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Okay... this might be a long post. I guess I just need to vent a little bit.
First, let me start with a bit of backstory. My husband and I got married in 2009, but have basically been unofficially together since 2004, and grew up as good friends before that (we have always known each other because our families are close).
After we had DD1, my husband took to her immediately. He had no "warming up" period, he just automatically took to being a dad (which was great because I was stuck in bed on a magnesium drip for 48 hours after birth). He did all the first diapers... everything. I, on the other hand, felt a little differently.
It wasn't that I didn't love her or care for her. I just felt conflicted. And honestly, at first, she felt like a bit of an intrusion. We had been so very happy for so many years just the two of us, and the thought of it never being just the two of us anymore... well it was difficult to wrap my head around. I didn't have PPD or anything, I was just... overwhelmed by all the changes. Could I love someone as much as my husband? We used to say that we could be the last two people in the world, and fare pretty well, because we just...worked.
Well, of course, that all changed fairly quickly. Now, with my DD nearly 5 years old, we're a happy family of 3, and those feelings are long gone. Logically I knew they would, but it doesn't change how you're feeling at the time!
So now, I logically know that I will eventually feel the same way about #2 as I do about #1... but I can't shake the same feelings. I feel like this baby is an intrusion on our happy family of 3. I feel like I can't completely bond... A. because I have trouble bonding until I can "meet" them, and B. because I feel like how could I possibly love another child as much as DD1? I feel like I'm ruining everything! (I know I'm not being logical, but still!)
It doesn't help that I grew up as a very happy only child. I have no experience with siblings! I never wanted one (although I'm sure I would have been happy if I had gotten one), and I was happy with it being just my parents and I... so I have no idea what to expect!
My husband is from a family of 5, so he always wanted more. But I can't wrap my head around any of it. Right now it just makes me feel sad. Don't get me wrong- the idea of a baby sounds good, but once I realize it's my baby and it will be part of our family, I get a little lost.
My husband and DD1 are super excited! She hasn't said a cross word about anything, and wants the baby to sleep in her room and just already seems ready to go. Me on the other hand... I feel bad for feeling like I do!
Thanks for the vent... hope anyone that read it survived. I probably sound like a jumbly mess.
First, let me start with a bit of backstory. My husband and I got married in 2009, but have basically been unofficially together since 2004, and grew up as good friends before that (we have always known each other because our families are close).
After we had DD1, my husband took to her immediately. He had no "warming up" period, he just automatically took to being a dad (which was great because I was stuck in bed on a magnesium drip for 48 hours after birth). He did all the first diapers... everything. I, on the other hand, felt a little differently.
It wasn't that I didn't love her or care for her. I just felt conflicted. And honestly, at first, she felt like a bit of an intrusion. We had been so very happy for so many years just the two of us, and the thought of it never being just the two of us anymore... well it was difficult to wrap my head around. I didn't have PPD or anything, I was just... overwhelmed by all the changes. Could I love someone as much as my husband? We used to say that we could be the last two people in the world, and fare pretty well, because we just...worked.
Well, of course, that all changed fairly quickly. Now, with my DD nearly 5 years old, we're a happy family of 3, and those feelings are long gone. Logically I knew they would, but it doesn't change how you're feeling at the time!
So now, I logically know that I will eventually feel the same way about #2 as I do about #1... but I can't shake the same feelings. I feel like this baby is an intrusion on our happy family of 3. I feel like I can't completely bond... A. because I have trouble bonding until I can "meet" them, and B. because I feel like how could I possibly love another child as much as DD1? I feel like I'm ruining everything! (I know I'm not being logical, but still!)
It doesn't help that I grew up as a very happy only child. I have no experience with siblings! I never wanted one (although I'm sure I would have been happy if I had gotten one), and I was happy with it being just my parents and I... so I have no idea what to expect!
My husband is from a family of 5, so he always wanted more. But I can't wrap my head around any of it. Right now it just makes me feel sad. Don't get me wrong- the idea of a baby sounds good, but once I realize it's my baby and it will be part of our family, I get a little lost.
My husband and DD1 are super excited! She hasn't said a cross word about anything, and wants the baby to sleep in her room and just already seems ready to go. Me on the other hand... I feel bad for feeling like I do!
Thanks for the vent... hope anyone that read it survived. I probably sound like a jumbly mess.