big decision to make

[.x.Lily.x.]

i'm fifteen and just found out i'm pregnant.
my parents know and its my decision now, but really stuck in what to do
my boyfriend of a year says he'll support me in what i'll do, so i know i have full support in what ever i decide to do.

is having a child really that big 'a noose around your kneck' as my mum put it? a nice one though she says.
I don't believe in terminations but having a child now would put a stop to my plans, i know that.

i've always wanted kids but i'm not so sure about this timing, i'm not that bothered about change in career that much because if i had the child, when its born i would have passed my gcse's a few months before.
i just need some advanatges and disadvantages of termination and the keeping the child and what is motherhood realy like with someone and single?
Thanks x

 

[Emma.Gi]

I'm just echoing that it's up to you babe, I wouldn't say having a child is "a noose around your neck" as such, I can't really describe what it's like, it's more like "having your heart walk around outside for the next 40 or so years" rather than the noose. But as I say, your decision. You're young but then again so am I. Big hugs and if you need to chat, feel free to annoy me .

 

[tasha41]

It's life changing. It takes a lot of maturity and personal strength.. and I'm still pregnant, I don't even actually "have a child" yet! I'm with my boyfriend but we don't live together, if I didn't love him and know he was going to be a good dad I may have left him by now, it's so unfair the way guys can be at times. You have to grow up the second you decide to "keep the baby", your nights out with your friends, partying, etc. essentially end, but your boyfriend can do as he pleases more or less until the baby arrives. It's really unfair but you're in a sticky position, if you b*tch about it etc. you may push them away, etc.

AND my boyfriend works full time, so I'm the one who has to handle the baby on my own essentially all day everyday.. it's the case when you're married too if your OH is working outside the home, and I'm scared, I know it's going to be exhausting and stressful.

Sorry I'm just "sore" about that area of things at the moment!

College is still an option, and I don't believe a child is any reason to "not be able to" do college, etc. The only reason not to go is yourself- there's lots of support available, post secondary seems to be quite flexible in that you can do courses in the evenings/during the day/online.. you can get financial help, help with childcare, etc.

 

[Kris0309]

It is the hardest decision you will ever make no matter what you choose.
I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. You will be giving up a lot and go through many struggles if you decide to keep it and if you dont then you will have to live with that the rest of your life. Its a choice only you can make not ur parents, boyfriend or anyone else.
I thought abotu abortion then knew I rather give up everything I have for this baby. Now im 20 yrs old and will be a mom in hopefully a month. Though I still miss being able to go out with friends and doing the hobbies i like. My baby comes first now.
You are very lucky to have the support you do. You are on therright steps by tellignyoru parents. Alot braver then me. I didnt tell pretty much anyone except my boyfriend until i was 3 month pregnant.
Good luck on whatever decision you make.

 

[Alexis]

I agreed with the other girls. It will be rough road for you being so young, but there are many young moms who do it everyday. Its going to be difficult for someone to have a baby at any age. but one thing i have always believed in is that if you feel youre ready to have sex then youre accepting the consequences that can come from it. you know?

make the right decision for YOU. you have a great support system it sounds like. good luck dear.

 

[nikky0907]

It's definitely not a ''noose around the neck'' but yes, it's the hardest, most time consuming, overwhelming thing ever. There is never a minute off...

But saying that it is also rewarding and you put in alot but get something priceless out of it.
You're lucky to have the support of your boyfriend and mom, hold on to that cause you'll need it.

I have to say while having a baby did make my dreams a bit harder to reach, it didn't stop me. I have a 5 month old and I'm attending university (from home currently) and plan to graduate.
Nothing is impossible.
Good luck!

 

[aidensxmomma]

Hey hun. First off, it's good that you are taking the time to think about your options instead of just jumping to a quick decision you may regret.

Like the other girls have said, I wouldn't say that having a baby is a "noose around your neck." Yes, it is a hard job to be a parent and you don't get to do everything you want when you want to do it. However, I think being a parent is the greatest thing ever.

I got pregnant when I was 16. I was really scared and didn't know what to do. But I had decided when I was 14 or so that abortion wouldn't be an option for me, no matter what happened. I was in my Junior year of high school when I got pregnant, and continued going to school until two weeks before my son was born. Had I known he would have been born on a Saturday, I would have continued going to school that whole week. After Aiden was born, I didn't go to school, but I was still enrolled and my boyfriend or brother brought my homework home and I did it there then sent it back. Simple enough. For my senior year, I tried going back to school, but it got to stressful. That wasn't because of the baby though, that was just because I had slacked off my freshman and sophomore years. Now, I'm in an alternative high school, getting my high school equivelency diploma. I still get to walk with my class and graduation and everything. Plus, I'm pregnant again. And I'm still going to school and still plan on going to college, I just have to wait until the spring semester instead of the fall.

It is completely possible to do everything you want and have a child. Plus, I think for a lot of girls work harder towards their goals because they aren't only working for themselves anymore. It might be harder and take longer, but you can still do everything you want. It's great you have all the support you need. If you decide to keep your baby, it will make everything much easier. And it's only your decision to make. Choose what you think is best for you. Good luck hun. Keep us updated.

 

[.x.Lily.x.]

thanks for the advice really comforting and nice not to be judged
thank you all, really been a great help x

 

[xarlenex]

The other ladies have said all that has to be said, I just wanted to wish you luck in whatever you decide is best for you, and we're always here for support xx

 

[PrettyBonk]

I got preggie at 17 with my first....
I finished school...went to college...still going (I know)
and I became a Hotel Sales Director...

I'm pregnant with my 3 child and I am 29...
a child doesn't stop you...
they make you stronger...
but this is your decision...think about everyone...not just yourself...will the baby be ok? and questions as such...
Good luck on your decision!!!! Stay strong.

 

[navarababe]

I agree with what everyone else has said. A child doesnt ruin your life, it makes u live stronger for what you have and what you have managed to gain in life. Theres alot of single parents and young parents that i know of and they still are going to college and good well paid jobs. Im 21 and i didnt expect or plan to have a baby at this age either as my past life had been such a mess, but in the end i chose to carry on with the pregnancy and it was the best thing i have ever done. I admit, times have been hard and there are more hard times to come, but we are all stronger than what we realise and you will get through it. You will make the right choice for you and your baby hun. xx

 

[Vicky_17]

Hey..
It is a hard decision to make especially at 15 because you may feel like people will judge you,but let them judge,ultimatly its up to you! I was 17 when i found out & abortion was my first thought until they told me how they done it & now i'm so glad i continued the pregnancy
I'm still pregnant,due any day and honestly im petrified but like you i have got family support and an amazing boyfriend who is standing by me and supporting me financilly, ok the government help a bit but im to proud to except hand-outs!
But seriously you will be able to do it! So many girls before you have done it,girls even younger than you.You sound like you have got a good head on those shoulders & a good thing is you can still get your GCSEs which will help you when you go back into education.
This will only make you stronger and make you more determined to follow your dreams & acheive your goals!

Don't let anyone bully you into a decision & if you decide to continue don't listen to what people say..age is just a number..your age doesnt affect the quality of childcare your goin to give! Thats what my midwife told me and it has helped me through the down points!

I would love to kno wat you eventually decide to do & good luck with your decision!
x

 

[Webbykinskt]

Having a baby isn't the end of life as you know it... My mom sacrificed her schooling to have me, and she says she doesn't regret it for one moment because she couldn't have forgiven herself if she aborted. (Not saying you shouldn't abort, each to their own) but our family is full of miscarriage and stillborn so having a baby to full term is an achievement in it's own. After finding this out, I decided I couldn't ever abort unless I had good reason. Taking time out to become a mum doesn't stop things, it just turns the path you follow... I hope you make the right decision for yourself and not anyone else. Good Luck.

 

[mom-on-8/2009]

Adoption, maybe?

 

[AP]

Hey sweetie,

At the same time you need to understand that childcare is certainly NOT cheap... so you will need to be able to afford it if you wanna go to college. i actually charge parents their nursery fees, and one of the nearby colleges part pays the fees. However theres still in the region of £100 - £300 per month to be paid.

Normal nursery fees, with no funding, can be £600-£800 as a private nursery. i dont know about council funded ones.

However its not all about money, its about what you want. Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[massacubano]

i'm fifteen and just found out i'm pregnant.
my parents know and its my decision now, but really stuck in what to do
my boyfriend of a year says he'll support me in what i'll do, so i know i have full support in what ever i decide to do.

is having a child really that big 'a noose around your kneck' as my mum put it? a nice one though she says.
I don't believe in terminations but having a child now would put a stop to my plans, i know that.

i've always wanted kids but i'm not so sure about this timing, i'm not that bothered about change in career that much because if i had the child, when its born i would have passed my gcse's a few months before.
i just need some advanatges and disadvantages of termination and the keeping the child and what is motherhood realy like with someone and single?
Thanks x

Having a child is not a noose around your neck at all. Yes, a responsibility and you will have to work hard. I was single after my sons father choose to not "grow up" and loved having my son. I do not regret it at all...

 

[jgirl34]

I've said it in a couple of other posts and am going to say it again. A child(ren) will NOT stop you from obtaining your dreams and reaching your goals! Is it going to be harder possibly, you never know what would have been if there was no child in your life so that's hard to say ya know? I have four children, carry a full-time job, go to school full-time and still have to maintain a relationship with my partner. When kids go to bed, it's not time to rest. It's time to look at finances, time to talk about responsibilities and things we need to talk about, it's time to lay in each others arms and talk about how our day was and what's going in our lives, so two hours later.. lol.. after that! That's when you get sleep! But hey it is life and it's REAL either way you will go through it one day, only difference now is you're going to go through it a little earlier, not a big deal! You have all the support in the world. Congratulations to you and you sound like you're going to be a GREAT mommy and just by the fact that the Daddy is sticking by your side, he sounds like he will be an excellent Daddy! Kids don't come with instructions, and even at 26 you still go hrmmm? What am I supposed to do!!!!!! And that's after multiple kids!!!! You will do just fine, and with determintation will get that college degree you are after!

Congrats to you!!