Hi, ladies! I know it's been a long time and I've really missed you! COVID has really put a damper on my mood and ability to push myself to interact with people other than the bare minimum required to function. I didn't realize how much I was isolating until recently and I think maybe the better weather is helping me feel a little more like reaching out and connecting with people again.
I caught up on everyone's news in the thread and I'm just so sorry to hear what you've been going through with work, Miki. I am glad that you are able to start seeing your own worth and that there has been something liberating about knowing this guy is a total jerk and was using you. What an awful boss and work situation! I know looking for work is hard under any circumstances, and if you're feeling uncertain about yourself, it can be even more challenging to navigate. BUT... you have a lot of information now about potential red flags and what you don't want in a future workplace. The last time I looked for work, I tried to put it into the perspective of me interviewing them to see if I'd want to work there. I had just worked in a toxic environment that had taken away all my confidence and then when I was out on medical leave for a surgery, was told not to come back and they were laying me off (which I thought was illegal?). Anyway, I tried to get as much information as possible about the work environment and "what's in it for me" beyond just the salary. When I looked at it that way, I was a lot less nervous about interviews. And I managed to get a job I really liked within a team of really awesome, kind, supportive people. I hope something similar will happen for you because I know you are worthy and deserving!
Okay, back to the kiddos... I can't believe we all have 3-year olds (or almost)! Where has the time gone? I am so glad to hear about others' potty training woes/successes and the hitting, stubbornness, and other non-fun parts of having a toddler. We are really struggling with the impulsiveness paired with trying to always be in control.... Miriam seriously has these all-out meltdowns where she practically growls (crying) and stiffens all her muscles to the point that she starts shaking. She does this any time she doesn't get her way or we scold her about something she shouldn't be doing and has been told 100 times not to do (like climbing on the kitchen table or throwing crayons at mommy's face!!!). DW has a really hard time with the behaviors and resistance we get from Miriam because she feels like it's manipulative behavior and intentional (in the moment). I see it as developmentally appropriate behavior from a very strong willed yet sensitive child, so I don't tend to get as angry in the moment... but it does wear on me. We finally signed up for an online parenting class because we need professional help, but COVID has limited our options. I think it will help me, but I'm really worried DW is too rigid/easily angered to take it all in. I'm not hopeless about it because I see she wants to know how to improve things, but I am really worried.
I can't remember if I told you all this, but my mom moved in with us last spring because she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She went through treatment and is doing great, but she now lives with us permanently. I would not recommend this to any of you... my mom isn't quite as difficult as Miki's, but she is up there. She wants things to be "just so" and is only really worried about what other people will think/see. So she's constantly butting in with her opinions and disapproval of our parenting IN FRONT OF MIRIAM so that's not good. This just adds crazy stress and all kinds of emotions to the already challenging task of parenting a toddler. DW's mom is also living with us now and she has dementia that affects her language centers - speaking and processing. So that's stressful. On the other hand, Miriam gets to spend time every day with both of these grandmas and she loves it. They love her so much and she is the only person MIL can talk to in complete, coherent sentences. I'm glad we're getting benefits from it, but man... it's a lot of work.
DW is mostly retired and only working 1 day a week at her job now. She easily fills all the rest of her time with caretaking at home. She is the only adult at home who can drive and she manages all the household chores and errands while I work. She is planning to have her knee replacement surgery in June and we are hoping it goes as smoothly as her hip surgery, though we know it will be a harder recovery. Her hip is so much better that it is exciting to think her knee could be that good, too.
Miriam has been in virtual preschool all year, 3 days a week. We realized that she has never been around other kids her age because we never had time before the pandemic (and didn't know anyone) and then with the octogenarians in our house, we couldn't risk sending her to preschool in person. DW is the last adult in our house who will be vaccinated (first shot today!) and then we are going to try to send Miriam to preschool. She needs other kids. She needs friends. We see her play and she is so imaginative, but she is always with adults and never kids. She treats our four cats like siblings and gets all territorial about her toys and them "touching" her stuff. It's kind of funny, but also really sad. She'll be three in less than a month. I'm completely at a loss on what to do next for potty training but we are working on eating better as we think that might help with the other end, too. She still eats very little (not necessarily picky so much as just small amounts) and only weighs about 26 lbs now. She just started growing out of 12 month tops in the last week LOL.
Wish, I don't know how you do it with two toddlers at the same time. Miki, I don't know how you manage two kids. I am barely managing with my one! LOL I love her to pieces but oh.my.word it is hard. Also, you both mentioned hubby issues and wondered if it was relationship strain that's normal for toddler parents... I can't answer exactly, but I have to say that DW and I have been having trouble, too, and I've been afraid that if we don't get things back on track (nothing major, just little things), we are going to grow apart and end up divorcing. So maybe it's "normal" worry during this weird pandemic era and toddler parenting time. Anyway, I am thinking of you both and all four of the boys.
Here are some recent pictures of Miriam. The first two are by a professional photographer last October. This kid is obsessed with bones and skeletons! The others are just random cute pictures... like the day she got her big-girl bed, working at grandma's desk, and playing in the snow (on the one day we had snow this year in NC). I love seeing all of your pictures, too!
Good luck to you! Please keep us posted!
I hope you have that pic of her in her yellow dress framed somewhere!
All the best to all your family
