BFP Chasers...........Feel free to join....

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive Over 35' started by Taurus8484, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to pop on and say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everyone!! I hope you are safe and healthy and have lots of fun, despite there being a pandemic still outside our doors ;)
    Cheers!! Here's hoping 2021 is marginally improved! HAHA :xmas8::xmas9:
     
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  2. Neversayno

    Neversayno Well-Known Member

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    Hope you don’t mind me jumping in. I’m 38 and I think I have the start of my BFP...my little boy is 9 now and I used this site when we were ttc. I’m back again and hoping this is it because i said 38 was my cut off point. (I will be 39 this year).

    anyone else is a similar boat?!

     
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  3. Neversayno

    Neversayno Well-Known Member

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    Hope you don’t mind me jumping on! Ina. Very similar boat. I’m 38 with a 9yr old OH is 38 and has a little girl who is 7. I got my bfp on New Year’s Eve after a chemical in April I am very cautious and I’ve been reading so many things online about being a geriatric mother and I’m really worried I won’t be able to do it! I’ve made the decision to not tell anyone until we have had the all clear baby is healthy (is I even get that far) so I don’t think we will be telling people until 20weeks!!
     
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  4. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    congratulations, never!!!! I love a new BFP!! Do you think you'd be able to get any tests done re: progesterone levels or anything or just going to go with it? I come straight from infertility so that's where my mind goes. I don't even know what goes into 'regular' fertility! :haha: Good luck to you! Please keep us posted!
    My babies turn THREE next Friday and I cannot believe it! They've asked for cupcakes and we have a few gifts that we didn't put under the tree that we'll give to them. We are also going to put the pedal to the metal and start potty training FOR REAL. It's just time.
     
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  5. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    Yay, congratulations, Never!! I too love to see someone getting those two lovely lines! Good luck, and don't worry about being a "geriatric" mother. I'm sure you'll do great!

    Happy holidays and Happy New Year to you, Wish, and to everyone! How wonderful, your boys turn 3 soon! Kai's was last month. He didn't understand why he couldn't have a birthday song and gifts every day. He sings "Happy you you!"

    Good luck with potty training! It has been far easier than I feared, but that's with one. Hopefully both your boys take to it well. How are they doing in general? Have they gone back to school yet?

    My boys now play crazily with each other, and while it's so hilarious to watch, it's actually very stressful. It's obvious that somebody (or both) will get hurt. I never knew that a baby could wrestle a 3 year old, but that's what Aiden does with Kai. He almost gallops across the floor and pounces on Kai, and he's cackling with laughter while Kai shrieks with joy. But I know it will end in tears, so it's all I can do to allow them to play on. I know that play wrestling is good for the boys, so I try to let them play while trying to reign Kai in a bit.

    I feel a bit better about the job thingy, after a friend of mine pointed out that maybe my boss can't say that I would be favored if they did start looking to fill my position. Since we're a government lab, they have to treat this as a new position and post it widely, interview everyone that applies, and prove to HR that they chose the very best candidate and that they are able to pay me (i.e. they can't give me an entry level position as I have a PhD). I need to compete with all those people from the normal job pool. I've asked several times if he had misgivings about my ability to get that job, and he told me no. But he's always sounded very hesitant. I've thought that maybe he didn't want to hire me, but maybe he's just worried that HR might not be convinced that I'm the best person for the job. I guess I should spend my time working well and smart, and see where that takes me.

    I hope everyone is feeling more hopeful about this year! I think I am!
     
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  6. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Never - what's your status? I hope you're doing well!

    good morning all! Happy New Year! Yes, I'm feeling hopeful for what this year has to offer and hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel for this virus. Though these additional strains are scary. I mean, I know the flu has many strains and I also understand that you won't necessarily get them, like with the flu or a cold, but it's still crazy. Just biding time until the summer when hopefully the vast majority of people have the vaccine.

    That's a really good point about your job, Miki - smart friend. Your boss's perceived hesitation may not be anything at all. He may want to gush about you and tell you you'd be hired ASAP if he had anything to do with it. When are they posting it?
    The boys sound adorable and right on track with having 2 boys! Yes, i'm constantly trying to stave off injuries, it's tiring! But it's fun to see them getting along. They actually don't wrestle all that much. Their physical contact comes when they push, shove or hit each other b/c the other took a toy or something.
    Kai and his birthday - SO CUTE!! The boys have been asking if it's their birthday for 3 weeks now. So I finally get to say that this is the week. They've only asked for cupcakes so I'll get some for them - "bamilla" (vanilla) and chocolate. Easy peasy. I was going to make some but we don't need 12 cupcakes around here! I'll just pick up one for each of us in the household and call it a day. And the cupcake baker extraordinaire ones are usually better anyway! :)
    How's daycare going for the boys?
    Yep, the boys are in school. They haven't been out at all except for days off for holidays. They should be starting preschool soon, moving up into that class, but b/c of COVID guidelines and capacity levels, they have to wait until there's room.
    Potty training is not really going. They loved using the new stool/seat cover thing I just got them but the novelty of that wore off quickly. And they feed off each other. So if one is pulling on regular underwear and the other says he doesn't want to wear it, the first one will take his off and say he wants a diaper too. UGH! I read an article that basically backed up what I'd been feeling - it's all about control, it's all in THEIR control and they'll change to using the potty when they are good and ready. We are going to attempt to do it this weekend, though. We want to 'run out of' diapers and really not give them any other option. We'll see how that goes!
     
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  7. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    How’s everyone? I hope that things are going well! I've unfortunately been mentally and physically drained of late. It's just been so crazy, the pandemic and the awful stuff going on in this country. And I am completely demotivated, depressed and angry about my job situation these days. This isn’t me! I actually forgot that I used to be so positive, so full of joy and so able to enjoy all the little (sometimes perfectly mundane) things that life has to offer. I need to be the best “me” to be the best mommy for my boys, and right now I’m not.

    And Aiden and Kai are such hard work, but they are so crazy cute! Aiden still wakes up once or twice a night, but he makes up for it by being a super jolly baby. Kai's antics make me shout with laughter many times a day, but at the same time his spirited nature makes me want to scream just as often! Anyway, how are the other LOs on this thread? I’d love to hear how they are doing!

    Your boys sound so cute, Wish! And no wrestling or rough play? I wish Kai wasn’t so rough and Aiden wouldn’t lunge towards him cackling with laughter and instigating things! So how was their birthday? I bet it was super cute!

    Oh yes, Kai had to wait to go to the next room too. He was also given the option of moving earlier, but we chose to wait. He’s been in the new room for a month, but it was probably not too big a change since he made the move with the 3 other kids in his closed group. Still, I think he was more difficult for a while, and I think he’s started to turn a corner and show longer glimpses of the super sweet kid he can be.

    How's potty training going? Kai still has accidents during nap time. Not sure when he'll get the hang of that. I think you’ve got the right ideas, and hopefully your boys are doing great by now. I guess if one does well, then the other one does too?

    So…. I'm so depressed about my job. I have low self esteem, and so I've always been in job positions that are far beneath my true potential. And now I get so tired, and I can't find the energy to work towards finding something. I’m coming to the realization that my boss doesn’t really appreciate my work in the way I’d thought he did. I’m in the lab all the time, rushing through the myriad projects and troubleshooting processes and lab equipment. It takes a very experienced and dedicated person, a multitasker who is good at hands on stuff and documentation and communication. A postgraduate science and engineering background is required. I think I’m being taken for granted, and they’re loving the fact they got to pay me half my worth for over 5 years. What gets to me is that on the 2 years of talking to my boss about the hardship of being underpaid and needing a "proper" job, he has never once updated me regarding the job on his own. He obviously doesn’t see it as important enough to even think about.

    I get so depressed and angry every day at work now. Sometimes I don't feel like working, and I am utterly demotivated. I love the lab, so I’ve been trying to see if I can find something out of my field instead. But it’s so hard when you’ve had low self esteem all your life and you’re intimidated by any sort of job posting! I feel trapped and unhappy now, and I’ve been digging into emergency funds for a long long time. The stress is unbelievable.

    But enough about depressing stuff. I have two amazing and adorable sons, when I thought that I’d never be able to have kids of my own! I’m so grateful for the option of donor egg, and to the amazing donor who did this to help others.

    There, the thread is now officially positive again! I hope to hear from others, both the old guard and new people chasing that BFP!
     
  8. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    I forgot to add that my boss is also pushing me to do more and more these days. Over the years, I've become kind of a low level lab worker to him, where I get stuff fabricated and I troubleshoot processes and equipment, but only what he asks for. There is no time for research or any personal projects to better myself in. I have little time or energy during this pandemic, and he's been pushing me more and more. I now have to come in 5 days a week, at his insistence, when the work policy is to minimize the time onsite if possible.

    I am very resentful of the fact that he is pushing me to work like this, when I'm so poorly paid. Why should I bother to work hard in this situation? He's really expecting too much...
     
  9. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Hey Miki!!
    For what it's worth, I think you are coming around to your own worth and realizing that you're definitely worth more than what your boss is taking you for. You definitely deserve better and they are definitely excited they get someone of your credibility and stature for a bargain price.
    I'm actually looking for a new job right now too and know the anxiety you feel about job postings. I'm trying to keep in mind that I can throw my hat into the ring for something that sounds a little out there because as good as I want to make myself sound in my interview, there is a bit of massaging going on with them too about the role and what it entails. You have to keep in mind your transferable skills and how they can be used in whatever role you go for. Try not to feel stuck in your current situation. Pandemic or not, you can find a better role out there!! I know it stinks and it feels like a mountain to climb, but just think of the other side when you find a job that's worthy of YOU and your skills and time, that pays more!! You'll feel so confident you took the leap and hopefully your financial stress will lessen too. But the only advocate for you is you - do YOU think you are worth it?? You got this!! Grunt worker no more!!

    The boys sound amazing! I just love having two boys - they are definitely the joys of my life. Potty training still isn't happening - I think we annoyed them the one weekend we tried it out. But we may try again this weekend since it's a long weekend and see how we do. I really just think Timothy is going to dig his heels in and he'll come around on his own terms. Then Malcolm will fall in line. He looks up to his 'older' brother so much, it's so sweet.

    Their birthday was great! it was a nice reminder that you don't need to do too much in order for them to feel special and have fun. Balloons, a couple cupcakes and special shirts made with tractors on them ("I Dig Turning 3") :haha: , which they still wear to school - and they were happy campers!! They had a ball.

    hang in there, miki - I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I really hope you do too, or do soon. :hugs:
     
  10. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    How's everyone? I hope that things are going well! I know much of the US has been freezing cold, I hope that everyone’s ok. I've unfortunately been mentally and physically drained of late. It's just been so crazy, I'm sure everyone feels this way right now! Aiden had a bad cold that turned into possible pneumonia, and at the moment he started recovering he caught another cold that caused wheezing and labored breathing. We had to take him to the emergency room last Sunday and again today! And my job situation took a very bad turn. My boss showed his true colors and I’m still reeling. It's such a long story, and so unrelated that I'll put it in a separate post!

    Aiden and Kai are such hard work, but they are so crazy cute! Aiden still wakes up once or twice a night, but he makes up for it by being a super jolly baby. And I think he’s starting to snuggle, which makes me happy since Kai is affectionate but not snuggly. And his antics make me shout with laughter many times a day, but at the same time his spirited nature makes me want to scream just as often! How are the other LOs on this thread?

    How's potty training now, Wish? Did Timothy come around? Kai still has tons of accidents during nap time. Argh! Not sure when he'll get the hang of that. Hopefully your boys are doing great by now, and I guess if one does well, then the other one does too?

    Your boys birthday celebration sounded great! It's so fun how delighted they are with so little at this age. Aiden turned 1 on non-existent February 29! Kai loved singing "happy you you!" and he's playing with Aiden's tricycle these days.

    Here are some photos of them. I like the pic of both of them since Kai is his usual cheeky self. There is a photo of Aiden in the most adorable hospital gown in the ER – I didn’t know they made them this size! The other photo shows Aiden with eczema relief cream slathered on his face...obviously Kai's handiwork!
     
  11. mikihope

    mikihope Well-Known Member

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    So after I returned to work during the pandemic, I’ve noticed that my boss is not as nice to me. It’s mostly a vibe, so I can’t even confront him about it. The most obvious is how he’s slowly insisted that I turn up at work more days, until I’m here all 5 days. He used the excuse that there was a lot of urgent lab work coming up. There has been none - - he just wants to force me to come to work. Over 80% of people at the lab have been working from home since the start of the pandemic, and management says that we should WFH as much as possible for safety’s sake. He knew I had an infant at home, and I told him I felt unsafe going onsite so much. Instead, he also asked me if I could come in on weekends sometime, and earlier on weekdays since I have to leave at 4pm due to daycare’s shortened hours. Now that he has hired a part time staff that (he thinks) can cover many things I was in charge of, he doesn’t care about pretending to be nice and reasonable.

    So it's always been me begging him for an update about hiring me for over 2 years. I asked again 2 weeks ago, and he finally admitted that they were going to hire another postdoc. He just said it like it was nothing; he didn't even apologize or mention it again. He’d always told me it should be no problem hiring me into a staff position, and he just needed to discuss with HR. So I waited for years while working in this low paying non-position for nothing.

    I asked him a few days ago what changed over these years. He said nothing changed! So this was his plan from day 1? He said I wasn't "flexible" enough. I asked him to elaborate. Turns out “flexible” is doing all the copious lab tech work, and in their spare time and weekends come up with my own research to work on. He didn't have any research projects for me to work on, like a scientist should. I realize now that he's actually bad at his job, so he uses people. He bombarded me with lab work for his stuff (often didn't let me know what they were for) so I couldn't do any research work.

    All the equipment in the lab is very old, including the chemicals. It's so challenging to work in here: the work is hard and very hands on, troubleshooting is really tricky, it’s dark and the light is yellow, we have to be in charge of and fix the ancient equipment -- and yet I've always loved it. They couldn't find someone for a long time, before I was head hunted by the deputy director and agreed to join them.

    So looking back, I realized that my boss had been using me and didn't see my skillset. I was a "work robot" to him. I thought that he was really happy with my work. Turns out that he wanted to get rid of me for years, when he figured out he wasn't going to be able to push me to work after hours. My kids come first, and I told him that, plus they're so young. He never gave me feedback or tried to work with me to make things better. He made it seem he was happy the way things were.

    I always got all the lab work done on time or even way ahead of time, and I made sure that all his many requests were met and everything ran as smooth as they possibly could. So I thought he appreciated my efficiency, diligence in the lab, loyalty and love of the lab. When he started giving the new guy most of my mundane lab jobs, I thought that it was so he could put me on more important and research-related work. I didn’t dream that he was trying to replace me. Although… I did think it was strange that he started giving him some of the high level stuff and snubbed me when I mentioned that I could help do those too since I had lots of experience.

    I also just realized that he is horrible at doing actual research, which is really his job as scientist, and so I kept losing momentum to the point I have achieved nothing. I became demotivated and I blamed myself constantly for my failings. I didn’t realize why I was so exhausted and depressed all the time.

    I was so down for so many years, and I chalked it up to my poor health and being stressed for no reason. Plus there was the awful bike crash, 2 IVF pregnancies, the pandemic. My boss acts cheerful and friendly, so I couldn't see I was being manipulated and pushed. I now know that he does that to get people to do stuff for him. He used to ask about and talk to me a lot about Kai. Then he met Kai and didn't even bother to look at or interact with him. He doesn’t ask me about my kids at all now. His nice guy persona was all an act. Nobody knows his true colors, they think he's a nice guy who can't seem to get his research published.

    His way of pushing is so subtle, it’s more of a vibe.. like he’s not happy when you need to slow down or take time off. It’s what he DOESN’T say/do rather than what he DOES say/do. It’s pushing by omission. I felt it when I was pregnant both times, so I ended up pushing myself to work just as hard in the lab as before. I was exposed to tons of solvents daily in the lab, I had to lift and move heavy objects, and I had to deal with heated acid and base baths. I often was afraid that I had harmed or killed my growing baby. I was so afraid to take time off, I barely did. After they were born, I was terrified when my kids were ill. I would have to tag team with my husband so I could work at least half the day. When we couldn’t, we had to hire last minute nannies from those companies, very expensive and we had no idea if we could trust them. I slogged through all sorts of pain and illness. People marveled to me about how much time I spent in the lab.

    I have been so depressed about my job. I have very low self esteem due to how I was brought up by my mom and from past abuse by others, so I think so poorly of myself that I keep allowing myself to be used by unscrupulous bosses. And now I'm looking for a job, confidence that I never really had is shot, and I have nothing to show for the 5 years of work under him. He probably badmouthed me to the higher ups too. I guess I just need something that will enable us to have a decent life with our kids. I'm so afraid, I hate job hunting. I don't have enough confidence.

    One unexpected outcome of finding all this out is that I’m enjoying work more now that I know why I felt so stressed out. I felt like a failure at first, but soon realized that there was no way anyone could succeed working for him. Someone tried to warn me about this when I started, but I didn’t believe her. So because of all the stress my health has been failing, my back is really bad and I have horrible knees that make it almost impossible to go up or down stairs. But then again, I now can breathe easier, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I enjoy my time with my boys so much more. It does make me sad that I didn’t realize the quality of my time with them had suffered, but better late than never, I guess.

    And the big silver lining... In the space of 4 years I managed to recuperate from a terrible bike crash, and go through the whole donor IVF process and give birth to my 2 kids. So even though I feel almost violated by his sneaky behavior, I'm glad I didn't know he wanted to get rid of me. If he'd been obvious, I probably would have been working way too hard – and been too stressed out - to have my boys.

    Sorry this is so unrelated and so long. I've been blindsided and living a lie at work for over 5 years, and it affected my relationship with my LOs and DH. I’m so afraid of searching for a job when I feel this “unconfident”, but I have to trust that there’s something out there. Oh, and I hate interviews, they make me incredibly nervous!
     
  12. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    First off - those babies of yours are sooooooooooooo gorgeous and edible and I just want to squish them all day!! I love the birthday song! And yes, Kai and Timothy still sound so much alike - even his affectionate vs snuggly - Timothy isn't very snuggly but Malcolm will snuggle all day. I'm so glad Aiden is ok now - the breathing issues can be SO scary! I will never forget when we had to take Timothy to the ER b/c is O2 was low and he was having retraction and they had to take xrays and ughhhhh it was so sad to see his little body going through that!

    The boys still aren't trained. This is a very slow process for us b/c they just have to come to it on their own now. Malcolm said he had to go potty before brushing his teeth the other day, just outta nowhere. Timothy is sitting on the potty a bit more at school but when we even suggest it at home, it's a hard No. We'll have to do another weekend of underwear and uncomfort but I almost feel like it has to be a whole week or something at this point. I think Timothy is just digging his heels in. We're trying every angle we can think of - 'being a big boy' (but I feel like this is almost shaming him or trying to embarrass him and I don't like that), trying to bribe (but we may have to turn this up a notch to cupcakes or something...), stickers/celebration when they DO go, simple logic and pointing out the benefits of it like 'you wouldn't have so much lint/red bum/wetness everywhere/etc if you just went potty'. I have no idea where to go with this. I think we started too late and I'm pissed b/c I wanted to start about a year ago before they really started to have opinions and independence.

    and now WOW!!! you've completely been railroaded!! i can't believe it!! What a horrible person like him to even function like that. To just take advantage of people, even at their most vulnerable. I'm SO PROUD OF YOU for realizing it!!! You should try to pull your confidence from that - look what you've been able to uncover and come to by yourself, when no one else has. What a terrible person and you're rising above!

    I can tell you - no one likes interviews. I'm looking for a new job currently too and I loathe the process. But just bite off what you can chew - you take what you've learned and you use that to your advantage. You don't have to know the whole job, just have the transferable skills and be a positive and willing prospect, ready to learn and make a difference. I truly think that's what stands out to most places - are you all in and ready to join us? Do you have the basic skills we need and then we'll teach you the rest? That might differ in your industry but it sounds like you have a lot to offer a place. Man, i think you're a superhero for figuring this out.

    I know you must feel so distraught and out of sorts, feeling like there was wasted time with your boys but you are SO RIGHT - look at what you've accomplished despite this manipulation you were living through. And you're right again about maybe it being good you didn't notice until now. And you're sticking up for yourself NOW - go get that new job!! Go be that stellar employee to someone who will appreciate all you have to give and work with you to keep you happy and healthy! If they have anything of an exit interview, I'd let it rip too on this guy (professionally of course). What a terrible person and maybe other eyes need to be opened.

    keep us posted!!!
     
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  13. Wicky78

    Wicky78 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, ladies! I know it's been a long time and I've really missed you! COVID has really put a damper on my mood and ability to push myself to interact with people other than the bare minimum required to function. I didn't realize how much I was isolating until recently and I think maybe the better weather is helping me feel a little more like reaching out and connecting with people again.

    I caught up on everyone's news in the thread and I'm just so sorry to hear what you've been going through with work, Miki. I am glad that you are able to start seeing your own worth and that there has been something liberating about knowing this guy is a total jerk and was using you. What an awful boss and work situation! I know looking for work is hard under any circumstances, and if you're feeling uncertain about yourself, it can be even more challenging to navigate. BUT... you have a lot of information now about potential red flags and what you don't want in a future workplace. The last time I looked for work, I tried to put it into the perspective of me interviewing them to see if I'd want to work there. I had just worked in a toxic environment that had taken away all my confidence and then when I was out on medical leave for a surgery, was told not to come back and they were laying me off (which I thought was illegal?). Anyway, I tried to get as much information as possible about the work environment and "what's in it for me" beyond just the salary. When I looked at it that way, I was a lot less nervous about interviews. And I managed to get a job I really liked within a team of really awesome, kind, supportive people. I hope something similar will happen for you because I know you are worthy and deserving!

    Okay, back to the kiddos... I can't believe we all have 3-year olds (or almost)! Where has the time gone? I am so glad to hear about others' potty training woes/successes and the hitting, stubbornness, and other non-fun parts of having a toddler. We are really struggling with the impulsiveness paired with trying to always be in control.... Miriam seriously has these all-out meltdowns where she practically growls (crying) and stiffens all her muscles to the point that she starts shaking. She does this any time she doesn't get her way or we scold her about something she shouldn't be doing and has been told 100 times not to do (like climbing on the kitchen table or throwing crayons at mommy's face!!!). DW has a really hard time with the behaviors and resistance we get from Miriam because she feels like it's manipulative behavior and intentional (in the moment). I see it as developmentally appropriate behavior from a very strong willed yet sensitive child, so I don't tend to get as angry in the moment... but it does wear on me. We finally signed up for an online parenting class because we need professional help, but COVID has limited our options. I think it will help me, but I'm really worried DW is too rigid/easily angered to take it all in. I'm not hopeless about it because I see she wants to know how to improve things, but I am really worried.

    I can't remember if I told you all this, but my mom moved in with us last spring because she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She went through treatment and is doing great, but she now lives with us permanently. I would not recommend this to any of you... my mom isn't quite as difficult as Miki's, but she is up there. She wants things to be "just so" and is only really worried about what other people will think/see. So she's constantly butting in with her opinions and disapproval of our parenting IN FRONT OF MIRIAM so that's not good. This just adds crazy stress and all kinds of emotions to the already challenging task of parenting a toddler. DW's mom is also living with us now and she has dementia that affects her language centers - speaking and processing. So that's stressful. On the other hand, Miriam gets to spend time every day with both of these grandmas and she loves it. They love her so much and she is the only person MIL can talk to in complete, coherent sentences. I'm glad we're getting benefits from it, but man... it's a lot of work.

    DW is mostly retired and only working 1 day a week at her job now. She easily fills all the rest of her time with caretaking at home. She is the only adult at home who can drive and she manages all the household chores and errands while I work. She is planning to have her knee replacement surgery in June and we are hoping it goes as smoothly as her hip surgery, though we know it will be a harder recovery. Her hip is so much better that it is exciting to think her knee could be that good, too.

    Miriam has been in virtual preschool all year, 3 days a week. We realized that she has never been around other kids her age because we never had time before the pandemic (and didn't know anyone) and then with the octogenarians in our house, we couldn't risk sending her to preschool in person. DW is the last adult in our house who will be vaccinated (first shot today!) and then we are going to try to send Miriam to preschool. She needs other kids. She needs friends. We see her play and she is so imaginative, but she is always with adults and never kids. She treats our four cats like siblings and gets all territorial about her toys and them "touching" her stuff. It's kind of funny, but also really sad. She'll be three in less than a month. I'm completely at a loss on what to do next for potty training but we are working on eating better as we think that might help with the other end, too. She still eats very little (not necessarily picky so much as just small amounts) and only weighs about 26 lbs now. She just started growing out of 12 month tops in the last week LOL.

    Wish, I don't know how you do it with two toddlers at the same time. Miki, I don't know how you manage two kids. I am barely managing with my one! LOL I love her to pieces but oh.my.word it is hard. Also, you both mentioned hubby issues and wondered if it was relationship strain that's normal for toddler parents... I can't answer exactly, but I have to say that DW and I have been having trouble, too, and I've been afraid that if we don't get things back on track (nothing major, just little things), we are going to grow apart and end up divorcing. So maybe it's "normal" worry during this weird pandemic era and toddler parenting time. Anyway, I am thinking of you both and all four of the boys.

    Here are some recent pictures of Miriam. The first two are by a professional photographer last October. This kid is obsessed with bones and skeletons! The others are just random cute pictures... like the day she got her big-girl bed, working at grandma's desk, and playing in the snow (on the one day we had snow this year in NC). I love seeing all of your pictures, too!

     
    mikihope and Wish2BMom like this.
  14. Wish2BMom

    Wish2BMom Well-Known Member

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    Miriam is so beautiful!! She really is just darling. <3 I hope you have that pic of her in her yellow dress framed somewhere!

    Man, you have a lot going on Wicky! i'm so glad you were able to pop on here and give us an update! I think this whole last year has just been weird. I wonder how we'd be as a couple without a pandemic, without my FIL living with us and just being a family of 4 under one roof. Not that my FIL has much impact on us but I think he stresses out my husband b/c they have VERY different political (and really anything) views. And my hubs isn't one to sit back while his Dad makes a comment and let it go b/c it's asinine in his mind. So there can be tension. But overall, his Dad helps us out a lot and honestly he's probably only still alive and doing as well as he is b/c of the boys. He just loves them to pieces. I imagine living with Miriam has the same effect on your Mom and MIL. But that is a LOT for you and DW to live with in addition to her surgeries and you both raising a toddler through a pandemic! Plus with the addition of the judgement from your mom, dementia with MIL...girl....whew.

    I love that you're sending her to school soon - she will love it!!! And i love that you've found a job and environment you love as well - everyone deserves that. I'm on the hunt right now and I can agree with you about going into any interview with that mindset - it totally helps. They are checking you out AS MUCH AS you are checking them out! You have the ability to make the decision to not join their company as much as they have the ability to try to hire you/decline you. The more you feel you are on a level playing field with them, the more confident you can be. :bodyb:

    So potty training has taken a positive turn I think! The boys have been sitting on the potty more at school this week because I am using bribery! M&Ms all the way - they get one in a bowl for every time they go on the potty so they come home to either 1 or more M&Ms waiting for them. I prep them in the morning, remind them as I'm giving them kisses goodbye, whatever. Just trying to plant as many seeds as I can for them. I think it's starting to become a habit. Malcolm asked to put on underwear this morning but it was literally 5 mins before they were leaving and I didn't have time to go get like 8 pairs of underwear/pants/sweatpants to bring in for him. But we'll work on it more this weekend! I was talking this morning about how it's one more step to becoming a big boy, and they can show all the other kids in their class how to be big too - be a leader! They have no clue what a "leader" is but when I was saying they could show the other kids how to do it, Timothy's eyes lit up. He's always been a bossy pants anyway so maybe I just hit on something! Fingers crossed!!
     
    mikihope and Wicky78 like this.

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