Birth Certificate

[Younglutonmum]

Hiya

Well my babys daddy has left me n im definitely going through the angry phase with him.

At the moment im staying with friends in London, travelling down 2 my home town Luton bout once a week 4 various things. On these trips I meet up with my babys dad 2 discuss things. Now on these occasions we get on well. Have a laugh n look forward 2 the baby. Yet when I leave he is cold n tells me not 2 call him until he says so. He still wont say whether he will b at the birth either. When I do call him, he's very rude n cocky 2 me. Often making me cry 4 hours on end.

It seems 2 me, he's happy 4 me 2 deal with all the hard parts n put in all the work so he can just be a part time dad n show off his lovely baby once a week 2 his adoring friends and family n take all the praise. (once it's here that is)

He is very keen that the baby should be in his surname. Do I give him this privilage or do I say no? Im doing all the hard work so the baby will be in my surname. Sometimes I feel he has no right 2b on the birth certificate.

Any advive please?

__X

 

[leeanne]

Quite truthfully, I would not give the baby the father's surname in your situation. You are not together and not married and he's certainly not acting nice at times. No way, I would give the baby your surname.

But, as far as the birth certificate, do you really want to put "unknown" as the father? Imagine what that child will think later on.

Best wishes and I truly hope that the baby's dad will smarten up and treat you with more respect!

 

[Belle]

i went through all this when i had my son!! he eventually decided he wanted to be part of his life when i was 8months but i'd already decided that the baby was having my name and he was not gonna be at the birth. Were together now with baby number 2 on the way but i'm still glad i stuck to my guns and now he knows he can't get away with treating me like he did back then!! he's put all the faults with the 1st 1 and made them right with this 1!
Stay strong but don't let him walk all over you!! Do what you feel is best but do it for you and know1 else!
Hope everything works out 4u! really saddens me to think that ur going through it. xx

 

[Ann-Marie]

At the end of the day, unless he is 100% commited to you and this baby, he doesn't have a say. You're carrying bubs, you'll be giving birth, (by the sounds of it on you own), and you'll be doing the hardest bit of looking after your child and bringing it up safe and healthy. It wouldn't be fair on you or the baby to have this guy just popping in when he feels like being a Daddy every now and then. If he wants to see the baby, that's fine, but make it a routine. Mainly so that bubs has the stability.

On the other hand....... It could be tht he's scared of the prospect of growing up and being responsble for another human being, and pushing you away is the only way he can see of dealing with it. Make you walk away, and he doesn't have to.

I dunno..... sorry if I've gone on a bit. I was in care all of my childhood, occasionally takwn back by both parents (seperatley), and generally pushed and pulled in all directions in some sort of battle between family members.

Ho-Hum....

It's up to you what surname your baby has. Personally, if I knew Dad wasn't commited, bubs would be having my Surname.

 

[Younglutonmum]

It's just so so hard. I think he's scared. He's a buba himself. Only 18 (im 20 may I add)

Since we split he's constantly been out n i've kinda viewed him as a child 2b quite honest.

I hate the thought of unknown being in the father section but then I hate the thought of him taken credit for all my hard work n dedication towards our baby.

I just don't know.

I really want him 2b involved as much as poss. I keep him up 2 dat with all appointments etc n im looking for a place near to him so he can see the baby as often as poss. I dnt want us 2 have a weekend only arrangement. When I told him I would love him to see the baby during the week as often as poss he said well im busy wiv my football (he plays pissin 5 a side!! not premier league) so i'll c if i can squeeze the little one in!!

Arghhh n then he bangs on how he cant wait 4 the baby to take his surname!!

__X

 

[winnie26]

If you're not married then just, as calmly as you can, explain that you want your baby to have the same surname as you.
In the meantime I might be tempted to stop meeting him when you go down to were he is? If at all possible? He then has the choice to travel to see you and be involved in the pregnancy, if he doesnt make the effort now then do you see things changing when bubs arrives?
He is stressing you and in turn the baby when you meet him so try to stop putting yourself into that situation, he will either grow up or grow out of the idea of being a dad, its his choice but remember to look after yourself first.

 

[Younglutonmum]

I know I shouldnt see him. But im not gonna lie, I miss him so much. i count down the days till I see him again

 

[Ann-Marie]

......remember to look after yourself first.

Put his name on the birth certificate, as your child will always want to know who their Dad is, but this doesn't give him the right to demand that the child have his surname. Plus, he should help you out with bringing up baby financially, if not actually being there, so you need him to be named as father.
You need to concentrate on you and bubs, be strong and as said above, just avoid him for now or else you could end up stressing too much and causing yourself and bubs harm.

 

[leeanne]

It's just so so hard. I think he's scared. He's a buba himself. Only 18 (im 20 may I add)

Since we split he's constantly been out n i've kinda viewed him as a child 2b quite honest.

I hate the thought of unknown being in the father section but then I hate the thought of him taken credit for all my hard work n dedication towards our baby.

I just don't know.

I really want him 2b involved as much as poss. I keep him up 2 dat with all appointments etc n im looking for a place near to him so he can see the baby as often as poss. I dnt want us 2 have a weekend only arrangement. When I told him I would love him to see the baby during the week as often as poss he said well im busy wiv my football (he plays pissin 5 a side!! not premier league) so i'll c if i can squeeze the little one in!!

Arghhh n then he bangs on how he cant wait 4 the baby to take his surname!!

__X

A birth certificate won't give him credit for you doing all the work. A piece of paper doesn't do that.

You and your child will know as time goes on, who is really responsible for the child's upbringing

I just personally think that "unknown" looks cold. That will follow the child for life, and that's who I would think of when deciding.

The surname though, no way in hell!

winnie26 brought up a good point. Stop your visits with him and see if he comes around to you!

 

[winnie26]

I know I shouldnt see him. But im not gonna lie, I miss him so much. i count down the days till I see him again

Its really hard I know!
You have to think of yourself and the baby, the most important thing now is to stay stress free and take care of yourself,
You've said you see him in a different light now that your pregnant, I would take this a a wee sign that now you are changing so much, he should perhaps learn to do the same. Perhaps tell him if he really wants to name something suggest a puppy??
Do you have family and friends near you who you can lean on in the meantime?

 

[Ann-Marie]

It is up to you of course, at the end of the day, no matter what opinions everyone else has. But don't just go along with his rules, thinking that you'll be happier this way because you might get to see him once or twice a week. You need to respect yourself, and think to yourself, does he really respect me enough to want him this much? What is it that you miss? Is he still that person after all this has come to a head?

 

[leeanne]

Its really hard I know!
You have to think of yourself and the baby, the most important thing now is to stay stress free and take care of yourself,
You've said you see him in a different light now that your pregnant, I would take this a a wee sign that now you are changing so much, he should perhaps learn to do the same. Perhaps tell him if he really wants to name something suggest a puppy??
Do you have family and friends near you who you can lean on in the meantime?

Name a puppy....that's funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jules]

I would use your surname for the baby

But i would still but his name on the certificate as father

 

[Younglutonmum]

Lol yeh name a puppy

I just miss him loving me.

He's so cold now. When I met him I was very depressed. I had been in hospital after takin a paracetamol overdose. He now throws this at me sayin im mad n wont b able 2 cope with a baby yet that was a year ago. Im heaps better now

Its such a mess

My family dont wanna know n none of my mates understand as they are all young free n single

Im sorry 2b whinging!

 

[Ann-Marie]

Don't you dare be sorry for whinging.... that's what we're all here for !!!!!!!!!!!
Oh hun.... it doesn't help that your hormones are raging, making everything so much more emotional. You need to find some support locally, pop to your GP and ask to chat with a healthvisitor. They are great. And try to meet up with some other single mums to be. You don't need him to keep you going, you can do this on your own. You just need to believe it.

 

[winnie26]

Its hard to accept, but he doesnt love you anymore. He wouldnt throw that in your face if he did. Be thankfull that he was there when you needed him and by all means feel sad that the love is gone but try not to kid yourself into thinking it will ever be back...
Try to speak to your GP or midwife and they will be able to put you in touch with some young mums groups in your area? They have them all over and they really help... You can meet people in the same situation as you and you get free biscuits and tea (reason enough if you ask me!!),
And never feel bad because you need a moan, your pregnant and entitled to!!!
I nearly took my OH's head off last night because he never asked me if I wanted to watch something on TV!!! I fear for his life!

 

[salmynka]

I have my mum's surname due to a disinterested father and my baby is going to have mine as my O/H isn't overly thrilled and i'm not married to him and wont be living with him.

I would say no-way to having his surname , his name will be on the birth certificate i assume? Baby should have your surname is my opinion. there's always a deed poll later on if things change xx

 

[babe2ooo]

i dont think you should give your baby his surname, he hasnt earnt the right for that, do wot you think is best

 

[wishes]

Good luck hun

Whatever you decide... it'll be the right thing, for you and your baby

 

[Tilly]

I think his name should go on the birth certificate. I don't know my dad (my mum had to leave him when I was young) but I do like to see his name on my certificate, no matter how much of a prat he was. I used my mums surname up uptil I left school and only changed it on the NHS after having Bethanie, it has caused confusion and is just damn right annoying being known by 2 surnames.

At the end of the day, it is a piece of paper that your little one will hardly look at, im sure it will want to know who it's daddy is. Only time will tell if your OH faces up to his responsibilities.. if he doesn't, your child will know who is really there for them - a surname won't change that.