MrsWez
Mom of Jonathan TTC#2
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- Jan 18, 2010
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Since section is open, I thought I could share my story as I didn't feel right posting in the other loss sections.
I was 19 and had been with my OH for 2 years when we found out we were expecting. It was a surprise, but I was so happy. He wasn't, but he hated the the thought of being responsible (what was I thinking?!) Anyway the pregnancy continued wonderfully, very little morning sickness, I was healthy and no one could tell I was pregnant as I had lost weight by staying fit. We found out it was a girl and picked the name Avalon Madeline. On December 20th I started having severe cramps. My OH was out of town. I called my Dr. and she said she wanted me to come in the next day and to not worry until then. Overnight the pain got worse, mainly in my back. I tried to fall asleep but it was too painful. I eventually went to the ER. My water broke on the table as they were examining me and then said nothing could be done to save her as I was 20 weeks.
A few hours later she was born. There was an unnatural eerie empty feeling to the room. She looked beautiful and perfect to me. She looked like any other baby but was born way too soon. I just held her and cried and told her I was sorry I didn't protect her and I loved her. The hospital took her before I was discharged to run tests. I never saw her again. I didn't get a picture or a certificate or anything. I left empty handed. I don't know what happened to her. I try not to think about it. The nurse said they wouldn't issue a birth or death certificate because of her gestational age and why would I want a picture of a dead "fetus". But they would note it in my file. I am still very very angry about it because to them it's as if she never existed. She is a "late miscarriage." It was later determined that she was born because I have an incompetent cervix. OH was indifferent. We split shortly after.
She was healthy. I never stop thinking about her. I have had three losses since but with a great man who will make a great Dad. I still dream of the day I will hold a live baby in my arms.
Avalon would be turning 7 in a couple months. She is loved and missed.
I was 19 and had been with my OH for 2 years when we found out we were expecting. It was a surprise, but I was so happy. He wasn't, but he hated the the thought of being responsible (what was I thinking?!) Anyway the pregnancy continued wonderfully, very little morning sickness, I was healthy and no one could tell I was pregnant as I had lost weight by staying fit. We found out it was a girl and picked the name Avalon Madeline. On December 20th I started having severe cramps. My OH was out of town. I called my Dr. and she said she wanted me to come in the next day and to not worry until then. Overnight the pain got worse, mainly in my back. I tried to fall asleep but it was too painful. I eventually went to the ER. My water broke on the table as they were examining me and then said nothing could be done to save her as I was 20 weeks.
A few hours later she was born. There was an unnatural eerie empty feeling to the room. She looked beautiful and perfect to me. She looked like any other baby but was born way too soon. I just held her and cried and told her I was sorry I didn't protect her and I loved her. The hospital took her before I was discharged to run tests. I never saw her again. I didn't get a picture or a certificate or anything. I left empty handed. I don't know what happened to her. I try not to think about it. The nurse said they wouldn't issue a birth or death certificate because of her gestational age and why would I want a picture of a dead "fetus". But they would note it in my file. I am still very very angry about it because to them it's as if she never existed. She is a "late miscarriage." It was later determined that she was born because I have an incompetent cervix. OH was indifferent. We split shortly after.
She was healthy. I never stop thinking about her. I have had three losses since but with a great man who will make a great Dad. I still dream of the day I will hold a live baby in my arms.
Avalon would be turning 7 in a couple months. She is loved and missed.
for avalon x
to you, and I hope you are able to feel peace eventually.
