Back here..so down and confused

[luluW]

Hiya,

Hubby and I were ntnp since about March this year and decided to start ttc officially in June, but its now looking like were going back to wtt. Its all down to work and money issues. Our incomes/outgoings have changed slightly and were worried about how we would cope financially with a baby, so I suggested I could look for a new job.

I've been doing my graduate certificate distance learning so I can now look for a job in the NHS as a trainee scientist, which would be good career move for me as it would set me up for life. It also would increase our income dramatically and reduce outgoings as I wouldn't have to commute 40 miles to work every day any more, and as hubby is currently training to be a driving instructor, it would mean by the time we did have a baby he would be qualified and earning more as well, and we would have a great deal more money to raise a child on. The other plus would be that I would get to leave my current job as I'm having a lot of problems with my manager at the moment. He is patronising and anti social, the morale in the lab I work in is awful and everyone is having issues with him, hes even reduced me and other members of staff to tears.

The problem with leaving my job though is that we would need to put off having a baby. As it would be on a training program it could be anywhere between 18 months to 3 years until I'm qualified, then I'll need to work in the job for another 6 months to a year till I can go off on maternity. When we discussed all this it seemed like a good idea and hubby was happy enough to wait, but I'm really struggling with the fact that I might have to potentially wait another 3-5 years before I can have a child. I don't want to say anything to him though as he thinks I'm ok with it all, but its tearing me apart.

I just don't know what to do, have a baby now, struggle financially for a year or two until hubbys career picks up and then maybe think about concentrating on mine, or work at having a better life for ourselves and saving money for a few years before having a baby. I know deep down what the most sensible answer would be, but its the most difficult and heartbreaking one

 

[goddess25]

its certainly a tough choice you have made, and i can understand your frustrations and disappointment. You will know what is right for you, i am a nurse and husband is a bus driver we both earn a good salary with excellent benefits and are pretty secure but still have the same financial concerns that you have, unless your fairly wealthy its always going to be a bit of a struggle i think, but its well worth it. Good luck!

i feel for you.

 

[Daisy Delayne]

I don't know what the best solution is, but I think pretending you're okay with waiting might be a mistake. I definitely think you should let your hubby know just how much it's hurting you to wait. If he thinks you're okay with it, waiting probably seems like a really simple decision for him, but if he knew how much it was bothering you, he could take that into consideration and you could sit down together and realistically weigh the pros and cons. I don't think men understand a woman's aching desire to have a baby.

 

[Pops]

I think first and foremost you should speak to your husband about how you are feeling. It is a huge decision and it is only fair that he knows how you feel so you can come to a decision between you rather than you being torn apart by it

We have been NTNP for 2 months now and I have just taken VR from my job of 6 years and start a new one next week - we considered stopping but we really dont want to, we want a baby, and it will all work out one way or the other. In the worst case, I wont get enhanced maternity pay but that's fine because we will have a baby so it's worth the trade off for us.

I can totally understand your predicament though as it is a very different scenario and involves training so it is a lot to think about.

I just hope you come to a decision that sits right with you both hun

xxx

 

[princess_bump]

i say keep talking things through together xx

 

[bunnyg82]

Only the two of you know what's right for you. It's such a tough decision but I hope you manage to come up with the right decision for you xx

 

[stargirl69]

I think you should talk to your partner about this. You need to discuss it, and I'm sure this will hep you feel better.


I'm in the situation where we chose to wait before having kids. I retrained in 2006 when I was 25 and desperate for a baby. I'm now 28 but I'm glad we waited as now we both earn double what we earned when I was 25 - we've had some fantastic holidays, we got married, we've bought a house for our family to grow into, and I can stay off for a whole year maternity leave with the baby as we can afford it. This was the best decision for US. Only you two can make the right decision for YOU.

Best of luck

 

[Pinkgirl]

Aww hunni dont worry, you might not have to wait that long.
Its a big decision that you have to make and not easy i understand. Keep speaking to OH.
Let us know how you get on hun, i am sure things will slot into place x

 

[pinkflamingo]

Hi Luluw.
We are in a similar situation. We had decided to ttc in January 2010 but we are now hoping to move house and this will change things financially. I also want to set up my own business and am considering whether it would make sense to fully qualify now etc etc. This would mean delaying ttc by about 3 years for us aswell.
It's difficult because I have wanted to start a family for the past 18 months and it feels like we are so close, but at the same time I do feel that if we have that added security which better jobs etc will bring to our future, then when we do have babies we will be able to enjoy life even more. I also don't want to look back with regret when the children are at school and wish that I had spent just a little more time now on my career.
I agree with you though....it's a heart tugging decision.
Good luck with whatever you decide is right for you.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

 

[leeanne]

Tough situation to be in hon.

 

[elmaxie]

You definatley need to sit down with your hubby and tell him how you feel.

Me and my hubby are in good jobs (me NHS and him I.T) but we spoke before ttc about costs and kinda worked out how much went out each month and came in, how much a baby "roughly" would cost us each month, nappies, milk etc etc and decided we could do it...just.

I spent my pregnancy buying bits and bobs in sales and second hand off ebay and we also bought huge boxes of nappies covering newborn to stage 4 to help us cut costs when it was going to be just one wage and we have managed so well!

I think having a baby is as expensive as you make it. BUT that said if your outgoings are more than your incomings waiting until your hubby is a bit more "secure" is an idea.

But as said before by soemone only you and your hubby know your situation and know what is best for you both.

Good luck



Emma.xx