emma2810
Mummy to 2 boys :)
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- Apr 15, 2009
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Well I feel its only right to this,even though I dont have my Angel with me anymore.
Please be aware this is upsetting.
I'll start from the beginning;
I had a lot of bleeding throught my pregnancy from around 5 weeks,and I mean MAJOR bleeds,but they scanned me each time and said the bleed was from a blood clot I had above my cervix and 'nothing to worry about'.
So once I got my bump and started feeling movements I finally started to relax that everything would be ok,despite all the bleeding,I had a little fighter inside of me.
On Friday 10th July I was 17weeks and 2days pregnant, I had felt very 'sore' in my tummy all day,but otherwise ok.
I started bleeding heavily around 7pm,then it stopped and started again about 20mins later and stopped again but like I said Id been through this before so was thinking we're going to trek al the way to the hospital they'll put the doppler on and send me home as per usual.(I have a doppler at home and checked and all was well).
I started get pains not long after this,not too bad but crampy AF style.
At about 9pm we had to go to see our friends who are home from swindon after 4months but after being there about 30mins I started bleeding again and getting quite bad pains in my tummy and my back.
Obviously we left and went straight to the hospital.
When I was sat in the room waiting to be examined I knew this wasnt like the other bleeds Id had,the pain just wasnt 'right'.
The doctor listened for baby's HB and found it straight away,checked my cervix and it was closed,so all in all it seemed they were putting it down to the clot as usual.
They then proceeded to take me to my 'room' for overnight observation.
Andrew(my OH)had gone home to collect me some things and I bled SOOO bad!All over the bed, the floor, the toilet, and bed pan they'd put inside of the toilet was just full to the brim.
Andrew came back and the nurse said he really neeeded to stay at the hospital and got him a recliner to 'sleep' on.
After that bleed the pains just got gradually worse,I knew they were contractions, and I knew by the way the nurses were looking at me I was going to lose my baby.
I told Andrew this but not for one minute did he say anything that wasnt positive!He honestly has been such a rock and Im so lucky to have him.
The pains became unbearable despite paracetamol and codine,so they gave me a shot of pethidine,this didnt help...the blood continued to flow incredibly heavily,they put me on a drip and decided to leave my bottom half naked and put lots of those bed pad things under me but had to change the bedding about every 10mins as there was just so much blood!
They gave me another dose of pethidine which still didnt work so put me on gas and air,this did help 'slightly' took the edge off the pain,I honestly didnt think the pains would be so bad,they were worse than when I was in labour with Aiden as they were in my back too.
About 4am I must of fallen asleep.
I woke around 6.30am and felt absolutley fine,9 o clock came round and still no pains just bleeding but not 'AS' bad,I then started to feel slightly mroe positive and so did Andrew.
I realised I hadnt been to the loo since before Id come to hosp so asked the nurse to help me to the loo.
As soon as I sat on the bedpan I felt things coming out I started to cry that somethings coming out,it felt at 1st like the clots had but then I realised this was bigger,much bigger.
The nurse buzzed for a doc,they made me lean forward and asked if I could push but I couldnt,I wasnt in any pain at all,just that 'weird feeling' then I knew it was over,the doc said,its complete,its done.that hurt!
Poor Andrew had been waiting in the main room but obv knew what had happened we both just sat and sobbed.
Truely cant believe this has happened having got this far despite all the problems.
Obviously the hours following are quite a blur of blood and forms and tears.
They asked if we wanted to see baby,which we did,he was so tiny but so perfect and had really long legs just like his 6ft3 daddy,his head was quite swollen and a bit of a purpley colour(they think there may of been something wrong like bleeding in the brain,we authorised them to carry out tests for abnormalities so its wait and see for those).
A funeral service and cremation will be held in around 10-14days.
We have photos and hand/foot prints of baby Jack and the blanket he was covered in.
As you can imagine we are still in shock!
Im absolutely petrified there's something wrong with me and I wont be able to have another healthy baby,mainly because Aiden was early and I bled until 12weeks with him then with this happening with Jack Im so so scared really praying god gives me a break now and lets us have some joy!
Hopefully it wont be too long before Im back here writing a brith story with a happy ending,that day will come
But for now we have to somehow continue our lives as 'normal' as can be and find strength from somewhere!
If one good thing has come out of this,its me and Andrew are truely unbreakable,I love him with all my heart and are so thankful to have him.Im praying this continues to make us stronger and doesnt tear us apart.
We will definitely be trying for another baby once we know Im fit and healthy.if its a boy,it'll be called Jack
Thanks for reading and all the support Ive received.
R.I.P my darling Angel Jack,mummy,daddy+Aiden will never ever forget you,its such a shame we didnt get any time with you
sweet dreams darling x x x
You travelled up to heaven before we heard you cry,
or saw a smile upon your face
or a twinkle in your eye
but one thing is for certain
and this we'll always know
allthough you had no time with us
our love will always flow
Please be aware this is upsetting.
I'll start from the beginning;
I had a lot of bleeding throught my pregnancy from around 5 weeks,and I mean MAJOR bleeds,but they scanned me each time and said the bleed was from a blood clot I had above my cervix and 'nothing to worry about'.
So once I got my bump and started feeling movements I finally started to relax that everything would be ok,despite all the bleeding,I had a little fighter inside of me.
On Friday 10th July I was 17weeks and 2days pregnant, I had felt very 'sore' in my tummy all day,but otherwise ok.
I started bleeding heavily around 7pm,then it stopped and started again about 20mins later and stopped again but like I said Id been through this before so was thinking we're going to trek al the way to the hospital they'll put the doppler on and send me home as per usual.(I have a doppler at home and checked and all was well).
I started get pains not long after this,not too bad but crampy AF style.
At about 9pm we had to go to see our friends who are home from swindon after 4months but after being there about 30mins I started bleeding again and getting quite bad pains in my tummy and my back.
Obviously we left and went straight to the hospital.
When I was sat in the room waiting to be examined I knew this wasnt like the other bleeds Id had,the pain just wasnt 'right'.
The doctor listened for baby's HB and found it straight away,checked my cervix and it was closed,so all in all it seemed they were putting it down to the clot as usual.
They then proceeded to take me to my 'room' for overnight observation.
Andrew(my OH)had gone home to collect me some things and I bled SOOO bad!All over the bed, the floor, the toilet, and bed pan they'd put inside of the toilet was just full to the brim.
Andrew came back and the nurse said he really neeeded to stay at the hospital and got him a recliner to 'sleep' on.
After that bleed the pains just got gradually worse,I knew they were contractions, and I knew by the way the nurses were looking at me I was going to lose my baby.
I told Andrew this but not for one minute did he say anything that wasnt positive!He honestly has been such a rock and Im so lucky to have him.
The pains became unbearable despite paracetamol and codine,so they gave me a shot of pethidine,this didnt help...the blood continued to flow incredibly heavily,they put me on a drip and decided to leave my bottom half naked and put lots of those bed pad things under me but had to change the bedding about every 10mins as there was just so much blood!
They gave me another dose of pethidine which still didnt work so put me on gas and air,this did help 'slightly' took the edge off the pain,I honestly didnt think the pains would be so bad,they were worse than when I was in labour with Aiden as they were in my back too.
About 4am I must of fallen asleep.
I woke around 6.30am and felt absolutley fine,9 o clock came round and still no pains just bleeding but not 'AS' bad,I then started to feel slightly mroe positive and so did Andrew.
I realised I hadnt been to the loo since before Id come to hosp so asked the nurse to help me to the loo.
As soon as I sat on the bedpan I felt things coming out I started to cry that somethings coming out,it felt at 1st like the clots had but then I realised this was bigger,much bigger.
The nurse buzzed for a doc,they made me lean forward and asked if I could push but I couldnt,I wasnt in any pain at all,just that 'weird feeling' then I knew it was over,the doc said,its complete,its done.
that hurt!Poor Andrew had been waiting in the main room but obv knew what had happened we both just sat and sobbed.
Truely cant believe this has happened having got this far despite all the problems.
Obviously the hours following are quite a blur of blood and forms and tears.
They asked if we wanted to see baby,which we did,he was so tiny but so perfect and had really long legs just like his 6ft3 daddy,his head was quite swollen and a bit of a purpley colour(they think there may of been something wrong like bleeding in the brain,we authorised them to carry out tests for abnormalities so its wait and see for those).
A funeral service and cremation will be held in around 10-14days.
We have photos and hand/foot prints of baby Jack and the blanket he was covered in.
As you can imagine we are still in shock!
Im absolutely petrified there's something wrong with me and I wont be able to have another healthy baby,mainly because Aiden was early and I bled until 12weeks with him then with this happening with Jack
Im so so scared really praying god gives me a break now and lets us have some joy!Hopefully it wont be too long before Im back here writing a brith story with a happy ending,that day will come
But for now we have to somehow continue our lives as 'normal' as can be and find strength from somewhere!
If one good thing has come out of this,its me and Andrew are truely unbreakable,I love him with all my heart and are so thankful to have him.Im praying this continues to make us stronger and doesnt tear us apart.
We will definitely be trying for another baby once we know Im fit and healthy.if its a boy,it'll be called Jack
Thanks for reading and all the support Ive received.
R.I.P my darling Angel Jack,mummy,daddy+Aiden will never ever forget you,its such a shame we didnt get any time with you
sweet dreams darling x x xYou travelled up to heaven before we heard you cry,
or saw a smile upon your face
or a twinkle in your eye
but one thing is for certain
and this we'll always know
allthough you had no time with us
our love will always flow
So sorry for your loss 
