baby no2 in US after 1st baby in uk... culture shock!

[hannymunchkin]

This is to prepare/deter anyone thinking of leaving the uk to have a baby here. let me start of by saying I had my 1st baby at home (waterbirth) with gas & air in scotland. best choice i could have made. didnt get my midwife on the day but at that point... i didnt really care! i recently moved to maryland and got married, our 2nd is due in december last week i went for my 1st prenatal appointment after a long wait to get added onto my hubby's insurance and that's where it all started to be bizarre. the nurse after taking my info told me to strip wait down (tought i heard wrong, i didnt) at 13wks i got a transvaginal scan!!! i did not want to be voilated like that but kinda felt pressured into it. i endured, thinking that was it. today i went back... had a "full physical" which involved... yup, stripping down to nothing. got a pap smear and only God knows how many swabs they took then she shoved her fingers waaay up there saying she was checking for whatever... i didnt care anymore. then cherry on top, i got a TB test have to go back on monday to find out if i react. i asked about birthing options... none! hospital bed! anything eles isnt covered by insurance. pain options : epidural or IV something. i almost cried! we are spending so much on insurance and this is what we get! wish i could go back to the uk but I can't. i feel really crap right now.

 

[SarahBear]

So here's what you need to start doing: Say "no." Remember, just because this is how this particular hospital does things, doesn't mean you have to consent. I made it through my whole pregnancy without my vagina being probed once (until the moment of delivery). No scans, no probing. Just measurements, a bit of blood work, and palpitation of the belly. I saw a midwife instead of a doctor, but even in hospitals, you have the right to say no. One thing you really want to check into is whether or not this doctor does routine episiotomies. Remember, episiotomies are emergency procedures that are overused and could be done when you don't want it to be unless you make a plan ahead of time.

 

[Yipee]

It's true, sometime you just have to tell them "no". They will probably pressure you anyway though, and make you feel like an idiot. The wanted to do a pap smear when I went for my first appointment; luckily I had one 7 months ago so was able to get out of it, but it would have been a big argument if I hadn't, and in the end they wanted me to show "proof" that I'd had one. The nurse was also trying to tell me it's required that I get a tetanus shot. I asked "required by who?" She said the doctor always gives them to every pregnant woman. Really, they can't do anything we don't allow, but they like to present it as if we don't have a choice. I guess it saves them the hassle of explaining and discussing. You always have a choice; just be prepared to be made to feel stupid if you happen to disagree with your doctor

 

[hannymunchkin]

Thanks, I guess i need to be firmer i just feel like i won't get treated that well over the course of the pregnancy if i dont comply. she did say there was one more waist down probe to be done in some weeks to come. I'm not doing that. I was also allowed to get on with my 1st pregnancy without much disturbance just routine blood work, 2 ultrasounds and bp checks. i did allow them to do a cervical sweep when i was past due but that was because I was almost 2weeks overdue (it made no difference) they were even happy for me to continue with the pregnancy without talking about induction. here she said its 9 days past due then induction. when i asked what happens if i say no she said it was my body so it was my choice. i feel like the pressure of having this baby in a hospital will really stress me out

 

[SarahBear]

It is a tough situation. If you can afford one, I would recommend a doula. They're not medically trained, but they are trained to be able to advocate for women in a hospital setting (and other settings). I don't know if I'll be able to find a midwife for a homebirth where I'm moving soon and I plan to have a second. I also don't know anything about the hospital and it's a small place so I won't have too many options. It's a scary thing, but I'll say "no" as many times as I need to. I also will do my research so I know what I should and shouldn't say no to. If I'm having a healthy and normal pregnancy, however, I should be able to say no to most interventions.

 

[ttc126]

I have had a complicated pregnancy. Its been one thing after another. But I have said no to a lot. I was with a pushy midwife (associated with hospital) and had to turn down flu shot (at 8 weeks when flu season was nearly over), extensive blood work, pap smear, and internal exam. I consented to internal u/s but I knew ahead and totally wanted an u/s.

Then I got fed up with the pushy attitude. So I changed to an ob that I like better. He (and office) have not been pushy. I had one internal exam but I was having preterm contractions and needed to have a quick check for dialation. I said no to the flu vaccine, tetanus boosters, etc and wasn't made to feel a fool.

Would your insurance allow you to switch to another dr that has delivery privileges in the hospital? I hate feeling so pushed. I'm so sorry.

 

[nullaby]

I'm so sorry it is such a difference, but you will have to be your own advocate big time. Look into birth centers around you, some accept insurance and will much better than a hospital. A doula would be a great investment! I had a successful vbac in a hospital but every hour the staff so kindly offered me an epidural even though I said no! As the ladies said, you can say no, do not feel pressured into all the tests and vag exams until you feel it is needed

 

[hannymunchkin]

Would your insurance allow you to switch to another dr that has delivery privileges in the hospital? I hate feeling so pushed. I'm so sorry.

i got given this OB on short notice and it seems my assigned OB doesnt have any appointments available but i'll call tomorrow and see if i can get her to take me at some point.

 

[hannymunchkin]

I'm so sorry it is such a difference, but you will have to be your own advocate big time. Look into birth centers around you, some accept insurance and will much better than a hospital. A doula would be a great investment! I had a successful vbac in a hospital but every hour the staff so kindly offered me an epidural even though I said no! As the ladies said, you can say no, do not feel pressured into all the tests and vag exams until you feel it is needed

thanks. i spoke to my insurer and they say the do not cover births anywhere outside the hospital. i remember during my home birth the pain got so bad i asked them to take me to the hospital for an epi. so i imagine i would just as easily consent to it in the thick of it if i am in a hospital even though i will be disappointed after that. i will keep trying birthing centres but there dont seem to be many here.

 

[MindUtopia]

Oh gosh, hun, I so feel your pain! I'm American, but one of the reasons (one of the MANY reasons) why my husband and I decided to settle in the UK (he's British, so we could have gone either way) was because of the maternity care here. It's SO much different and better here than in the U.S. I work in the medical research field, so work with doctors, nurses, midwives, etc. and just the approach to care is so different here in general. I think some of the practices to maternity care in the U.S. are so weird (and unnecessary), but frankly, they're profitable which is why people keep doing them. I wouldn't be able to cope (nor could we afford it either for that matter).

Would you be able to hire a midwife (either through your insurance or privately)? I have friends who are midwives and I know it's possible to find one privately (either home or birth centre) for between $3000-5000, which might not be much more than you end up paying for a hospital birth with an OB, even with insurance.

 

[hannymunchkin]

Would you be able to hire a midwife (either through your insurance or privately)? I have friends who are midwives and I know it's possible to find one privately (either home or birth centre) for between $3000-5000, which might not be much more than you end up paying for a hospital birth with an OB, even with insurance.

not really. we just bought a house and need to get a basement water issue addressed so no cash to spare. our insurance stopped covering birth centers 3yrs ago so im out of options and starting to get pressured into accepting my fate. i really feel like packing up and going but wont be able to return here for almost a year if not longer due to the immigration process!

 

[essie0828]

Hannymunchkin, so sorry hun. Hope you find a less invasive doctor. They are hard to find over here. I personally go for the older docs. They seem to "test" less and know more. I went through 6 obgyns before I found one I trust.

 

[essie0828]

And definitely understand that you have every right to say no to a procedure. Lol, I have a friend that always says something is against her religion and they never pressure her. Although she has no religious beliefs.

 

[hannymunchkin]

And definitely understand that you have every right to say no to a procedure. Lol, I have a friend that always says something is against her religion and they never pressure her. Although she has no religious beliefs.

lol good for her. i should try that.

 

[Maxparedesmom]

Hello I was too asked to get a pap and a flu shot and I denied both . I don't think its needed . They just like to bug us to get it done . I hope it goes better for u ..

 

[JessPape]

Id get a new doctor, you have all the same birthing options you had in Scotland as you do in the US... You have the right to declined any procedure or anything " I do not consent" is all you have to say.

 

[BunnyN]

I really feel for you. I have just had my first baby in Portugal. although it was my first I had some idea of what maternity care is like in UK and was a bit shocked when I realized how many 'essential' things they put you through here. I did manage to refuse what I didn't want. I actually found it worked better to get my husband to refuse for me, they seemed to show him more respect (I know, sad). I also dodged some stuff when doctors changed and I just acted like I'd done it already. I reconed I just had to get on with it and make the most out of the system. Then I vistited the hospital where I was planning to give birth at about 33 weeks and I had a total breakdown after. I was totally freaked out by their intervention happy attatude. My OH, bless him found me a private midwife to have a home birth and I never went back to the doctors. Her care was much less invasive but more personal and attentive. It didn't turn out very expensive and to be honest I'd happily pay more! If it is an option for you look into independent midwifes.

 

[Rato]

Are you doing your green card application at the same time? What you are describing sounds more like the medical checks you need to go when you get your green card than those checks you do during pregnancy. For a green card you need all sorts of checks done, even if u come from the UK... It's just their procedure.

I've always thought pregnancy and labour were better in the US than in the UK, but I guess it will depend on the hospital/medical care you get. But like other ladies have said - it is your right to say 'no'!

Good luck xx

 

[hannymunchkin]

no, I'm not applying for a green card yet. this is all pregnancy related 'or so they claim'

 

[BunnyN]

Hows it goin Hannymunchkin? I hope you have managed to work out what to do about your care and are happier. Hugs