baby and oh parents/family

[Chel]

I think we can be generally sensitive to MIL comments, I know I am. Mine says things like, "oh, have I gone deaf?" when Poppy stops crying . And when she was little and going through a crying during feeding stage (I'm BFing) I would hear her in the kitchen saying things like, "mine never reacted like this" (she bottle fed hers) and "oh, just give her a bottle". FIL once said, "What's wrong with her? Seriously, what is wrong with her?" just because she cried a lot when she was tiny. Hubby was like "she's a baby! Babies cry sometimes!"

If she's taken her out for a walk and she's been crying, she still passes comments, like "I don't mind babies crying. It's when they cry for no reason that it gets to me". Seriously, babies do not cry for no reason at Poppy's age. Did you think she might be cold, or hot, or missing her mummy maybe? Did you get her out of the pram and give her a cuddle?

How awful! My MIL aways says "whats wrong, oh, whats wrong, whats the matter" Fairly frantically any moment of the time she's holding Jasper that he ISN"T SMILING! He can be babbling and cooing and looking around and making eye contact, so he's fully interacting, and she's saying "whats the matter?" to him!

So you could just imagine the freak out that follows if he actualy cries!

I also cop the I should bottle feed him because he's 'hungry' all the time aparently.

He even got hiccups once at their place and my MIL handed him to me annoucing he needed a feed because he had hiccups - it was about an hour since his last feed, and she knew that, I said he's fine, he wasn't even fussing or anything, just hiccups, and she got all dramatic "your not going to feed him?! Your not going to feed him?! He's hungry!"

OMG

Any wonder I simply dont answer the phone when she calls, she's insane!

 

[Novbaby08]

Harley's dad and his family all treat me like shit. I'm glad their all slowly going away. I don't talk to like anyone in his family anymore, and I quit talking to him over a month ago.

 

[marley2580]

I think some of it with MILs is that they don't tend to be as involved with their son's children as they would be with their daughters, and it can be hard. Most of us would rather go to our own mum for advice etc rather than OHs mum, so I think they can feel a little left out. Doesn't excuse it, but might help to explain it.

 

[MummyMummy]

did having a baby make anyone else start to dislike their oh parents/family?

since having my son iv found them really pushy but not in an obvious way its little things like when he was only 5 days old they wanted me to take him round there when i really wasnt ready to go out and they expect us to go round to theirs at least twice a week and im starting to dread going there because from the moment we step in the door to the moment we leave i can not touch my son i feel selfish if i do they all look at me like u get him all the time let us have him while ur here but the last time we were there for 7 hours and to me thats a long time to not be able to hold my 2 week old son for i cant even have him back when he crys or wants his bottle or nappy changed everyone else wants to do it but i just want to comfort him yet i feel so selfish for feeling this way. i think im starting to hate them and i think they are starting to hate me too because at first we were going to give him my partners sir name but i changed my mind it had me in tears thinking about my son having a different sir name to me everytime i thought about it and it may seem trivial but to me it was a big deal so we decided to give him my sir name and ever since that i can tell they r really off with me. sorry this is so long i just needed to get it off my chest and wondered if anyone else feels/felt like this?

how alike we are/were! i really feel for you,believe me i've been there!

me and my exs parents/family don't get on atall. when iwas preg things were great. when ihad the baby they seemed to think ishould be dropping the baby off with them all the time and seemed to think iwas hiding when i was going out and always asking my grandparents to look after the baby (i livedwith my grandparents then and hardly ever went anywhere!) when i was ther eit was the same... felt like i couldn't pick up my own child or look at my own child once exs sister said 'youalways stare at us when we've got the baby' well yes of course i am he's my son! duh! and they'd be sly and poke him andtickle him when he was asleep just to wake him up! fab for them... not so great for ME when ihad to keep settling him! she used to tell us we were making her ill anddepressed and gonna kill her cause sugar drops or something when you are depressed/stressed if you have the diabetes she has? not sure about that though? they'd never come to my gparents as they 'didn't see why they should have to go to my nans to see their own grandson' *Shrug* if we went to their house without the baby they wouldn't speak to us, they would ignore us! really.

exs dads brothers wife aka exs aunty (get tha?! haha!) used to say things to his mum like 'well it isn't really your grandchild is it?' meaning because it was her sons, not her daughters so from the start she had that mind set. and her own sister would always be winding her up with 'we have our *kids name* all the time' well yeah obv when your grandkids parents are taking drugs they are gonna wanna palm the baby off!!!

what usedto eff me off no endwas that my then partner would say eff all!! soit startd to cause problems between us. which was a contributing factor to us splitting.

in the end i just refused to go down. i was fed up with them, sick of my baby being a toy, getting passed around and woke up. it wasn't on. so for about 2years they aint seen him, despite several threats to take me to court for 'grandparents rights'. exs mum comes up atxmas to give presents then that's it. if they made more of an effort to get to know him the past year as i have been saying to current partner then i'd be willing to tryand arrange something, but they haven't and i don't think my gorgeous, intelligent,well rounded little boyis any worse off for not knowing them.

i'm so worried this time around it will be the same. current parter knows the history with them and we have talked it over and over and he has promised to not let me have to go through the guilt and stress again. and it seems to be the same with partners dads wife (they've recently been reunited and know nothing about each other!)seems to be happening again, she has got herself a car seat and seems to think they will be having the baby but this time around i believe in my partner to protect me and our babys and honestly believe he will stand up.

my advice would be to get it sorted NOW before you really start to dislike them, getyour partner to speak up - explainto him whats bothering you. don't let it come between you and your partner, that's the worse thing thatcould happen. so sorry you are going through this, i know how you feel and with new mummy hormones everywhere it's the last thing you want or need!

xXx

 

[passengerrach]

thanks for sharing mummymummy sounds so simmilar my oh parents got a carseat 2 as if they r ever going 2 need to use it!!! and to top it all off we had planned to go round theres tonight and his dad rings and says well il be at work tonight so ul have to bring him round tomorrow aswell so i can see him!!!! im sorry but why should i run around after everyone else if hes not in tough luck as far as im concerned he should visit us if he wants to see him so badly i was eating dinner and i had such an urge just to throw my plate against the wall i cant stand this but i think if i say anything to my oh he will think im being selfish and stand up for them

 

[MummyMummy]

thanks for sharing mummymummy sounds so simmilar my oh parents got a carseat 2 as if they r ever going 2 need to use it!!! and to top it all off we had planned to go round theres tonight and his dad rings and says well il be at work tonight so ul have to bring him round tomorrow aswell so i can see him!!!! im sorry but why should i run around after everyone else if hes not in tough luck as far as im concerned he should visit us if he wants to see him so badly i was eating dinner and i had such an urge just to throw my plate against the wall i cant stand this but i think if i say anything to my oh he will think im being selfish and stand up for them

i don't know why family do that, help is always needed but not assuming. i think it's rude and it's so bloody hard to say i don't want the baby going when they aren't your family. me and my my partner always say problems with my family i sort, problems with his hesorts - with the support and backingof each other of course.

oh how i know that! exs dad worked away as soon as he was home it was like a text saying 'your dads home when are you bringing baby?' reguardless of what we had planned or wanted to do. it just makes you wonder what on earth some people think!!

don't be at their beck and call - yours and your babys health and well being matters, relaxing and taking it easy and not beinga travelling display are your priority. talk to your partner, at the end of the day you two are his priority, explain to him. it will only get worse,as they wont know its not ok kwim? don't letit get so far as it causes trouble between you all, yourpartner knows you so he will notice when something is wrong talkto him before he picks up on it try not to get worked up over it, as hard as that is!

xXx