Bit upset really

[Padan1111]

Morning girlies.

I thought I would use the forum for a bit of a vent because I don't really want to talk to OH about this since it involves family (his) :S

Our baby is due end of May (24th is DD but this is our first so I'm expecting any time between then and 7th June). My OH family live a reasonable distance away so when the baby arrives I wasn't expecting them to rush here to see her immediately, especially with work commitments etc. But I thought, well maybe they'll come the first weekend after birth. It seems that actually in that 2 week window for birth, both my OH parents and one of his siblings are going to be out of the country for work/holiday for a week (guys are "working", girls tagging along for holiday). I feel a little bit upset really, for the baby but more for my OH that there hasn't really been any effort to keep some time free to come and visit.

I know that people can't and shouldn't arrange their lives around us, but this is the first grandchild/niece/next generation family member and it seems like there isn't really as much excitment there as I hoped. The contrast is especially striking when you compare with my parents, for whom this is not the first grandchild, but they are super-excited!

It makes me a bit sad really, and then unfortunately, given my personality, quite pissed off and contrary. Like, well if you can't make an effort to come and see her then why should I go out of my way to be accessible when you are available!

Vent over :S

 

[Rozz1e1]

Morning girlies.

I thought I would use the forum for a bit of a vent because I don't really want to talk to OH about this since it involves family (his) :S

Our baby is due end of May (24th is DD but this is our first so I'm expecting any time between then and 7th June). My OH family live a reasonable distance away so when the baby arrives I wasn't expecting them to rush here to see her immediately, especially with work commitments etc. But I thought, well maybe they'll come the first weekend after birth. It seems that actually in that 2 week window for birth, both my OH parents and one of his siblings are going to be out of the country for work/holiday for a week (guys are "working", girls tagging along for holiday). I feel a little bit upset really, for the baby but more for my OH that there hasn't really been any effort to keep some time free to come and visit.

I know that people can't and shouldn't arrange their lives around us, but this is the first grandchild/niece/next generation family member and it seems like there isn't really as much excitment there as I hoped. The contrast is especially striking when you compare with my parents, for whom this is not the first grandchild, but they are super-excited!

It makes me a bit sad really, and then unfortunately, given my personality, quite pissed off and contrary. Like, well if you can't make an effort to come and see her then why should I go out of my way to be accessible when you are available!

Vent over :S

Maybe talk to OH and see how he feels, perhaps also ask him to ask his family members when do they plan on coming to see baby? xxxx

 

[Mum2BKW]

This sounds like such a let down, it's not unreasonable for you to want his family to be excited about their first grandchild and you must feel really deflated

How long are they away for? When did they book the holiday (maybe they had it planned before they knew your due date, I know my Mum books holidays 2 years in advance!)

I have a sad situation too, as my sister told me a few weeks ago that she is accepting a job in New Zealand. I feel horrible that she doesn't care to be around her first niece, but there's nothing I can do to change her and am instead focussing on other friends and family who are all super excited about babies arrival. At least with a holiday they will be coming back

 

[Loobylola]

Sorry that you feel upset by this
But look on the bright side, you get to have your first week bonding with your new baby daugter without the distraction of numerous visitors where you'll be making them tea, making sure the house is in a resonable state, and yourself And worrying about your little lady being passed from pilar to post.

I can see your point, it is sad for your OH and I can see why you and him are hurt by their actions but I think in the end you'll be gald theyre not around
xx

 

[Victory78]

Although you may feel disappointed, think of the positives - you probably won't want visitors in that first week anyway so it will be nice for them to come and visit you after that when it becomes easier to welcome visitors, and although its a shame that their work trips/holidays coincide with your due date, they probably cannot control their commitments and I'm sure would be there in that first week if they could. I think its more important how they are not just for that first week, but that they show continuous support and love in the first 6 months, year, 5 years, teenagehood etc

 

[chulie]

I fully understand how you feel. My daughter was born in April and like, a week after she was born my OH's parents were off on vacation for a month....so for the first month of her life they never got to see her.....At first I was really upset. It wasn't their first grandchild but it was their sons first child....so I guess they had no interest in being of any "help". It hurt...but that's my inlaws.....once your baby is here...you realize very quickly you dont care what other people do. Enjoy the quiet time and not having people in your space....

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Maybe they think that you would appreciate the time alone with your new family, I am sure that them deciding to go on holiday was not made with any malicious intent to upset your or their son.

Like the others said, when it comes to it, you will probably be happy not to have extra people around you & giving their advice if your oh is not too upset about it, try not to let it worry you too much. My parents & inlaws all live in Australia, my parents are coming over, but inlaws aren't. At first I was a little miffed at why they would not want to come to see their grandchild (not their first, but is their son's first & the first to carry on the family name), but I am fine about it now. We wll be flying out to Aus when baby is 4 months old, so they will get to spend plenty of time with him then.

 

[Fortune Cooki]

Yeah I actually don't want too many visitors right away. I'm worried about being annoyed with people providing suggestions and this and that while all I'll need is some time to get used to the situation and gain confidence. I'm also due on May 24th by the way. If she comes early then I will have time to myself, but if she comes late then people have taken a few weeks off of work to come 'hang out'.

 

[Equreuil]

Well... is it consistent that his family doesn't make time for his special events? Like ignoring birthdays, or excluding you guys from holiday festivities? Because from what you posted, it doesn't sound like it's intentional, really. Especially if it's a work trip for the guys, there's a chance they didn't get to choose the dates they will be gone.

I would agree with some of the other ladies, enjoy it as an opportunity to enjoy your new LO. Plus, it'll give you some time to adjust to it all without being overwhelmed by too many people.

 

[Padan1111]

Thanks for all your responses!

In my head I total appreciate that I'm being too sensitive about this!

The holidays have all been booked very recently, rather than a long standing trip, but they are associated with work, so it would be unreasonable to expect people to decline them or put them off, on the off chance!

I guess the reason I was a bit let down is that I have felt that although there is excitment in OHs family about the baby, I haven't seen much evidence of it. But then my OH and his family don't work in the same way as my family does, so for me I'm still working out how they interact. And on the other side, my OH sees me with my family and obviously sees the differences there to compare with his family :S

I feel sorry for my OH mostly, that he doesn't have that feeling of excitment from his family as much. He wasn't too upset by it all, just irritated more than anything! So I should also probably stop projecting my feelings onto him!

I do feel better about the whole situation now though. I think that when she arrives we will be so overwhelmed by everything that we will appreciate some time to settle before the visiting onslaught!

Thanks again!!!

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Don't worry hon, my family is exactly the same (in the way that we interact differently than oh's family), my family is very big & open & my cousins are more like brothers & sisters to me, where as oh's is opposite! We have been married for almost 5 years & together for almost 10 & it took me a long time to get my head around the fact that other people's families are different to mine lol!

I also got the feeling that oh's family weren't as excited as mine, but having spoken to SIL's friends when we were back in Australia visiting, well they all knew about me being pregnant & were all so excited for us (SIL had to ld them all as soon as we got the all clear) & we had the baby shower this past weekend & OH's family all sent video msgs (which included MIL getting teary eyed when she was leaving her msg), it took this for me to see that their excitement is there, just a little more subdued than my families!

I am sure they are so happy for you & so excited to have another grandchild, but maybe their way of showing it is just a little different

 

[Nic64]

I have to say I know exactly how u feel I am in almost exactly the same situation and feel sorry for my oh also

We have same due date and again it's our first child and first grand child for both sides of the family and I was shocked that his mum and step dad could book there holiday over when she is due!!

But I have to say with living so far away from everyone at least we won't be bombarded with everyone when we first bring her home and want to have some time to ourselves with her! My oh doesn't seem to bothered by it and I just think its there loss!! I sent them all a copy of our scan pictures before I sent the pictures toy friends as I thought close family should see first and some off our family couldn't even be bothered to make a response!! Rude!! I suppose it a bit of jealousy and they just don't feel it's as special as we do but know that there will be people who have made that special effort already will be there for her all her life an that's all that matters!

Don't let it get to you...,there loss!!