At least I know you ladies understand me : (

[Mon_n_john]

Warning, long rant but I need to vent:

I had an early mc last month, my 4th one. I am grateful that I do have two healthy boys but DH and I would really like one more so even with a history of recurrent miscarriages we have decided to TTC #3 as soon as possible since I just turned 35.

Last month after seeing my RE for a check-up after the mc she said "You know, if you get pregnant again and have another miscarriage we need to run some immunilogical blood tests to see if it's causing implantation issues."

Inside I was thinking, gee, why are we waiting for another mc? Why not do it now? She mentioned they were very expensive. I recentky found out just how expensive, $766 and my insurance won't cover it.

Well, fast forward to today which is 15 DPO. We tried to get pregnant again this month and it didn't work but it's OK, I'm not upset, there is always next month. So I'm talking to DH and saying what the RE said to me and asked him if we should just go ahead and have the tests done now so that in case there is an issue with that it can be treated next time I get pregnant again.

What is this man's response? "I think we should give it another month." HUH? Give what another month? He made it sound like waiting another month to see if I got pregnant again. Hello, has this man not been here with me through all these MCs? I have no problems getting pregnant, it's staying pregnant. I got pregnant 4 times in 6 months for God's sake.

What upsets me is that I'm trying to prevent yet another one from happening and he's almost acting like another mc is unlikely, which unfortunately, I know it's not.

So, I asked, "Why are you considering not getting the tests done now? Is it the money?" No, he says, it's that he doesn't think that's it. I'm thinking, well, if money isn't the issue, who cares? At least then we'll know that's not it. I tell him I'll do whatever he wants to do and he just stays quiet, goes in and out of the house doing chores like we are discussing our grocery list. I mean, this is serious. For pete's sake sit down and talk to me.

I explain to him that I'm the one that has to physically go through these mcs and it's very hard on me emotionally and physically and I really want to avoid having another one. More silence. Whatever, I know how to take a hint, I guess he doesn't want to talk about it.

It makes me so mad because this was all his idea. I'm suffering, trying to make his dreams of another child a reality, and he can't give me 5 minutes of his time and actually discuss options with me. Two things dawned on me today:
1. the next time I'll make the decission that I feel is best for me and my baby and my body.
2. My husband has major communication issues.

That's what I get for trying to involve him in the decission making process, silence and a lack of compassion. Worst part is, I have NO ONE else to talk to, no one except you ladies and I know that most of you understand how lonely and sad that feels. It's hard when you have to internalize all your anguish, pain, stress, and fears. So at least I have you gals.

As for the blood tests, I'm going to call my RE and schedule the tests asap. I asked him for his opinion and he gave me none so like always, I guess it all falls back on me.

Thanks for listening and sorry about the loooong post but I needed to vent and really have no one else to talk to. Thank you

 

[lauraemily17]

Sorry for all of your losses, you have incredable strength to keep going.

I've just suffered my second, both of mine have been early ae well and I think I have an autoimmune problem, unfortuneatly in England you have to have 3 miscarriages before they'll do testing. I am going to see my Dr and try and get some testing now but it'll probably be unlikely.

Men have a different way of handling things than us women, we like to talk about feelings to help us rationalise and understand them and move on, most men however would rather bury their head in the sand as your husband appears to be doing. Perhaps he is scared what the tests may find. Either way I'm sure he does really care, give him some time and hopefully he'll open up. xx

 

[silentlullaby]

You're so brave.

Many men have communication issues sadly. I wish you all the very best and have my fingers crossed for you xoxox

 

[Mon_n_john]

Thank you both so much. I really appreciate the kind words. I am so sorry for both your losses, it is soooo tough, I know.

Feeling a bit better today. Got AF this morning so at least it seems my cycles are back on track. Talked to DH this morning, even if it was via text because that kind of forces him to respond lol. He said he had no idea I felt that way and that next time I shoudl tell him "Hey this is improtant to me, come and sit down and talk to me." I responded with "Well, I would have thought that our future child being important is kind of obvious and I shouldn't have to point out that it's an important conversation."

The funny thing is he thought I was upset because he doesn't feel that is the problem and therefore doesn't agree with the test. I had to explain several times that his opinion isn't what bothered me, it's that he wouldn't sit down and talk to me about it. I mean, let's be honest, who knows more about these tests, DHs or us? Aren't we the ones doing all the research in most cases? I was trying to inform and educate him so he could give me an educated opinion not an "Ehh, that's not the problem" from someone who knows very little about what these tests are looking for." I mean, a 5 minute conversation with him while he walks in and out of the room isn't enough time to discuss this test. Sigh.....

Anyways, in the end he finally understood and he said "I'm sorry I didn't give you the attention you deserved." That made me feel much better. I hope he gets it now because I need more support from him than what he has given me. He really is sweet but sometimes is just clueless or how he puts it "thick headed" lol.

As for the test, I left a message for my RE to discuss questions I have with her. I trust my Dr. and I know she will not steer me wrong.

 

[DaisyBee]

Big hugs xxx

I think sometimes it's hard for our dh's to understand. My drs wouldn't test after my 2 nd miscarriage. Some have said I should find new drs. Well dh agrees with the drs. Why test? Assume the best outcome and not worry. It's totally opposite of me. He thinks just one more chance will prove we don't need help or drs. Maybe too it's the man/ dr thing? My dh would have to be dying to go to a dr.

good luck w your test!

 

[lishmin]

Awww bless you. Men are frustrating. I have come home after surgery for suspected eptopic today and my hubby is pushing me away and does not want to talk about it. I think they find it as hard as we do but struggle to show it.

I have lost 2 angels now, wondering if I will ever get one of my own.

My thoughts are with you xxx

 

[Mon_n_john]

Big hugs xxx

I think sometimes it's hard for our dh's to understand. My drs wouldn't test after my 2 nd miscarriage. Some have said I should find new drs. Well dh agrees with the drs. Why test? Assume the best outcome and not worry. It's totally opposite of me. He thinks just one more chance will prove we don't need help or drs. Maybe too it's the man/ dr thing? My dh would have to be dying to go to a dr.

good luck w your test!

I think you are so right. Last night I asked him if he would feel better of we made an appt. to talk with the RE so that he could hear what she had to say about it. He said he didn't trust doctors as they would just push more tests to make more money. I was kind of shocked he would say this about our RE. Did he forget that she helped me stay pregnant with our last son and that because of her we have a beautiful boy?

But you are right, he would have to be dying to go see a doc himself. Ugh, men!

 

[Mon_n_john]

Awww bless you. Men are frustrating. I have come home after surgery for suspected eptopic today and my hubby is pushing me away and does not want to talk about it. I think they find it as hard as we do but struggle to show it.

I have lost 2 angels now, wondering if I will ever get one of my own.

My thoughts are with you xxx

Oh, you poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear about your ectopic. I'm sure you are right, they probably just don't know how to deal with it all. I hope you feel better real soon!