Attachment parenting #2

[im_mi]

Is it possible to fully, whole-heartedly attachment parent more than one child?

I want to say yes. However you always hear the same thing: baby number two will be "more chilled out" because they are "left to it more than #1 ever was". i always wonder why, what with the wonders of babywearing and co-sleeping, why must they be "left to it?"

But is that unrealistic? I mean, in practice is it harder than in theory?

We didnt really get on board with the whole AP thing until Jack was about 4 months old. I mean, we never did CIO and i always met his needs but we didnt co sleep at all, or start babywearing until about 4-5 months. I know these things arent integral to AP but bear with me here, lol.

As you guys know i am expecting number two (i'm just coming up to 9 weeks) and i am really quite anxious about how i will cope. I was a mess when my son was born for a long time, i didnt bond with him properly for about 3 months and the lack of sleep made me literally want to throw myself under a bus. everybody told me to enjoy the babymoon but i just felt plunged into complete chaos with absolutely no way out and no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel really resentful, that experience should have been wonderful. it should have been exhausting but wonderful but instead when i look back i feel cold; dark. I remember telling the doctor at our 6 week check that i wasnt coping but i couldnt have been forthcoming enough, because she told me to just "push through it" and i didnt end up on the medication i needed until Jack was 8 months old.

I am hoping that this time will be different - for one, i will be trusting my instincts from day one (rather than allowing "health professionals" to advise me not to pick up my crying baby, rather leave him until he stops crying so he doesnt learn that crying gets him attention. WHAT? *facepalm* ) therefore the whole guilt thing wont be there. Secondly, we already have a small child (2 years old) so we are already living that kind of lifestyle - hopefully avoiding that whole world-turned-upside down feeling again.

I do apologise. I know a lot of my recent posts have been in this same vein and you guys must be getting pretty bored of it now. I just... i really want things to be different this time and I am really frightened of going through what i went through last time (and having a child old enough to soak it all in and remember mummy being angry/shouting/crying all of the time).

I want to attachment parent this baby wholeheartedly and fully from the get-go, as i feel thats what is needed in order for me to bond properly and to heal from the first experience.


I... am finding it hard to get across quite how scared i am. I feel very strongly about breastfeeding and plan to tandem nurse when the new baby comes along, but when i get hit by the panic i fantasise about bottle feeding from the get-go, just so i have an escape route and all of the responsibility for nurturing our baby isn't on me. Of course i would never *actually* choose to bottle feed from birth (no offence to those who have, of course, its an individual choice) because i just couldn't, breastfeeding is an integral part of mothering for me. Not breastfeeding is just not an option for us. But the fact that i even fantasise about it makes me worry about how bloody scared i actually am. I've spent two years of my life volunteering as a LLL peer supporter, helping other women to continue breastfeeding and empowering them to do so. So why on EARTH do i think like this?!

Ive rambled on far too long, i know. Apologies. I'm just really in need of some reassurance from mummies who have been where i am and ended up actually having a good experience in the end.

 

[anothersquish]

Well, yes it is completely possible
My other LO is slightly older (5 years) but Theo is never "left too it" and that includes when we also have Freddie here....neither of them is EVER left to cry, they are BOTH carried and attended too and my 5yr old gets all the attention, cuddles etc etc he requests.
Ive actually found this much easier than I thought I would, because right from the word go I just sat back and took everything as it came and was 100% ok to just follow whatever Theo needed whenever he needed it. As such I havent felt any of the pressure I felt last time about him "needing" to sleep in his cot/basket/crib about him "needing" to go to sleep by himself, about him "needing" to be ok with going to strangers....I am sure this 'go with the flow' attitude is what means that he is entirelly ok with going to sleep wherever, he self settles in his basket downstairs, his crib upstairs and in our bed with ZERO crying, hes fine going to anyone, anytime (so far, this probably wont last but thats ok!)
I think the point is just dont put pressure on yourself to get it perfectly right, you know what your ideals so just go with it and relax, it will work out There is no reason for either child to get less or be 'left to it' more. No matter how many children you have your love and devotion to each one does not diminish. Its really quite amazing how one person can have space for such strong feelings towards more than one child but they can and as such it means AP works with as many children as you have if thats what you want

I LOVE where we are as a family right now, even with the extra pressure of two babies in the house during the daytime, Ive suprised myself at how right everything feels and how content I am....even if I do end up sat here all day every day endlessly feeding, expressing, changing nappies etc and I dont get to shower...heck a few days the other week I didnt get as far as brushing my hair and if OH hadnt been making meals I wouldnt have eaten either but I love every second, its wonderful.

 

[mommyof3co]

I say it's def possible and I don't agree at all with number 2 will be more "chill". It was the exact opposite for us. I don't think it really has anything to do with the order but their personality. My first we didn't do AP with, it didn't fit his personality, he needed to be alone at night in the dark, he couldn't cosleep, he didn't like to be worn too much, he was extremely independent from the beginning. Casen though, my 2nd was the exact opposite and we fully practiced AP with him and then my 3rd. I found it was actually easier because I would just stick Hayden in the sling and I had my hands free to cook, play with the older 2, clean....whatever I needed to do. I've heard alot of people say they don't have time to nurse a 2, 3, 4 baby because the other kids need their attention, but I actually found that tons easier than using bottles as well, I just popped up my shirt and nursed, didn't have to make time to make the bottles, clean the bottles. I could read to the boys, still play with them, do most anything because I could nurse in the sling and have my hands free or it was a time I had to sit down and they sat with me. Cosleeping also worked well with the 2nd and 3rd...like I said Lanodn didn't so he wasn't in our bed when Casen was born and by the time Hayden was born Casen was no longer in there. But it allowed me to get so much more sleep than I would have if I was up and down getting him in and out of the crib to feed him and change him...making more rested to deal with my toddlers the next day.

Those are just a few of the pluses that come to mind, but it's def possible to fully AP your 2nd kid too It will all fall into place

 

[jen1604]

I think if you really want to do it,you will figure it out

I've got a baby and a toddler too and the baby definitely doesn't get 'left to it'. He is pretty much always in the sling if we're out and about and normally just in my arms at home.For me,I think it has helped a lot that Ophelia (toddler) does want to be independent now and wants to do her own thing a little bit more and be in her own bed which has kind of 'made way' for me to do the attachment parenting thing all over again with Lennon.

xxxx

 

[JennTheMomma]

Totally possible. Our second son will be born next month and we've already got a nice wrap for him. He won't be "left to it". We will raise him the same way we raise Hunter.

 

[marley2580]

I don't fully AP but I have continued what I did with Kaya with Blythe, I have had to let Blythe cry once or twice (not for long) while I wipe a bum, kiss a bumped head, peel a few potatoes, but overall it's been easy to continue. What I found really hard in the beginning was suddenly having someone being completely dependant on me again, I had forgotten how overwhelming it was. It can also be hard when you have two kids demanding your attention at the same time, but at least you know what you're doing with your second lol.