Blaming myself for not being happy :(

[Bluenpinkmom]

Hey'all...

Im currently 20 weeks pregnant with our first.. we have come a long way before conceiving this one. Not that we had any major medical problems but i guess it was just about the time.. So we were overthrilled to learn we were finally pregnant..

Ok, let me be frank.. i always wanted my first one to be a baby boy !! i know this is unfair and unethical and blah blah but atleast im being honest about what my heart always longed for.. It is the same with my DH !! But in my 20 week ultrasound yesterday, we came to know we are having a little girl.. a PERFECT active healthy little girl !! but I'm not happy !! huh ?? feeling shitty about myself that how can any mother be not happy ?? secretly we are both disappointed with the gender.. but we do love our to be daughter to death but there is still this disppointment..and another crazy thing is im already thinking of doing a gender selection PGD for the next baby ( crazy, i know)

Hope y'all can understand the awkward phase we are going through.. please donot judge us we are ourself feeling guilty on not being exited
is it bad to feel this way? any idea how to deal with this?

 

[babyfever03]

First I want to say that its good to be honest. Especially on something so touchy. Next I want to say that you are not alone. I'm actually 19 weeks today and sorry but I have your dream. This is our first and it's a boy. Well I'm going back on Wednesday to confirm but I'm sure it won't change. We both wanted a girl and not just us but both of our families also. It kinda feels like I let everybody down. We don't know if we even want a second child yet but I can't imagine never having a daughter. But if we have another boy then that's it. No more kids for us. I'm trying to get excited about my boy because I always wanted one of each but now I can only think about what if I have another boy. My family doesn't make it any better considering their still holding out on the next scan to see if maybe the umbilical cord looked like a penis and it's really a girl. Idk what we can do but try to get excited about these healthy babies that we lucky to have.

 

[Bluenpinkmom]

if only we could magically exchange our babies weird co-incidence right ?

 

[BabyCleo]

YOur not the only one!! its oaky. its normal for women to feel this way. Check around on this GD forum and you will see your not alone. Its okay. I really want a boy.. badly. Just try and concentrate on having a healthy baby, which is awesome. Its okay, can you talk with your hubby about all this too? Being open is the best.

 

[Bluenpinkmom]

normally, we are very open to each other in all matters, but in this case we are both pretending to look happy.. it is very disheartning to see DH dissappointed from inside
does anyone have any idea about PGD for sex determination? it is done in the state i live in but im researching a little bit.. for the next time!!

 

[babyfever03]

If only....... Lol. My DH was definitely a little disappointed but now he's coming around. All of a sudden my belly just popped out so he thinks it's the cutest thing ever. I'm glad that I did share my feelings with him because we can work on things together. I hope that someone has some info on PGD because I would like to know about it. What state do you live in by the way?

 

[Louise88]

I know exactly how you feel Hun! With my first pregnancy I was happy either but my oh was desperate for a boy first to him having a boy first then a girl was his perfect family as he wanted the boy to be older so he could look after a younger sister, also he has an older sister and absolutely hated it as she used to bully him. When we found out our first was a girly oh didnt speak to me for 2 days! And he remained not excited for the remaining of the pregnancy and still lived in hope that our girl would magically grow boy parts! The second she was born though he actually cried lol and 15 months on they have the most amazing bond in the world, she's a proper little daddy's girl and there's nothing more my oh loves then to cuddle on the sofa with our daughter and watch cbeebies with her. If he could go back in time I know he'd choose to have our daughter all over again above the boy that he thought he wanted first.

We're now expecting our little boy and couldn't be happier with how things turned out.

I know the disappointment is hard (honestly I'd be hating my pregnancy right now if I'd been having another girl) but I promise once she's here you's will soon realise that the wants you felt to have a boy first vanish, I hope you's get your little boy 2nd time round

 

[babyhopes2010]

i felt the same.our 1st was a girl. she is my world now! AND we have a boy due any day now!

 

[melissa84]

I know how you feel. Hubby and I wanted a boy so much and when we found out we were having a girl I cried for weeks. But honestly the sadness and disappointment will fade once she is born. I love my daughter more than anything and now I honestly can't imagine if she had been a boy. As for gender selection I haven't thought about it. If you want a boy next time you can try the Shettles method and follow the Chinese calendar?