Baby Talk and OH - help needed

[sunnybabe]

Hi

After spending the best part of the last couple of weeks trying to work out how to bring up the subjects of babies and TTC with OH I have failed miserably. I just can't seem to find a suitable time to bring it up... or even a time to ask if we can sit down and chat about it.

I think it's because i'm just nervous about what would be said and if he then says he still isnt ready.

I know im a wimp and really pathetic.

How do you all managed to bring up the serious baby talk stuff??? I seriously need help!

Thanks x

 

[lozzy21]

i did it while drunk so i could blame it on the drink lol

 

[jillypoop]

Hiya :wave:

It took me aaages to summon up the courage to talk about it. OH knew that I wanted to be a mummy but didn't realise how much. I just started joking around with things like when I saw a baby on tv, then went from there.

Sorry if this is too harsh but if you aren't ready to talk about it maybe you aren't ready to do it. The only reason I was scared about talking to OH was because I knew what the answer was and didn't want him to say it (we aren't ready yet, we have decided together) but needed him to.

Just be brave, ask him when he wants to be a dad before telling him you are ready to be a mum.

xxx

 

[Diggydog]

I turned on a baby & birth programme on sky, he sat and watched it with me and he started asking me when would i want to try for a baby?! So then i was able to carry on the baby talk.

 

[sunnybabe]

I emailed him last time

That was when he said we could talk about it seriously again in six months (now)... but I really think that emailing is the way forward now... although it could be a way to ask him when he is ready to have the talk! hmmmm....

 

[nadupoi]

If it's hard to start the conversation, maybe you could write a little note to him and then when you had some time together he'd ask you about it and the conversation could get started. It is a tough subject and I would be nervous as hell too, but I bet you he'll react better than you think he would. Try to just stay calm.

A good face to face talk is good for the relationship. Especially about something so life changing.

 

[nightkd]

I just started asking OH if he wanted to put a baby in me! I'm pretty heavy on, so I generally just say what I want (to certain people!) and my OH knows this...

I just feel comfortable bringing up any kind of topic with my OH, so I just started on about it and how I'd like this and that and blah blah. OH didn't want kids, but we went and saw my sis and bro and he changed his mind.

xx

 

[bigbloomerz]

I was having this conversation with my OH about 1 week into our relationship and picking out names lol! We always said we would get married and move house first before having children, We have been married for 3 months and are looking at moving house soon, so hopefully next year we will start trying
Just break him in gently to the idea, maybe drop some subtle hints, like "oo isnt that baby cute" whilst shopping or "wouldnt that colour look nice as a baby room colour?" lol.
You are not a wimp and you arent pathetic lol, your just nervous about getting what you most want in life x

 

[kintenda]

I know how you feel... it's difficult to bring something like this up sometimes, even if you know someone & love them very much, simply because it's moving the r-ship onto another level. Dropping hints is always a good idea because it's easier to slip the heavier conversation of setting a TTC conceive date/month! Why don't you have the discussion with him, & if he says he's not ready get him to vocalise why he's worried about it... you may find you're able to allay his fears about it... perhaps say that you'd like to discuss it now so that when you'd like to talk about it properly with him in a few months to perhaps set a TTC date that he's prepped for it! I betcha his brain will be working overtime afterwards & he may come around on his own! Katie

 

[Pinkgirl]

It can be really difficult to talk to OH about babies for one reason or another, but if you never ask you will never find out hehe!
Maybe if you see a baby on TV or a friends child you could bring it up.
xx

 

[sunnybabe]

Well i finally managed to bring the subject up but I don't think I did it very well... as no real answers. My OH is a master at avoiding subjects.. he just goes really silent or changes the subject (somehow!?).

I reminded him i've waited the six months that he wanted to wait b4 seriously talking about babies and asked what was holding him back (loss of his own time). I then pointed out he has been luckier than most with his free time, which he agreed with, and then I said it will have to change at somepoint and he just went really quiet and thoughtful.

I will give him a few hours to umm and ahh it all over and then bring the subject up again before we go to bed.

At least he is thinking! thats a start!!

Thank you so much everyone for your help... it really has helped me pluck up the courage to talk to OH

 

[sunnybabe]

Forgot to mention... the reason I finally managed to bring up the subject was because he was complaining about the cost of tampons... and I said if I was pregnant I wouldnt need them for a few months!! Hehe!

 

[Pyrrhic]

When I was WTT I just figured that the worst he could do was say no, so I just asked him straight out and we have a long conversation about it. I think with an issue as serious and life changing as having a baby it needs to be done face to face. Sorry, but although you may feel better doing it over email I think it isn't the best way forward.

 

[sunnybabe]

Dont worry RAFwife... i totally agree, I dont think he would appreciate an email either! Hence why I pinned him down after the tampons comment!! lol.

It was just a matter of waiting for an opportune (sp!) moment. Now I have brought the subject up once it will be easier to do again, once he has had time to think for a couple of hours.

 

[Pyrrhic]

It is hard, I was seriously talking to my OH for 6 months before I 'accidently' got pregnant

Good luck

 

[sunnybabe]

LOL!! Well it took him forever and a day to propose so im really hoping the TTC won't take quite as long!! He is a bit of a procrastinator!

 

[kintenda]

Well I am glad you were able to bring it up with him! At least it's got the ball rolling now Katie

 

[Pops]

I never really had to worry about how to broach the subject of having a baby, it is something that, as the relationship progressed, just came up in conversation natrually. If I am honest, I would have hated to take a deep breath and have to "ask" him about it all as if it didn't come up naturally for us (as it didn't with past boyfriends) it would have meant to me that we probably weren't going that way. I know everyone is different but that is just how it was for us

xxx

 

[sunnybabe]

Thank you everyone for all your help and support. I can't say im really getting anywhere at the moment with our talking. OH has clammed up and is taking a v v v long time thinking about it all.

I have asked him what holds him back and the moment (money - which i pointed out we are more secure than most people) and losing the good life (which we have enjoyed for rather a long time).

I then asked when he would think would be an ideal time, from his pov, to have chn and that is as far as we got.

Now going to give him a couple of days to think and then bring it up again.

BUT... Thank you everyone for helping me to find a good way of bringing it all up and get started.
xxxx

 

[toffee87]

I started off with jokes, and saying I was excited to have kids with him in the future.