Bfp At 17!!!someone Please Help Me:(!

[LongRoadAhead]

Hello all, Im new to this so best i introduce myself first,
Im Ash and im 17, and found out today that im pregnant!
Its such a massive shock but know its my own fault deep down.
The thing is my boyfriend of two years, lives 200miles away in yorkshire and I know its going to be so difficult whatever happens.
I cant have an abortion, theres just no way i would be able to live with myself, and it isnt the childs fault atall.
Iv spoken to my mum about things and told her and she thinks i should have an abortion so it doesnt 'ruin' my life, Maybe shes just in shock to but surely she wouldnt expect me to do that?!:S
My boyfriend thinks it would be best if i get an abortion too, but he doesnt understand how difficult it is being in this position and he says he will support me 100% whatever I decide to do,I just feel like everything has suddenly hit me! And i just dont know what to do!
Would be so gratefull of other peoples advice/experiences/opinions
Many thanks everyone
Ash
x

 

[Sponge]

Hiyer, well u've come to the right place, there's a few teen parents here who can give you advice - and also a lot of adults too. Whatever you choose to do, it will be hard. You've talked to your mum atleast which is a step further than me and a lot of others have gone so far. She's probably just shocked and given time, and perhaps a few conversations reassuring her you are making the decision you want, she'll most probably come round. Nobody can really tell you what to do because you need to decide what's best for you. Can you really look after and support a baby? If you decide it's not the right time for you, then consider adoption because as you stated, it's not the baby's fault. It's entirely your choice, really.

 

[Laura--x]

it is completely your decision hun, you do what you want to do and you do it for your own reasons.

I know its hard for your parenst and/or partner to tell you differently, but it really is down to you. Your going to be the one carrying the baby and your the one whos going to have to look after him/her for the next 18 years. EVen though your boyfriend is just as much responsible, they can run and get away with it, but you cant.

Its a long and difficult thing to do, but just sit down and think about what you really want

best wishes

x

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Hiyer, well u've come to the right place, there's a few teen parents here who can give you advice - and also a lot of adults too. Whatever you choose to do, it will be hard. You've talked to your mum atleast which is a step further than me and a lot of others have gone so far. She's probably just shocked and given time, and perhaps a few conversations reassuring her you are making the decision you want, she'll most probably come round. Nobody can really tell you what to do because you need to decide what's best for you. Can you really look after and support a baby? If you decide it's not the right time for you, then consider adoption because as you stated, it's not the baby's fault. It's entirely your choice, really.

Thankyou for your reply sponge
It was so hard telling my mum, but im glad its over and done with, the longer i left it then the harder it would of been i think. Im hoping that she will come around soon,Its only just hit me really that im pregnant!Im so shocked!
I have got a job at the moment which is good money but I know im going to need alot more to support a baby,Which is where my boyfriend will step in(i hope)! Iv never really thought about adoption but thankyou for bringing it up.
x

 

[Becky]

no one can make this decision for you, you are the person that has to live with what you decide not them!! Make sure you 100% sure though! Havent a baby wont ruin your life it will just change it completely!!

How far along do you think you are!?!

Its good of your boyfriend to be honest about his opinion on the situation but still be willing to stick by you!!

x

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

Hey sweetheart, firstly welcome to the forums.

As for the pregnancy hun, no-one else can make that decision for you, no matter what they think would be "for the best". You've already said you think that you couldn't go through with an abortion and you'd like to continue with the pregnancy, and even if you mum and BF carry on feeling the same way, there is a lot of support out there for people in your possition.

I think they will more than likely come around to the idea and they're maybe just very shocked at the moment, but like I said babes even if they don't there is help available. Try and talk to your BF / Mum and explain your feelings on abortion and your feelings about the baby and then ask them to understand it from your point of view as well as their own. Yes it will be a lot of hard work, but also a very rewarding loving experience. Your mums probably remembering that is was hard work and would like you to maybe have more freedom at the age you are, but I'm sure once she's had time to think about it she'll realise just what a joy it will be. I hope so anyways sweetheart. I'm here if you need to chat x

 

[LongRoadAhead]

it is completely your decision hun, you do what you want to do and you do it for your own reasons.

I know its hard for your parenst and/or partner to tell you differently, but it really is down to you. Your going to be the one carrying the baby and your the one whos going to have to look after him/her for the next 18 years. EVen though your boyfriend is just as much responsible, they can run and get away with it, but you cant.

Its a long and difficult thing to do, but just sit down and think about what you really want

best wishes

x

Thankyou Laura,Your reply is greatly appreciated.
I really really dont think Id be able to go threw with an abortion,I know im young and everything but surely young parents can cope just aswell as adults?
Yeah your right there,He could just leave at any point which im hoping wont happen but if worse comes to worse then I would still want him to support his child in some way.
I think i need to have a long think about things before I make any drastic decisions,Thanks again
X

 

[LongRoadAhead]

no one can make this decision for you, you are the person that has to live with what you decide not them!! Make sure you 100% sure though! Havent a baby wont ruin your life it will just change it completely!!

How far along do you think you are!?!

Its good of your boyfriend to be honest about his opinion on the situation but still be willing to stick by you!!

x

Thankyou Becky x
Your very right there, It will be such a big change and everybody has to take on alot of responsabiltes and some point in their life,mine just happens to be now.
I think,Not too sure though Im 5 weeks gone, so quite early but still a big shock!
I really hope he sticks to what he says though
Thanks again
X

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Hey sweetheart, firstly welcome to the forums.

As for the pregnancy hun, no-one else can make that decision for you, no matter what they think would be "for the best". You've already said you think that you couldn't go through with an abortion and you'd like to continue with the pregnancy, and even if you mum and BF carry on feeling the same way, there is a lot of support out there for people in your possition.

I think they will more than likely come around to the idea and they're maybe just very shocked at the moment, but like I said babes even if they don't there is help available. Try and talk to your BF / Mum and explain your feelings on abortion and your feelings about the baby and then ask them to understand it from your point of view as well as their own. Yes it will be a lot of hard work, but also a very rewarding loving experience. Your mums probably remembering that is was hard work and would like you to maybe have more freedom at the age you are, but I'm sure once she's had time to think about it she'll realise just what a joy it will be. I hope so anyways sweetheart. I'm here if you need to chat x

Thankyou so much Vamps
Yes im pretty sure i deffinantly wouldnt be able to go threw with an abortion, Everybody is intitled to their opinions but at the end of the day Im going to be the one to live with the consequences of my actions.
I think i need to know first what i want to do before i try talking to my mum and boyfriend again,and then hopfully they will both come round to it and support me,but if not,What sort of support would be available???
I just dont want my mum to be disapointed in me,she thinks it will be a waste of my life but in my opinion having an abortion is a waste of a inocent life.
Thanks again hun
X

 

[Laura--x]

Thankyou Laura,Your reply is greatly appreciated.
I really really dont think Id be able to go threw with an abortion,I know im young and everything but surely young parents can cope just aswell as adults?
Yeah your right there,He could just leave at any point which im hoping wont happen but if worse comes to worse then I would still want him to support his child in some way.
I think i need to have a long think about things before I make any drastic decisions,Thanks again
X

Then tbh hun, i dont think an abortion is for you, if you go through it thinking that its not what you 100%, you'll regret that decision for the rest of your life. Of course, okay we might not have a great house with loads of money, but we have support,love and enough money to care for the baby, thats what it takes. Aslong as you can support and provide for your baby, your just fine.
He could hun, and you do have to keep that in mind, he might tell you now ' we'll do this together, you wont be on your own' but their minds can change that quickly, im not saying thats the case in your situation, but it can happen.

You do need to think about it loads, research it, look into it and see what happens from there. Only you truely know what you want. If your mother and partner still choose to not support you, there are plenty of support groups and teenage pregnancy /parent groups that can offer you support, your never alone.

Keep us posted hun

x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

hey hunni

im a teen mummy to be (im 16)

all i can say hunni is i know its a huge shock and your head will be all over the place at the moment. but all i can say is listen to yourself and what you want dont let anyone pressure you into anything.

when i first got preg with Aidan my whole family were telling me to get rid and now im nearly 26 weeks preg and loving every min of it. and all my family have come round and are actually buying things for aidan. so chin up hunni and whatever you decide make that descion for you no one else.

my mum also said it will ruin my life but now 6 months into my pregnancy ive passed all my GCSE'S and im starting a college course in two weeks so it wont ruin your life hunni you can still do everything you want to do it might just be that bit harder thats all. but trust me all the hard work is worth it cos i know im giving my little man a chance at life and when he is born im going to prove to everyone i can do it

if you really want this baby then have it hun and prove to everyone that you can do it and they are all worng.
xx

 

[LongRoadAhead]

hey hunni

im a teen mummy to be (im 16)

all i can say hunni is i know its a huge shock and your head will be all over the place at the moment. but all i can say is listen to yourself and what you want dont let anyone pressure you into anything.

when i first got preg with Aidan my whole family were telling me to get rid and now im nearly 26 weeks preg and loving every min of it. and all my family have come round and are actually buying things for aidan. so chin up hunni and whatever you decide make that descion for you no one else.

my mum also said it will ruin my life but now 6 months into my pregnancy ive passed all my GCSE'S and im starting a college course in two weeks so it wont ruin your life hunni you can still do everything you want to do it might just be that bit harder thats all. but trust me all the hard work is worth it cos i know im giving my little man a chance at life and when he is born im going to prove to everyone i can do it

if you really want this baby then have it hun and prove to everyone that you can do it and they are all worng.
xx

Hey Hun!
Congratulations on your pregnancy,Hope all is going well!
You are sooo right,My head is all over the place and I just cant think straight at the moment,Everything just feels sooo confusing!
Im glad all of your family have come around,I really hope that mine do soon,Hopfully it will all get better in time.
Well done on your GCSE's and thats great your setting yourself a goal to start college!
Thats a great attitude,And thats what I want to do,prove to everyone I can do it whether iv got their support or not,My mum is a big softy so im sure she'll be out buying clothes soon lol. I really cant have an abortion The more i think about it, the more I want to keep it,The baby hasnt done anything wrong and it wouldnt be right to get rid of it for nothing.
Im just a bit worried how I will cope,I dont expect my BF to move closer to me or chuck in his job to move down here but I think he might have to if he wants to be with us all the time, So I can see its going to cause a guge problem but at the end of the day its me whos going to be living with it all,he could just walk away
Manythanks hun
X

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

hey hunni

im a teen mummy to be (im 16)

all i can say hunni is i know its a huge shock and your head will be all over the place at the moment. but all i can say is listen to yourself and what you want dont let anyone pressure you into anything.

when i first got preg with Aidan my whole family were telling me to get rid and now im nearly 26 weeks preg and loving every min of it. and all my family have come round and are actually buying things for aidan. so chin up hunni and whatever you decide make that descion for you no one else.

my mum also said it will ruin my life but now 6 months into my pregnancy ive passed all my GCSE'S and im starting a college course in two weeks so it wont ruin your life hunni you can still do everything you want to do it might just be that bit harder thats all. but trust me all the hard work is worth it cos i know im giving my little man a chance at life and when he is born im going to prove to everyone i can do it

if you really want this baby then have it hun and prove to everyone that you can do it and they are all worng.
xx

Hey Hun!
Congratulations on your pregnancy,Hope all is going well!
You are sooo right,My head is all over the place and I just cant think straight at the moment,Everything just feels sooo confusing!
Im glad all of your family have come around,I really hope that mine do soon,Hopfully it will all get better in time.
Well done on your GCSE's and thats great your setting yourself a goal to start college!
Thats a great attitude,And thats what I want to do,prove to everyone I can do it whether iv got their support or not,My mum is a big softy so im sure she'll be out buying clothes soon lol. I really cant have an abortion The more i think about it, the more I want to keep it,The baby hasnt done anything wrong and it wouldnt be right to get rid of it for nothing.
Im just a bit worried how I will cope,I dont expect my BF to move closer to me or chuck in his job to move down here but I think he might have to if he wants to be with us all the time, So I can see its going to cause a guge problem but at the end of the day its me whos going to be living with it all,he could just walk away
Manythanks hun
X

your so right hun and your already sounding like a true mummy

as for your bf think he does need to consider moving down to you becuase it took two to make this baby and it isnt fair that you have to deal with it all by yourself. yer he can walk away but what kind of ma doe that make him. and even if he does hunni plenty of teen mums do it so im sure you can to!!

i live in yorkshire and my OH used to live in banbury down south so about 200 miles just like yours. and when i got preg he moved up here dropped his college course and now we are living together with my mum and dad and he is on the way to getting a life guard qualification and getting a job in the swimming pools. so things can be worked out hunni. chin up.

how far gone are you by the way??
xx

 

[LongRoadAhead]

your so right hun and your already sounding like a true mummy

as for your bf think he does need to consider moving down to you becuase it took two to make this baby and it isnt fair that you have to deal with it all by yourself. yer he can walk away but what kind of ma doe that make him. and even if he does hunni plenty of teen mums do it so im sure you can to!!

i live in yorkshire and my OH used to live in banbury down south so about 200 miles just like yours. and when i got preg he moved up here dropped his college course and now we are living together with my mum and dad and he is on the way to getting a life guard qualification and getting a job in the swimming pools. so things can be worked out hunni. chin up.

how far gone are you by the way??
xx

Thankyou!Im getting all excited now, still a bit worried about the familys reactions but im sure it will all go ok.
You are soooo right there, I didnt make it on my own and im certainly not gunna raise it on my own!
Aw really!Thats such a good thing for your BF to do,Shows how commited he is! Hope mines like that and decides to come down,I wouldnt really expect him to but I think its for the best really.
Gotta keep my chin up, your right!
I think,Not sure though im about 5 weeks,My last period was on 25th July, so not that far gone,but still its amazing stuff!
xXx

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

Hey sweetheart, firstly welcome to the forums.

As for the pregnancy hun, no-one else can make that decision for you, no matter what they think would be "for the best". You've already said you think that you couldn't go through with an abortion and you'd like to continue with the pregnancy, and even if you mum and BF carry on feeling the same way, there is a lot of support out there for people in your possition.

I think they will more than likely come around to the idea and they're maybe just very shocked at the moment, but like I said babes even if they don't there is help available. Try and talk to your BF / Mum and explain your feelings on abortion and your feelings about the baby and then ask them to understand it from your point of view as well as their own. Yes it will be a lot of hard work, but also a very rewarding loving experience. Your mums probably remembering that is was hard work and would like you to maybe have more freedom at the age you are, but I'm sure once she's had time to think about it she'll realise just what a joy it will be. I hope so anyways sweetheart. I'm here if you need to chat x

Thankyou so much Vamps
Yes im pretty sure i deffinantly wouldnt be able to go threw with an abortion, Everybody is intitled to their opinions but at the end of the day Im going to be the one to live with the consequences of my actions.
I think i need to know first what i want to do before i try talking to my mum and boyfriend again,and then hopfully they will both come round to it and support me,but if not,What sort of support would be available???
I just dont want my mum to be disapointed in me,she thinks it will be a waste of my life but in my opinion having an abortion is a waste of a inocent life.
Thanks again hun
X

Hey again babes, sorry it's took me a while to reply, had to go to bed wasn't really doing too well, but I'm back now and able to reply again . Anyways yeah, it is you who has to deal with the aftermath babes, not them and if you do not want an abortion, do not allow yourself to be pressured into one babes. We're here to support you. There is councelling available for people who find out they're pregnant and want to discuss their options, either through your doctors surgery or local authorities. My sister became pregnant at 17 and the nurse at her doctors was very pro-abortion, so remember whoever you speak to that the end decision is upto you.

Places like Connexions can help people 19 and under with stability when pregnant, be it within their job or their housing. Also if you do decide to keep the baby surestart offer a lot of help to young mums, they have midwives that work with them locally and hold meetings / groups. And if you're struggling for money and on benefits they also have a £500 grant for when baby is born to pay for essentials. So even if you have to move out of your home / go into housing and on benefits there is help available to help you with baby items.

Also a few links I came across are here : ~

https://www.likeitis.org/teenage_pregnancy.html
https://www.brook.org.uk/content/
https://www.mariestopes.org.uk/Young_peoples_services/Pregnancy.aspx
https://www.ruthinking.co.uk/help/i-think-i-might-be-pregnant.aspx (has a search for local clinics, who may have someone you can talk to at them)

The best thing I can suggest though babes is talk to someone you trust who is not going to persuade you to do what they want, maybe a friend or another relitive who will not put pressure on you, and come to your own decisions and then, at that time start looking into your options. xXx

 

[mummymadness]

Hi ...

I just wanted to say you are very brave for telling your parents straight away , Thats half the battle won right there .
Iam 24 and Mum went crazy when i told her i was pregnant with this 3rd child i felt like a was a little girl getting told off again lol .
I really am glad you are making the right descision for you , You seem very clear headed and Mature and iam sure you have thought this through a Million times .
I hope your BF sticks around and helps and all has a happy outcome for you both as a family .
Congratulations . x .

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Hello everyone!
Havent updated here for a few days so faut it would be best to.
Eventually my family are coming to terms with the fact that im having a baby, they all still think it would be easier to have an abortion but they all respect my opinion now, especially my dear nan who I know is going to be there with me all the way.
The boyfriend on the other hand, still hasnt taken it so well, We're currently seperated but im hoping hes going to come to terms with it and do something about it.
I know it would be a big step but do you think I should ask him to move to Devon to support me and our baby? Im going to really need him but still he thinks im doing the wrong thing.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Cos at the moment im not sure whats happening but I know one thing Im keeping my baby regardless of what happens with him or my family.
Had my first doctors appointment today just to confirm the pregnancy and I have to go back in 2 weeks to see a midwife,I cant wait!!
Hope everybody is well
Thanks
Ashleigh
x x x

 

[moomin_troll]

well its completly up to u if you want to keep the baby or not so dont let people push u into anything! i was 19 when i found out i was pregnant and i had my mum telling me to "get rid" and she said alsorts so i no how rough that is.

i dont no the reason u n ur oh live so far apart but would one of u concider moving to be with the other? (him move near u lol)but if he cant come round to the fact ur having his baby then u can always do this without him
aslong as uve got a good head on ur shoulders i dont think age matters no one can say a 30 yr old would be a better mum than a 17 yr old aslong as u can give that baby what he/she needs then thats all that matters.

 

[LongRoadAhead]

Hey sweetheart, firstly welcome to the forums.

As for the pregnancy hun, no-one else can make that decision for you, no matter what they think would be "for the best". You've already said you think that you couldn't go through with an abortion and you'd like to continue with the pregnancy, and even if you mum and BF carry on feeling the same way, there is a lot of support out there for people in your possition.

I think they will more than likely come around to the idea and they're maybe just very shocked at the moment, but like I said babes even if they don't there is help available. Try and talk to your BF / Mum and explain your feelings on abortion and your feelings about the baby and then ask them to understand it from your point of view as well as their own. Yes it will be a lot of hard work, but also a very rewarding loving experience. Your mums probably remembering that is was hard work and would like you to maybe have more freedom at the age you are, but I'm sure once she's had time to think about it she'll realise just what a joy it will be. I hope so anyways sweetheart. I'm here if you need to chat x

Thankyou so much Vamps
Yes im pretty sure i deffinantly wouldnt be able to go threw with an abortion, Everybody is intitled to their opinions but at the end of the day Im going to be the one to live with the consequences of my actions.
I think i need to know first what i want to do before i try talking to my mum and boyfriend again,and then hopfully they will both come round to it and support me,but if not,What sort of support would be available???
I just dont want my mum to be disapointed in me,she thinks it will be a waste of my life but in my opinion having an abortion is a waste of a inocent life.
Thanks again hun
X

Hey again babes, sorry it's took me a while to reply, had to go to bed wasn't really doing too well, but I'm back now and able to reply again . Anyways yeah, it is you who has to deal with the aftermath babes, not them and if you do not want an abortion, do not allow yourself to be pressured into one babes. We're here to support you. There is councelling available for people who find out they're pregnant and want to discuss their options, either through your doctors surgery or local authorities. My sister became pregnant at 17 and the nurse at her doctors was very pro-abortion, so remember whoever you speak to that the end decision is upto you.

Places like Connexions can help people 19 and under with stability when pregnant, be it within their job or their housing. Also if you do decide to keep the baby surestart offer a lot of help to young mums, they have midwives that work with them locally and hold meetings / groups. And if you're struggling for money and on benefits they also have a £500 grant for when baby is born to pay for essentials. So even if you have to move out of your home / go into housing and on benefits there is help available to help you with baby items.

Also a few links I came across are here : ~

https://www.likeitis.org/teenage_pregnancy.html
https://www.brook.org.uk/content/
https://www.mariestopes.org.uk/Young_peoples_services/Pregnancy.aspx
https://www.ruthinking.co.uk/help/i-think-i-might-be-pregnant.aspx (has a search for local clinics, who may have someone you can talk to at them)

The best thing I can suggest though babes is talk to someone you trust who is not going to persuade you to do what they want, maybe a friend or another relitive who will not put pressure on you, and come to your own decisions and then, at that time start looking into your options. xXx

Heya Vamps, Thank you so much for your extremley helpfull reply,It means alot!
Iv booked an appointment at connexions for wednesday so im hoping they can push me in the right direction. Im hoping to find a job and stay doing it as long as I can,Cos atleast then Il be earning more and keeping myself busy instead of sitting at home and sponging off benefits and once Iv got a Job, Look into Counci flats as Im going to have to move out at some point so atleast then Il have my own place and feel alot more independant, I dont expect to live off my parents of course. Just feels like iv got to do everything so quickly but I wouldnt want it any other way,Im keeping my baby and thats final Abortion deffinantly isnt for me.
Thanks again for you reply
Ash x x x

 

[LongRoadAhead]

well its completly up to u if you want to keep the baby or not so dont let people push u into anything! i was 19 when i found out i was pregnant and i had my mum telling me to "get rid" and she said alsorts so i no how rough that is.

i dont no the reason u n ur oh live so far apart but would one of u concider moving to be with the other? (him move near u lol) aslong as uve got a good head on ur shoulders i dont think age matters no one can say a 30 yr old would be a better mum than a 17 yr old aslong as u can give that baby what he/she needs then thats all that matters.

Thankyou for your reply !
Im deffinantly keeping the baby. It would just be alot easier if I had more support if you know what I mean even if its just emotional support from my family but Il be able to do this on my own, Its goin to be a struggle but I will do it, I know I will.
The reason me n OH live so far apart is because we met two years ago cos we were both in London at the same time staying in the same hotel and we just clicked and ended up staying together ever since,Match made in heaven lol. I would move to yorkshire but I think it would be best if he made the sacrifice to move up here,But then again saying that He may find it hard to get a Job and housing etc But then again i would hope he would want to as im carrying his baby, Ahhh gosh I dont know!Thats relationships for ya hay lol! I think im going to leave it for a week or so and then have a serious conversation with him about everything and then see where we stand.
Thanks again
x x
Ash