baby daddy

[molzeybee]

Hey all

Well this week has been very stressful and its not even over yet me and my baby`s father have a shit relationship we haven't spoken since 15/11/2013 and he threatened me after we broke up and now he expects me to just let him get involved with my bubu's life naa i don't think so but he hasn't taken it to well and got very aggressive towards me this is hard because no one seems to understand why I have made the decision i have this is added stress I don't need

Someone HELP ME !!

 

[Wonderlust18]

I know how you feel. The other day my baby's dad took my head a hit it against a window and choked me to where I was spitting up blood. Now I didn't exactly tell anyone why I am no longer with him and so everyone keeps telling him that I need to let him be involved but it's my choice as to whether or not I feel that he is a good person to have. Granted he may take me to court in the future but I'm sure he won't get more than a couple of hours visitation. Anyway, what I'm saying is that it's your baby and your choice so everyone else's opinion is irrelevant

 

[kmac87]

I'm not a teen (almost 27) but here's my advice as my oldest is from someone other than my dh. Get a court order as soon as baby is born! I understand you ladies may not want these no good men in your kid's life, but withholding them is only going to make you look bad, especially if he's asking you for visitation. Getting a court order makes it seem like it was your idea to begin with and with that, you're more than likely going to walk away satisfied. At the max, they will probably get baby 4 days a month. That's pretty good considering the tears, headaches, and back and forth trips to court if they take you. Then they will say you're denying them visits and that's one thing judges don't like. They want the child to be with the parent that is more likely to abide with visits with the other party before the court gets involved. If money is an issue, try going to your courthouse and seeing if they have mediation services. Here in my county they do. Basically, it's for those couples that don't need to have attorneys and these long custody battles in a court. It would be you, him and a mediator but y'all will have to agree on EVERYTHING as the mediator is only there to legalize what you 2 agree on. If you begin disputing, they won't take your case. Definitely sit down and get everything line out with baby's father before the appointment. It's complete free and you get to lay out everything you'd want the order to say. It's legally binding so It's just like a court order expect done by you and not a judge. This is your best option as like I said before, if you hold the child back, it can definitely come to bite you in the rear. Now if you feel the father will be abusive to you, meet in a public location for drop off and pick up. If you feel he will be abusive to baby, take it to court as soon as baby gets here as requests full custody. But remember, you've got to have proof of his violence...ie police reports, pictures, protective/restraining order as getting full custody is not easy, even if he's a dead beat. But please go about it the legal way so it won't come back to get you. Well wishes, ladies.

 

[Ashleii15]

If you ever need to talk I am here!
If he is getting aggressive over the decision you made, then that is just another reason not to be apart of his children's life, your child AND you do not need that and you do not need all the stress that comes with it. Don't feel like you need to explain the situation to everyone either, that is your business and no one else's, if they don't agree, that's fine, it's your and your baby's life, not yours. In the end you will always have some friends and family that stick by your side. I wish you the best

 

[Chunkycupcake]

I actually am going through the same thing except the violent behaviors. Nobody really knows the true reason why I left him the day I found out but I know that it was the right thing to do for mine and baby's safety. He told me over Facebook that he was going to kill me and that is definitely not something that any woman needs in a pregnancy or while raising the child. It's your decision to keep him in the baby's life or not. If you know it's the right thing to do by keeping him out of it then let that be the final decision. You're the only one who knows personally if he is one to keep around you and that baby nobody else. Once the baby is born you can get a court order. You can also go through your local family social services and have supervised visits and request that you be there too. If he wants to see the baby and truly cares make him show it and fight for it. My daughters father doesn't want to be around at all so I'm getting a DNA test once she is born and that will be all. He won't ever see her or me again.

 

[JJKCB]

the thing is you CANT stop him, if the baby is biologically his he can just go to court and prove it... all parents have equal rights

I think Kmac87 advice is good advice - you need to initiate court proceedings if you are sure its over and dont fight visitation it looks bad, if your worried about violence or inconsistency then court can order SAFE visitation where your child is protected (also show them any threats he makes if he makes any, that should be recorded) and if he turns out to be a deadbeat the court will see that and remove his rights - that way you do the best for the child by giving them the chance to know their father in a responsible way

 

[mstennischick]

I know how you feel too, believe it or not i am going through something VERY similar with my fob. When are you due? you know what i say? SCREW THEM you have done this for this long with out him, you can do it for longer. pregnancy goes by so fast and it is the most amazing thing in the world bonding with your child like this. you don't need the stress from fob and you don't need your baby being around him either if he's just going to leave again. he's a loser and can't be trusted.this is your child, i mean technically it's his too, but you are the mom. and that's the most important.