BF left me at 14 weeks preggo, is he just scared?

[lizdanzer]

I was with my BF for 4 months, living together for 2 months, and we were deeply in love, had really no major problems, both wanted the same things in life and had the same goals. Then I became pregnant and he wasn't excited, thought it was the wrong time and didn't want to keep it. He said he would support my decision, and after deciding to keep it we had several serious conversations about us and the baby and they all ended with us both being in the relationship for the long run, and planning a future together with our baby. Then for a few weeks, things got hard during my first trimester, and he was freaking out about getting into school, finding a better job, etc. to prepare for baby. We were both exhausted and fought a little, but nothing ever majorly serious, the word break up never came up. Then one day, I told him we needed to talk and clear the air bc we had both become a little distant due to us both being exhausted and annoyed with the little things, and he broke up with me. I was 14 weeks pregnant. I had no where to go, and it's been a week he hasn't contacted me except about getting rid of our place. Hasn't asked about baby or anything. Says he wants to be there when it's born though. I just don't understand how at the begininning of the month we're in love moving into our own place, and by the end he doesn't love me anymore and isn't happy and thinks its best for the baby if we aren't together??

We haven't even fought that much and have never had any major problems! He wasn't abusive or seemed uphappy or anything. Only recently, because of my constant neausea and fatigue, I haven't been wanting to be intimate, and he has been annoyed with me asking him for so much (dinner, dishes, chores, etc). He just ran away from our relationship after a hard month without even trying or waiting for things to get better! And on top of all that he was completely non-chalant, didn't apologize, wasn't sad... my friends think he is complete denial about being a father and is scared and felt trapped. I hope he comes around.... I am 26 and he is 24, this is the first for both of us. Anyone else been through this? Any men who ran away scared but realized they needed to work on it with their girlfriends?

The craziest thing too is we both agreed that being in a real relationship took hard work, we both always said we would never bail when it got hard. There were several times I was thinking about leaving, like right after I got pregnant and couldn't even talk to him about the pregnancy bc he would freak out and get angry at me. I finally broke down crying and he apologized and said that he is going to make mistakes in our relationship throughout life, and that we just have to be willing to talk and communicate and compromise. Then this! No talking, no compromising, just abondoning me.

 

[PrayerfulHope]

I'm sorry. pregnancy hormones can totally be hard for a man to deal with and you guys haven't been together for very long so he just may not understand.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and he's been getting frustrated with my hormones, so I can't imagine if we were newly together and suddenly I turned into pregg-zilla.

All I can say is give it some time. You will come to know what is the best for your baby.. is this man who barely puts effort into this relationship really worth being the active father of your child?

 

[debbie7155]

aww hun maybe talk to his family? & yours, you need support from others, you both do, but also he needs to be reminded if hes going to have sex, protected or not theres always that possibility women can get pregnant, people just dont think about it that way & its a shame, hes old enough to be a father & take his responsabilities like a man now, offer him counselling? even if he goes on his own, having a baby at ANY age can be very daunting, im 39 its my 1st & even im scared, its natural, but you have to have support too, talk to your dr/midwife, ask for help, i hope he comes around & good luck, try not to worry too much, easier said than done i know x

 

[Jolene]

Sorry to hear Hope it all works out for you and your baby!

 

[Ashtons mummy]

 

[tink28]

im so sorry to hear this hun, i do think it sounds like hes scared and maybe felt pressure on him to get a better job and provide etc, plus 24 is so young, and men mature behind us dont forget. and what do most people do when they're scared? run!
different circumstances but a friend of mine fell pregnant after a one night stand, the guy didnt want to know and actually had gone back to the mother of his other kids, but when she was about 5 months gone he got back in contact and wanted to be involved, admitting he'd just been afraid and ran. and that was without them being in a relationship. so im sure given time your bf will accept the idea and come round.
having a baby can be very scary but is also an amazing thing, and im sure he will realise that.
good luck with everything

 

[EmzyJA]

i am sorry to hear that hun. pregnancy is very challenging for a relationship. my hubbi told me that a lot of relationships break up during pregnancy. (cant remember the precentage he said but it was quite high). its difficult dealing with the hormones etc. and maybe he was bottling stuff up that he hasnt told you?

my and my husband have been together for years and it's been quite challenging for us so far.

i'd give him some space and maybe write him a letter or an email just explaining that you dont understand whats gone wrong, you thought he was happy etc and just ask him why he's decided he doesnt wanna be with you. he may change his mind and he may be scared but it's worth asking xx

 

[DanielleM]

Yeah defo agree with all of the above as the beginning of a relationship is all about the 2 of you becoming a couple and learning about each other, etc and to throw a pregnancy and a life changing event into the mix can mess things up. Especially with all the strong hormones you will have too!!

It has probably just hit your bf hard in the face that his life is going to be turned upsude down and I know this is not an excuse as the same thing is happening to you if not more as you feel the physical changes to your body.

I would give him a bit of time to get used to the whole idea and situation and see what he comes up with himself, he may come around to the idea of you all being a family and he may not either way you can't make him do what he doesn't want to- I learnt this from having my son with an ex. It may seem like the end of the world now but I promise things will definatley start looking up especially when you are holding your baby in your arms!! xx