Big decision to make soon....need advice...

[hoohoo3542]

So, my DH and I are all for having kids whenever it happens. We have been WTT ever since we got married almost 4 years ago. We are getting older and I don't want to wait too long before we start to have kids and having a family has always been a big priority for me. Only now I have been accepted into a doctoral program for educational leadership. This would mean three years of very intense school plus a dissertation and trips to Mexico and Spain for Spanish emersion. I am a huge advocate for education and I can see my potential as a program developer or administrator. The problem is, if I continue with this program it is a huge expense $50,000 over the three years and we would continue WTT for another 4 more years. By this time I will be 32. I am so conflicted. I am very ambitious and have envisioned myself as a strong advocate for education in my community but I also want kids. I feel like there would be no way to take on both at the same time. So, do I put my career and personal ambitions first and make my (potential) family second. Or do I place my family first and maybe not have a career I know I could excel in? What are your thoughts? What are your reasons for WTT? What are your reasons for starting a family sooner? Any advice or different insights would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Marlarky]

"If you wait to have kids until the time is right, you will never have kids."

Goodluck either way you choose

 

[jodi_19]

I agree with Marlarky. There is no "right time" to have kids. I know for me, when I was ready to have kids there was no doubt in my mind. If you had of asked me 6 moths before ttc I may have told you in a few years. One day I woke up and I was sure it was time. If that's how you feel I say go for it and it will all fall into place Best of luck with whatever you decide!

 

[mushmouth]

I think from Reading your post, a little part of you would resent missing out on the opportunity to further yourself. 32 isn't too old to have your children Hun.

Discuss it with your oh and really think long and hard about what both options really mean.

Would this opportunity come up again in a couple of years?

 

[nona81]

I suppose you also have to consider whether the career you are setting yourself up for with this programme is compatible with having kids when you finish. I have just started a PhD and we will start ttc in June, I
know it's going to be hard and I will be expected to travel but I think I would rather plan my career around my family than the other way round - but I will be about 35 when I finish and my OH would be 45, so I am hearing the tick tock! It's tough though, especially if you really want this!

Good luck deciding! Although being a new mom at 32 won't be making the record books!

 

[jrc10]

I went through this same thought process. I just graduated in May with my master's in a similar field. I am 25, soon to be 26. I always saw myself having baby #1 around 24 yrs. old, but I chose school first. My hubby was there the whole way through. Currently, my husband is a full time student and I work as an RD, so we live on a college campus...not exactly the best of circumstances or how anyone woulc expect to begin a family; however, we both feel we are ready and can swing in financially. One of the better parts of this is that we both have flexibility in our schedules, which is very important to us. Student loan payments are an inevitable part of life now, just as normal as a car or house payment. You should just decide if you will have daycare or work a schedule for your OH and yourself, can you do it financially? And are you in a place where it would be possible if it happened. I think you should begin your process when you and your OH are in the place where you feel it's right. That's what we did, and if it happens, it happens. I believe that it's one of those things that will happen when it's supposed to.

Good luck to you! If you ever need anything, I'm always here to listen.

 

[welshwarriors]

"If you wait to have kids until the time is right, you will never have kids."

Goodluck either way you choose

Totally agree.

I think in today's world is defo not too old to start a family with 32 or older.

 

[thinknboutbby]

Hubby and I are both 31 and have just now decided its time for us. We never wanted children, but all of a sudden it hit us. Honestly, I do worry its too late, but I also know that there are women much older than me getting pg everyday. Only you can make that desicion.....which is more important in 4 years? a job or a child...... Good luck!

 

[hoohoo3542]

Thank you guys for all of your wonderful insights!

JRC10, you brought up some great points about financial readiness and timing. I feel that we are in a place where we are financial ready (there will never be enough money, but we have some extra to support a family), which is where I am conflicted. I feel that right now is an opportune time to start a family because of the place that we are in right now financially and in our relationship. However, I also know that school will be stressful (graduate school was extremely difficult) and it would progress more smoothly if I can minimize things fighting for my attention and energy. I also feel that now would be the best time for me to embark on more school because I do not have kids, I have gained experience in my profession, and because I am young.

I worry about that if I go the education route and try to have kids at 32 that I will have problems. I was diagnosed as PCOS three years ago, never have had regular periods, and was recently diagnosed with having an under active thyroid, which also can cause irregular cycles. I have been off of birth control for 4 years, and while we have not been TTC I have not gotten pregnant. I even went a year and a half without a period.

Why cant there be an easy answer?

 

[beccad]

Which would you regret not doing more? I mean if you've got PCOS it may take some time to fall pregnant (but then again it might happen pretty quickly!)

 

[Sammy181]

It is a difficult decision to make but you have to go with your heart and what you want most. A career is important too - I had Katie when I was 34 and had went to college and worked for many years. 32 certainly isn't too old to have a baby. You could also regret not taking this opportunity for your career but on the other hand the reward of having children far outweighs any success in your career.

Good luck in your decision.

 

[TattooedMama]

I am having a similar inner struggle! I have been wanting to go to school for years now and it seems it has been pushed off time and again. Now I'm scared to go in a way because its so built up in my head and its so important to me that I do it for myself and my son. On the same note I want more kids and don't want them too far down the road(I will be 23 late this year and want to have my degree and be done having kids by 30). You have a great opportunity in front of you and there are lots of things to consider to help you make a decision. Do you want to work while you are pregnant, what about once baby is born? How long would you like to stay home before returning to work? I know another asked if this opportunity would possibly present itself in a few years, I'm not sure if you had answered her. For me personally I want to stay home for a year once I have a baby so I think it would make sense to have baby first so once I complete my degree I can go straight to work. Also I enjoy being a young mom and would personally not want a kid around 10 when I am 40(nothing against those who do this or have this but personally its not for me), so your feelings on that could also be a deciding factor. Good luck honey, I wish you the best and hope you can find which decision would be best for you and your family!!! Keep us updated

 

[quaizer]

There isnt a right time to have children, you just know when youre ready if youre planning a family. 32 is never too old either! If you were ready for family life, there would be no contest and you wouldnt be posting this. Go for what feels right, and who said you cant TTC during your last year? There are loads of career moms out there, raising a family AND doing their thing. We live in a society now where it is possible to have BOTH. Everyone is different, I would love a career in biomedical science, but for me, I eat, sleep and breathe my family and I know I can begin my career when my little ones arent so needing of me. For me, my choice its my kids all the way without a single solitary regret Take care hun xx

 

[vermeil]

hello!

I got a university degree, travelled a lot, started a great career, then met DH at... 34. We`re now expecting our first and I`m 38. I think this is a great time for both of us. sure a few years sooner would have been fine, but honestly we`re both super happy as things are. Sure when I was 18 40 seemed ANCIENT but the closer I get the more I realize that`s baloney =p

I guess it also depends how many kids you`d like to have. If it`s one or two 32 is plenty young enough. If you want oh 5 and you expect complications that`s another story.

I think we really need great educators and you seem passionate about that.

Would your SO follow you to Mexico? Would you be receiving grant money?

Well good luck with whichever path you choose!

 

[hoohoo3542]

hello!

I got a university degree, travelled a lot, started a great career, then met DH at... 34. We`re now expecting our first and I`m 38. I think this is a great time for both of us. sure a few years sooner would have been fine, but honestly we`re both super happy as things are. Sure when I was 18 40 seemed ANCIENT but the closer I get the more I realize that`s baloney =p

I guess it also depends how many kids you`d like to have. If it`s one or two 32 is plenty young enough. If you want oh 5 and you expect complications that`s another story.

I think we really need great educators and you seem passionate about that.

Would your SO follow you to Mexico? Would you be receiving grant money?

Well good luck with whichever path you choose!

I like what you have said. More time with my SO would be great as there are a lot of things that we would still like to do before kids come, like travel. I only want two kids but I will have as many as it takes to get a girl (I was the only girl growing up and am pretty girlie myself).

My SO would not follow me to Mexico as I would only go for a few weeks at a time and so far I have been unsuccessful in finding grants. We would be able to subsidize some of the cost, but at the most maybe half.

I just feel like I am being thrown into making the kid decision a little sooner then I would have normally but I don't want to make a 3 year school commitment and then change my mind. So I am feel a ton more pressure to decide what I feel like is the next 10 years of my life right now.

 

[sun]

I would go to school personally. I agree that if you wait for the perfect time, it might never come. But that is way different than waiting for a better time. This seems like an opportunity that might not be there once you are a mum (or things might change), whereas you can easily have kids after you are finished. 3 years is not very long and you seem like you really want to be involved in this program.
Also 32 is easily not too old to have kids!

xx

 

[maaybe2010]

"If you wait to have kids until the time is right, you will never have kids."

Goodluck either way you choose

All the best x

 

[Auerbach059]

I would go to school personally. I agree that if you wait for the perfect time, it might never come. But that is way different than waiting for a better time. This seems like an opportunity that might not be there once you are a mum (or things might change), whereas you can easily have kids after you are finished. 3 years is not very long and you seem like you really want to be involved in this program.
Also 32 is easily not too old to have kids!

xx

I agree with the above! Good luck with all your decisions xx

 

[Webbykinskt]

I would go to school personally. I agree that if you wait for the perfect time, it might never come. But that is way different than waiting for a better time. This seems like an opportunity that might not be there once you are a mum (or things might change), whereas you can easily have kids after you are finished. 3 years is not very long and you seem like you really want to be involved in this program.
Also 32 is easily not too old to have kids!

xx

I agree with the above! Good luck with all your decisions xx

Ditto. In this case I think you should look at your options. If you go back to school, will you have better career prospects? If it would make life more difficult to have this demand as well as LO's. Good Luck x

 

[Damita]

Good luck with your decision, personally I would choose education, 32 isn't old, my stepmum had my sister at 32 and my mum had my younger brother at 39