Arranged marriages .. right, or wrong?

[Aidan's Mummy]

If all parties involved are willing to take part them that's their choice

I don't agree with men or women being forced into marriage.
xx

 

[sophxx]

where we live its a very big muslim culture and they dont accept love matches they has been alot of honor killings in the last few years

my oh is muslim and speaking from experince we are not accepted and neither are any of his brothers relationships even ones who married same religion (although after time they have been)

it really depends how westernised people are and how open they are my oh comes from a wealthy family in pakistain and they only marry in the family apart from his brothers

i dont know any one in our area that has a love marraige accepted wheres as in citys they might

i didnt mean its just those religions i ment where we live these religions dont accept love marraiges of different religions or both people the same religion

hope i explained that x

This is why I think it's more cultural. In Egypt for example almost all Coptic Christians won't accept love marriages & most of their marriages are arranged & some are forced. They dont accept marriages from another religions even from other christians. They live in villages & they'r very attached to their old culture & beliefs. Honor killing is accepted & blessed.

There is also the Druze Religion In the Middle East. Marriage outside their community is like commiting suicide. Almost all their marriages are arranged. They also think sex should be looked upon for reproduction only. If a girl or a guy wants to marry from another religion or culture they have to elope. If they try to come back to their village, they are killed for honor.

i agree it is cultural to some what put here they have it hammered into them a mosque they will go to hell bring shame on there family if they marry out of who there parents choose

so its mostplay a part in whos teaching these things to children and men to make them think it is there religion and what they have to do

do they accept marriages even if the party doesnt change religion?

as i thought the quran said that a muslim man can marry any one as long as they belive that allah is there god (or something along those lines)

does that not defeat the object of accepting marraiges should it not be to accept people for what they belive?

sorry for the questions im just intrested i ask my oh and he just says there backwards in the town were from so not much of a answer
xx

 

[redpoppy]

where we live its a very big muslim culture and they dont accept love matches they has been alot of honor killings in the last few years

my oh is muslim and speaking from experince we are not accepted and neither are any of his brothers relationships even ones who married same religion (although after time they have been)

it really depends how westernised people are and how open they are my oh comes from a wealthy family in pakistain and they only marry in the family apart from his brothers

i dont know any one in our area that has a love marraige accepted wheres as in citys they might

i didnt mean its just those religions i ment where we live these religions dont accept love marraiges of different religions or both people the same religion

hope i explained that x

This is why I think it's more cultural. In Egypt for example almost all Coptic Christians won't accept love marriages & most of their marriages are arranged & some are forced. They dont accept marriages from another religions even from other christians. They live in villages & they'r very attached to their old culture & beliefs. Honor killing is accepted & blessed.

There is also the Druze Religion In the Middle East. Marriage outside their community is like commiting suicide. Almost all their marriages are arranged. They also think sex should be looked upon for reproduction only. If a girl or a guy wants to marry from another religion or culture they have to elope. If they try to come back to their village, they are killed for honor.

i agree it is cultural to some what put here they have it hammered into them a mosque they will go to hell bring shame on there family if they marry out of who there parents choose

so its mostplay a part in whos teaching these things to children and men to make them think it is there religion and what they have to do

do they accept marriages even if the party doesnt change religion?

as i thought the quran said that a muslim man can marry any one as long as they belive that allah is there god (or something along those lines)

does that not defeat the object of accepting marraiges should it not be to accept people for what they belive?

sorry for the questions im just intrested i ask my oh and he just says there backwards in the town were from so not much of a answer
xx

if you're going by the book so to speak, Islamically a man can marry anyone who is "of the book" which means if they are Christian, Jewish or Muslim. A woman can only marry a Muslim. Although a few very modern thinking and largely marginalised scholars have argued that women can also have their pick of "people of the book".

As for what mosques tell people, they have no right. I had a very educated female scholar get chucked out of a mosque up north because she was telling girls there that it would be good for them to go to university and educate themselves and because she informed them that it was unislamic to marry someone against their wishes.

So some places are just backwards. I think your OH is right.

Islamic jurisprudence is a complicated affair and imams at local mosques really fancy themselves as religious authorities but they're not. But everyone seems to be a Scholar nowadays. You can get online scholars too. They will issue you with a verdict on whatever predicament you are in. They rarely seem to discuss the differences in Islamic school of thought, the options available to an individual or the disputes that scholars regularly have amongst themselves. They give their version/interpretation and expect people to follow it blindly as the the word of God. So much for their being no priesthood in Islam. *goes off ranting*

 

[OmarsMum]

where we live its a very big muslim culture and they dont accept love matches they has been alot of honor killings in the last few years

my oh is muslim and speaking from experince we are not accepted and neither are any of his brothers relationships even ones who married same religion (although after time they have been)

it really depends how westernised people are and how open they are my oh comes from a wealthy family in pakistain and they only marry in the family apart from his brothers

i dont know any one in our area that has a love marraige accepted wheres as in citys they might

i didnt mean its just those religions i ment where we live these religions dont accept love marraiges of different religions or both people the same religion

hope i explained that x

This is why I think it's more cultural. In Egypt for example almost all Coptic Christians won't accept love marriages & most of their marriages are arranged & some are forced. They dont accept marriages from another religions even from other christians. They live in villages & they'r very attached to their old culture & beliefs. Honor killing is accepted & blessed.

There is also the Druze Religion In the Middle East. Marriage outside their community is like commiting suicide. Almost all their marriages are arranged. They also think sex should be looked upon for reproduction only. If a girl or a guy wants to marry from another religion or culture they have to elope. If they try to come back to their village, they are killed for honor.

i agree it is cultural to some what put here they have it hammered into them a mosque they will go to hell bring shame on there family if they marry out of who there parents choose

so its mostplay a part in whos teaching these things to children and men to make them think it is there religion and what they have to do

do they accept marriages even if the party doesnt change religion?

as i thought the quran said that a muslim man can marry any one as long as they belive that allah is there god (or something along those lines)

does that not defeat the object of accepting marraiges should it not be to accept people for what they belive?

sorry for the questions im just intrested i ask my oh and he just says there backwards in the town were from so not much of a answer
xx

2 of my cousins (muslims) are married to christian ladies. They'r accepted in our family as they are. No one expected them to change their religion.

One of them (Russian) is living with her in laws who are very religious. They never interfered with her religion or beliefs & they never asked her to change her religion. She has 2 kids, they have christian names (Daniel & Mariya). For us Christians & jews are believers (even those who are not practicing but still believe).

This is why I think it's different from area to another. I'm from the mediterranean middle east, which is totally different than the Asian culture (other than the basic islamic parctices like fasting & praying we dont share much when it comes to cultural practices). We have native christians & muslims & they marry from each other.

Muslim ladies are not expected to cover their hair as part of the culture, it a lady is religious she covers her hair. The minority only force their daughters to cover their hair as part of their culture & most of them are those who live in villages.

 

[sophxx]

theres def a big difference it sounds like its alot more open and laid back

my oh accepts me for me and that i went top church of england school and followed that faith our baby has a name that is from the biblical so is both muslim and Christian we both agree our lo will be opened minded and brought up in both clutures its just a shame for my lo his family dont see this or some of his friends they are always on at him but we stay seperate from them now

redpoppy im from up north lol the town where the riots happened its very old fashioned the women dont mix hardly at all some do go to uni but never do anything with it they just go on to marry people from back home

thank you for answering my questions xx

 

[summer rain]

sophxx I used to live round those areas as well and its pure culture; a lot of it coming from before Islam. There is even a tribe in Pakistan who are pagans and they have similar cultural beliefs and practices, a lot of what they believe and are taught at the mosque is cultural claptrap and superstition and most of the teachers at the mosques are not educated. Also a lot of Indian subcontinent Muslims converted in the 18th and 19th century and before that were low caste Hindus; as such many of them still have the beliefs and practices that entails; such as believing strongly in castes, sexist beliefs about women and so on. You also find these problems in some poorer Hindu and Sikh communities; especially up north; for example the only examples I know personally of forced marriages (practically at gunpoint in one case; and in another the lady was drugged) they were Sikh and Hindu ladies but their families were very very cultural. The founder of the main charity organisation against forced marriages in the UK is actually a Sikh lady.

In Islam, in the purely scriptural sense, there is no such thing as a forced marriage; its completely forbidden and invalid; and even arranged marriages are not pre-arranged in the sense they are in some Indian cultures; they are more like 'introduced' marriages or matchmaking and the top factor in choosing a marriage partner is religion; then character/personality and other things such as social standing, income, education etc should come after these things as secondary considerations; though they do have a role to play, you can't expect someone to marry someone who may see eye to eye religiously but who wouldn't be able to provide for their spouse or is just on a whole other level intellectually. Also its not Islamically correct to 'make deals' when arranging marriages such as I'll marry your daughter to my son, if you marry x lady to such and such other guy' but sadly this is rampant in certain cultures.

 

[Justagirlxx]

I agree 100% with Aidens mom. I think that if all parties involved are making the choice of their own free will than it is fine. If the woman or man is being forced against their will than it is wrong. Everyone should have the freedom to choose. If their choice is an arranged married I have no problem with that.