asking about your pregnancy

[rowleypolie]

so what do you do when someone asks you about your pregnancy when you have had a M/C.... went to a MaryKay party tonight and one of the girls is pregnant and she is due the around same time I would have been. the subject came up on whether she knew boy or girl and someone asked me...so do you know?? AHHH i froze- how could this person not know??? its not like i informed everyone i lost the baby but someone in my circle should have i thought.....has this happened to you?? what did you do??

i just kept repeating over and over i'm okay...dont worry about it...i am over it....we are trying again....i think by the way i sounded she could tell i wasnt really over it!

 

[WannaB]

I feel bad for the people that ask! I had one of our workers ask me about it the day after I mced, poor b*stard didnt know what to think when I ripped his head off his shoulders and told him I mced the day before, seems OH had forgotten to mention it! I can laugh now, and I tell you what it was the first time this particular fellow shut up, it was great! I apologised to him pretty much straight after cause I felt bad because he obviously didnt know. Better than one of our mates g/fs who did know but still decided it was a good idea to say to me that she didnt know why I would want to go through all the nappy changing and midnight feeds again, she said I would be better of not having anymore! That one hurt more than the other one! Can I say stupid bitch in here??!!

 

[Dannib247]

aww hun its horrible when that happens, it still happens to me now a year on, so how you getting on with your baby, and when are you due again and oh my god your so lucky you gotta be 6 months now and you still not showing..i mean come on lol it can be quite awkward but people just dont realise hope your ok hun xx

 

[Beadette]

Its hard. I got asked by one of my group members at work last week. It was only my second day back at work. I went into shock and just said "unfortunately I lost the baby" - He was mortified bless him and just kept saying sorry.

It knocked me for six as I forgot that he even knew so wasn't expecting it!

With work colleagues it was ok as before I even came back to work I asked a boss to tell everyone what had happened. xx

 

[Firedancer41]

Ugh! I dread each time this happens. I lost my full-term son shortly after labor...From time to time I still see someone who saw me around, obviously pregnant, and ask me what did I have, or how's the baby. The first time it happened, it was an usher at my church, and just 4 days after the funeral. I tried to explain, but instead burst into tears and ran to the bathroom--luckily hubby was there as well.
I too feel bad for the person who asks, because you know they feel horrible (especially given the reaction I can give!) but I know it's bound to happen for awhile.

 

[debgreasby]

The exact thing happened to me. One of my other "friends" said - oh she lost it.

I was beyond upset but decided to hide it because the person who asked lost her little boy when he was 18 months and i could tell she felt soooo bad. Needless to say, i'm not impressed with my "friend" but there's no point saying anything to her. She's onje of those ME ME ME people lol.

 

[Beadette]

The exact thing happened to me. One of my other "friends" said - oh she lost it.

I was beyond upset but decided to hide it because the person who asked lost her little boy when he was 18 months and i could tell she felt soooo bad. Needless to say, i'm not impressed with my "friend" but there's no point saying anything to her. She's onje of those ME ME ME people lol.

I have a work friend just like that! Does my head in! Is she a close friend? Did you say anything to her!? x

 

[debgreasby]

The exact thing happened to me. One of my other "friends" said - oh she lost it.

I was beyond upset but decided to hide it because the person who asked lost her little boy when he was 18 months and i could tell she felt soooo bad. Needless to say, i'm not impressed with my "friend" but there's no point saying anything to her. She's onje of those ME ME ME people lol.

I have a work friend just like that! Does my head in! Is she a close friend? Did you say anything to her!? x

Not really close - she usually only talks when she's got some drama going on in her life (that she usually brings on herself). Couldn't be arsed to say anything to her. Was more worried about my other friend being upset, as you do!

 

[rowleypolie]

thanks ladies.... i do feel better about it now- i think i was just in shock- i would have been 6 months along....and its hard to tell people! anyways i really am OK at least to the point where i am excited to try again!

 

[maratobe]

ive had this happen a few times. when i went on holidays in january after we had just lost bub i ran into one of my old friends who had a baby 2 years ago around the time i was pregnant first...and i hadnt spoken to her in a while and the first thing she said to me was 'oh im pregnant again and im due in august' i just said congrats and i walked off...i felt so bad cause i shouldnt have been rude but that was when we would have been due and it made me upset.
when we lost bub both times its hard going into work and having to explain yourself again and again to people....sometimes i felt like telling just one person and asking them to go and tell everyone so i didnt have to hear it over and over!

 

[Ten]

I think it's one of the hazards of the territory. A month or so after I lost my baby, this lady comes up to me on the walkway in to work and told me how amazed she was that my jacket was buttoned! Since it was October, I just said I was really cold, not even thinking about the logistics issues until she said, "But you must be due any day now!"

I almost cried right there, especially when I had to explain.

I wish I could say it gets easier - they do get farther between, but just last weekend someone called and left a voice message that I must've had my baby by now, and how were we all doing?

Wish I could come up with some advice other than figure out a few sentences that work well for you and will keep people from asking, and memorize them. "Thanks for asking, but we lost her in ___ - and I hope you don't mind, but I'd really rather talk of more pleasant things," seems to be informative and politely curb the morbid curiosity possessed by most of the human race.

 

[hoping:)]

it was awful...
I was maybe 8 wks pregnant and was at a work function helping to plant flowers down town. The coordinator and I started talking and she learned that I was pregnant. She ended up getting transferred to my center when I should have been about 5 months (mc at 12wks) and walked up to me and asked how my pregnancy was. I was hoping she wouldn't ask me about it since she could obviously tell that my stomach was board flat. I just told her that I lost it and she replied "oh, I knew you looked too small." I was about to burst into tears and walked away. I only worked with her for another month or so and she always happened to bring up how perfect her pregnancy was and how much she loved it! how rude

 

[rowleypolie]

sometimes i felt like telling just one person and asking them to go and tell everyone so i didnt have to hear it over and over!

i was hoping my friends would do that! i am such an emotional person in the first place that i knew i would cry when i told people so i sent out a bulk email....how classy! but not everyone i know is in my address book....so thats how this happens