Baby Boy Born and Died Wednesday

[Mbrennan]

This Tuesday at 21 weeks pregnant I went into the hospital for some bleeding. They found that I was dilated 2 cm. they then transferred me to a different hospital where I knew no doctors. After I arrived I was already more dilated then before. The doctors elevated me in hopes that the baby would stay put and that I'd become less dilated. I didn't. I went into labor and had my sweet baby boy at 6:00 pm. He had no chance of survival. We held him and he was so beautiful. I feel so heart broken. I can't stop seeing his tiny face and hands. We bury him tomorrow. Please pray for my family. We need that right now. Thank you for reading. Any of you who have been through a similar situation, I would love to hear from you. Any advice on coping and moving on would be much appreciated.

 

[Leilani]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Have you named your son?

There is a good thread in the stillborn section about creating memories of your precious baby Here.

I am useless with words, but I can empathise with what you are going through - we lost our son at 25 weeks back in September. Coping and moving on takes time (such a cliche, but true). We had our follow-up appointment this past week, and it really did help answer our questions about what went wrong and what next - we had a post-mortem performed, but not everyone does.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious son

You never really move on, you move through it the best you can, but the grieving is forever. Time does ease the pain, it has been almost 2yrs for me in March. I am better than I was , but the grief just comes out on nowhere. You are never really the same person you were, but one day I promise things will get better. Surround yourself with people who can help you and be there for you. This is just devastating and I am so sorry. Sending all my love , prayers . I pray things are gentle on you.. If you ever need to talk we all are here for you , always. Andrea

 

[Mbrennan]

Thank you both for your sweet words. We are burying him today in a small service with family. It doesn't feel really yet. I'm 24 years old and my son will be buried today. I don't know how well I'm handling all of this. I feel more attached to my husband. I feel super alone and sad if he goes anywhere. He is my only comfort for some reason. I don't know how we are going to go back to our jobs separately. Ive started to feel really angry that this has happened while health babies are born around my constantly. I wonder what he would have been like if my body hadn't made him come out too early. He was so little, but so beautiful. He looked just like my husband to me. This was my first time to be pregnant, and the love I felt for that tiny thing knocked the breath out of me. I feel guilty for ever laughing or talking about fun plans that I know he will never be able to do. I feel lost.

 

[SassyLou]

 

[fuzzy_bear]

so so sorry for your loss....

 

[gnomette]

 

[Lottelotte]

So very very sorry for the loss of your little one.

I hope the coming days weeks, months and years are gentle on you.

I think my only advice would be to take it one day at a time. You will get through this, you will never be the same person as you once were but you will find your 'new' normal. Its just rubbish that any of us have to go through this.

Xx

 

[mhazzab]

Thank you both for your sweet words. We are burying him today in a small service with family. It doesn't feel really yet. I'm 24 years old and my son will be buried today. I don't know how well I'm handling all of this. I feel more attached to my husband. I feel super alone and sad if he goes anywhere. He is my only comfort for some reason. I don't know how we are going to go back to our jobs separately. Ive started to feel really angry that this has happened while health babies are born around my constantly. I wonder what he would have been like if my body hadn't made him come out too early. He was so little, but so beautiful. He looked just like my husband to me. This was my first time to be pregnant, and the love I felt for that tiny thing knocked the breath out of me. I feel guilty for ever laughing or talking about fun plans that I know he will never be able to do. I feel lost.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

In June 2011 I gave birth to twin girls at 23 weeks, Eve was born sleeping and Megan was born alive and lived for just a few minutes. They were perfect, just born too soon.

Everything you say above, I felt. I couldn't be alone, was desperate for my husband to be with me 24/7. I hated when he went back to work, I was lost. Despite having no reason for my loss I blamed myself, what If it was something I did? Because I had spent all my time looking at baby stuff on the Internet I had no idea what to do with myself. We spent our days talking, going for walks or just holding each other.

What you are feeling is so normal, in my experience anyway.

I hope the funeral went 'ok'. I found it helped, a little.

I met some amazing people in here who have helped me through the last 18 months. You are in the right place if you need someone to talk to xx

 

[Maxparedesmom]

I'm so sorry for ur loss . I lost my max 12/20 just one month ago., its hard to cope but I try to look forward and put my thoughts and hopes into trying again.. It's what keeps me going . That and my 14 month old son . There Are some hard days where I just don't want
To get out of bed. Or days I can't sit still ... It's not at all easy to loose a child no matter how far along u where or how ever old they were .. I feel for u and again I'm so sorry

 

[Mbrennan]

Thank you for your uplifting comments. The funeral was very emotional, but I do feel that it helped. My husband and I feel better tonight about things. I have found that the morning have been the most difficult for me for some reason. I am getting to a place where I am tired of hearing people tell me how sorry they are. I just want to move forward. I know it has only been almost a week since this happened, but I just feel the need to start fresh. Off topic: my breasts are very swollen and painful. What has helped y'all to dry up the milk?

 

[Maxparedesmom]

I just didnt mess with then but my doctor said ice or bandaging them up tightly ..

 

[Leilani]

I took a pill to stop my milk from coming in, but the alternatives that were suggested were wearing a tight sports bra - or even two, and making sure when showering that I stood with my back to the water.

I'm glad you felt the funeral helped - I know I felt like my grief moved to a different level after we had formally farewelled our son.

 

[Mbrennan]

The funeral really seemed to make me feel better. I was a mess there, but after all of that I feel a little brighter knowing I can try and move forward now. I know that just because tonight has been okay doesn't mean tomorrow will be. The mornings have been the worse. My husband and I want to start trying to get pregnant again as soon as possible. I feel conflicted because people get pregnant right after things like this and everything turns out fine, but my doctor days we need to wait at least 3 months. Anyone have experience with this? I just want a baby back inside me as soon as possible....

 

[Mbrennan]

Oops I didn't see that my first message posted. I repeated myself.

 

[Hopefulagain]

This Tuesday at 21 weeks pregnant I went into the hospital for some bleeding. They found that I was dilated 2 cm. they then transferred me to a different hospital where I knew no doctors. After I arrived I was already more dilated then before. The doctors elevated me in hopes that the baby would stay put and that I'd become less dilated. I didn't. I went into labor and had my sweet baby boy at 6:00 pm. He had no chance of survival. We held him and he was so beautiful. I feel so heart broken. I can't stop seeing his tiny face and hands. We bury him tomorrow. Please pray for my family. We need that right now. Thank you for reading. Any of you who have been through a similar situation, I would love to hear from you. Any advice on coping and moving on would be much appreciated.

Mbrennan,
It as been 5 weeks since we lost our daughter in the very same way and at the same gestational age. I do feel myself healing and I'd like to share what I believe is attributing to it. Above all, prayer, from others as well as myself. Next, God's Word and what the Bible tells us about babies going to Heaven and being with them again one day. My husband has been my rock. We have truely become closer through this, I can honestly say that he is my best friend. Journaling, I write in it daily (for the most part) and I record whatever I feel, think, fear or wish. Momentos, I had planned to cross-stitich a bib with her name on it, I did it anyway, framed it and hung it in our kitchen. This past week I made a shadow box of her things from the hospital, like her dress and bonet and hung it near our 7 year old's pictures. I also had a necklace made with her name, birthdate, hand and foot print. I just got that on Saturday. It is beautiful and can be ordered from myforeverchild.com. In my classroom I have a sonogram picture of her behind my desk (with my other family photos) with a decorative tag attatched with ribbon that says "Our Daughter in Heaven". My husband and I are also attending a support group for infant loss that is sponsored by the hospital. Talking about it really helps me to get things out and my friends and people at work have been amazing. I hope that some of this information is able to help if in even a small way. I will be praying for you and your family...I can honestly say that I understand how you are feeling. Hey maybe our kids are playing together right now in Heaven!

 

[Leilani]

My Ob wanted us to wait until we had our post-mortem report, so we'd know what/if anything we'd be dealing with in any future pregnancies.

 

[Mbrennan]

Thank you so much. Your advice will be used. I have felt myself move toward scripture more and more since this has happened, and though its only been 6 days, I do feel that my husband and I have grown closer from it. I do plan to make a shadow box, but I don't know I can optionally handle that quite yet.
I am a teacher too. I will go back to my sixth graders on Monday. I hope that they don't have too many questions.
I have a good friend who is also a grief counselor that has suggested some books to me that you might find helpful. The authors name is Nancy Guthrie. She has lost children in the same way, and wrote Christian books on dealing with our anger, how family members grieve differently, and how to find hope. My friend knows the lady from her church back in Nashville, TN and she said she is an amazing lady. I plan to go get some of those books today.
It will be our first day at home with no family here and no plans. I'm thinking I'm going to grab my husband and take him to the movies. it's time to try something fun after this last awful week. Thank you for your words on prayer, I feel like you are my sign from God to lean on Him.

 

[Mbrennan]

Hey, I replied to your message above. Still figuring this forum out!

 

[AllyTiel]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, and I will pray for you tonight