

Can I kindly suggest you change the title to "forced marriages"if you think its appropriate? Because we have arranged marriages in my family as well as meet your own kind and all an arranged marriage is, is a list of "suitable" partners being lined up for you to meet. A family dating service of sorts. I met about 50 "suitable" guys from my late teens to my early 20s and ended up marrying my OH who I met myself. I always thought I'd have an arranged marriage but there would have been no coercion or forcing of any kind involved.

And forced marriages are an abhorrent practice, they should be outlawed in every country and people should be educated about them in schools here in the UK. It happens her far more than it should. I'm actually hoping to start working for a non profit that works with these issues next year. If all goes well. I'll know more then!

 

[aob1013]

Actually i didn't think of that, if they are all willing then i suppose there are no problems. I just couldn't marry someone i don't know from Adam, kwim? They could be anyone!

 

[redpoppy]

Actually i didn't think of that, if they are all willing then i suppose there are no problems. I just couldn't marry someone i don't know from Adam, kwim? They could be anyone!

Actually, after having had a "love marriage" as they are referred to in Asian culture I sometimes wonder how on earth I would have done it any other way. But I know that I would have. But the thing about not knowing anyone from Adam, you never know what you're going to get in marriage in my opinion, so in many (but obviously not all) arranged marriages, a family can see that the potential partner comes from a similar background, the family has similar values, etc. and then the individuals can decide on yes or no. I know a few arranged marriages where the couple end up HEAD OVER HEELS in love within the first few meets. It's funny because in such scenarios you always get the older peeps laughing at them and also saying "i don't know what's wrong with him, he's obsessed! he can't concentrate on anythign else!?!" etc. Even in modern Asian culture public displays of affection are quite "unseemly". I have a cousin on facebook who's always posting on his fiance's wall things like "i love you" and "miss you" and it feels weird to me.

Also, I suppose with arranged marriages the expectations can be a lot lower. In Pakistan to this day women's lives and men's lives have separate circles. Not segregated but just what they do. Even though an increasing number are now going for the "love marriage" or find your own option, men still do men things and women do women things. I can't quite explain it. Because of this I feel same sex friendships seem a LOT stronger there. There is almost a romance of friendship that you don't get here. Like you'd die for your friends type thing.

 

[sabby52]

They are right for some, but wrong for others. It depends if it is a forced arranged married or one that both bride and groom agree to.

 

[TattiesMum]

Do you think arranged marriages are right, or wrong?

I don't believe a child should be forced to marry someone else. They don't love that person, or know them and i don't think anyone should be forced to make such a life changing decision. You hear of women being murdered by their families because they refuse!

There is a HUGE difference between an Arranged Marriage and a Forced Marriage Hon - please don't confuse the two.

 

[aob1013]

I don't see the difference personally. Maybe the word arranged means different to different people. A forced marriage, was initially arranged before it became forced?

If people see two different meanings, i will re-ask my question;

Are arranged marriages right or wrong?

AND

Are forced marriages right or wrong?

 

[redpoppy]

I don't see the difference personally. Maybe the word arranged means different to different people. A forced marriage, was initially arranged before it became forced?

If people see two different meanings, i will re-ask my question;

Are arranged marriages right or wrong?

AND

Are forced marriages right or wrong?

The difference is this:

If your mate set you up on a string of blind dates and both you and the guy made clear that your intention was to find someone to marry, and you found one guy very attractive and he you, went on a few more dates, decided he was fab, and got married to him.

Vs.

Your mate finding you a guy to get married to, deciding he fitted in with her expectations of what and who you should marry, didn't really give your preferences or opinions or attraction much importance and then made sure you were put in a psychological, social, cultural dilemma using whatever means necessary including emotional blackmail and threats IF need be to make sure you married him because it would be for your own, and her benefit.

 

[Dragonfly]

Taking away freedom of choice is bad and forcing but if two people want to of their own free will that happened to be arranged then why not. I have a cue forming for William already lol

 

[indy and lara]

I don't see the difference personally. Maybe the word arranged means different to different people. A forced marriage, was initially arranged before it became forced?

If people see two different meanings, i will re-ask my question;

Are arranged marriages right or wrong?

AND

Are forced marriages right or wrong?

An arranged marriage is entered into, from choice, by both parties. Neither party is coerced into accepting the marriage. A forced marriage is just that, forced. Someone is made to get married, whether it is their choice or not. There is a huge difference between the two. It is important to make a distinction between the two as they are just not the same thing.

Forced marriages are of course wrong. Arranged marriages are fine if that is the choice of the participants.

 

[aob1013]

Okay, i'll ask my question about both:

Are arranged marriages right, or wrong?

AND

Are forced marriages right, or wrong?

 

[redpoppy]

My opinion

Arranged marriages = right

Forced marriages = wrong.

 

[OmarsMum]

My opinion

Arranged marriages = right

Forced marriages = wrong.

Agree

In my culture arranged marriages are very common, but it's a very modern way of arranged marriages. It's like match making. They introduce a guy to a girl, they meet several times, if they find themselves suitable for each us, they go forward & get engaged. My marriage was kind of arranged. He was looking, I was available (but not very desperate to get married), we met through my parents friends, we went out for few weeks, we got engaged for 10 months, then we got married

I was the odd one in family who didnt marry early at the age of 18-21

I had something against arranged marriages at 1st, as I wanted to fall in love with prince charming. But the 2 relationships I went through earlier were crappy, so I gave "arranged marriage" a try at the age of 28 & it worked for the best.

 

[OmarsMum]

is this because we're fighting over Omar.... Because he will be mine! I mean my daughters!


!

 

[Dopeyjopey]

I like the idea of arranged marriages. Wish my mum and dad had thought of suitors for me when i was younger - i doubt i'd have made some of the terrible decisions i have and maybe would be settled down with a decent person by now.

Forced marriages. No way.

 

[TattiesMum]

I have several friends who have arranged marriages and they seem very happy together ... they were introduced to a number of different guys before they went ahead and were completely free to make their own decisions - in fact they had all asked their parents to help them find a husband before the process even started

They, and their parents knew the history and natures of both their husband and in-laws before they were even introduced - either directly or through the community network.... which is more than I ever did (or most people in western culture do), so there have been less nasty surprises along the way

In fact I know 2 girls who found and chose their own 1st husbands in the 'normal' way and who, after it all went wrong, asked their parents to arrange their 2nd marriages - both are now blissfully happy with their arranged husbands so yes - I personally believe that arranged marriages are a good thing

Given the monumental mistakes that my daughters and I have made with our choices of men I wish I was part of a culture where arranged marriages were possible to be honest!!

Forced marriage is completely different - it's demeaning, cruel, completely un-acceptable and amounts to physical and cultural kidnapping . It's usually these marriages which hit the headlines for honour killings etc, not arranged marriages.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I dont really see the need but then again I have never been around it x