Birth Certificate

[ColtonsMom]

Yeah, I would have him on the birth certificate, as others have said. He will want to know when he is older anyways. However, in your situation, I wouldn't give him the dad's surname. You are the only one that can decide in the end though. Good luck!

 

[Younglutonmum]

Right I dnt think I want him on the birth certificate at all now. 2day on the phone he really screamed at me. He said he feels nothing towards this baby n wud give nething 4 me 2 abort it. He then sed he hopes its nothing like me. He sed from day1 he neva wanted the baby so I need to understand that. He sed he will never pay a penny towards it n if he sees us in da street he will walk on by. oh my god, cnt stop crying

 

[Lazy Leo]

OK, its incredibly tough but this kid is a b@stard who can't face his responsibilities.
My parents had me at 18 and my dad was too young, my parents split when I was 2 and divorced when I was 4! I did have his name and he is on my birth cert. What I can say is that its reassuring as a teenager to be sure who your dad is - I remember wondering if he really could be my dad as I couldn't imagine what my mum ever saw in him! but he was named on my birth cert and at least I was reassured. As a teenager when he did nothing but call my mum names and not turn up for me when he was supposed to I thought of changing my name to my mum's maiden name but I never did. Later I got married and my dad came to the wedding but was a guest like everyone else, he didn't give me away and he didn't sit at the top table.
Your child's dad is going to miss him/her growing up and that is his loss and not yours. You surely can't want the sort of 'love' this person is capable of? Be strong, walk tall and seek support from other single mums. Put your child first and I'm sure you'll do fantastically.

 

[Ann-Marie]

hear hear

 

[nikkybaby]

Definately, I would give him your surname. After him acting like that, he does not deserve to have your LO given his name. He should still be on the birth certificate, like everyone else said, for the child's sake, and also, so that you can have financial help in raising him/her.
I know its hard, but try not to let him get you down. He obviously is waaay too immature to raise a child, and way too selfish.
Think of your LO, and be strong.
We are all here for support when you need it

 

[leeanne]

Aww, hon, I am so sorry that he's being that way. I still stand by that your baby does not get his surname.

But, I am still adamant about the birth certificate and his name being on it. Your child is whom you should be thinking about in that aspect, not the problems you and him are facing.

Do you remember when you had to show your birth certificate for certain things as you were growing up? Perhaps even a project at school? I feel that child will be so embarrassed to know that her father is "unknown." Also remember, this birth certificate follows that child throughout life. I would have been very, very embarrassed had I had that on my BC.

And would you not be embarrassed too when registering your child for school, or whatever, when someone looks at the BC and it says father unknown? Unfortunately, people look at that and then form their own opinion. What would you think if you saw that on someone else's certificate?

Unfortunately, what I would think is that the mom slept around. Sorry to be harsh, but that's my opinion.

Here's another example. What if your child was all alone in the world and god forbid, something happened to you? He/she deserves the right to know who the father is.

Also, say you need to go after him for child support? It makes it a whole bunch easier when his name is on the certificate.

I know you are going through something awful but the future of your child is what matters here. He/she may never know her father. Who knows? Hey, he's only 18 and guys do grow up a lot later than women. He will grow up one day, I assure you.

Sending you big hugs

 

[Mervs Mum]

I'd have known then what I know now about what a crap Dad my DD's father turned out to be, I'd have definately have given her my name and not his - and we were married!
do what you think is best for you and bubba. Bear in mind this - in the UK you cant change a child's name without their fathers writen consent. So I'd be tempted to go with your name in the first instance. You can change it easily to his in the future if he steps up etc. but there's no way in the future he'd let you if things didnt work out.

 

[baby.girl]

Hiya

Well my babys daddy has left me n im definitely going through the angry phase with him.

At the moment im staying with friends in London, travelling down 2 my home town Luton bout once a week 4 various things. On these trips I meet up with my babys dad 2 discuss things. Now on these occasions we get on well. Have a laugh n look forward 2 the baby. Yet when I leave he is cold n tells me not 2 call him until he says so. He still wont say whether he will b at the birth either. When I do call him, he's very rude n cocky 2 me. Often making me cry 4 hours on end.

It seems 2 me, he's happy 4 me 2 deal with all the hard parts n put in all the work so he can just be a part time dad n show off his lovely baby once a week 2 his adoring friends and family n take all the praise. (once it's here that is)

He is very keen that the baby should be in his surname. Do I give him this privilage or do I say no? Im doing all the hard work so the baby will be in my surname. Sometimes I feel he has no right 2b on the birth certificate.

Any advive please?

__X

I think you should give the baby your last name. Yes it is his child as well, but the baby deserves your last name. You are putting in all the true effort and work and he doesn't seem to appreciate that at all.

 

[Louisa K]

If I was in your position. I would have to look at things in black and white.

Otherwise I'd crack up. Seperate your relationship with him and the situation with the baby.

To be honest he doesn't sound like good husband material, if at a time like this he has let you down, then you can't rely on him for anything in the future. I would personally take the lead on the situation and tell him, for your own sake that you want nothing to do with him. He sounds like a waste of space and a poor excuse of a man..

Take a deep breath, call him, be calm and tell him it's over between you and him. Do you really need to bring the baby into a situation like this.. You need some time to get strong and re-build your own life as a person before becoming a mummy. Then you'll be prepared for the baby and a stronger and better mum. Even if you have to do it alone.

With regards to the baby. He is still the babies dad and whether you and him don't get on, thats a totally seperate matter. He should definately be on the babies brith certificate regardless.

You'll have to wait and see if he wants to see the baby once it's here, but I would encourage him to have his own relationship with his child. As long as you feel the baby will be safe of course.

I think it's upto you if the baby has his or your surname. I would say the baby should have your name, until he grows up, realises what he's missing out on and marries you..

Things might turn out ok in the end.. Have hope..

 

[Younglutonmum]

Its all so confusing!!

When u register the childs birth does the father need 2b present in order 4 his name 2b on birth certificate? As if this is the case then I have no hope as he said he will not be there.

Of course I want him named as the father. I was just very very angry the other day as im sure u all understand. I def do not want unknown entered!!

Ive written him a letter 2day telling him that I will no longer be contacting him. If he ever changes his mind in regards to having a relationship with his child then the door is always open to him, no questions asked. I said my birth partner will contact him when the baby is born & if he wishes to come visit at the hospital he will always be welcome. I said to him no matter how much he has hurt me I will never turn our child against him. I want the baby to know I really did love his/her daddy.

Ive also written to his mother explaining that ive tried to get him to face up to his responsibilites but he doesnt want 2 know so im goin to leave it now. Ive said that im more than happy 4 her 2b in the babys life and I will never deny her the chance to see her grandchild if she wishes.

I hope that was the right action to take

Its so hard not talking to him

__X

 

[leeanne]

It could be different where you live, but here we send in a form with all the particulars to register the baby. No one needs to be present as the form is mailed off.

Btw, you are doing a great thing in writing letters and from what you wrote, I commend you for being strong and wonderful!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think you're being very strong. Well done - it cant be easy.

Have a look here for details on how to register a birth in the UK.
https://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/births/

 

[avistar]

Legally it would be a good idea to put him on the BC that way if there are any child support issues, you have the BC as hard evidence/backing. You could always hyphenate your baby's name too...or you can do a court order name change and amend the BC when/if you change your mind...lots of luck, sorry he is being an a$$!

 

[Younglutonmum]

Thank you Leeanne n Mervs mum

I think it's easier 4 me to write a letter as over the phone i'd lose it n go crazy lol!!

Im just really praying now that at at least his family do the right thing by my baby. If they turn there backs as well then I think thats really disgusting of them

This poor baby has done nothing wrong!!

__X

 

[Younglutonmum]

Thanks Avistar

__X

 

[Younglutonmum]

Arghhh he needs 2b there when I have the birth registered in order 2 b on certificate!

Great so now it will say unknown n people will assume the worst of me

 

[Mervs Mum]

No one who knows you or has half a brain will think anything of him not being on the birth certificate. Its says much more about him than it does you.

 

[Louisa K]

If he ever changes his mind in regards to having a relationship with his child then the door is always open to him, no questions asked.

Wow.. More women should take a leaf out of your book.. I really think you've done a really really good thing there.. Your little baby will be so proud of you..

I am!

Well done!! Stay strong, you'll be just fine

 

[Younglutonmum]

Wow.. More women should take a leaf out of your book.. I really think you've done a really really good thing there.. Your little baby will be so proud of you..

I am!

Well done!! Stay strong, you'll be just fine

Thank you so much

Thats so lovely 2 read! I just hate it when women use their children as weapons against the ex. Sadly my ex still isnt wanting to know but maybe when the baby arrives things will change

On the plus side, I got a job 2day

__X

 

[baby.girl]

Its all so confusing!!

When u register the childs birth does the father need 2b present in order 4 his name 2b on birth certificate? As if this is the case then I have no hope as he said he will not be there.

Of course I want him named as the father. I was just very very angry the other day as im sure u all understand. I def do not want unknown entered!!

Ive written him a letter 2day telling him that I will no longer be contacting him. If he ever changes his mind in regards to having a relationship with his child then the door is always open to him, no questions asked. I said my birth partner will contact him when the baby is born & if he wishes to come visit at the hospital he will always be welcome. I said to him no matter how much he has hurt me I will never turn our child against him. I want the baby to know I really did love his/her daddy.

Ive also written to his mother explaining that ive tried to get him to face up to his responsibilites but he doesnt want 2 know so im goin to leave it now. Ive said that im more than happy 4 her 2b in the babys life and I will never deny her the chance to see her grandchild if she wishes.

I hope that was the right action to take

Its so hard not talking to him

__X

I think you did the greatest thing. That's wonderful of you . Can't you still put his name on the birth certificate, even if u give the baby your last name?