Best friend due 6 weeks before me

[misslissa]

Just a little rant, my best mate is due 6 weeks earlier than me and she's irritating me!

I'm 31 weeks and she is 37 so it could happen anytime now. Generally it's fine, we don't live close by which is a shame really.

Anyway I feel like the whole way through this pregnancy, both our first babies, I've been in her shadow. Whenever I discuss things she's been there, "god wait for when you are this stage" sort of comments. I'm 31 weeks which is the latter end of pregnancy yet because she is further along I feel like I'm never as pregnant as her. I know I know, I am never as pregnant as her obviously but I feel like I'm 6 weeks and she's 40 all the time. I suppose I just know how I feel and I've wanted to feel special through the pregnancy and she takes the shine off it.

That sounds awful, I'm not jealous, generally we are fine and we both have a laugh about stuff but I think the gap is too close for us to separate the pregnancies yet not close enough for me to get the same respect she gets for being pregnant. Like if we are out with the other girls I feel like I'm in the background and she's the pregnant one whereas in reality our babies could be born very close together if she goes over and I come early.

I've got no real anger or anything towards her, she's my best mate, I just feel a bit like my pregnancy isn't as significant.

I'm rambling, I can't explain it, just a bit irritated. Maybe it's hormones. I don't want any competitive parenting, what's the point, we all have our own methods.

 

[R8ch]

Hi
Don't feel bad about the way you feel. I had the exact same experience with my SIL - I could have written your post! At the time, I was always in her shadow because everything was so much bigger, worse, more painful, longer etc etc. It is really hard when you just want to be an individual but your issues get swallowed up by theirs.

Looking back now yes I did feel like that, but I probably over reacted and it probably was a bit down to the hormones, but at the time hearing that didn't help (so I won't say it!).

What kind of stopped it for me was that she complained A LOT about breast feeding her large baby and that he needed feeding so regularly, almost trying to put me off it felt like - how hard it was, how sore she was.. She ended up giving formula - totally fine with that, her decision - happy mumma, happy baby and all that. I battled through a very very demanding and hungry baby, pain for 12 weeks, but fed DD for 1 year. The main issues stopped at that point as it was something she couldn't comment on or be better at any longer.

I will say though, be prepared for "my baby can do that already" kind of thing. I think some people are naturally like that. I am more chilled out and let comments wash over my head - life and children are not a competition and I have no interest in taking part in that sort of thing.

I hope you feel better soon - it WILL pass
Rx

 

[Eleanor ace]

I think its totally normal to feel like you do-we all want our pregnancies to feel special! Once she has had her baby you'll still be pregnant and have lots of attention on you with friends wondering when you'll have LO, and she'll probably feel upset that she's not at that stage any more!

 

[Evies mummy x]

Just think when she's had her baby and missing pregnancy like a lot of women do, you will still have your little wiggler inside your tummy then it will be your turn to be the better one if that makes sence haha! Xx

 

[cantwaitforu]

After she has her baby she will be jealous of you for still waiting to experience one of the most amazing things that will ever happen to you.

Beware of people like this! Their constant comparison is worse when the babies are born and pregnancy is a distant memory. If she starts comparing baby's milestones you will need to speak up if it begins to make you feel bad.

 

[Athena]

I'm 10 weeks ahead of my best friend and we have had a lovely time together, she's so excited for me and vice versa. We go shopping together and plan stuff together it's been so fun but we are close as sisters really and have known each other since we were little kids so it's been lovely. Sorry you feel like you're in your friend's shadow that's a shame, hopefully your lovely babies will grow up close and you'll enjoy it so much more having a little playmate for you LO x

 

[Mrs-G]

I'm not going through this but I completely get you - I'd hate it, so big hugs x

 

[misslissa]

I'm sure I'm being daft and its just me. We are getting on fine really. Maybe it doesn't help we don't live close enough together so we tend to be on the phone or email.

I sometimes get the feeling that she doesn't like it when I make suggestions about what I'm doing. Although we are best mates we are quite different in our views!

I think she thinks I'm daft or a bit alternative?

 

[tag74]

I am pregnant with my second. My first baby is 13.5 years old and I think many newer moms forget that and talk to me as if this is my first. It's pretty irritating but....my dad always taught me to KILL with kindness. So whenever someone says Just you wait or shares their experience, I always say...oh that stinks you had that experience...but you're doing a great job or over compliment them.

You'll feel much better...as this pregnancy is your journey not hers.

Just wait till your little ones start arguing with each other the playing field evens quite quickly once they are born. LOL

You're doing a great job cookin' and it's okay to be irritated.