baby and oh parents/family

[notquite]

Aww I'm sorry they're being so awful to you!! I could see something like that happening with DB's family though, unfortunately. I am already not crazy about them, I see how they are with DB's 3 yr old son!!

Personally I am just hoping that if it comes down to it, DB will be on my side with the whole thing, I am relatively sure he would be as I know his fam drives him crazy too.

Have you talked to your OH about it, see how he feels?

 

[emma_27]

[/QUOTE]
thats exactly what my stupid mil does as well will sit there and sit there jigging him around on her knee while he screams, it broke my heart the first time i kept saying i'll have him she kept saying i am capable you know. well obviously your not capable he's going bright red.
as soon as she walks through the door the comments start. rooms too hot, too cold, he's hungry get me a bottle, he's got colic coming lol.
and then she goes on and on how he's spiting image of my oh lol and he's nothing like me lol.
just try and ride it out i dont rise to any of her comments or grace her with an answer ever, i go out the room i dont offer her to hold him and over my dead body will she ever ake him off anywhere until he can talk and tell me where he's been and what he's done.

she told me to wean him at 6 weeks even though he sleeps through as it never hurt her kids and has already been looking at rusks in asda, and if i ever need a break i can depend on her lol. i didnt have a baby to get break you silly bint.
unfortunatly hun you either get a cracker of a mil like my 1st daughters mama or a bitch like the one i have now.
xx[/QUOTE]


My mil always says to me let me take Benn off you for a few hours so you can have a break. I say i dont need a break im fine thanks and she says every mom needs a break and she goes on and on so i give in and now everytime shes here she feels the need to take Benn out for hours. I didnt mind as much as Benn can tell me what happens but after she locked him in the dark utility room at christmas and i had to run and save him i dont trust her at all now. She also feed Benn when looking after him at 8 weeks and made him very ill. She defo isnt having Ellie on her own EVER lol. I think mil always find it hard to just be a grandparent and not the parent.

 

[notquite]

^Locked him in the utility room!? WHAT? Oh my gosh!!

 

[Chel]

thats exactly what my stupid mil does as well will sit there and sit there jigging him around on her knee while he screams, it broke my heart the first time i kept saying i'll have him she kept saying i am capable you know. well obviously your not capable he's going bright red.
as soon as she walks through the door the comments start. rooms too hot, too cold, he's hungry get me a bottle, he's got colic coming lol.
and then she goes on and on how he's spiting image of my oh lol and he's nothing like me lol.
just try and ride it out i dont rise to any of her comments or grace her with an answer ever, i go out the room i dont offer her to hold him and over my dead body will she ever ake him off anywhere until he can talk and tell me where he's been and what he's done.

she told me to wean him at 6 weeks even though he sleeps through as it never hurt her kids and has already been looking at rusks in asda, and if i ever need a break i can depend on her lol. i didnt have a baby to get break you silly bint.
unfortunatly hun you either get a cracker of a mil like my 1st daughters mama or a bitch like the one i have now.
xx[/QUOTE]


My mil always says to me let me take Benn off you for a few hours so you can have a break. I say i dont need a break im fine thanks and she says every mom needs a break and she goes on and on so i give in and now everytime shes here she feels the need to take Benn out for hours. I didnt mind as much as Benn can tell me what happens but after she locked him in the dark utility room at christmas and i had to run and save him i dont trust her at all now. She also feed Benn when looking after him at 8 weeks and made him very ill. She defo isnt having Ellie on her own EVER lol. I think mil always find it hard to just be a grandparent and not the parent.[/QUOTE]


What a psycho locking him in a room!!! OMG I'd have been close to violence over something like that! I'm angry and its not even my baby or my family!

My MIL has offered again and again to look after Jasper for a 'few nights'... errr... no! While I was pregnant she asked if she could 'borrow' my baby for a couple of days... and because I was pregnant and it was just easier, I said "yeah, no problem" (whats the point arguing over something that hasn't happened yet) but she even brought up the 'you said' a couple of times.

My MIL basically wants me to put Jasper on a bottle, give him to her and I go back to work full time so she can have him every day. Haha... no gonna happen!

 

[Chel]

As for the whole 'it never hurt my kids"

My MIL wanted Jasper on a bottle because it was what she want told to do wit her kids to make them sleep... so in her mind a bottle is BETTER FOR HIM!

She wanted me to put RICE CEREAL in his bottle milk to fill him up - when he was a few weeks old.

They pressured me to wean him onto solids, asking me if I was feeding him 'jars'.... because....errr... I cant be trusted to cook for their grandson, so I should be feeding him baby food that has a shelf life of 2 years?!?!?!

I know they had children who survived, but seriously! Its so wrong! Also, both his parents are the same age as mine, but you wouldn't know it to look at them, they look easily a decad older than my parents... soo.... I wouldn't really trust the nutritinal advice from sickly people.

 

[emma_27]

thats exactly what my stupid mil does as well will sit there and sit there jigging him around on her knee while he screams, it broke my heart the first time i kept saying i'll have him she kept saying i am capable you know. well obviously your not capable he's going bright red.
as soon as she walks through the door the comments start. rooms too hot, too cold, he's hungry get me a bottle, he's got colic coming lol.
and then she goes on and on how he's spiting image of my oh lol and he's nothing like me lol.
just try and ride it out i dont rise to any of her comments or grace her with an answer ever, i go out the room i dont offer her to hold him and over my dead body will she ever ake him off anywhere until he can talk and tell me where he's been and what he's done.

she told me to wean him at 6 weeks even though he sleeps through as it never hurt her kids and has already been looking at rusks in asda, and if i ever need a break i can depend on her lol. i didnt have a baby to get break you silly bint.
unfortunatly hun you either get a cracker of a mil like my 1st daughters mama or a bitch like the one i have now.
xx

My mil always says to me let me take Benn off you for a few hours so you can have a break. I say i dont need a break im fine thanks and she says every mom needs a break and she goes on and on so i give in and now everytime shes here she feels the need to take Benn out for hours. I didnt mind as much as Benn can tell me what happens but after she locked him in the dark utility room at christmas and i had to run and save him i dont trust her at all now. She also feed Benn when looking after him at 8 weeks and made him very ill. She defo isnt having Ellie on her own EVER lol. I think mil always find it hard to just be a grandparent and not the parent.[/QUOTE]


What a psycho locking him in a room!!! OMG I'd have been close to violence over something like that! I'm angry and its not even my baby or my family!

My MIL has offered again and again to look after Jasper for a 'few nights'... errr... no! While I was pregnant she asked if she could 'borrow' my baby for a couple of days... and because I was pregnant and it was just easier, I said "yeah, no problem" (whats the point arguing over something that hasn't happened yet) but she even brought up the 'you said' a couple of times.

My MIL basically wants me to put Jasper on a bottle, give him to her and I go back to work full time so she can have him every day. Haha... no gonna happen![/QUOTE]

The whole locking Benn in the utility room is abit of a long story but to cut a long story shortish. Over the christmas period we went to visit them and she did a few things to pee me off inculding giving Ellie a dummy behind my back thinking i didnt know what she was doing and she was sick!! and then she salted Benns dinner which really winds me up cus she knows i dont salt Benns food. Basically i left the table and went upstairs to feed Ellie and get all our bags packed to go home. Leaving OH and Benn finishing their dinner. Well Benn didnt really want his dinner it was a minging microwave dinner that she salted!! and she'd been feeding him chocolate and sweets after id asked her not to 5mins before dinner! I heard her getting irritated with Benn saying "EAT IT" and Benn said i dont like it and she was getting cross which was making me angry. Anyway OH said he doesnt want it just give him his pudding. Well she'd bought him these paula dessert things that Benn doesnt like so Benns saying i dont like them and crying. She started going mental at him shouting at him i heard Benn saying get off me your hurting me and a door slam. In which im putting Ellie down and racing down the stairs to get to him. She stood infront of the door to stop me getting him so i shoved her out of the way ( i really wanted to punch her one as you can imagine). Benn was sobbing his heart out bless him. Shes crazy. My OH didnt do anything at first he said later he was in shock (lame excuse if you ask me) then he started shouting at her. Shes never apologised for it or explained her actions. She kissed my arse when she last came and needless to say she didnt take him out on her 2 hour mission with him lol. I said it was a long story sorry for going on.

 

[Mervs Mum]

On the whole my MIL is pretty good - well if you ask me...ask my hubby and he'll say she's a pain in the arse!

My MIL thinks I feed Hebe too much. 'In her day' you feed them for 10 mins each side then put them down for 4 hours. I feed on demand so obviously when she was really little it was every 2 hours or so. Instead of saying something to me directly (coz she knows she'd get a flying head-butt) she will say it to Hebe!!!! For example she'll say things like 'Oooooh is you Mummy going to feed you AGAIN!!!!' or 'Well you CANT be hungry YET coz your Mum's only just fed you' or 'Ohhh no wonder your Daddy cried so much compared to you, your Mummy just feeds you every time you cry....' ERM YES!!!! So I just do it all the more....

You need to nip it in the bud if you can or do like me - a combination of ignoring her and going out of my way to irritate the shit out of her!!

 

[emma_27]

On the whole my MIL is pretty good - well if you ask me...ask my hubby and he'll say she's a pain in the arse!

My MIL thinks I feed Hebe too much. 'In her day' you feed them for 10 mins each side then put them down for 4 hours. I feed on demand so obviously when she was really little it was every 2 hours or so. Instead of saying something to me directly (coz she knows she'd get a flying head-butt) she will say it to Hebe!!!! For example she'll say things like 'Oooooh is you Mummy going to feed you AGAIN!!!!' or 'Well you CANT be hungry YET coz your Mum's only just fed you' or 'Ohhh no wonder your Daddy cried so much compared to you, your Mummy just feeds you every time you cry....' ERM YES!!!! So I just do it all the more....

You need to nip it in the bud if you can or do like me - a combination of ignoring her and going out of my way to irritate the shit out of her!!

You crack me up!!

What is with the feed 10mins one side and 10mins the other and thats it for 4 hours the poor babies must have been starving i think its an older generation thing. OHs mom always does the talking to me through the baby thing really pisses me off! I just snap at her now or like you irritate the shit out of her by totally over fussing Ellie and not even putting her down lol.

 

[Chel]

The whole locking Benn in the utility room is abit of a long story but to cut a long story shortish. Over the christmas period we went to visit them and she did a few things to pee me off inculding giving Ellie a dummy behind my back thinking i didnt know what she was doing and she was sick!! and then she salted Benns dinner which really winds me up cus she knows i dont salt Benns food. Basically i left the table and went upstairs to feed Ellie and get all our bags packed to go home. Leaving OH and Benn finishing their dinner. Well Benn didnt really want his dinner it was a minging microwave dinner that she salted!! and she'd been feeding him chocolate and sweets after id asked her not to 5mins before dinner! I heard her getting irritated with Benn saying "EAT IT" and Benn said i dont like it and she was getting cross which was making me angry. Anyway OH said he doesnt want it just give him his pudding. Well she'd bought him these paula dessert things that Benn doesnt like so Benns saying i dont like them and crying. She started going mental at him shouting at him i heard Benn saying get off me your hurting me and a door slam. In which im putting Ellie down and racing down the stairs to get to him. She stood infront of the door to stop me getting him so i shoved her out of the way ( i really wanted to punch her one as you can imagine). Benn was sobbing his heart out bless him. Shes crazy. My OH didnt do anything at first he said later he was in shock (lame excuse if you ask me) then he started shouting at her. Shes never apologised for it or explained her actions. She kissed my arse when she last came and needless to say she didnt take him out on her 2 hour mission with him lol. I said it was a long story sorry for going on.

OMG... wow.. thats... awful....


I dont know what I'd have done.

Man... I'd have probably gotten Jasper to a safe distance so he didn't have to witness his mummy KILLING SOMEONE!!!!

for you an benn!

And poor excuse from OH, really. I'm sorry, I'm a bit black and white about things like that - if my son had to say "get off your hurting me" that gets put into the 'phsyical abuse' catagory and if my OH stood by while someone hurt my son, I'd probably leave him.

Sorry... bit of family history makes me a bit OTT about abuse...

 

[emma_27]

Me and OH always argue about it i find i hard to let go i think i get on his nerves with bringing it up all the time. I think she learnt the boundaries as he shouted at her and she was crying i dont know the ins and outs of what he said to her cus i was upstairs and he doesnt remember what it was he said. She said to me before we left i bet you dont like me now or something like that she was crying i said no i dont lol.

Yeh back to your mil, id nip your mil in the bud before she thinks she can take over let her know how it is as gentle as possible. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile as i have learnt the hard way.

 

[Pyrrhic]

I'm lucky as my MIL is pretty normal, and helpful.

The only issue I have is that she started giving my niece sweets and coke at 9 months old, and when my niece was round a couple weeks ago she gave her two whole packets of party rings (niece is 15 months now) and a small packet of jammy dodgers.

I've told OH if she does it once with Niamh we won't be leaving her with my MIL again.

 

[Jemima]

I think we can be generally sensitive to MIL comments, I know I am. Mine says things like, "oh, have I gone deaf?" when Poppy stops crying . And when she was little and going through a crying during feeding stage (I'm BFing) I would hear her in the kitchen saying things like, "mine never reacted like this" (she bottle fed hers) and "oh, just give her a bottle". FIL once said, "What's wrong with her? Seriously, what is wrong with her?" just because she cried a lot when she was tiny. Hubby was like "she's a baby! Babies cry sometimes!"

If she's taken her out for a walk and she's been crying, she still passes comments, like "I don't mind babies crying. It's when they cry for no reason that it gets to me". Seriously, babies do not cry for no reason at Poppy's age. Did you think she might be cold, or hot, or missing her mummy maybe? Did you get her out of the pram and give her a cuddle?

 

[Mervs Mum]

See my MIL is the opposite - she thinks Hebe doesnt cry enough because 'you seem to put your boob in her mouth everytime she does'.....You cant win my friend....

 

[poppy]

On the whole my MIL is pretty good - well if you ask me...ask my hubby and he'll say she's a pain in the arse!

My MIL thinks I feed Hebe too much. 'In her day' you feed them for 10 mins each side then put them down for 4 hours. I feed on demand so obviously when she was really little it was every 2 hours or so. Instead of saying something to me directly (coz she knows she'd get a flying head-butt) she will say it to Hebe!!!! For example she'll say things like 'Oooooh is you Mummy going to feed you AGAIN!!!!' or 'Well you CANT be hungry YET coz your Mum's only just fed you' or 'Ohhh no wonder your Daddy cried so much compared to you, your Mummy just feeds you every time you cry....' ERM YES!!!! So I just do it all the more....

You need to nip it in the bud if you can or do like me - a combination of ignoring her and going out of my way to irritate the shit out of her!!

He he! My MIL is pretty good and really caring as well. However, she does a bit of this as well. She is a really capable woman (DIY expert, brilliant cook, amazing gardner, fitness expert ...you get the picture) but expects me to do things her way. She isn't rude or demanding with it - just really repetitive (and a bit pushy). Like, she was obsessed with us weaning Tristan early - and kept going on and on with it, to the point where my hubbie (who usually thinks his mum is absolutely wonderful as he is treate like the golden boy) actually told her that we were going to wean near six months. But she kept saying, 'oh he will be going on baby rice soon' etc at about three/four months. She will also keep referring to what she did, 'Oh I did this..blah blah...and it did no harm' etc - I think that MILs and Mothers worry that if we are not going to do things their way, we are in a way criticising the way they did things. The have to accept that we have to do things our way and that things move on (like putting babies on their back to sleep, weaning at six months etc) and we are not saying they were bad parents or anything.

My MIL is also very thrifty and saves money well. Fair enough, but it annoys me that she always comments on what I have bought. For example, I bought a pair of Inch Blue shoes which are a bit expensive. I didn't tell her how much they cost as I just knew she would go on and on about it. When we went shopping, she spotted these shoes and said, 'oh these are the ones you bought...oh, you would only buy them for a gift for someone. They are not the kind of thing you would buy yourself.' I just said, 'well noone bought me them as a gift, so I just bought them.' If I ever buy anything or look at anything, she says, 'oh you could get something similar for about three pounds in Primark.' It gets to the point where I feel really guilty shopping with her and avoid it at all costs - and if we do go, I never buy anything in case she judges what I have bought.

However, she is really kind and does mean the best for us.

xxx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think that MILs and Mothers worry that if we are not going to do things their way, we are in a way criticising the way they did things. The have to accept that we have to do things our way and that things move on (like putting babies on their back to sleep, weaning at six months etc) and we are not saying they were bad parents or anything.

I think this is ALOT to do with it....

 

[poppy]

I think we can be generally sensitive to MIL comments, I know I am. Mine says things like, "oh, have I gone deaf?" when Poppy stops crying . And when she was little and going through a crying during feeding stage (I'm BFing) I would hear her in the kitchen saying things like, "mine never reacted like this" (she bottle fed hers) and "oh, just give her a bottle". FIL once said, "What's wrong with her? Seriously, what is wrong with her?" just because she cried a lot when she was tiny. Hubby was like "she's a baby! Babies cry sometimes!"

If she's taken her out for a walk and she's been crying, she still passes comments, like "I don't mind babies crying. It's when they cry for no reason that it gets to me". Seriously, babies do not cry for no reason at Poppy's age. Did you think she might be cold, or hot, or missing her mummy maybe? Did you get her out of the pram and give her a cuddle?

My MIL mixed fed her two boys. When Tristan was getting up twice in the night, she said that I should top up with formula as that was what she did. She said that I should buy some and keep it in the house. I don't want to do this with Tristan and am happy breastfeeding in the night at the moment if he needs it and don't want to go on to formula. She used to always pause at the formula section in the shopping aisles and look at them in a really obvious way - it used to bug the hell out of me. I just ignore it now and walk on.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Isn't it weird because my Mum couldnt be any different if she tried. She bottle fed me and my sister and has never once suggested it to me.

 

[poppy]

Isn't it weird because my Mum couldnt be any different if she tried. She bottle fed me and my sister and has never once suggested it to me.

I know, my mum has been pretty good about not forcing advice on me as well...surprisingly!

 

[lillysmum]

my mum drives me just as crazy as my mil

 

[Jemima]

I think we can be generally sensitive to MIL comments, I know I am. Mine says things like, "oh, have I gone deaf?" when Poppy stops crying . And when she was little and going through a crying during feeding stage (I'm BFing) I would hear her in the kitchen saying things like, "mine never reacted like this" (she bottle fed hers) and "oh, just give her a bottle". FIL once said, "What's wrong with her? Seriously, what is wrong with her?" just because she cried a lot when she was tiny. Hubby was like "she's a baby! Babies cry sometimes!"

If she's taken her out for a walk and she's been crying, she still passes comments, like "I don't mind babies crying. It's when they cry for no reason that it gets to me". Seriously, babies do not cry for no reason at Poppy's age. Did you think she might be cold, or hot, or missing her mummy maybe? Did you get her out of the pram and give her a cuddle?

My MIL mixed fed her two boys. When Tristan was getting up twice in the night, she said that I should top up with formula as that was what she did. She said that I should buy some and keep it in the house. I don't want to do this with Tristan and am happy breastfeeding in the night at the moment if he needs it and don't want to go on to formula. She used to always pause at the formula section in the shopping aisles and look at them in a really obvious way - it used to bug the hell out of me. I just ignore it now and walk on.

They are subtle, aren't they?!