B'feeding to sleep.....now what?

[addy1]

I have three children, all of whom were/are breastfed. I have always fed on demand, which (in my opinion) has created terrible sleepers. My five year old has just started sleeping through the night! The week I stopped breastfeeding my second dd (at a year old) she started sleeping through the night. My little guy wakes 5-6 times a night and will only go back to sleep when I nurse him. I know he is not hungry every time he wakes....my supply is great, and he is steadily gaining weight, thriving and a happy baby.

My question is, how do I get him to fall asleep in the night without feeding him? I am not comfortable with CIO, as he is still young. Any tips, tricks, suggestions?? I am so tired, and am not sure how much longer I can do this.

 

[noon_child]

Your baby is at the classic age for bad sleep due to the growth and changes in his brain. Yes he probably isn't starving hungry every time but he's looking for the easiest way to feel safe, comforted and sleepy (there is a hormone in breastmilk that promotes sleep in infants - and some studies suggest it promotes sleep in Mum too).

There are various gentle methods which you could start to introduce but they are about building up situations that allow you and your baby to move on when you are both ready - but your baby may not be ready for months or even years. I introduced a song to play while I nursed at bed time with the hope it would promote sleep on its own further down the line. It worked (and still does now my LO is 4 yrs) but didn't work consistently till LO was about 2yrs... - it just helped shorten feeds etc.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, I know how exhausting it is, but at that age they change so rapidly I'm hoping you catch a break and it gets better on its own. Maybe if someone else went to comfort him that might help, but in my LO it resulted in utter meltdown...

 

[addy1]

Your baby is at the classic age for bad sleep due to the growth and changes in his brain. Yes he probably isn't starving hungry every time but he's looking for the easiest way to feel safe, comforted and sleepy (there is a hormone in breastmilk that promotes sleep in infants - and some studies suggest it promotes sleep in Mum too).

There are various gentle methods which you could start to introduce but they are about building up situations that allow you and your baby to move on when you are both ready - but your baby may not be ready for months or even years. I introduced a song to play while I nursed at bed time with the hope it would promote sleep on its own further down the line. It worked (and still does now my LO is 4 yrs) but didn't work consistently till LO was about 2yrs... - it just helped shorten feeds etc.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, I know how exhausting it is, but at that age they change so rapidly I'm hoping you catch a break and it gets better on its own. Maybe if someone else went to comfort him that might help, but in my LO it resulted in utter meltdown...

Thanks so much for your reply. I really like your song idea. Might have to give that a try. Also thanks for the reminder about 4 months being a tough age for sleep. I go through phases where I am ok with little sleep, then it hits me, and I feel like I can't take it anymore. I am feeling really tired right now, but do know that it will get better.

He is my last baby, so I am trying to enjoy every moment, but with three young kids it is exhausting!! Haha

 

[LeannieB]

Hi. My little boy is now 3 months and he is BF on demand. He was sleeping really good at night until he caught his brothers cold/cough. He will only re settle if i feed him or he gets very upset. He also feeds quite a lot during the day at the moment. I have a 4 year old and 6 year old and i know what you mean about the tiredness just hitting you. I feel so tired today. I did try him with a dummy yesterday but he wasnt impressed.
Like your LO he is gaining weight and thriving and happy but sometimes its so tiring. X

 

[toffee87]

Following! Not sure how to get round this with my 5 month old. He goes in his cot about 7.30pm and wakes up hourly until about 10, then does 2-3 hourly

 

[fortunecookie]

Following too. Me and my DD co sleep and I spend most of the night with my boob in her mouth. If I try to move away she wakes or fusses until I put it back. She isn't feeding (she does feed around 1am, 3am and 6am) she just flutters and holds it in her mouth. I have tried a dummy on numerous occasions but she point blank refuses and gags on them.

 

[addy1]

Well, it is nice to know that it is not just me!! Haha. I thought I was doing something really wrong....for the third time! I have days where I decide that I am done b'feeding, but never actually quit. I know I willbpush through this, but I am just so tired.

 

[noon_child]

Well, it is nice to know that it is not just me!! Haha. I thought I was doing something really wrong....for the third time! I have days where I decide that I am done b'feeding, but never actually quit. I know I willbpush through this, but I am just so tired.

No evidence that ff would make any difference anyway, we're all in the same boat!

toffee87 - the constant waking for the early part of the night sounds like classic sleep regression pattern. Babies change when their deep sleep kicks in at around 4months old and suddenly the transition from light sleep to deep sleep often wakes them fully up (usually at about 45mins after falling asleep). They usually get over it on their own but you can help them get used to it by spending a few days staying with them until ( or returning to them if you can time it right) they are about to wake. As soon as you see signs they are stirring you can try shhhhhing, patting, singing or whatever might work to lull them back to sleep before they wake fully. Once in deep sleep you should get a longer stretch till the next wake up. Unfortunately 2-3hrly feedings are very normal and still necessary, especially at times of growth spurt.

 

[addy1]

Well, it is nice to know that it is not just me!! Haha. I thought I was doing something really wrong....for the third time! I have days where I decide that I am done b'feeding, but never actually quit. I know I willbpush through this, but I am just so tired.

No evidence that ff would make any difference anyway, we're all in the same boat!

Never said it would, but at least my husband could help during the night. Not willing to pump so he could feed during the night, as it only leads to me not sleeping anyways because of being too full.

 

[noon_child]

Well, it is nice to know that it is not just me!! Haha. I thought I was doing something really wrong....for the third time! I have days where I decide that I am done b'feeding, but never actually quit. I know I willbpush through this, but I am just so tired.

No evidence that ff would make any difference anyway, we're all in the same boat!

Never said it would, but at least my husband could help during the night. Not willing to pump so he could feed during the night, as it only leads to me not sleeping anyways because of being too full.

Oh I see, i didn't think about you wanting your DH to do some feeds because in my case it never worked the way it was supposed to as I has to shake DH awake, explain why I was waking him and he was so slow to respond that LO would need comforting by this time. So while DH got the bottle I'd be up holding LO anyway and it ended up it was just easier if I did it!!

 

[newlywedtzh]

Aw I know it's rough! I sometimes think to myself- the "divine creator" must not have thought this through when he was creating nature? haha ... It's so funny how our body's adjust to the lack of sleep though. Just take solace that at this tiny age... it is very normal for them to need you at night still. Their brains are growing rapidly, the sleep center in their brain is still underdeveloped and sometimes they just need the comfort of nursing to feel safe and secure again to fall back to sleep.

Have you thought about co-sleeping? If you do it safely, it is actually a lot closer to "nature" and how babies have been sleeping (next to their mothers) for thousands of years, and probably how mothers have survived so long! ha. - I won't get on a soap box but do some research if you're interested!

This is what our nighttime routine looks like at my house with my 4 month old:
7pm- bath time/pajamas/book
7:30pm- nurse to sleep
I gently put her in her crib in her own room with a video monitor.
I do this so that I can have a few hours to myself and/or with hubby.
She wakes up anywhere from 10:30pm-3:00am (those 3am nights are wonderful!) Then it's in the bed between us for the rest of the night. She will squirm and roll over to me about 2-3 times a night after that to nurse. But whipping my boob out in a half dazed sleep and still staying some what asleep is a lot easier than waking myself up, getting out of bed and trying to stay awake to nurse AND get up to go to work the next day.

I think co-sleeping is what really saves me and the fact that I just don't expect to sleep. What i now consider a goods night rest is no where near a full uninterrupted 8 hours stretch of sleep.

Last night- I was just in a really deep sleep and tired and she had woke up an hour after the last feed which was kind of unusual.. and i just didn't feel like nursing honestly. So what happened was I spent the next 20 minutes patting her back, shushing her to get her to fall back asleep ... which put her back to sleep for a whopping 20 minutes. All that time I spent trying not to nurse just took more time away from actually sleeping.

Hang in there!! This job sure isn't easy!!

 

[addy1]

Thanks for all of the support. I think I just need to take it one day at a time. I know this will pass, but the days are awfully long when he is getting up 3-5+ times a night. Thanks for the encouragement ladies!

 

[Literati_Love]

I am sorry to hear about your LO's bad sleep and addiction to comfort nursing. Mine is the exact same way. I am going through the same struggle and thinking I need to find a new way to get her to sleep at night. I do rock her to sleep for naps and that seems to work so maybe you could try that? Along with a song or white noise or something. That way your Dh could also help with that if your LO wasn't truly hungry.

What I am wondering is if you nurse to sleep, how do you get your LO in the crib at night? I am at my wit's end because I always used to nurse to sleep and let my DD comfort suck until she was in deep sleep and then I put her down in her play pen for night. It worked great at the time. Well, around 3.5 months she became impossible to put down asleep. Or awake. Or any way at all. Some nights I spend three hours trying to put her down and it never works and I always give up and co sleep. But I am starting to go crazy and want to just despair. How does everyone else's LO's not wake up when they are put down?

 

[luz]

I would allow (and still do - she's 1!) the baby to try nursing, but listen very carefully. If the baby is not actively eating or just comfort sucking, i unlatch and give a pacifier instead but allow her to still cuddle with my breast - it has worked for us because they still feel the comfort of nursing, but aren't actually nursing.

 

[addy1]

I am sorry to hear about your LO's bad sleep and addiction to comfort nursing. Mine is the exact same way. I am going through the same struggle and thinking I need to find a new way to get her to sleep at night. I do rock her to sleep for naps and that seems to work so maybe you could try that? Along with a song or white noise or something. That way your Dh could also help with that if your LO wasn't truly hungry.

What I am wondering is if you nurse to sleep, how do you get your LO in the crib at night? I am at my wit's end because I always used to nurse to sleep and let my DD comfort suck until she was in deep sleep and then I put her down in her play pen for night. It worked great at the time. Well, around 3.5 months she became impossible to put down asleep. Or awake. Or any way at all. Some nights I spend three hours trying to put her down and it never works and I always give up and co sleep. But I am starting to go crazy and want to just despair. How does everyone else's LO's not wake up when they are put down?

He starts off the night in his crib. I unlatch him when he is sleeping and rock him for a bit, then put him down. I usually have to go in 1-2 times before I go to bed, as he wakes. Once I go to bed, he always ends up in bed with me. I am not sure what else to do. With two other kids, there is no such thing as "nap when they nap". Haha. Co-sleeping seems to be the answer for me....for now

 

[toffee87]

I think my baby came through the regression for the most part. He now sleeps from 7-11pm no problem, he may well sleep longer, but I feed him before I go to bed, I'm reluctant to see how long he'll go, as I hate when I just drift off and he wakes up haha.

He was doing well going 6 hours after that, but it's more like 4 now, which is still a lot better than 2-3 when I last posted. He's in his own room now, the cot in our room was too small, he was twisting round and getting stuck. Now, he's in a cot bed and he's much better

 

[fortunecookie]

Toffee, that gives me a little hope. DD now wakes every hour, even while co sleeping. I put her in the crib at 7. Have tried all manner of ways to get her to sleep and at bedtime I can feed her til she is drowsy, unlatch her and put her into her crib still slightly awake. She did manage 3 hours one night. But as soon as I go to bed she is fussing until she comes into bed with me and even then she is thrashing around and waking herself up. I go back to work in 10 weeks where I'll be doing early and late shifts so it'll be up to the childminder and DH to get her down to sleep during those times. I don't want to put her in the big cot in her own room as she will be downstairs on the Middle floor and I don't want her waking DS or for me to be up and down like a yoyo. I'm hoping by 5 months things will have got a little better. I don't mind feeding her in the night but not every hour. I am shattered.

 

[christinelle]

Is he nursing enough during the day? My baby nurses for the most part of the day and sleeps 8-9 hours since 2,5-3 months. Every baby is different but I think if they get enough during the day, they can sleep better at night. If you work, you can try expressing more and when you're home you can offer more often. That works for me.