Arrgghh dont know what to do!

[jo_79]

A while ago i posted about my 10 yr old having a hard time at school. For various reasons, one being that she needed to be in a school for her last year to make friends before moving up to secondary school, if she stayed at her old school she'd have moved up to a secondary school in the town we live and would know nobody.

So she moved schools at easter and the class she went into was a split year group, some yr 5 like her and the others yr 6, she made a couple of friends but they were yr 6 and moved up to secondary school in september, it seems a lot of the others she just didnt get on with (she does find it hard to make friends). She was dreading going back to school and having no friends, so she went back and luckily made a new friend who just moved to that school in her class, they hung out everyday after school too. At half term her friend moved back to her old school cos she hated it so much and that the other kids were picking on her all the time (this girls old school was my 2nd choice to send chloe to) so now chloe is coming home everyday saying people wont play with her, call her names (they used to have 2 chloes - one was a lot taller so they called her big chloe and mine small chloe, they have now adapted this to smelly chloe) they tell her to go away when she tries to join in with them and one girl took chloes hands, pulled her close to her and stamped on her feet! My daughter is a bit of a drama queen and i've told her to try and fit in with the nicer kids but she says she cant and that she wants to move schools either back to her old one or the other one that was my 2nd choice. I have been in to speak to her teacher who says that chloe seemed to be ok with the other kids in the class and had 2 good friends (1 of which is now gone)

She cant move back to her old school its just too much of a pain logistically and it doesnt solve the dilemma of knowing no one in the secondary school she'll go to. ive told her to stick it out and just try making friends but every day she walks home on her own and she says she spends break and lunch walking round on her own.

I feel so sad that she is on her own at school and just dont know if i should move her or not.

Any input is welcome and well done for getting to the end!

Jo

 

[peaches1978]

Hi, my daughter whose 9 also moved schools at Easter from a very small primary school
(48children), to a larger primary school, she made friends very quickly and seemed quite happy, however after a few weeks she started saying children in her class were calling her names etc, she begged me to move her back to her old school and I have to admit I was tempted, however I persevered and she has settled very well.

I wouldn't move her schools, could you have a word with school and ask them to keep an eye on her at break and dinner, could you maybe sit in the staffroom/classroom if it overlooks the playground and watch discreetly to get a better idea of what is happening??

Good luck its heart breaking when your children aren't happy xxx

 

[jo_79]

Thanks, ive been in twice about it already and mentioned it at parents evening and her teacher said she doesnt notice anything. I dont want to move her schools as i think that will give her the message that if she kicks up enough i'll move her each time.

I just dont know what to do when the teacher says all is well in the class yet she's coming home so unhappy

 

[florabean1981]

I don't have any advice Jo, but just wanted to say persevere for now & keep in contact regularly with the school. Could you maybe organise some kind of sleepover party or pampering party (like nail polish & hair curling etc) for Chloe to a) make her feel a bit special & b) get her to have some mates over, which may make the girls in her class kinda want to hang out with her more? (I dunno if that makes sense, but I know whenever I had sleepovers back in school, that everyone, even people I didn't really talk to, always seemed to suddenly want to come & that by inviting people round to play one day, meant that another day I'd be invited back to theirs & was able to make friends that way?)
Only other thing I can suggest is look into some after school activities? Sometimes at her age they might have a netball club or something? I know money's a bit tight for you at the moment but does she go to Brownies or anything like that that she can use to find some friends in a supervised scenario?

 

[Fraggles]

Hi Jo i'd agree persevere also Id have a word with the teachers as they should be encouraging the children to all join in and not exclude anyone.

 

[Kte]

I haven't had first hand experience but my Sis has had bullying problems with my nephews in the past.

Is the any way the teacher could speak to Chloe, just generally to see how she feels? I would keep on at them about it, it's all well them saying things seem fine to them but it should be followed up. Even if there isn't bullying (which there could be) Chloe is still a relatively 'new' student so if you have voiced your concerns it would be best for them to take her to one side and have a friendly chat and see if she does have any issues. I agree with peaches, flora and fraggles, I think it's a good idea you perservear for now. Her being upset may have come about again because her other friend has moved.

 

[jo_79]

Thanks girls, i really dont want her to move as i do think it will give her the impression that all she has to do is keep on moaning about it and i'll move her.

Fleur i wont invite her friends for a sleepover cos her room is an absolute shit tip which i point blank refuse to clear up, every time it gets to bad i tidy it up and within a day its back to a tip again. Ive told chloe that if she keeps it tidy she can have whoever she likes round.

She used to do a few after school clubs before the school moved to its new site in september but this year the clubs seem more aimed at the little kids, that said she has stopped outside music club for now and wants to do netball so maybe that will help a bit. The one friend she had that moved up to secondary school this year (i didnt like her that much) was really unpopular too so i wonder if it has stemmed from that and from chloe always trying to defend her.

im going to try and get home for end of school today and go in and see the teacher again and if she doesnt listen i'll go to the head.

 

[Kte]

Good luck

 

[florabean1981]

How's everything going now? Are there any improvements. The incentive for keeping her room tidy so she can have friends round kinda made me giggle, coz that's exactly what my mum would do too, lol! It was made easier as I got a bit older & got rid of some toys, so then it was just a tip of clothes & magazines everywhere, hehe. Tis funnt, coz now my bedroom's immaculate, so mum's moaning must've made an impact... eventually, lol!

 

[jo_79]

Oh her room is absolutely rank! I swear she should've been a boy. I spoke to her dad who also agrees she should stay put else it'll give her the wrong impression that all she has to do is moan a bit and she'll get moved. She's just not a typical 10yr old girl, she's such a tomboy, no interest in looks or clothes or shopping, she's more content watching primeval dvds and playing with her dinosaurs, she doesnt listen to the usual girly pop songs she's more interested in rock music! The other girls at school are really girly and i think the boys are at the age where they dont really want to play with girls! Told her to try fit in the best she can, mind you if she's not messing around with other people in school maybe she'll concentrate more on schoolwork!!

 

[Kte]

Lol made me laugh about the boys not into girls, my nephew just turned 12 and has only just accepted girls existed . . . lol not in a fanciable way, just in, oh there are girls in my class too, i might actually talk to them now

Hope she has settled on the moan front